While I was getting Matthew dressed after his bath yesterday, he proudly announced that he now knows his left from his right. Curious, I tested him.
"Which way is left?"
(he points to his left)
"Wow! That's great! How did you learn that?"
"Minecwaft. Woh-buht told me 'Left button! Left button! Now wight!' when I played my tohn and I lohned it!"
If you've ever seen Robert "help" other people play Minecraft, it's more like a shouting match than a preschool (he's been excused from the room for that behavior, several times) but there you go!
I'm wondering what Matthew will remember about this whole Covid-19 thing. He's only just old enough to form permanent memories. Our new normal at home isn't that terribly different to him. He's used to spending most of the day at home anyway! We tell him to stay away from other people as we take walks and he still asks, "Why?!"
He asked me today, "Do you know when vuh fust cuhwohna vi-wuss sleepovuh is? It's soon. I can't wait!" I think he's referring to the kids' monthly sleepover at Erin's house. But now, apparently, it's the coronavirus sleepover.
Saturday, March 28, 2020
Shadow Fighting
Robert and Matthew discovered a new way to play this week: slow-motion shadow fighting.
Quiet Farming
On Monday, my first day at the farm, I was assigned to sprinkle diatomaceous earth (DE) on some leafy Chinese cabbage that was being decimated by pill bugs. I had read all about DE before, but this was my first time using it. I like it. It's pretty easy to apply and it's easy to control where it goes so you're only impacting the hard-bodied bugs messing with your specific plants. I'm 100x more likely to use it on my own garden now that I've received some hands-on training with it. The farm makes me a better organic gardener! No doubt about it.
Then I got to tease out celeriac seedlings and transplant them into flats. I worked alone in the warm greenhouse, doing something repetitive with my hands, and listening to one of my favorite podcasts: The Hidden Brain. Sooooo quiet. Sooooo uninterrupted. Sooooo satisfying.
Also, the farm helps my ego. The new assistant farm manager, L, hadn't worked with me before, and John was out sick, so L just gave me the list of tasks that John had told him to give me. At the end of my time, L was surprised at what I had gotten done. The same thing happened again on Friday, "No way! You did THAT much?!" He's the THIRD full-time farm person I've surprised/impressed with my work quality/quantity. Maybe it's my outfit. I really don't LOOK like a farmer when I'm out there. I look like a hobo. To look more like these farmers, I'd need to grow a bushy beard, get my nose or the top of my ear pierced, and lose about 15 years. Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa!
Then I got to tease out celeriac seedlings and transplant them into flats. I worked alone in the warm greenhouse, doing something repetitive with my hands, and listening to one of my favorite podcasts: The Hidden Brain. Sooooo quiet. Sooooo uninterrupted. Sooooo satisfying.
Also, the farm helps my ego. The new assistant farm manager, L, hadn't worked with me before, and John was out sick, so L just gave me the list of tasks that John had told him to give me. At the end of my time, L was surprised at what I had gotten done. The same thing happened again on Friday, "No way! You did THAT much?!" He's the THIRD full-time farm person I've surprised/impressed with my work quality/quantity. Maybe it's my outfit. I really don't LOOK like a farmer when I'm out there. I look like a hobo. To look more like these farmers, I'd need to grow a bushy beard, get my nose or the top of my ear pierced, and lose about 15 years. Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa!
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| Crocus leaves in the front yard! |
Thursday, March 26, 2020
Robert
School-at-home Day #4 went alright. So far, it's flexible enough to accommodate day-to-day, weather-dependent spontaneous things like family bike rides and taking down a couple huge limbs from our backyard oak tree, AND it's incentivized sufficiently to motivate all the kids to work without me nagging. I hate hate hate nagging *shudder*
Here's what Robert's been up to lately:
He's logical, he's literal (most often when it works in his favor), and sometimes he's hot-tempered. He can also be gentle and generous. He rescued a sparrow today with extraordinarily tender, patient hands. He's very proud of a 7-pound ball of clay that he dug out of the digging hole over the last two days. Each pound of clay earns him a new title.
This is what Robert's teacher sent me for his "virtual" parent/teacher conference:
First off, Robert is such an awesome kid. He is kind, funny, mature, smart, and curious! He is always following expectations and doing the work given to him. For example, we are currently doing a book club where he and his group read a few chapters every week or so, answer questions, and meet to discuss. I never have to remind him to get his assignments done and he always comes ready to discuss! His writing is always so creative and has such a strong voice. He does his work and does it correctly the vast majority of the time! Overall, his academic performance as been great! One thing I would like to see him work on is taking a little more time to be neat with his work. Also, I am hoping that when we are back at school I can assign Robert some more leadership roles in the class.
Don't tell Robert about the "leadership roles" thing, he might wither and die at the thought ;) This kid does not enjoy taking risks in front of peers.
I love all the bits that make him who he is. And maybe I'm a little glad for this chance to see more of him than I normally would this time of year.
Here's what Robert's been up to lately:
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| Bobby snapped this picture of Tuesday morning's school-at-home. Alice is working diligently and in a very self-directed way. James is on the floor, staying on-task as long as I can keep him company. Matthew is on my back because he's 5, I guess? And he's always looking for ways to be closer to me than the rest of his siblings. The more surface area contact, the better. Robert brought his schoolwork over to the party. He's been enjoying math on Khan Academy and learning to type on typing.com. He and Alice had a contest today on typing.com. They wanted to decide once and for all who is the better typist (Alice has been doing the typing lessons for over a year). At the end of the race, it turns out Robert was going for the most words per minute and Alice was going for the least mistakes. They both won and lost, which was terrifically frustrating for this little brother. |
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| His "elective" for school Tuesday was learning how to power sand. Here, he's sharpening his favorite wooden spear. The mask is for the wood dust. |
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| Here, his writing assignment is to document the pros and cons of joining me and his siblings on a bike ride. He did ultimately decide to go, and got halfway with no problems. A wet sidewalk did him in, though, and sent him tumbling off his bike. He tore a hole in his pants, got a good scrape on his knee, and grouch-pouted in the park until Bobby could come rescue him. |
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| PlayStation 4. The kids can earn PS4 time every afternoon (thank you, Erin!!). Robert is especially thrilled about this new development in our routine. He's currently playing Kingdom Hearts. |
This is what Robert's teacher sent me for his "virtual" parent/teacher conference:
First off, Robert is such an awesome kid. He is kind, funny, mature, smart, and curious! He is always following expectations and doing the work given to him. For example, we are currently doing a book club where he and his group read a few chapters every week or so, answer questions, and meet to discuss. I never have to remind him to get his assignments done and he always comes ready to discuss! His writing is always so creative and has such a strong voice. He does his work and does it correctly the vast majority of the time! Overall, his academic performance as been great! One thing I would like to see him work on is taking a little more time to be neat with his work. Also, I am hoping that when we are back at school I can assign Robert some more leadership roles in the class.
Don't tell Robert about the "leadership roles" thing, he might wither and die at the thought ;) This kid does not enjoy taking risks in front of peers.
I love all the bits that make him who he is. And maybe I'm a little glad for this chance to see more of him than I normally would this time of year.
Garden Remodel
My work at Sola Gratia Farm has been pretty darn educational. As well as emotionally and personally and socially satisfying. I've learned how to manage some of the diseases and insect pests that terrified me before, and I'm a little more flexible when things don't (ever ever ever) go as planned. Sooooooo, I've redesigned the garden on paper and hope to get it functional for growing this season.
Here's what it's looked like for the last several years:
And here's what I'm thinking to do now:
The new plan doesn't include raised beds right now. That's too much time and money for me this late in the spring. I'll use mounded rows, like they do at the farm, and mulch the pathways in between. All the old hardware has been taken out (thanks Robert, Alice, and James!!). Now to rent a heavy duty tiller...
...I think I'm becoming my mom more and more every year ;)
Here's what it's looked like for the last several years:
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| 370sqft of raised growing beds, a short row of blueberries, and then the orchard. |
And here's what I'm thinking to do now:
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| Yes, the two pictures are on the same scale. No more orchard, two long rows of blueberries, a dedicated compost bin, and about 600sqft of growing beds. The fence along the perimeter will keep out bunnies and chickens. |
The new plan doesn't include raised beds right now. That's too much time and money for me this late in the spring. I'll use mounded rows, like they do at the farm, and mulch the pathways in between. All the old hardware has been taken out (thanks Robert, Alice, and James!!). Now to rent a heavy duty tiller...
...I think I'm becoming my mom more and more every year ;)
Tuesday, March 24, 2020
School at Home
Today was our second day of "school at home" for the kids. Alice, Robert, and James all have specific assignments from their school teachers for every day of the week. The teachers appear to be pretty organized and eager to keep the kids engaged. Our kids have fought a whole lot less with each other now that they have a little more to do during the day. And there's a lot of work to do on screens. So much screen time.
Alice got out of bed this morning and checked her assignments right away. She finished them after 2.5 hours, then learned of a couple more coming in the late morning. She finished those within an hour, too. No reminders. No incentives from us. Nothing. She does it because she wants to do it.
Robert was a little fussier, but plenty motivated to work through it all. Two math skills websites, a typing website, and then "art" on his own out of our craft supply closet. He probably used 30 plastic straws today, but made plenty of "weapons" for all the kids that they enjoyed very much.
James will do the work, but he doesn't like to read the instructions (*eyeroll*) and he's really, really, really easy to distract from his work. But if you allow him to operate on his terms (i.e. lying in the middle of the floor, in his pajamas, lots of physical activity breaks) he'll get it done eventually. Certainly by the time Alice finishes her 3 hours of work! He did a lot of work today on a 750-piece puzzle we've been doing for the last few days. He actually fit in the last 20 or so pieces on his own!!
Matthew has been a little trickier during school time. We've been reading to him, having him practice writing his name, and playing. James loved, loved, loved a reading game in Kindergarten called "Teach Your Monster to Read". I played around with it and bought the full version ($5) for Matthew to work on. Matthew loves it, too, so far. He's working on letter sounds right now, and will move through to reading short sentences by the end. I hope. We'll see.
James had his first remote piano lesson today. He was enamored with himself on the screen, but he stayed on the piano bench the whole time and worked diligently and followed instructions pretty well. It's worth trying again next week. Both Robert and Alice's teachers have offered virtual/remote music lessons, too. They're not perfect, but they're better than no music lessons, I think.
We're all still healthy. Plenty of seasonal allergies going on, but no infectious disease. I'm hoping for some sunshine this week so we can all have some fun outdoors again.
Alice got out of bed this morning and checked her assignments right away. She finished them after 2.5 hours, then learned of a couple more coming in the late morning. She finished those within an hour, too. No reminders. No incentives from us. Nothing. She does it because she wants to do it.
Robert was a little fussier, but plenty motivated to work through it all. Two math skills websites, a typing website, and then "art" on his own out of our craft supply closet. He probably used 30 plastic straws today, but made plenty of "weapons" for all the kids that they enjoyed very much.
James will do the work, but he doesn't like to read the instructions (*eyeroll*) and he's really, really, really easy to distract from his work. But if you allow him to operate on his terms (i.e. lying in the middle of the floor, in his pajamas, lots of physical activity breaks) he'll get it done eventually. Certainly by the time Alice finishes her 3 hours of work! He did a lot of work today on a 750-piece puzzle we've been doing for the last few days. He actually fit in the last 20 or so pieces on his own!!
Matthew has been a little trickier during school time. We've been reading to him, having him practice writing his name, and playing. James loved, loved, loved a reading game in Kindergarten called "Teach Your Monster to Read". I played around with it and bought the full version ($5) for Matthew to work on. Matthew loves it, too, so far. He's working on letter sounds right now, and will move through to reading short sentences by the end. I hope. We'll see.
James had his first remote piano lesson today. He was enamored with himself on the screen, but he stayed on the piano bench the whole time and worked diligently and followed instructions pretty well. It's worth trying again next week. Both Robert and Alice's teachers have offered virtual/remote music lessons, too. They're not perfect, but they're better than no music lessons, I think.
We're all still healthy. Plenty of seasonal allergies going on, but no infectious disease. I'm hoping for some sunshine this week so we can all have some fun outdoors again.
Sunday, March 22, 2020
Trifle and no trifle
Alice made a lemon pineapple coconut trifle today for Family Home Evening treat. It was fabulous! The kids made me promise not to eat the rest of it after they went to bed. Smart, smart kids.
James set a new record today by earning 7 time-outs. Unprecedented. That's no trifle. He earned them by harassing siblings after they politely asked him to stop chasing/poking/glaring at/scaring/throwing things at them. We're working on listening the first time and being respectful. He takes the time outs well, walking to his room and quietly waiting out the time. Those 7-minute chunks of time were some of the least stressful moments of my day today...
...a day that started at 5am with all the smoke detectors blaring, "Fire! Fire!"
It took three fire trucks and a couple firefighters to help us figure out the problem was a faulty detector. Bobby and the kids decided to have breakfast. I went back to bed.
Come to think of it, that might have something to do with James' time-outs today. The boys are all outside playing in the snow right now. Happily. Alice is reading in her room after spending some time at Erin's house trying to dye her hair. Temporary dye. Bobby is working on a puzzle we set out. It's kinda quiet for the first time since 5am. I am so, so tired. And when I don't get enough sleep, I get a sore throat and dry cough. I'm trying not to freak out about it today. If it doesn't go away after a good night's rest, I'll know more. Ugh. I don't know or care if it's Covid-19, but any sickness at all in this current climate means further restriction (no Sola Gratia, no rehearsing guitar with Erin, no grocery shopping, no running/walking outdoors). ARGH!
James set a new record today by earning 7 time-outs. Unprecedented. That's no trifle. He earned them by harassing siblings after they politely asked him to stop chasing/poking/glaring at/scaring/throwing things at them. We're working on listening the first time and being respectful. He takes the time outs well, walking to his room and quietly waiting out the time. Those 7-minute chunks of time were some of the least stressful moments of my day today...
...a day that started at 5am with all the smoke detectors blaring, "Fire! Fire!"
It took three fire trucks and a couple firefighters to help us figure out the problem was a faulty detector. Bobby and the kids decided to have breakfast. I went back to bed.
Come to think of it, that might have something to do with James' time-outs today. The boys are all outside playing in the snow right now. Happily. Alice is reading in her room after spending some time at Erin's house trying to dye her hair. Temporary dye. Bobby is working on a puzzle we set out. It's kinda quiet for the first time since 5am. I am so, so tired. And when I don't get enough sleep, I get a sore throat and dry cough. I'm trying not to freak out about it today. If it doesn't go away after a good night's rest, I'll know more. Ugh. I don't know or care if it's Covid-19, but any sickness at all in this current climate means further restriction (no Sola Gratia, no rehearsing guitar with Erin, no grocery shopping, no running/walking outdoors). ARGH!
Stay at Home
So much happening and NOT happening at the same time.
The governor of Illinois issued a "stay at home" order this weekend. Through Arpil 7th, we are allowed to leave our house for essential trips and exercise only. Only essential businesses are supposed to stay open. That means parks are open, but playgrounds are not. The hardware store is open, but not the fabric store. And we have been asked to keep 6-10 feet away from everyone else outside our home.
This has been a HUGE adjustment.
The kids have been on spring break this first week of the restrictions. And, to be fair, the week didn't start off all that restricted. Schools closed. That was it. Alice put on a "Kids Camp" at our house. Some parents decided to keep their kids home for the week, but 6 still came. Alice is getting a whole lot more efficient and comfortable with this Kid Camp thing. She and I did all the prep and Kayla helped her run it. Robert and James spent the Kid Camp mornings at a friend's house (which was a sweet, welcome relief) and that helped Kid Camp move more smoothly overall. With that camp, Alice finally, FINALLY, met her fundraising goal to help pay her school tuition. She was thrilled. I was thrilled. It was a huge accomplishment and it took just about 9 months. What a kid! She actually made $30 more than we required from her and she put it right into the pot for next year's tuition payment.
I've had a doozy of a time adjusting to all four kids at home full-time. Some of the difficulty is due to how I parent. I get that. Some of the difficulty comes from the kids being bigger and louder than they've ever been before and their needs are so very different at each age. Some of the difficulty comes from the social restrictions...no more play dates with friends and no more trips to the library for new reading material being the most painful adjustments. Some of the difficulty comes from a rash of cold, rainy, cloudy days that make outdoor play miserable and indoor play dreary.
I wonder every day now how families a hundred years ago (two hundred years?) managed this...living on top of each other, kids of many ages. I also wonder how I managed two or three young kids just 7 years ago and wrapped my whole life around their schedules. It wasn't always fun, but I was used to it, I think, and found it satisfying. My kids' needs have changed in that time. My energy is spent on them in different ways. Being thrown together again after years of building new habits...I can't remember the old habits that made this easier...I feel like I'm learning everything all over again.
Robert and James pick at each other and fight.
Alice oscillates between giddy/manic and anxious/depressed depending on how recently she's been in contact with her friends and what they have talked about. Yesterday, when Alice realized her friend hadn't called and had hardly texted her at all, she said, "I'm a lot happier today than I was yesterday. Maybe it's because I haven't talked to B much."
I raised an eyebrow. Friends are great for empathy, but it's a fine line between empathy and feeding a vortex of anxiety and helplessness. Alice cannot abide any discussion of Covid-19 nor the state of the quarantine actions. She doesn't want to hear about anything that will delay her return to school a moment longer.
Matthew tries to play with James. It works a lot of the time, but James tries to turn the game into a competition or good guys vs. bad guys and that upsets Matthew. A lot. Robert finds Matthew's imaginary games tedious, except when he doesn't, then they have a really, really great time together.
We've borrowed Erin's PlayStation 4. The kids can get time playing it by keeping up with their chores and music practice...and getting 30-60 minutes of physical activity a day. I know. I'm a mean, mean mom. They will have so much to tell their therapists in years to come.
I'd like to get the garden remodeled, but I'll need to rent a tiller. I'm hoping machine rentals count as "essential" enough to still be open this coming week. It's time to get things into the ground. If I can get the ground ready and mark out the new beds, then maybe I can get some things planted before too much longer. I really should have done all of this in the fall last year, but, yeah.
Volunteering at Sola Gratia starts this week. I know, I know, I told them I wouldn't be working there this summer. And that's still true. But I did tell them that I would be available during the "shoulder" seasons of spring and fall for limited hours. I had forgotten about that second part until they emailed me asking about a start date. That's okay. I'm actually glad I did that now. Bobby and I decided that we'll start doing some school-like things with our boys now that spring break is over, and so the boys will get "School with Dad" two mornings a week while I'm at the farm. The other three mornings will be "School with Mom." I hear from friends that there's a whole world of people out there making schedules for their kids and posting them on Facebook. I don't dare look. Bobby seems to be planning projects with them: robotics, stop-motion films, and I think I heard something about computer programming, too. I haven't quite decided what I want to do yet, but I want there to be some reading, some writing, some math application, and some life skills. Alice's teachers will give her assignments through Google Classroom, and she will likely complete them at Erin's house where it will be calm and quiet. Lucky girl.
What else? Oh! The triathlon at the end of April has been cancelled. I'm not terribly surprised. That was just the first race of the season, though. The real race I've been training for is slated for the end of July. It may or may not still happen. We shall see, eh? I've been running and biking from home. Swimming will have to wait until the gym opens up again. This week, I discovered that physical activity is no longer just a habit, but a need, for me. I may be addicted to the endorphins. And I just don't feel quite right unless some part of my body is tired and sore. That's terrible, huh? I never, ever, ever, ever thought I would say that. Heck, I remember when running a mile was out of the realm of possibility for me. When a single class at the gym would leave me wiped out on the couch for the rest of the day. This body just blows my mind. It's adapted to all kinds of abuse.
And I've discovered how much I enjoy running with Bobby. He's a lot faster than me, but he keeps my pace. No, he actually keeps a little above my pace, so I have good company AND a gentle nudge to work a little harder. This exercising thing has brought us together a little more and I like that.
Alice is 13 years old! Her birthday happened in the chaos that was the beginning of "social distancing" and school being cancelled and church being cancelled and her whole world crashing in around her. She decided then and there that she was going to make her own birthday pie. I asked her which kind of pie, since we had everything on-hand to make five different kinds. She responded, "All of them." And she did it. She worked all day Saturday (her birthday) and completed five kinds of pie from scratch for her birthday celebration: fresh strawberry, fresh blueberry, pumpkin, chocolate pudding, and lemon meringue. She's a good pastry chef, like her dad. I'll leave the crust-making to them from now on :)
I want to write a birthday blog post for her, to let her know how much I admire the person she's become, to record a little bit about her at this age, to process the notion that I'm halfway through the kids-living-at-home stage of my life. I don't know when I'll have the time and energy for that, though. My life is a string of constant interruption during this crisis, then exhaustion at night. I'll see what I can manage this week.
The governor of Illinois issued a "stay at home" order this weekend. Through Arpil 7th, we are allowed to leave our house for essential trips and exercise only. Only essential businesses are supposed to stay open. That means parks are open, but playgrounds are not. The hardware store is open, but not the fabric store. And we have been asked to keep 6-10 feet away from everyone else outside our home.
This has been a HUGE adjustment.
The kids have been on spring break this first week of the restrictions. And, to be fair, the week didn't start off all that restricted. Schools closed. That was it. Alice put on a "Kids Camp" at our house. Some parents decided to keep their kids home for the week, but 6 still came. Alice is getting a whole lot more efficient and comfortable with this Kid Camp thing. She and I did all the prep and Kayla helped her run it. Robert and James spent the Kid Camp mornings at a friend's house (which was a sweet, welcome relief) and that helped Kid Camp move more smoothly overall. With that camp, Alice finally, FINALLY, met her fundraising goal to help pay her school tuition. She was thrilled. I was thrilled. It was a huge accomplishment and it took just about 9 months. What a kid! She actually made $30 more than we required from her and she put it right into the pot for next year's tuition payment.
I've had a doozy of a time adjusting to all four kids at home full-time. Some of the difficulty is due to how I parent. I get that. Some of the difficulty comes from the kids being bigger and louder than they've ever been before and their needs are so very different at each age. Some of the difficulty comes from the social restrictions...no more play dates with friends and no more trips to the library for new reading material being the most painful adjustments. Some of the difficulty comes from a rash of cold, rainy, cloudy days that make outdoor play miserable and indoor play dreary.
I wonder every day now how families a hundred years ago (two hundred years?) managed this...living on top of each other, kids of many ages. I also wonder how I managed two or three young kids just 7 years ago and wrapped my whole life around their schedules. It wasn't always fun, but I was used to it, I think, and found it satisfying. My kids' needs have changed in that time. My energy is spent on them in different ways. Being thrown together again after years of building new habits...I can't remember the old habits that made this easier...I feel like I'm learning everything all over again.
Robert and James pick at each other and fight.
Alice oscillates between giddy/manic and anxious/depressed depending on how recently she's been in contact with her friends and what they have talked about. Yesterday, when Alice realized her friend hadn't called and had hardly texted her at all, she said, "I'm a lot happier today than I was yesterday. Maybe it's because I haven't talked to B much."
I raised an eyebrow. Friends are great for empathy, but it's a fine line between empathy and feeding a vortex of anxiety and helplessness. Alice cannot abide any discussion of Covid-19 nor the state of the quarantine actions. She doesn't want to hear about anything that will delay her return to school a moment longer.
Matthew tries to play with James. It works a lot of the time, but James tries to turn the game into a competition or good guys vs. bad guys and that upsets Matthew. A lot. Robert finds Matthew's imaginary games tedious, except when he doesn't, then they have a really, really great time together.
We've borrowed Erin's PlayStation 4. The kids can get time playing it by keeping up with their chores and music practice...and getting 30-60 minutes of physical activity a day. I know. I'm a mean, mean mom. They will have so much to tell their therapists in years to come.
I'd like to get the garden remodeled, but I'll need to rent a tiller. I'm hoping machine rentals count as "essential" enough to still be open this coming week. It's time to get things into the ground. If I can get the ground ready and mark out the new beds, then maybe I can get some things planted before too much longer. I really should have done all of this in the fall last year, but, yeah.
Volunteering at Sola Gratia starts this week. I know, I know, I told them I wouldn't be working there this summer. And that's still true. But I did tell them that I would be available during the "shoulder" seasons of spring and fall for limited hours. I had forgotten about that second part until they emailed me asking about a start date. That's okay. I'm actually glad I did that now. Bobby and I decided that we'll start doing some school-like things with our boys now that spring break is over, and so the boys will get "School with Dad" two mornings a week while I'm at the farm. The other three mornings will be "School with Mom." I hear from friends that there's a whole world of people out there making schedules for their kids and posting them on Facebook. I don't dare look. Bobby seems to be planning projects with them: robotics, stop-motion films, and I think I heard something about computer programming, too. I haven't quite decided what I want to do yet, but I want there to be some reading, some writing, some math application, and some life skills. Alice's teachers will give her assignments through Google Classroom, and she will likely complete them at Erin's house where it will be calm and quiet. Lucky girl.
What else? Oh! The triathlon at the end of April has been cancelled. I'm not terribly surprised. That was just the first race of the season, though. The real race I've been training for is slated for the end of July. It may or may not still happen. We shall see, eh? I've been running and biking from home. Swimming will have to wait until the gym opens up again. This week, I discovered that physical activity is no longer just a habit, but a need, for me. I may be addicted to the endorphins. And I just don't feel quite right unless some part of my body is tired and sore. That's terrible, huh? I never, ever, ever, ever thought I would say that. Heck, I remember when running a mile was out of the realm of possibility for me. When a single class at the gym would leave me wiped out on the couch for the rest of the day. This body just blows my mind. It's adapted to all kinds of abuse.
And I've discovered how much I enjoy running with Bobby. He's a lot faster than me, but he keeps my pace. No, he actually keeps a little above my pace, so I have good company AND a gentle nudge to work a little harder. This exercising thing has brought us together a little more and I like that.
Alice is 13 years old! Her birthday happened in the chaos that was the beginning of "social distancing" and school being cancelled and church being cancelled and her whole world crashing in around her. She decided then and there that she was going to make her own birthday pie. I asked her which kind of pie, since we had everything on-hand to make five different kinds. She responded, "All of them." And she did it. She worked all day Saturday (her birthday) and completed five kinds of pie from scratch for her birthday celebration: fresh strawberry, fresh blueberry, pumpkin, chocolate pudding, and lemon meringue. She's a good pastry chef, like her dad. I'll leave the crust-making to them from now on :)
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| Alice in a very messy kitchen. |
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| Oh look! The strawberry pie man! |
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| Before the restrictions, we had "Monday Night Fun" at the indoor archery range. |
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| A sunny, warm, windy day is a beautiful excuse for some kite flying. You can see my pirate kite and Robert is in the background managing the bee kite (not shown). |
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| Just before spring break, it was Matthew's turn to bring home Freddy the Traveling Teddy from preschool. At the end of the weekend, parents write a page in Teddy's journal about what Teddy did. This is Matthew's last time with Teddy *sigh* |
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| Matthew and K: best buddies and fiances |
Sunday, March 15, 2020
Frustrated and Weary
I got news today that the library and the YMCA will also be closed until the end of March. Those were the final closures that broke me.
I am frustrated and weary.
I really shouldn't complain: Bobby can work remotely and I'm already home full-time with the kids, so this mandated social distancing doesn't affect our finances much at all.
For some reason, over the last few weeks, I've been buying extra shelf-stable food and supplies. Was it a self-conscious response to the Covid-19 outbreak in other parts of the world? Was it inspiration? Was it simply the onset of spring? I don't know. But we are blessed to have a decently-stocked pantry and a neat little stash of non-food essentials, in addition to the food storage we've had for years.
Also, before things started getting hot locally, I happened to get all of our daily prescriptions changed to a 90-day supply and restocked.
We will want for nothing.
And yet...
...I grouch and pout and furrow my brow at how stinking INCONVENIENT this all is.
Saying that out loud makes my grouchiness sound even more petty...it's just inconvenient for me. I should be relieved and even happy, right? My husband has a job, my kids have a safe place to be during the day, we have resources to meet our needs, and so very little has had to change in our lives.
I feel selfish admitting that the biggest frustration I will experience in all of this is the same thing I already have to do every summer: give up my quiet alone time. That means giving up the time I would normally work on my own projects without interruption. Because (and herein lies another pang of selfishness and guilt) my children are not my only projects. There. I said it. My kids are not my end-all source of joy and satisfaction. In fact, I'm a happier and more balanced person when I have regular time to myself to work on things I love OUTSIDE of my children. Training for these triathlons has helped me build confidence and grit and pride in working hard. Learning to play the guitar has helped me build social skills and humility. Working in my garden forces me to slow down and process my life. I can't reap those benefits from those activities when I'm managing the affairs of my entourage. Having the kids home full-time means full-time noise and refereeing and supplying projects and cleaning up projects and four people wanting to converse with me at the same time asking for privileges and permission or trying to feel close to me or to process their feelings. And it's all on top of the work I normally need to do to keep the house and family functional. It's exhausting. Defeating. Crazy hard. Being present for my kids is important and fulfilling, too, and that's why I do it, but I recognize that it comes at a cost. That is something I do every summer.
And every pandemic, apparently ;)
I am frustrated and weary.
I really shouldn't complain: Bobby can work remotely and I'm already home full-time with the kids, so this mandated social distancing doesn't affect our finances much at all.
For some reason, over the last few weeks, I've been buying extra shelf-stable food and supplies. Was it a self-conscious response to the Covid-19 outbreak in other parts of the world? Was it inspiration? Was it simply the onset of spring? I don't know. But we are blessed to have a decently-stocked pantry and a neat little stash of non-food essentials, in addition to the food storage we've had for years.
Also, before things started getting hot locally, I happened to get all of our daily prescriptions changed to a 90-day supply and restocked.
We will want for nothing.
And yet...
...I grouch and pout and furrow my brow at how stinking INCONVENIENT this all is.
Saying that out loud makes my grouchiness sound even more petty...it's just inconvenient for me. I should be relieved and even happy, right? My husband has a job, my kids have a safe place to be during the day, we have resources to meet our needs, and so very little has had to change in our lives.
I feel selfish admitting that the biggest frustration I will experience in all of this is the same thing I already have to do every summer: give up my quiet alone time. That means giving up the time I would normally work on my own projects without interruption. Because (and herein lies another pang of selfishness and guilt) my children are not my only projects. There. I said it. My kids are not my end-all source of joy and satisfaction. In fact, I'm a happier and more balanced person when I have regular time to myself to work on things I love OUTSIDE of my children. Training for these triathlons has helped me build confidence and grit and pride in working hard. Learning to play the guitar has helped me build social skills and humility. Working in my garden forces me to slow down and process my life. I can't reap those benefits from those activities when I'm managing the affairs of my entourage. Having the kids home full-time means full-time noise and refereeing and supplying projects and cleaning up projects and four people wanting to converse with me at the same time asking for privileges and permission or trying to feel close to me or to process their feelings. And it's all on top of the work I normally need to do to keep the house and family functional. It's exhausting. Defeating. Crazy hard. Being present for my kids is important and fulfilling, too, and that's why I do it, but I recognize that it comes at a cost. That is something I do every summer.
And every pandemic, apparently ;)
Tuesday, March 3, 2020
Rebounding!
I had the energy to resume my normal workouts today. That's a win! And I managed to maintain a 9:30min mile for 2 miles. That's big for me too!
Alice has joined the track team and she loves it so far. We went together to purchase her first pair of real running shoes. And since Bobby and I do a little running these days, it's fun to think I/we might get to run with Alice sometime soon.
With track practice twice a week and all of her teachers expecting more from her than ever before, it was time to cut something out of Alice's extracurricular activities. It was a long, hard, tear-filled, and frustrating decision for Alice because she loves everything she does, but she finally settled on pausing her piano lessons until the end of the semester. I am amazed with this girl...so freakishly responsible and self-aware, so logical and empathetic, so capable of this growing up thing. I've said it before, and I'll say it a thousand times before I'm done: She makes us look like good parents, but I swear she just came that way. I love to watch her work.
I get to order seeds for the garden today!! Which is great, since the Coronavirus apocalypse will quarantine us at home for months and all the stores will run out of fresh produce.
Alice has joined the track team and she loves it so far. We went together to purchase her first pair of real running shoes. And since Bobby and I do a little running these days, it's fun to think I/we might get to run with Alice sometime soon.
With track practice twice a week and all of her teachers expecting more from her than ever before, it was time to cut something out of Alice's extracurricular activities. It was a long, hard, tear-filled, and frustrating decision for Alice because she loves everything she does, but she finally settled on pausing her piano lessons until the end of the semester. I am amazed with this girl...so freakishly responsible and self-aware, so logical and empathetic, so capable of this growing up thing. I've said it before, and I'll say it a thousand times before I'm done: She makes us look like good parents, but I swear she just came that way. I love to watch her work.
I get to order seeds for the garden today!! Which is great, since the Coronavirus apocalypse will quarantine us at home for months and all the stores will run out of fresh produce.
Monday, March 2, 2020
I want something to blog about...
...but there's no time to process anything into a blog post, so you just get a list of things I wish I could talk out in more depth *sigh*
We've been a bit sick. Matthew shared his nice, hefty cold with me. Robert and James both had a night of throwing up. Bobby now seems to have the cold Matthew and I haven't quite healed from.
I tweaked my knee the other day. It hurt, but it's getting better. There's a sucking fear in the back of my mind that I may have (or could someday) injure my knees in a way that would rip the triathlon thing away from me. And the gardening thing. And the farming thing.
The book club book this month left me with a sick, sad, defeated sort of feeling.
Matthew says SO many amazing things these days. Just out of the blue. Today, he shared a particularly fantastic and useful suggestion on how to turn an argument into two people laughing. I didn't realize it was a strategy for him, but he's clearly thought about it as such, and I've seen him use it!!
I know it's nigh unto sacrilege, but I am sorely tempted to record one of James' family prayers these days. Sometimes it's a discourse on how God is with us during the hard times, sometimes it's a prayer of gratitude for the earth's rotation so we all get equal day and night hours, and sometimes it is a bald-faced plea for something very, very, very specific that he wants to happen very, very soon. I love that it's genuine, though. Perfectly genuine.
I'm also a little worried about my anti-anxiety meds. In a couple weeks, it will have been a year since my last anxious episode (I was in Phoenix with Allison and my parents). I would like to wean myself off of them and see if I'm okay without them. When I started taking them 14 months ago, the 1-year-without-an-incident thing was my plan. But now that I'm doing great, there's a little fear in the back of my mind that weaning myself from the meds could make things bad again. And the weaning process isn't without its difficulties, either. It could take 4-6 weeks for my body to go back to whatever it was without them. Maybe I'll be fine until one day I'm not. Then it will take another 4-6 weeks to feel normal again. Or maybe my lifestyle changes will be enough and I can leave the meds forever. I keep asking myself why I want to get off the meds. And the only answer I have is that I'm doing fine. But how do I know how much of the "fine" is from the meds?! Will I get the same warning signs I got before (loss of appetite, depressive episodes, nausea, weight loss)? Or just go straight to crazy? Won't know until I try, right? Doesn't make me want to try. The other factor weighing on my mind is that the longer you're on these meds, the harder it is to wean yourself from them. The weaning side effects get more intense. Who wants that?! That's only worth it if I really do need these meds to keep my brain in balance.
All four kids had their dental checkups today. No cavities yet. Not one for ANY of them. The longer this goes, the more nervous I get. The more nervous the KIDS get, too. Until they experience a cavity and the treatment for a cavity, all they can imagine is the worst, most horribly painful sort of fate for themselves.
Alice's English class has been assigned a book that makes her extremely uncomfortable: curse words on every page, gang violence, police brutality, and teenagers making immoral choices. Her teacher sent a letter to the parents acknowledging these exact things that could make the kids uncomfortable, but that the underlying messages of family connections, being true to oneself, and fighting racism make this novel a very moving and meaningful addition to the middle school English curriculum. I'm torn up about it myself. Alice doesn't want to read it, and I don't blame her. She continues to read it to fulfill her assignments. Her friend, G, is Muslim and does not participate in music or the dance portions of P.E. class on religious grounds. Could Alice refuse to read this book, or request an alternative assignment because this book goes against her interpretation of "For the Strength of the Youth" guidelines on appropriate books and media? Bobby and I told her that we would fully support her choice on this matter, either way, and she wouldn't get in trouble from us for having a lower grade in this class because of it.
Robert's primary teacher tells me he's participating more in class in productive ways. I asked Robert about it and he said the teacher has started bringing in a "speaking stone" or other such object. It's been different each time, but it's always something related to the lesson and so fascinating that all the kids in the class want to examine it closer. You only get to hold it if you're speaking, and you only get to speak if you're holding it. Clever teachers.
The kids and I had to enjoy the sunshine outside yesterday. Alice, fasting and looking for something to keep her mind off of it, asked if there was anything she could do in the backyard for me. Of course! I have a ton of garden prep to do , but I told her it feels like work to me and therefore isn't very Sabbath appropriate for me. She assured me that the garden felt NOTHING like work to her, only fun family time, so she felt it fit perfectly into her Sabbath Day plans. Robert was all on board, too. So, I had them start to take out the existing raised beds. They thought it was awesome. And, instead of fighting indoors out of cabin fever and hunger, both big kids were cooperating and having fun. On a related note, James and Matthew had a hilarious time finding new ways to play with our old outside toys. Bobby wasn't feeling well, so he let the indoor quiet rest his nerves.
I've started getting hot flashes and night sweats a couple times a month. Yup, that makes me peri-menopausal. My first mammogram is this week, too. Bring on middle age, baby!
James can be a real stinker and drive his siblings nuts, but all that craziness hides a very sensitive heart. Alice was chasing him and Matthew around the house today (the boys' favorite pastime of ALL time), but James really, really wanted to get caught like Alice was catching Matthew. When the game ended, James left sobbing. It turns out, Alice said she would catch both of them at least once, but never caught James. He wasn't angry about it (like he would be if it were Robert doing the offense) but intensely sad. He said it was like she didn't care about him. And he said that he didn't think telling her about her mistake would help because the moment was gone and he just wanted it so badly in the moment. I held him a long while in the snuggle chair. Robert came in a few minutes later, having missed the whole game and everything. James said something unrelated to him and Robert noticed the sadness in his voice. He asked why James was sad. I said that James could tell him about it later if he wanted to, but some things are private. Robert knows about wanting to keep private things private. He said he just wanted to know because he wanted to help James feel better. I was shocked. But that's not totally atypical for Robert. James smiled and giggled at the thought of Robert chasing him around the house and catching him, but only because that's how their fights end most often, and it's soooooooo not funny to Robert in those moments. Getting Robert to chase him down in anger/frustration is one of James' most powerful spells.
We've been a bit sick. Matthew shared his nice, hefty cold with me. Robert and James both had a night of throwing up. Bobby now seems to have the cold Matthew and I haven't quite healed from.
I tweaked my knee the other day. It hurt, but it's getting better. There's a sucking fear in the back of my mind that I may have (or could someday) injure my knees in a way that would rip the triathlon thing away from me. And the gardening thing. And the farming thing.
The book club book this month left me with a sick, sad, defeated sort of feeling.
Matthew says SO many amazing things these days. Just out of the blue. Today, he shared a particularly fantastic and useful suggestion on how to turn an argument into two people laughing. I didn't realize it was a strategy for him, but he's clearly thought about it as such, and I've seen him use it!!
I know it's nigh unto sacrilege, but I am sorely tempted to record one of James' family prayers these days. Sometimes it's a discourse on how God is with us during the hard times, sometimes it's a prayer of gratitude for the earth's rotation so we all get equal day and night hours, and sometimes it is a bald-faced plea for something very, very, very specific that he wants to happen very, very soon. I love that it's genuine, though. Perfectly genuine.
I'm also a little worried about my anti-anxiety meds. In a couple weeks, it will have been a year since my last anxious episode (I was in Phoenix with Allison and my parents). I would like to wean myself off of them and see if I'm okay without them. When I started taking them 14 months ago, the 1-year-without-an-incident thing was my plan. But now that I'm doing great, there's a little fear in the back of my mind that weaning myself from the meds could make things bad again. And the weaning process isn't without its difficulties, either. It could take 4-6 weeks for my body to go back to whatever it was without them. Maybe I'll be fine until one day I'm not. Then it will take another 4-6 weeks to feel normal again. Or maybe my lifestyle changes will be enough and I can leave the meds forever. I keep asking myself why I want to get off the meds. And the only answer I have is that I'm doing fine. But how do I know how much of the "fine" is from the meds?! Will I get the same warning signs I got before (loss of appetite, depressive episodes, nausea, weight loss)? Or just go straight to crazy? Won't know until I try, right? Doesn't make me want to try. The other factor weighing on my mind is that the longer you're on these meds, the harder it is to wean yourself from them. The weaning side effects get more intense. Who wants that?! That's only worth it if I really do need these meds to keep my brain in balance.
All four kids had their dental checkups today. No cavities yet. Not one for ANY of them. The longer this goes, the more nervous I get. The more nervous the KIDS get, too. Until they experience a cavity and the treatment for a cavity, all they can imagine is the worst, most horribly painful sort of fate for themselves.
Alice's English class has been assigned a book that makes her extremely uncomfortable: curse words on every page, gang violence, police brutality, and teenagers making immoral choices. Her teacher sent a letter to the parents acknowledging these exact things that could make the kids uncomfortable, but that the underlying messages of family connections, being true to oneself, and fighting racism make this novel a very moving and meaningful addition to the middle school English curriculum. I'm torn up about it myself. Alice doesn't want to read it, and I don't blame her. She continues to read it to fulfill her assignments. Her friend, G, is Muslim and does not participate in music or the dance portions of P.E. class on religious grounds. Could Alice refuse to read this book, or request an alternative assignment because this book goes against her interpretation of "For the Strength of the Youth" guidelines on appropriate books and media? Bobby and I told her that we would fully support her choice on this matter, either way, and she wouldn't get in trouble from us for having a lower grade in this class because of it.
Robert's primary teacher tells me he's participating more in class in productive ways. I asked Robert about it and he said the teacher has started bringing in a "speaking stone" or other such object. It's been different each time, but it's always something related to the lesson and so fascinating that all the kids in the class want to examine it closer. You only get to hold it if you're speaking, and you only get to speak if you're holding it. Clever teachers.
The kids and I had to enjoy the sunshine outside yesterday. Alice, fasting and looking for something to keep her mind off of it, asked if there was anything she could do in the backyard for me. Of course! I have a ton of garden prep to do , but I told her it feels like work to me and therefore isn't very Sabbath appropriate for me. She assured me that the garden felt NOTHING like work to her, only fun family time, so she felt it fit perfectly into her Sabbath Day plans. Robert was all on board, too. So, I had them start to take out the existing raised beds. They thought it was awesome. And, instead of fighting indoors out of cabin fever and hunger, both big kids were cooperating and having fun. On a related note, James and Matthew had a hilarious time finding new ways to play with our old outside toys. Bobby wasn't feeling well, so he let the indoor quiet rest his nerves.
I've started getting hot flashes and night sweats a couple times a month. Yup, that makes me peri-menopausal. My first mammogram is this week, too. Bring on middle age, baby!
James can be a real stinker and drive his siblings nuts, but all that craziness hides a very sensitive heart. Alice was chasing him and Matthew around the house today (the boys' favorite pastime of ALL time), but James really, really wanted to get caught like Alice was catching Matthew. When the game ended, James left sobbing. It turns out, Alice said she would catch both of them at least once, but never caught James. He wasn't angry about it (like he would be if it were Robert doing the offense) but intensely sad. He said it was like she didn't care about him. And he said that he didn't think telling her about her mistake would help because the moment was gone and he just wanted it so badly in the moment. I held him a long while in the snuggle chair. Robert came in a few minutes later, having missed the whole game and everything. James said something unrelated to him and Robert noticed the sadness in his voice. He asked why James was sad. I said that James could tell him about it later if he wanted to, but some things are private. Robert knows about wanting to keep private things private. He said he just wanted to know because he wanted to help James feel better. I was shocked. But that's not totally atypical for Robert. James smiled and giggled at the thought of Robert chasing him around the house and catching him, but only because that's how their fights end most often, and it's soooooooo not funny to Robert in those moments. Getting Robert to chase him down in anger/frustration is one of James' most powerful spells.
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