Summer 2026

What a summer! I barely had time to think, much less process it all on the blog piece by piece, so I've got my handy dandy summer calendar right next to me. Let's do this chronologically, shall we?

May

I know, I know, it's not really summer yet in May, but Lukas was done with school May 9th! James and I helped him move out of his dorm. That was a beast. Thankfully, the dorm elevators were all working this time. Lukas ended up renting a small storage unit for the items he knew wouldn't fit in the van. He planned it all out REALLY well and handled the time pressure with ease. I'm proud of that kid! Er, uh, adult? Man? Guy? People don't really say "I'm proud of..." an adult. But I am. We moved him into Erin's guest room, where he lived all summer. It was pretty cool to have him nearby and yet independent of the day-to-day craziness. The younger boys were completely excited whenever Lukas came over for anything. He's kinda become the cool uncle, of sorts. Matthew will call him whenever he needs something or has a question.

The two youngest boys finished school just before Memorial Day. I threw them in the van and we went on a road trip to New Jersey, just the three of us. I think this was one of the first times in my life that I actually enjoyed a road trip. I rode 50 miles on my bike (state #42) and we ate a lot of pizza. 

June

James had a science/engineering camp at his school the first week of June. Not his favorite. He did like, however, all of the freedom the instructors gave the kids to create and tinker on their own. He said it was the first time camp leaders didn't treat him like a baby. I always thought James just liked building, but I learned this summer, finally, that James actually likes free access to a piled mess of interesting components and tools. The messier, the better. Barely organized chaos like the Bike Project (a community co-op bike shop we frequent) quickly overwhelms me, but it's heaven on earth for James. That's why he likes Art Club so much. They just get to create stuff with whatever is in the classroom cabinets. 

The very next week, Robert and James traveled to Kirtland, OH, with the youth in our stake for Youth Conference. It was a looooong bus ride, two days of crazy hot, humid hijinks and spiritual highs, then a looooong bus ride back. A youth leader told me he was impressed with Robert's eloquence. Other adults remarked on his deep thinking and thorough analysis. One leader told me that James was one of the youth who bore testimony in the Kirtland temple.

The week after that, Matthew took a class at a local Maker Space. It was the first time I had been there. I thought James might like to spend some free time there this summer, too, but it was FAR too organized and supervised for his taste. Matthew's class was a 2-D Game Lab where he got to develop his own video game (one of his goals). It was sort of a bust, but he did come up with a hilarious game idea that I would love to see him develop sometime later in his life. It's about a button that the bad guy does NOT want you to push.

Father's Day weekend, I popped off to Oregon solo to ride the Petal Pedal with Rachel (state #43). While in Portland, I got to catch up with my old college roommates Julia and Karen. We ate very delicious Mediterranean food. They took me and Rachel to a fantastic rose garden. I thought I didn't like roses very much, in general, since they have a stuffy reputation, but the huge variety of roses was amazing. I even saw one type that I wouldn't mind growing at home: climbing roses. We also visited the largest bookstore in the world. Seriously huge. And yes, Portland is weird. Very, very weird. Julia wouldn't have it any other way!

About mid-June, Lukas started work at the Anita Purves Nature Center as a Nature Day Camp Counselor. He loved, loved, loved the job and working with the kids, despite his new supervisor/coordinator having no experience with the job or with kids in general. Lukas always has a good camp story to share.

July

We celebrated Erin's birthday, then left for Alaska! It was me, Bobby, James, and Matthew traveling together. No Lukas or Robert. Lukas had to work, but he and Robert kinda felt the same way about traveling far away from friends and comforts just to stay in close quarters in strange places with the whole family. Neither one of them is very outdoorsy or travel-hungry or extroverted. In fact, they barely even saw each other for the whole 11 days we were gone. Robert enjoyed having the car to use whenever he wanted it. He played tennis, worked out at the gym, met up with friends, went to church and youth activities, shopped for groceries, cooked, and did a whole bunch of extra chores at home for me. Nova was staying with Ruby at a doggy daycare and boarding facility. 

So, the rest of us spent a few days in Anchorage where I rode 50 miles with Rachel (state #44). Erin joined us the next day and we took a 7-day cruise from Seward, AK, to Vancouver, BC. We saw so much. We ate so much more. On that one trip, we rode a plane, train, shuttle, bus, car, boat, ATV, gondola, dog sled, and Unimog. I'm probably missing something in that list. Matthew's anxiety was pretty manageable. The best part was seeing James and Matthew grow in confidence and independence. Matthew took on several of his fears: riding in boats, heights, speed, bridges over water, new foods, and large crowds to name a few. We saw a couple of magic shows and he totally lit up. Erin and I went to see live music and dancing. Both boys were comfortable going anywhere on the ship on their own. James loved the shore excursions like halibut fishing, ATV touring, and the musher's camp, but he found the ship itself kinda boring. We ate way, way, way too many chocolate croissants. Erin took the boys to dinner at Le Petit Chef (our dining room waiter set us up with a sweet discount, kinda hush-hush, or so they wanted us to believe). I loved eating a 3-course dinner in the dining room every night and the boys even came sometimes. They both learned that they like Caeser salad. We learned that James LOVES shopping and Matthew is completely overwhelmed by it. It doesn't even matter what you're shopping for. He just can't be in a large shopping area very long without triggering his anxiety.

The cruise ended in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. A foreign country. 

Earlier this summer, Matthew had a panic attack the moment we were leaving for the boys' passport application appointments. Matthew, therefore, didn't get a passport in time for the cruise. The TSA and airline research I did online indicated that a child's birth certificate would be enough to fly internationally from Canada to the U.S...wrong. It turns out that a child's birth certificate is enough to cross the border by land or sea, but not by air. While everyone else got on a plane, Matthew and I rented a car and drove across the border to Seattle. He felt like we were smuggling him in. 

A week after we got back from Alaska, most of us headed to Branson, MO, for an Evans Family Reunion. Bobby, me, Robert, James, and Matthew. Lukas opted to stay at work. Bob and Loretta reserved a HUGE lodge that would fit all five of their kids and their families in one spot. Holy moly. Considering Matthew's anxiety, James' anxiety, and the specific environmental cues that provoke those anxieties, we decided to try staying in a different house nearish to the lodge. It was an experiment. It had its pluses and minuses. The place itself wasn't awesome, but we got to start and end each day as "just us", which was a long, beautiful sigh of relief. On the bad side, we missed out on a lot of conversations and decisions at the lodge. I felt like we were often playing catch up, and that we were infringing on others' space. So, there's no easy answer about what we might do next time.

Maybe it was the cousins' ages or their unfamiliarity with each other, but they didn't really play together much. Sure, they played pool and air hockey together. They watched TV and swam together, too, but just because other kids happened to be there doing those things at the same time. It was activity-led play, not relationship-led play. I wasn't much better with the adults, to be honest. I really enjoyed the small group talks...a walk with Gma and Gpa, chatting with individual adults on the porch or at the fish farm, sitting a few minutes with one of the two extroverts, joining a conversation in the smallish living room area just off the kitchen where only 5-6 people could gather. I really liked those moments. I struggled being a parent in front of other parents whose opinions really mattered to me. I second-guessed myself constantly, wondering what they might think about this or that or the other thing that I did with my kids. I tried to play it cool, but there was this whole internal dialog in my head...ugh.

Robert did puzzles with grandparents and played pool with cousins. He also found a 24-hour gym that he could go to in the evenings. James watched TV and enjoyed the snacks. Matthew spent a lot of time on a screen. We did have some pretty neat outings, though, which the younger boys enjoyed. We saw an acrobat show with EVERYONE. Gma and Gpa were given VIP treatment when they made the reservation. We all got front or second row seats. We toured a fish farm, which was cooler than I thought it would be. I took the boys to a butterfly house, but it had other attractions as well. We had a riot in the hall of mirrors. Oh, man. Then another day, Bobby and I took Matthew to a theme park. He rode on his first real roller coaster, a river raft ride, and several other attractions. It was amazing to see him tackle his fears and have so much fun. 

August

This was a short month, since school started up again on the 18th, but we crammed in plenty! Matthew attended another round of 2-D Game Lab. He made no progress on his actual game. He decided that he liked the storytelling more than the coding (surprised?) and would focus more on that from here on out.

As soon as Matthew's lab was over, I threw him and James in the van for a cross-country car trip to Utah. We had the ultimate flexibility of going where we wanted and stopping whenever we wanted. It was a long drive (24 hours over 3 days), but we got to Salt Lake City in time to tour The Great Salt Lake with my sisters Lara and Heidi. The shore was disgusting. It reeked of sewage and was absolutely infested with flying insects. The birds were cool, but no one had cleaned up their droppings in what looked like years. The tour company folks assured us it was much nicer further out on the lake. Thankfully, they were right. They drove us out to the middle and dropped anchor. Then we jumped into the lake! Slowly. Carefully. It stings like the dickens if you get any lake in your eyes. The lake water is so dense with salt and minerals that you literally float in it. Matthew was amazing. Not only did he go out on a boat in deepish water (12 feet), but he got OUT of that boat and INTO the water. Matthew likes swimming in a pool, but open water has always been tricky for him. A few critical pieces of information helped him overcome his fear: 

• The water in the Great Salt Lake is medically sterile, containing no pathogens or predators or anything even remotely dangerous.

• You have to try really hard to drown. If you literally do nothing and go limp, your feet just float up in front of you and you lie back comfortably. 

• It was hot. The water was cool. Everyone except the captain was in the water, and who wants to stay on the boat with the captain?!

Matthew came out in a life jacket at first (a huge step forward for him!) but we convinced him to go without. And he actually trusted us more than his fears! We all floated with the brine shrimp. James was catching them with a net. The captain told us how to tell the males from the females. Lara dared James to eat one. He did it. Twice. I just kept repeating in my mind, "medically sterile, medically sterile, medically sterile". For the last few minutes, the captain took us to the "beach", which was actually just a shallow sandbar we got to walk around on. He told us the "sand" was largely calcified brine shrimp poop. I looked it up later. He was right. As we rode the boat back and dried off in the wind, salt crystallized on my skin and clothes. Crazy.  

We spent the rest of the weekend with my family. We went to church with Gma and Gpa (both boys were able to 1) dress in church clothes and 2) stay for all of Sacrament Meeting!). That evening, we drove out to my sister's house in Heber for a big family dinner. We were passed by at least 30 corvettes on those winding roads. There weren't any cousins or second cousins my kids' ages, but we had a good time anyway. Matthew fell in love with the horses. James discovered a garage with 4-wheelers, a golf cart, dirt bikes, and a personal-sized snow plow. Heaven. He asked my sister if he could drive the golf cart, but they were just holding on to it for a friend. No go. She did let him know, though, that they had a Mule (the off-road vehicle, not the mammal) full of garbage that needed to be taken to the dumpster at the end of their street. Once the garbage was delivered, we could take the Mule anywhere on the trails behind and around their house. James was ALL over that. It took me a good little while to get used to driving it. The trails were pretty straightforward. Four wheel drive is awesome. James says that outing was the best part of the whole trip. He thought Matthew would love it, too, and ran back into the house to find him. He was right. Matthew loved it...speed, noise, rocky ground, ups and downs, all of it. Who is this kid?!

Monday morning, I got to attend the temple with my parents, then we boarded a plane for Spokane, WA. It was me, the boys, and my parents. Spokane was on fire at the time, so we had to change a few plans and reservations, but it all worked out for the better. We ended up at a nicer place closer to everything we wanted for the same price. Woo hoo! I rode in Washington (state #45) the first day and Idaho (state #46) the second day. The boys stayed at the VRBO with my parents. They played in the pool, mostly, and watched movies or played video games. We were staying at a horse farm. The property was gorgeous. We saw wild quail, turkeys, and deer. No fire. We spent some time at a beach on the Spokane River. Meh. We went to dinner at a restaurant that was hosting a Corvette Club annual meeting, so the server promptly seated us in an empty room and forgot about us for an hour. Ugh. This wasn't the first time I had selected a terrible restaurant. My dad said I was no longer allowed to pick the restaurants. 

We flew back to Utah the next day. The boys were completely out of whack from that moment on. That night, especially, they were attacking each other and getting offended and apologizing and lashing out in vengeance all at once. Matthew was panicked and anxious. A thunderstorm started and he just couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't able to visit with my friend Marie that night as we had planned. Instead, the boys and I stayed in the grody hotel, ate bad Chinese food and fries while Matthew screamed and freaked out. He sobbed himself to sleep at about 10pm. I had specifically selected this hotel because of its breakfast. We went downstairs the next morning only to learn that the breakfast room was under construction and there would be NO BREAKFAST. Grrrr. Things got marginally better once we got back on the road, but we were all tired of the traveling by then. It was a long slog all the way back to Illinois. Whew!

We pulled into home the same day Lukas moved back to college.

A few days later, the boys started school, too. 

But that's a blog post for another day.

Other things we experienced this summer: 

• The City Museum in St. Louis, MO. Awesome.
• James fixed up a bike at the Bike Project, built an enormous "quiet box" for Matthew out of plywood, and grew the biggest vegetables I've ever had grow in my garden...giant pumpkins 
• We fixed up a "free" power washer and discovered that 1900psi is just not much of anything
• Bobby, me, and the younger boys went to the temple in Anchorage, AK. It was Matthew's first time performing proxy baptisms for some of our ancestors
• Robert improved so much in tennis that he was ready for a competitive racquet. He had a great time working with it all summer
• I refurbished over 20 bikes for a local charity, and donated 50# of homegrown vegetables to a free produce market held in at-risk neighborhoods
• Matthew got together with some school friends at Curtis Orchard, the pool, Parcadia, Urbana Boulders, Old Orchard Lanes, and the Union. He also played Minecraft with them online a couple of times. 
• Speaking of video games, Matthew logged hundreds of hours on video games over the summer. The biggest winners were Spider-Man, Hogwarts Legacy, Zelda: Winds of Time, Horizon, and a whole slew of cozy games
• We visited a Cat Cafe in town. Matthew is now a "cat person" and can't wait to get one of his own
• I canned 36 quarts of peaches and made 12 pints of strawberry freezer jam
• Matthew worked with Lukas and Bobby developing a sock puppet mockumentary ("Sockumentary")

And lest you think our lives are all highlight reels and rosy endings, here are a few OTHER things we also experienced this summer:

• Matthew slept in my bed almost every night, even on trips
• James got bored, bored, bored pretty much every day
• James was scheduled for another week of science camp in June, but he panicked and became physically paralyzed at the thought, so we skipped it
• By August, Nova was so distressed with all of our traveling that she chewed her knuckles raw
• No one swept or mopped or vacuumed any of the floors for months, except when the Evanses came to visit. I'm pretty sure I did it then...maybe. You'll have to ask them if they noticed. 
• After each trip, all the stuff got pulled out of the car and piled up in the living room, then we'd take what we needed from it for the next trip and leave the rest in a pile
• I paid Lukas to do some cleaning while we were away, which kept the bathrooms *just* clean enough to keep using until school started
• I currently have 24 bikes in our garage. Bobby hasn't been able to park his car in there for months. And every once in a while, neither car could park in there
• There were several times that I had to talk myself down from doing something in anger that I would regret. Every single time involved James. *sigh* that boy
• I stayed up late into the night doing NYT crossword puzzles because everyone was asleep and it was quiet and I could think straight for once
• Late nights meant groggy mornings, but Matthew's days go much better if we start with a hot breakfast, so I pulled myself out of bed to make pancakes or waffles or crepes or whatnot. I indulged my Mountain Dew habit just to get through the day, then stayed up late again. My detox days were not good. Ugh.
• We did NO scholastic enrichment. Period. The boys completed the library summer reading program, but that was only because we listened to audio books all the way to and from New Jersey in May (20 hours)
• Church feels like a foreign country to me. I only get to sit in the chapel during Sacrament Meeting 2 Sundays a month, and often I'm working to keep James and/or Matthew's anxiety in check the whole time. Second hour is a struggle, too, since I don't have friends who are easy to sit by in those classes. I want to connect with people, but I don't want to talk about myself and I don't have the patience for polite small talk. I want to enjoy a spiritual feast, but I struggle to get into the lesson topic. I roll my eyes at the same 5 people who answer every question with their predictable perspectives. Then I chastise myself for not having the right attitude. The Spirit can't teach me in that frame of mind. I don't like feeling that way at church. I want to get over whatever my problem is and just go back to the way things were before church got so, so stinking hard with my kids. And kinda lonely. And I groan to myself, "I'm too tired/exhausted/insecure with all my own family's problems to put myself out there for others." That's when I hear the other part of my brain nudging me with, "You're not the only one. Do it anyway."

That, my friends, was bits and pieces of Summer 2026. I left a lot out. Time moves differently when I'm living with/for/around so many other people.

Evans Family Visits

We were lucky last week to get visits from two Evans families we really love. First, we got a visit from Bobby's younger brother Bill and his family. Then, a couple days later, we got to spend time with Bobby's parents, Bob and Loretta.

Bill's family arrived in the early afternoon. We sat on the back patio and chatted while I grilled dinner. We don't catch up with those guys nearly enough! Even Matthew came out for a while to talk. We missed Will, but Lukas and Kayla became loud and crazy halfway through dinner. Just like old times. Seriously, those two have some sort of connection. The Evanses were only able to stay a few hours before getting back in the car and finishing their road trip to Louisville, KY, for Bill's graduation. 

A couple days later, Bob and Loretta stopped in Chambana on their way home to Idaho after Bill's graduation. It was really, really hot by the time they came, so we couldn't spend much time outside. We talked for a while inside. James and I gave them a tour of the garden. They helped me prep and freeze piles of greens from my garden. It was a huge relief to have all of those veggies processed. I really wouldn't have gotten around to it without the extra help. 

Bob and Loretta offered to take our family out to dinner that night. True to form, our family didn't disappoint. Matthew was too anxious to attend, Robert found nothing on the menu he could eat, and Lukas kept the conversation going the whole time. Ha ha ha! Welcome to our house. Bob and Loretta seemed to take it well. 

That night didn't go too well for Matthew, though. The next day was Fast Sunday and Matthew needed the sleep, so I stayed home with the younger boys during Sacrament Meeting. Bob and Loretta sat in the chapel with Bobby and Robert. I was able to slip in to Sunday School a little later, but there weren't any seats by those guys, so I sat alone. The lesson was about Ruth, Naomi, and Hannah. I struggled to stay engaged. Sunday School is often a struggle for me *sigh*

After church, Bob and Loretta came over to our house. Robert stayed in his room the whole time (Fast Sunday is really, really hard for him and it's kinda best for everyone if he stays in his room). Matthew was too anxious to spend much time out of his room. I didn't feel chatty. I was exhausted. So, I kinda forced the adults into doing a puzzle. Ha ha ha! Poor Bob and Loretta and Bobby. I had no idea it was such a TERRIBLE puzzle. My apologies.

I got James to make vegan chocolate ice cream. 

Lukas and James wanted to fix bikes that afternoon, so I went out to the garage with them. It's kinda funny. They say they want to work on bikes with me, but the truth is they want to feel like they're working on bikes with me. They don't actually follow my checklists or do the fussy/challenging jobs. They don't like to work on the same bike at the same time, either, and they want to do the work while seated with a fan blowing on them and a cold drink nearby. Ha ha ha! I found myself bouncing back and forth between bikes coming up with tasks for each of them to do. In the hot, hot garage. When I hadn't eaten or drunk anything since dinner the night before. I got a little grumpy. Even so, the three of us managed to get four bikes most of the way done. I only had a little work to do the next morning before taking the bikes back to Salt and Light. That made me happy. 

After working on bikes, I went inside and made dinner a little grumpily. Dinner turned out fine, though. It was awesome having extra adult hands to help. The chocolate "ice cream" turned out alright. It was a pretty straightforward day, but I just wanted a nap.

I wish I could have been in a better frame of mind for Bob and Loretta's visit. They brought me Milano cookies from their travels, which was quite thoughtful. Bob, Loretta, the Pepperidge Farms Outlet Store, and I go way back. Way, way back. Almost as far as Bob, Loretta, Dreamsicles, and I go back. 

We will get to see them again at the end of July for the Evans Family Reunion in Branson, MO. Yay!

Robert Moments

It's late Tuesday night after a long day. Robert and James are busily packing for Youth Conference the next day. It's a big packing job: clothes, toiletries, church clothes, extra shoes, linens and bedding, a bag for the long bus rides, etc. They need things that we don't normally pack for short trips: bug spray, sunscreen, shower shoes, hat, shampoo and conditioner. They need to be responsible for things they don't usually think about: medications. Neither of them know where any of this stuff is, and we're scrambling to find viable substitutes for the things we don't have. 

Robert has very particular needs/concerns for these things. His OCD is well-managed, but he's still a pretty particular guy. Shower shoes are a struggle. This option won't do at all, this option doesn't look right, this option is dirty and will take too long to clean. His bedding needs to be lightweight and compactable, no characters, no loud colors or non-traditional patterns, and definitely not that, that, or that. None of the options at-hand will do. He's frustrated. I'm frustrated. He eventually gives up on asking me for ideas. He happens upon our stash of dog blankets and says, "This is exactly the sort of thing I was looking for! Why didn't you suggest any of these blankets?!"

Um, okay.

Once the kerfuffle settles down and both guys are packed, I send James to the shower. Robert tells me that he recognizes the strain that his particular needs tend to put on me. He can tell that I'm all wound up. He tells me that it would make him feel better to explain why things happened that night the way they did, why he got so frustrated with me, and what I could do in the future to avoid so much frustration. Then he tells me that he wants to do what would make me feel better instead. He offers to massage my shoulders and work out a few knots in my back. I always have knots *sigh* and I gratefully welcome the relief. 

This isn't the first time Robert has chosen my comfort over his own. He admits that he likes doing things for me that no one else can do. For example, getting out my knots. Or making those chocolate covered peanut butter discs. Or caring for Matthew in *just* the right way, remembering all the ins and outs, managing to do the bedtime routine without a triggering hitch. Or driving people somewhere when I've got to finish something at home. I really, really appreciate that. Every time. 

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Something else interesting about Robert...he doesn't mind risk. As a 16-year-old, there are still a few restrictions on his license to drive. There's a curfew, for one, and a limit on the number of people under 21 that he's allowed to transport. Breaking these rules will result in a ticket for him AND for all of his underage passengers. It will also extend the length of time he will be under these restrictions. We all recognize why these restrictions are in place. We also know that they're pretty difficult to enforce unless a teenager is pulled over for some other reason first. Well, Robert is doing the math. He figures that as long as his passengers are fully aware of and compliant with the risk they're taking by breaking any of these rules with him, then he's good to go.

I find this aspect of Robert's personality fascinating. He's a rule keeper until he decides that the reasoning for the rule doesn't apply to him. He's very logical about it, too. It's a calculated risk. No hint of rash, emotional decision making. If caught, he will accept the full consequences of breaking the rule as if it were a simple transaction. 

He asked me what I thought about his reasoning. I laughed. On the surface, I wanted him to follow the restrictions just because they were there. It seemed a matter of integrity, right? Deep down, I knew it was a bet worth making...he's a very responsible driver, he has money to pay the fine, and it's his own driving record at risk here. I told him that. 

We'll have to see what he decides to do in practice.

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After Youth Conference, a few of the youth were asked to share a brief testimony about their experience in church. Robert was one of them. He confessed that the church history facts and names all started to blur together after the sixth house tour, but he was touched by the realization that the gospel is a community. They had to rely on each other back then, and we rely on each other now. He felt connected to all the youth and leaders in a new way.

I found that interesting. Robert is the only member of the church in his entire high school. Youth Conference and FSY must feel like a foreign country to him. I'm grateful he came away with a greater sense of connection.

James Moments

Summer has given me a lot more time with James. He's my buddy. He's always up for running errands, working on bikes, or puttering in the garden. He's got several projects going this year:

Giant pumpkins! He's got 31 pumpkin plants growing on various parts of our property. One third of them are the Atlantic Giant variety, and two thirds came from a 40-pound pumpkin we purchased from Negangard Pumpkin Patch last fall. Some of the vines are already 10 feet long. We've had several moments already where I feel better connected to James. One of his Atlantic Giants isn't doing so well. He considers them his children, so he was pretty sad about it. We had a moment where we could chat about disappointment being a normal part of growing crops...growing problems, insect damage, disease...but farmers plan for that by planting extra. Resilience is part of the game. He felt significantly better after that. James is also growing a purple variety of broccoli, which gave him his first harvest yesterday. We've been incredibly lucky so far with our brassicas. 

Mmmmm, purple broccoli. Will he actually eat any of it? 

Schwinn Stingray Chopper Bike. There's a non-profit, co-op bike shop in Urbana called The Bike Project. I go there sometimes to buy used parts, and I've persuaded them to donate a few dozen bikes to Salt and Light over the years. Anyway, it's a shop where you can work on your own bike, or get help refurbishing one of theirs. If you do the work and pay for the parts, you get to keep the refurbished bike in the end. James has come with me a few times for parts. A couple weeks ago, he spotted a bike that he simply HAD to have. He couldn't stop thinking about it, or worrying that someone else would claim it before he could. Lucky for him, it was still available the next time we could get there. He's been fixing it up with help from me. We just *barely* finished all the repairs at closing time last night. Unfortunately, it was too late to get a final safety inspection, so he didn't get to take it home. Yet. 

Emotional Regulation. James' anxiety plus puberty has made for some volatile moments. His paralytic episodes are no fun. Thanks to some advice from my parents and siblings, though, I've modified my reactions to encourage more talking on his part and more listening on my part. That's been a real help. In fact, just a couple of days ago, several things happened all at once and James instantly shut down paralyzed. He was clearly distressed, couldn't form words, and screamed whenever we asked him questions or tried to reassure him. He eventually clambored back to his room and slammed the door. Maybe 20 minutes later, he came out of his room looking completely normal. He verbalized his concern in a totally normal voice in a couple of sentences, and we were able to resolve the issue that triggered the paralysis. Done. That is progress, my friends! 

Church engagement. One of James' goals this summer is to attend Sacrament Meeting in the chapel every week and/or go to the mid-week youth activities. Prior to this goal, he would attend church in the car via zoom and come in to the foyer only during the sacrament itself. He's done really well with this, and his goal has pushed him a little, but he's proud of himself. In addition, he attended our stake youth conference last week. All the youth were bussed 7 hours to Kirtland, OH, for 2 days of church history tours and spiritual activities, then bussed 7 hours back. Robert and James were pretty tired when I picked them up. On the drive home from the church, James said begrudgingly, "I did NOT enjoy that physically, socially, or emotionally, but it was a good spiritual experience. Now my testimony is stronger and I know a lot more about our church and the gospel." Later, the bishop told me how James had born his testimony at a meeting in the Kirtland temple. James, like Matthew, hasn't attended any second hour classes at church for almost a year. 

I made him take this picture with this frog. Not sure why. We were on our road trip. This is a Panera restaurant that we stopped at for lunch.

James took this picture of his favorite sibling.

Moments with Matthew

One of Matthew's goals this summer is to do something social with friends every week. A sub-goal that I forced onto him *cough* was that he would get out of the house, or engage with people from outside of our home, at least once a day. We're three weeks into summer, and it's going pretty well. It goes ESPECIALLY well when Matthew gets together with his friends. He just lights up, and he's happy the rest of the day. 

• One Monday, we met up with a friend at Elevate, an indoor trampoline park. I can't describe how relieved and happy it made me feel to see him act so...normal...running around, joking, conversing back and forth. No anxiety. Not one trigger. I got to chat a little with his friend's mom about school and work and such. After two hours at the trampoline park, I needed some time to myself. Matthew, however, was animated and happy for hours. Still no anxiety.

• The very next day, we met up with another friend at the bowling alley. It was Matthew, me, Lukas, James, Matthew's friend, and his friend's mom. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. It helped a TON that both Lukas and the other mom were the type who could easily chat and get along with anyone. The other mom called herself a "golden retriever personality." I had to look that up, "Golden Retrievers are considerate, good-natured and strong team players. They’re naturally kindhearted and love helping, serving and looking for ways to come alongside others." (Source: Focus on the Family website). It doesn't hurt that these two people are also extroverted. Everyone felt at ease. The interesting, lively conversation never stopped. Matthew, again, was rejuvenated and happy. He was happy! Completely unbothered by anything. 
• He's taken the goal and sub-goal really well. Sometimes, he'll even ask to go out and about unprompted. We've made trips to the library, had people over, run errands together, gone to appointments, visited goats, and taken a road trip. It's good for all of us.

Maybe these moments don't sound notable to you. And, if things go well, they might not sound notable to me in 10 years, either, but living with Matthew these days carries a considerable weight. I'm always on alert for triggers, always curating my words and calculating how much emotion to show, debating how much to push him, keeping track of when he last ate or showered or took his meds, carefully planning opportunities for him to engage with the world outside our home, and trying not to be disappointed when he just can't do this/that/the other thing that day. Moments of apparent normalcy give me a little relief. 

Goofing around in the dentist's waiting room

Swimming at the Stucki's pool

Love the pool!

Ringing Rocks County Park, Upper Black Eddy, PA

Intrepid explorer

Short hike to the rock field. I love these guys.

Mercer Museum, Doylestown, PA. This was an interesting place. We found all the scavenger hunt stamps.

Look at us! Evanses eating dinner at a Bob Evans restaurant.

Fonthill Castle, Doylestown, PA. The home of an eccentric billionaire historian collector tile maker.

The Virginia Theater in downtown Champaign. We came to this show with Lukas to see some kids from church perform. It was surprisingly fun.