This Week

Second week of school. Morning anxiety hasn't completely disappeared, but it's very manageable. Even when I'm feeling the fight or flight buzz telling me something is wrong wrong wrong, I can remind myself that there is no real threat and I'll feel better in a couple of hours. I usually do feel better in a couple of hours.

Bobby took these pictures of James and Matthew on their walk to school:

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It's hot this week. Record-breaking hot. In fact, school was cancelled yesterday due to the "Extreme Heat" warning issued by NOAA. The air temp only got to 100 or so, but the heat index was 116. My kids were pleased at the unexpected day off. A month ago, I had scheduled a Relief Society potluck lunch at my house that day. I didn't cancel it, though, knowing that other moms were in the same boat as I was. I think it was a pretty good turnout. Matthew cooed and gushed over a 1-month-old baby. He also found a 2-year-old following him around a lot. He wasn't really sure what to do with her. Alex played with the 2-year-old for half an hour, then joined the adults to eat. He seemed pretty comfortable in both situations. Robert stayed in his room. He was grouchy about strangers being in his home space...his "safe space" as he called it...because then he couldn't really "be himself" on his precious day off. James was quiet and shy. He watched from afar and periodically, wordlessly engaged the younger kids with toys. He was the one who somehow silently turned Matthew's 2yo stalker situation into a chasing game they all enjoyed. When he grew tired of that, he convinced Matthew to wrestle with him in the front room. They were noisier than any of the other kids combined. 

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I applied for a bike mechanic job. They had just hired someone for the position, but they were willing to test me anyway. They had me assemble a bike from the box, then take a written exam that tested my spatial reasoning, bike mechanics knowledge, and some wacky physics questions. A passing score is 70. I got a 68. And, while I could get all the bike parts in the right order, I was helpless assembling the brake calipers, using an air compressor to fill the tires, and fine-tuning the derailleurs. I know a lot more about assembling a bike now. And the written exam made it obvious how much terminology and actual mechanics I had yet to learn. But, I didn't do as bad as I could have. The manager just kinda shrugged his shoulders and said he'd keep me in the loop about future job openings. 

Guess what?! I'm a mediocre bike mechanic and now I know how to get better! 

I tackled Alex's wonky front derailleur and fixed it. I think. There's no one to check my work. It runs a lot better now, though. Robert's bike has presented more of a challenge. He's had a few crashes with it. I've done everything obvious and it's still not shifting well.

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A red-tailed hawk took interest in our chickens this week. The chickens were out in their yard. I had covered their yard with bird netting to keep them in and make it harder for predators to attack them. Matthew looked out the window and screamed, "Hawk!! There's a hawk with the chickens!" before running into the office in tears and slamming the door shut. He was terrified one or more of our chickens had been hurt. Bobby and James ran out there right away. The hawk was in the chicken yard. When it saw Bobby and James running towards it, it tried to fly away and ran into the netting. By the time I got there, the hawk was hanging upside down by its talons on the bird netting OUTSIDE of the chicken yard. It was a huge creature. 4-ft wingspan? Definitely larger than our adult chickens. The talons alone were as long as my pointer fingers. Bobby gloved up and started approaching it to free it from the netting. When he got close enough, the hawk let go of the net and landed on its feet before flying off into the sunset. James counted the chickens. All accounted for. I checked them for injuries. Not a scratch. We got lucky this time. I wish the chickens could be out in their yard without human protection, but it's hard to resent a beautiful and skilled predator like a red-tailed hawk.

Music

I was on a bike ride in the country earlier this week, listening to 20 different versions of the song, "Streets of Laredo." I want to bring it to our Slow Jam guitar group to sing together, but if no one else knows it, I'll be singing it solo, so I'm trying to learn it really, really well just in case. 

But it's not just a song. It reminds me of growing up. It reminds me of my dad and our living room and our house in Southern California at 1739 Lexington Ave. I was in the thick of these memories when I happened to cycle past a fancy farmhouse. I saw their house number and got a little nostalgically emotional:

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As you know, I've been considering how best to use the residual time and energy I gain as my kids get more and more independent. One direction I've considered is bike mechanics. Well, my favorite bike shop in town recently advertised that they're looking for mechanics and that they're willing to train less experienced folks. I wanted to apply. I had to go pick up the application from the general manager. I'm not their typical applicant. I have no professional training or experience and no real employment history over the last 15 years. I'm also middle-aged and female...not a common demographic in this bike shop. I was inspired by my sister Heidi's recent experience on the job market. I would go in confident,  unapologetic, knowing that I had something to contribute that was worth their attention and a fair wage. It took some time to pump myself up, though. The whole 15-minute drive there, I was blasting my favorite "inspirational, go-go-go, you're stronger than you think you are, stay strong" tunes. It helped.

Week

I turned 44 this week. I had a lovely time. I got to sleep in, the kids tried hard to be nice, friends and family members sent birthday wishes, Bobby made some of my favorite foods, and Erin came over to play Settlers of Catan. It was a perfect blend of recognizing the day as somehow different, but not setting expectations beyond the mark. 

We also canned 52 quarts of peaches this week. I learned a new way to slice peaches. Nancy, my friend who set me up with these fantastic Michigan-grown peaches, wasn't having any problem separating the peach flesh from the stone at her house (they canned just over 70 quarts!!). I just couldn't get it to work. She asked how I was slicing the peaches. I told her I cut it from pole to pole and tried to twist it open. The peaches were just smooshing under the pressure. I canned 36 quarts of peach chunks because each peach had to be surgically removed from its pit. She was 1) horrified that my peaches were going into the jars as chunks instead of slices and 2) curious about this pole-to-pole-and-twist method she had NEVER heard of before. Nancy cuts one slice at a time from the peach, popping each one off with the knife. When I tried her method, the slices came off beautifully. Perfectly. As if they were born to do it that way. Well, we both learned something new :) 

I've frozen as many diced tomatoes as I'll need for the next year. The rest of them will have to go to friends and neighbors. I haven't kept track of what my garden produced this year, but the community garden I co-manage has donated 700# of food so far. 

School started this week as well. The younger kids started yesterday and all four went to school today. It's not the glorious release I keep hoping to feel. I know it WILL feel that way soon, but right now it's something like...hm...like 90% of my life just left me. I've developed some symptoms of anxiety: obtrusive thoughts, heightened awareness, jittery emotional undercurrent. So far, they're the worst when I wake and are gone by the early afternoon. For my own benefit, I'm going to record some dates here from my history with anxiety. Let me know if I forgot anything:

December 2018--my first ever intense anxiety/panic episode. It lasted 2 months. I started medication. This is when I was officially diagnosed with clinical anxiety. 

2019--Fine.

2020--Covid! Still no anxiety relapses. I go off the meds.

August 2021--Alex comes out as transgender and lets us know he has lost his faith. All 4 kids at school. Major anxiety relapse. New/Increased dosage of my anxiety medications. Painful, physical symptoms last 2 months.

January 2022--My mom undergoes surgery to remove a lung tumor. I relapse for another 6 weeks.

August 2022--School starts, anxiety flare-up. Not quite a relapse, but palpable anxiety for a month.

So, it looks like the episodes are getting shorter! That's awesome. 

***LATER***

Okay, it's now 3 days later, my Mom's birthday. A Sunday. My anxiety symptoms have just about disappeared. That didn't take long. So much relief.

Kids are adapting to school alright. Not thrilled about any of it, but resigned to their fate. Robert is taking a math class at the high school. Alex is taking his first AP class ever. James is pleased to be in 5th grade at the top of his school hierarchy. Matthew is pleased to be in 3rd grade and thus finally achieving "big kid" status. 

So far, I've spent my kid-free time largely doing chores, improving my health, and ministering to others. Not a bad start!

Camping #8+9

For our EIGHTH camping trip, we invited another family to join us at Lochloosa River Retreat (aka "Camping Platinum"). The Alvey fam is a camping fam. My friend was telling me how much they loved their canvas Springbar tent and how it was worth every cent. The forecast called for thunderstorms that night...some of them could be severe. I had opted to camp in our car. The Alveys said they would be fine. 

I raised an eyebrow. 

Turns out, we did get rain that night. A ton of rain. Maybe 4-5 inches? It was ridiculous. The wind was crazy. At one point, the campground owners came out to check on everyone. My boys were already asleep, despite the thunder and pounding rain, so I said we'd stay in our car. 

The next morning we asked the Alveys how it went. She said they didn't get any water in their tent. None! And when the owner came out to check on them in the middle of the night, they couldn't hear him over the rain beating on their tent. 

Whoa.

We're not a camping family, but a tent that rugged and resilient would be a valuable asset in pretty much any outdoor situation. 

My boys played with the Alvey kids the whole time. They fished a little, explored the creek a little, and played some Capture the Flag in the woods. It was the first of these camping trips that I actually got to relax and enjoy myself a bit. The kids all swam in the pool for hours and hours. Saturday morning, our campground hosts dropped us off upstream with a pile of inner tubes. We floated down the river together for a couple hours. These were fancy inner tubes with backrests, netting on the bottom, and special clips on the sides to connect them together.

The kids swam some more while the adults broke camp. Lochloosa River Retreat is 3 hours away, but we love it. Audiobooks take the sting out of so much car time :) This trip, we listened to something from the Captain Underpants series and a couple books from the Last Kids On Earth series.

I took no pictures :(

A few days later, just as our mosquito bites from the last camping trip were calming down, we packed up again. 

Our NINTH trip was much more casual. I thought we could try a KOA for once. We stayed at the Casey KOA Journey just about an hour from home. We rented a teeny tiny cabin just big enough for a bunk bed and a full bed. We were on the edge of the campground, right next to a huge soybean field. 

We warmed up chicken strips over the fire, played pool and ping pong in the game room, and then swam until bedtime. There were big, official signs everywhere outlining rules and expectations: no dripping swimsuits in the buildings, game room open 9am-8pm, please don't ride bikes on the sidewalks, pool closes at dusk, no pets in the store. I saw a sign at the public restroom that read,  "Bathroom Closes Daily 12:30am." 

I thought, "Wow, these people really like their rules." 

I wondered if people were vandalizing the bathroom at night and that's why they got locked soon after midnight. 

"Still," I thought,  "Who closes the *only* public restroom at a campground?!"

Anyway, as we settled down for bedtime, our bodies suddenly remembered that we were sick with a summer cold. Congestion, coughing, headache, runny noses, sore throats,  fatigue...everything. We were miserable. After tossing and turning and aching and feeling my headache grow with my sinus pressure for what seemed like the whole night, I checked the clock: 12:30am. I still had the whole night ahead of me. I wanted to cry. Then I realized I needed to use the (now closed) bathroom, which forced me to make a very awkward decision.

Ugh.

Well, I successfully endured my throbbing head and teeth all the way until morning when I awoke and noticed the headache had left.

When I used the public restroom, I saw the 12:30 sign again. It actually read "Bathroom Cleaning Daily 12:30pm" Not closing...cleaning. Not the middle of the night...midday.

Ugh.

For breakfast, we cooked tube cinnamon rolls over the campfire and Matthew regaled us with his latest Ewok fantasy. 

We packed up and drove into Casey, IL, to check out all of their World Record Breaking giant things.

This is the back end of the world's largest functioning mail box. There's a blue wishing pond on the left of the bridge. Behind the boys, in the sky, is a tiny speck of a pigeon. There were some curious and uppity pigeons at the top of the mail box that made us laugh. 

World's Biggest Birdcage

Matthew pretending to get skewered by the world's biggest pitchfork (his idea, not mine)

We also saw the world's largest rocking chair, wind chime, golf tee, and knitting needles. There were other large things, but not all of them record holders. 

Our audiobooks for this trip were from the Stink Moody series and the Stick Dog series. Not exactly fine literature, but plenty entertaining.