Mom and the trees

There's a story that my siblings and I tell about my mom. Years ago, when I was in elementary school, the city let us know that the overgrown trees lining the front of our property would need to be removed. I can't remember the exact reason why, or how much time had passed before the day I walked home from school to discover all of the trees had been cut down where they stood. It looked like a disaster movie. My mom had rented a chainsaw and cut them all down. By herself. In just a few hours. 

Astounded, I couldn't comprehend it. That single act seemed so completely out of the realm of possibility, so entirely out of character for my mom, that I have tried to unravel it ever since. 

This week, I finally understand.

I'm 47 years old. I've been a mom for almost 20 years. My kids know no differently. When Robert found out that I had enrolled in an electrician certification program at the community college this fall, he was flabbergasted. He couldn't comprehend why on earth I would want to do anything like that. Sure, learning a new skill is fine, but why even consider applying for an apprenticeship afterwards?! That's for people who actually want to be electricians. 

I thought about my mom and the chainsaw.

I thought her action was out of character, but the truth is, I simply didn't know her character. I understood her then as my mother, not Jenene Poulson. She nurtured, prepared food, taught the gospel, sewed clothes, shuttled me around, helped with homework, attended my school events, stayed up late making "Vote Susan for Secretary" buttons, maintained holiday traditions, and was everything stable/comfortable/nurturing to me. My mom was and is still those things, but she's also MORE. 

She's an independent, creative problem-solver. She's strong. She has hopes and fears and unique experiences that shape her perspective on life. She's stubborn and impatient. She is so, so compassionate. She works diligently to improve the lives of the people she loves. When she fails, she tries something else. And she's still MORE than all of this.

Of course she would rent a chainsaw and cut down those trees.

I just didn't know that part of her then.

Trunk-or-Treat!

James' birthday dream finally came together on Friday night at the Ward Trunk or Treat. While everyone else was inside the church building eating dinner, we were setting up tables and games outside in the parking lot. We took up 4 parking spots right under the lamp post. As people started coming out to the parking lot, we were ready. 

Nobody came. Nobody saw us. We weren't on the main drag. 

James started to lose hope, but I knew we had something people would love once they saw it. 

Finally, a few kids trickled by and tried it out, then more and more and more. Kids could play the games for candy or for raffle tickets. At first, I thought we were going to run out of candy, but nope! Hundreds of tickets went towards 5 different prizes that James had purchased with his own money: remote control car, light-up razor scooter, Rock-em Sock-em Robots, Nerf machine gun, and a Discovery Science Chemistry kit. We were hopping busy the whole hour. 

Bobby ran the sucker pull for kids 5 and under, Erin ran the Needle in a Haystack game, I ran the toss game, and James managed the raffle table. We learned a few things about running games in a free-wheeling environment like this one...kids will cheat...parents will help kids cheat..."it's all just for fun, right?"..."what's the big deal?" 

Grrrr. Well, we'll have better crowd control next time. And, I thought the games would most appeal to kids 12-16, but 90% of the players were 6-10 years old. We only got a couple of YM/YW trying it out. 

My favorite part was watching James be the Master of Ceremony. He was in his element. He talked it up, built suspense, gathered people around, and answered their questions. The final drawings were noisy and thrilling and fun. Whole families cheered the winners and consoled the losers. We were all pretty tired by the end. Erin went home hoarse. My feet were aching. 

James was elated. Matthew was buzzing with excitement and ready for bed all at once. James and I stayed up to watch a couple of movies together. All told, a great night. Several people commented on how fun it was and how cool our family was...I just pointed over to James and said it was all his idea. And that's true. We wouldn't be doing it without him. In fact, I wouldn't even be AT this event if it weren't for James' thrill for putting this on. His excitement made me want to support him in it, and we all ended up having more fun. That's one major plus to having kids. I may miss that part when we're empty-nesters. 

Matthew's BDay Party

Matthew had a birthday party yesterday. His first friend birthday party ever. At age 12. 

Thanks, Covid.

No, I can't really blame Covid for everything. Matthew's personality is such that friend parties weren't a natural extension for him. It didn't help, however, having Kindergarten and half of 1st grade online, followed by 1.5 years of masked schooling afterwards. Matthew experienced 3 whole formative years 1) afraid to get too close to people and 2) engaging with peers through masks. That kind of thing is gonna leave a mark.

But I digress. We had a party! And it was a very Mathew party. He invited only 5 kids, his closest friend circle. 

The plan was to meet up at a local trampoline park, then drive the kids to our house for pizza and s'mores. We arrived at the park dead last *blush* but the other parents were nice about it.* One parent decided to stay for the trampoline park portion. I had mixed feelings about that because I was kinda hoping to use that time to catch up on correspondence and homework. I'm glad she stayed, though. The conversation was good, the time passed quickly, and she helped shuttle the kids from the trampoline park to our house (two kids hadn't RSVP'd, so I hadn't planned on transporting them, so I was going to have to call Bobby to bring a second car, but this parent saved the day!).

The kids ran and jumped until they were crazy sweaty and tired, then they informed us that they were done and ready for lunch. It was almost a mutiny, but a kind one, and not too much before the time I had planned to leave anyway.

All but two of the kids piled into our minivan. One kid was impressed that every seat had plug-ins and asked if he could be DJ. Another kid pulled out a Nintendo Switch and let us know which game he was playing. Matthew and a third kid were in the very back requesting Michael Jackson songs.

I turned on "Beat It" and the whole car broke out into song. They ALL knew ALL the words, thanks to their shared music and dance class. Matthew tells me that group singing is pretty common on school trips. Their classes are small, their busses only seat 14 students, and one of their regular teachers is usually the driver, so class trips are more like family road trips than anything else. On his last field trip, they sang all the way out and told dumb jokes all the way back. 

I was a little nervous about bringing his friends to our house. We don't live like a lot of folks in west Champaign. Our house is old, in an older neighborhood, and it feels small to me. One kid was shocked that we had a garden. One kid walked in and said, "Yep, smells like a house!" The video game kid instantly noticed the gaming PC, the Steam Deck, the Switch 2, the DS, the VR goggles, and the PS4. He asked if he could live here. Matthew and James showed them their rooms. One kid said seeing James' weapon collection was the best part of the whole day. Another kid asked to chill out in the chill-out box James built for Matthew. Matthew was a great host. They moved from pizza to gifts to s'mores to cooperative video games in a fluid and cohesive mass that needed very little instruction. 

They were a whole gaggle of nerds, giving nerdy gifts, and telling nerdy jokes, but each came from his/her own unique background. I marveled at how willingly they shared about themselves and how openly they accepted what other people shared. I guess I had forgotten what a friend group was like. 

Matthew had a great time. It was awesome seeing him in a friend context. Even Robert commented on it. 

I took a few pictures, but I won't publish them here. I would definitely do something like this again for Matthew and his friends. Not too soon. They have plans to go trick-or-treating together on Halloween. I'm glad they'll be doing it together, and I'm glad it won't be at our house :) This year.  

 

*Once we sent out the invitations a couple weeks ago, I completely forgot about this party. The Trunk or Treat took up a lot of our week, so the house and the car were a mess. I hadn't showered in some time. I/We had a lot of preparation to do before we could leave for the trampoline park: tidy the living room, deep clean just one bathroom, set up the backyard for the campfire, thoroughly clean out the van, so on and so forth. We got to the park 15 minutes late. Erk. 

Recent Happenings

I uploaded the pictures from my phone today and rediscovered several little things that I wanted to note on the blog...

Lukas

Still living the dream in college. He sent me this via email: 

Here's a bunch of stuff you can share with people in your blog

- joined fencing club

- started karate classes at the rec center

- started teaching my friend to swim

- working on a text based game (using HTML, cash and twee)

- joined medieval combat club

- started learning ASL

- started learning Python

I've heard more about his computer science adventures. He loves it. He's called Bobby once or twice to get help with an assignment. And now, he's looking to build his own gaming computer. 

Robert

Still tinkering with the right mix of activities and obligations to optimize efficiency, current happiness, and future success. He recently worked with friends on a float for homecoming. His sprained ankle is pretty much back to normal. He's been doing all of the physical therapy exercises his PT prescribed. 

This is one of the few pictures I have of Robert at this age. Even more rare is a picture of that genuine smile of his. He prefers to look somewhere between neutral and intimidating in less candid photos.  

Nova adores Robert. She'll leave her bed or sunny spot on the couch to welcome him home. She can count on him for scratches and peanuts and deliciously sweaty arms and hands after a workout. He's also the one to give her dinner half the time, so she doesn't like to leave him alone when it's getting close to dinner time. 

James

When the weather turns cooler in the fall, we like to have campfires in the backyard. James always likes a good fire...for all sorts of things besides sitting around and chatting. Most recently, he's taken up a primitive form of blacksmithing. 

"Blacksmithing" in the campfire. One metal rod, a roaring fire with blazing coals, a hammer, and some heat protection (oven mitt and a kitchen towel over his face) make for a pleasant fall evening. 

James even managed to convince Matthew to give it a try. That speaks to James' persuasive power when he's talking about something he loves. 

He started another smithing fire the next day. Here, he's kicking back with a root beer until the coals get hot enough.

Matthew

This boy has come alive in sixth grade! His anxiety is still a powerful force to be reckoned with, but it's shifted. He no longer has any problem going to school in the morning. He's motivated and willing to do homework whenever he has it, which is often. Last year, the mere thought of homework would cause him to literally lose control of his body in a panic. This year, homework is still very stressful, but if I sit with him in a separate, quiet place, and everyone else is banished from the room, we can work through it...eventually...with maybe one panic attack a week instead of every day. He has also been able to come into the chapel for Sacrament Meeting on Sundays. He's wearing pajamas and tennis shoes, and he requires constant engagement, but he's there and happy to be there. That's all progress. 

Part of the "fun" of middle school is going to different teachers for each subject. He says the day seems to move faster. It also means the homework is broken up a little more. He can do some of it in class, a little more during the required "study hall" period at the end of the day, and then finish it at home. Sometimes, he can do it with little encouragement. Other times, I need to pull out the mini chocolate chips or marshmallows. 

A sampling of mini marshmallow sizes from a single 1-cup serving that Matthew found while struggling through a few math problems. See the worksheet beneath his hand? See the dog that insists on following me into every room?

In his English class, they read through "The Outsiders" by S.E. Hinton. When they finished the unit, they were able to watch the movie in class and dress up as either a "greaser" or a "soc." Matthew picked greaser.

The hair gel dried hard and crusty, so his hair stayed in place all day. He showered it out the moment he got home. He decided that he never needed to try that hairstyle again. 

Another English assignment was to read a new book and create a review/ad poster for it. We were so focused on the short-term homework assignments that this one got lost until there was only a week left and he hadn't even read the book yet. It turns out, 4-5 chapters in, there was some language so strong that Matthew decided he shouldn't read the rest of the book. It was more than a little panicky at our house until we finally settled on a new book that would work. An audiobook, actually, since reading that many chapters under such time pressure would trigger a series of paralytic panic attacks. He listened, and listened, and listened until he was sick of listening. The next day, I offered to take him and James on a long drive to listen some more. We ended up on a hike at Kickapoo State Park.

The boys taking a side trail to the river's edge.

It was very, very dry this year. so they're actually standing on a little sand/rock bar about 1/3 of the way across the river gorge. 

In history class, while they were learning about the Romans, they were invited to wear togas on Tuesdays. Matthew really liked the toga look. James let him borrow the laurel wreath he made back when he was doing Toga Tuesdays in 6th grade. 

Is this how a Roman eats his yogurt?

Matthew has also been struck this year with a hundred things he wants to do or try sometime in his life. He gets panicky a couple times a week when he suddenly feels like he'll never have enough time or focus to do all of them. Or, even worse, he's overwhelmed with the feeling that he'll fail at all of them...*sigh*...the struggle against Matthew's anxiety-brain is real, and pretty much constant. 

One of the things he wanted to try was putting on a fancy, restaurant-style 3-course meal for our family. It took a decent amount of planning and prompting to keep him on task, but he did it, and he did it really well. Robert and James were also very good sports about it all.

I snapped a photo of Matthew's 3-course dinner plan: handmade focaccia appetizer, tailored pasta main, a couple of sides, pumpkin pie for dessert, and 10 different beverage options. 

This is how Matthew and Nova looked at the start of the night.

This is how they ended in the morning. She digs his super-soft blanket. 

The Garden

The garden has been doing well this year. I unintentionally planted my cukes and beans pretty late, but that worked out for the best. They're ready to harvest now that the kids are back in school. I have more time to pick and process them! Suh-weet. I might do that again next year. I planted the okra and peppers late, but they haven't been nearly as happy. 

 

Fresh pickles for the fridge and green beans for the freezer.

I can't remember why Matthew asked me to take a picture of this spinach, but it's from my garden, and it was DELICIOUS!

Nova

This little lady got a cold, and it was a bad one. She didn't feel good at all. It lasted a couple of weeks, then got better, then she got really sick. It turns out, she had developed a pretty nasty case of secondary pneumonia. 

Nova passed out on the Vet ER floor after a chest x-ray. She's a wee bit loopy from the sedation.

We got antibiotics, she got better over the next week, then a few days later, she got much, much worse. Apparently the first round of antibiotics didn't quite kill everything and it came back hard. So, after another ER visit, another set of chest x-rays, and another round of antibiotics, Nova is feeling significantly better. Seriously, folks, if we didn't have money set aside to pay this girl's medical bills she would have died three times already: bowel obstruction, pneumonia, pneumonia.

James

James turned 14 this weekend! Happy Birthday!

Friday night was a sleepover at Erin's house. He's not sure how late he stayed up, but when he came home the next morning at 8:30, he went straight to bed and didn't get up again until noon. 

A little later, Bobby took him to the grocery store to pick out ice cream for his birthday dessert and they (together) picked out no less than FOUR birthday desserts...cheesecake, chocolate ice cream, raspberry sorbet, and mango bars. I kid you not. 

On their way home from the grocery store, James spotted a little weiner dog wandering up and down the sidewalk without a collar. Bobby pulled over and James immediately hopped out, running to the dog's aid. She was a little cautious of strangers, but she generally appeared healthy and pleasant. They brought her to the house for a minute before going to the humane society. Nova liked her instantly, and the little dog liked Nova, too. The humane society folks discovered that she had a subdermal ID chip and left a message for the owner on record. We asked the humane society to contact us if the owner didn't show up. We are NOT in the market for another dog, but we'd be willing to foster her. Why did we fall in love with her so quickly? Maybe she reminded us of Erin's dog, Ruby. Maybe we took pity on her age...greying fur and cloudy eyes. Maybe her easy-going manner and friendliness with Nova made it easy to sketch her into our family's future. I dunno. She was clearly a loved dog and was likely home within an hour of notifying the owner. 

But I couldn't have planned a better birthday present than A DOG RESCUE for my James. 

That evening, we picked up Erin and went to dinner at James' favorite restaurant, Biaggi's. He had chicken alfredo, Bobby had a seafood risotto, Matthew got plain noodles, and Erin and I chose the broiled salmon salad. Sooooooo good. Robert didn't eat or drink a single thing. He said he wasn't hungry. I believed him. He sat there during the dinner completely detached from the conversation. I wondered for a moment why he came at all, then felt guilty for that thought. He came to be with the family celebrating James' birthday. Do I wish he did it a little differently? Yes. Do I recognize that this was a genuine gesture given out of love or obligation or some mixture of the two? Yes. He gets points for that ;)

At dinner, I asked James about any goals he'd like to pursue for his 15th year. He grinned deeply and said, "Camping." I think I rolled my eyes. Camping is a whole lot more work for me than for him. He said he was joking, but I kinda knew he wasn't joking. I decided to chat with him about it later.

Later that night, once Matthew fell asleep, James asked to talk to me. He was having a lot of mixed feelings about his birthday gifts. He had asked for money with the intent to eventually purchase a gas-powered go-kart with it. Now he was second-guessing himself. James knows that stuff doesn't make him happy very long. He loves to spend money, and to think about spending money, but the souvenirs and things that he's bought so far have eventually lost their appeal and become utterly forgettable. Every once in a while, he'll go through his room and gather together a bunch of stuff that he doesn't want anymore. Then he wraps it all up like presents and gives it to other people who might enjoy it. A lot of things end up as random, unsolicited, gifts to his siblings, friends, and teachers. He likes their surprise and joy. A lot. 

We were chatting about this when he suddenly remembered the Trunk or Treat. 

His eyes lit up and he got a huge smile on his face. 

Did I tell you about James' casino at last year's Trunk or Treat? Kids could trade candy for turns at a variety of games of chance. The kids easily won prizes or more candy. James didn't even want any of the candy he took in. He ended up putting it all together in a jackpot that one lucky kid got to take home at the end of the night. THAT is the kind of thing that ACTUALLY makes James happy...creating fun and interesting ways to give things to other people...creating the events he wished he could have participated in at that age. 

So, that's what he's doing with some of his birthday money. He's going to pour his creative generosity into the biggest, most exciting Trunk or Treat event ever.

I did get to talk to James later about his goals for his 15th year. He said he liked camping, but he'd really like to learn how to catch and clean fish for eating. Not just a class or workshop. He wants to be living out in the wild catching and prepping fish for his own supper. Especially salmon. He knows he likes to eat salmon. 

Something about this idea got me excited. It might even be worth renting an RV and taking a good, long time at it...hiking, boating, biking, exploring...could we do it for 15 days? Maybe 5-6 days at a time?