Alex is Adulting!

Yesterday, James and I moved Alex into his freshman dorm room. 

Gotta be honest, I didn't think all his stuff would fit in the van. It did.

I also didn't think it would fit in his dorm room. It totally did.

He was exhausted, though, literally stepping off a bus from a 3-day freshman sleep away camp right onto campus. I can't tell you much about this camp except that the food was TERRIBLE (I have pictures to prove it), the cabins were air conditioned, and Alex made a few new friends. There was a bonfire, too. And a karaoke night :)

So, Alex was exhausted and feeling a little overwhelmed. There were a bajillion people hustling around like ants and we knew nothing. Alex took the initiative, however, and figured out what needed to be done next. I tell you, this kid has skills I couldn't dream of at his age. I think part of it is family placement. He's the 1st child, I'm the 8th. Part of it is personality. Alex likes/needs some things just so, and has the patience to get it that way. The final part is his experience level. He's already held down a full-time job and saved thousands of dollars for college. At age 46, I STILL haven't managed to secure a full-time job. Ha ha ha!

Alex's room is on the 7th floor of a 16-story tower. And while the tower has 4 elevators, only 2 were functional at the time. We waited in line 15-20 minutes every time we took up a load. Seriously. I arrived with his stuff at 12:15pm and we finally had it all in his room 2 hours later. One minivan, 2 HOURS!

We then registered his bike with campus police. They gave him a U-lock (yay!) and lights for night riding (Illinois law). They also pointed out exactly where he should park his bike overnight so the security cameras would always have a good view of it. Huzzah! Again and again, I have been impressed by how much this community actually cares about the students who come here.

Next, we headed out to get his student ID. And we needed food. Stat. It was 3pm, however, and the dining hall wasn't serving lunch or dinner at that time. We ate Chik-Fil-A and fancy salad at the strangely empty Student Center. I downed an enormous Mountain Dew. 

Refreshed, we were ready to start unpacking :) I was grateful for Alex's abundant treat supply as we unboxed, sorted, assembled, organized, and put away everything he brought. 

BEFORE

DURING

AFTER

After a quick trip to WalMart in the pouring rain, he had everything he needed to create his perfect space. He lofted his bed so he could create an "Autism Cave" underneath. It's a soft, squishy, dark place with gentle lighting, books, DVDs, a TV, and crafts. 

James and I stayed until 8:30pm or so to put the finishing touches on everything, then drove 3 hours home and dropped straight into bed. 

I'm happy for Alex! This is the right direction for him and he's so, so prepared for it, even with how new and different it is. Also, now that he's graduated to college, he'll start getting these blog posts. Congrats, Alex!

Summer Snippets

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This entry was written 26 July 2025, published 11 August 2025

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Alex goes to college in 2 weeks. He's still crazy excited and terrified. He's started packing up his room. I'm still not feeling any nostalgia, sadness, fear or loss. Just cautious excitement :) Here's the thing: I don't remember my transition to college being anything particularly difficult. I was 45 minutes from my parents. I came home for weekends that first term because I had a boyfriend. And, thanks to a fantastic summer program for women in science, I had a job and an instant posse of friends from day one. I had a scholarship to pay tuition and a tidy little student loan to pay rent.

Actually, now that I write that all down, I realize that my freshman experience isn't much like Alex's at all. Add to that his powerful desire to transform himself, and we have a completely new situation on our hands. Alex is getting more piercings this week. On his face. This doesn't excite me. He knows this. He's wanted to do lots of things for years and he's respectfully obeyed our wishes that he wait until adulthood. Not a single fight. I have a lot of love and respect for a kid who can wait that patiently for something he's wanted so long.

Yesterday morning, before James and Matthew got up, it was just Bobby, me, Alex, and Robert doing our stuff in the kitchen and living room getting ready for the day. I brought up the Evans Family Reunion next summer and asked Alex if he would be coming. He's not sure. We were kidding around about the novelty of having an adult child in the family with his own schedule and life outside the house. Bobby said something like "it's harder to plan things for the family..." and Robert hopped in with a joking laugh, "cuz' you won't be part of the family anymore."

I burst out laughing way more forcefully than I had anticipated. Before Robert said it out loud, I didn't know exactly what I was feeling about Alex's college transition. Turns out, I was feeling like the Alex at college wouldn't be "part of the family" anymore. 

That's true AND false. It's true that he won't be in our daily lives and routines. We will know only what he chooses to share with us, and he will know only what we choose to share with him. Each of us will make plans for the future without consulting each other's calendars every time. All the daily life overlap/intimacy has been synonymous with the word "family" in our house for the last 18+ years (e.g. your family is the group of people you live with at home). 

Now we get to expand that definition. 

My parents and siblings haven't lived in my home for decades, but they are still family. And when I got married, my running definition of "family" expanded again as I came to love Bobby's parents and siblings. Somehow, when we started having kids of our own, my working definition of "family" shrank back to its default size. Alex leaving for college is starting to pull it wider again :)

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Robert went to FSY (For the Strength of Youth, a week-long church camp for teenagers) at Purdue University last week. He wants to go again next year. When I asked him about it, he was reluctant to share any details. He said the best part of it all was the fact that it was him and his friends and his own choices and his own experience. He doesn't really want to share that with his family. I respect and love that, too. 

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A friend of ours suggested we get our families (e.g. the people who live in our homes) together at a park for some lake fishing and hill cart fun. I liked the idea. A lot. I decided to add ice blocking and a hot dog lunch, too. Then I invited all of the families in the ward with kids my kids' ages to come. I rented the pavilion by the playground at Colbert Park and set a date. People came! The kids were generally old enough to manage their own activities and be courteous to each other. It took two hours of almost constant use for James' hill cart to finally break. Nobody got hurt :) 

My favorite part was getting people together that my kids would enjoy. My second favorite part was how easy and comfortable all those wonderful people made it.