Summer approaching

It's Memorial Day weekend. Only 6 days until the last day of school. I'm trying not to panic.

The good news is, the kids are older than they've ever been and that makes some things easier:

--I can leave Alice or Robert home unsupervised for short periods of time while I shuttle younger siblings to and fro.

--Alice is old enough to watch a couple siblings at home without me for short periods of time, as long Robert and James are never left with her at the same time. Those boys!! *sigh*

--They all speak English, use the toilet, eat adult food, and are capable of dressing themselves.

--I can work outside while they stay inside. They come outside anyway because they don't like to leave me alone. Ever. But it's theoretically possible.

--Having one or more of their friends over makes less work for me, not more.




The bad news is, they're older than they've ever been and that makes some things harder:

--They aren't all satisfied with the same activities. Or movies. Or anything. It's rare to find something everyone is excited to do.

--It's harder to coerce them to do anything. Anytime.

--They make bigger messes and more noise than ever.

--The problems are more complex and involve a lot more give and take. For example, it's exhausting to develop a new house rule. I love that everyone gets a chance to contribute, but what a process!

We'll make it work. We've somehow managed to do it every summer so far, anyway. I've got a few activities and camps planned for each of them, but there's a lot of down time, too, for play dates and spontaneous summer life. I think it's a good balance this year.

Here's what we've been up to lately:

We purchased an electric lawn mower. Now we all feel better about Robert mowing the lawn. It's lighter, quieter, easier to maneuver, and easier to fuel. If we recharge it at home, it's even solar powered!

Two cubic yards of mulch. I always put the pile in front of my side of the garage so I'm more motivated to get rid of it. We're refreshing the beds by the front walkway and refilling the aisles between the garden beds.

Matthew hanging out in the shopping wagon at the plant nursery. I purchased a few colorful shade plants to make our hosta beds a little more visually appealing.

Korean dinner date with Bobby. Tasty. Adventurous. We ordered all three things I was willing to try off of their 4-page menu. I don't think I can claim to be *that* adventurous of an eater anymore :(

Mother's Day selfie.

James trimmed the boxwoods. They're lopsided and not exactly round, but he had a GREAT time, and I'm satisfied that they won't grow out of control this year.

*sigh* I love play dates that make the afternoon easier for me. For all of us.

Because...ummmm...I have no idea. It's just Robert.

What Scares Me

Baby lettuces and baby braising greens.

Blueberry blossoms.

These things make me happy.

Today, I'm a little sad. That's okay, though, because sad days happen and I know they go away. I mostly just need to catch up on sleep.

For my 40th year, I wanted to do something that scared me. The wording of the goal was vague, but I had envisioned finally doing or learning something that I have wanted to do, but been putting off for a long time out of fear.

Like what?

Like SO many things...

...riding in a hot air balloon
...throwing a luncheon
...painting the boys' bedroom
...clothes shopping
...meeting my neighbors
...joining a community group and making friends

...and the list goes on. It's not like I live my life in fear. If I really want to do something, I make it happen. But there are some things that take a little more guts than others, so I put them off until I can't wait any longer.

I'd love to see your own list, if you care to share ;)

Century Pain

I looked up a sample training schedule one might use to prepare for a century ride (100-mile bike ride in one go). I choked.

Where on earth will I find 5 hours a day to ride my bike 4-5 days a week for a MONTH?!

Maybe once Matthew is in full-day school?

Holy moly, my poor bottom.

40th Year Update

Four months left to meet my 40th Year Goals. I've made good progress since the halfway point!

Spend 40 quality hours one-on-one with my immediate family member
Bobby: 37
Alice: 25.5
Robert: 22.5
James: 24.75
Matthew: 26

Serve others outside my usual circle of loved ones (40 hours)
26 hours
 
Train for and participate in at least one major endurance event
Pioneer Sprint Triathlon, 4 May 2019
Swim 300m 5:59.24
Bike 13mi 48:54.91
Run 3.1mi 30:02.17
TOTAL 1:27:03.6

Master something new
Um...not yet...mastery is such a long-term thing...I may need to rethink the wording of this goal

Do something that scares me
So, I volunteered for Girls' Camp, but they didn't want me *sob*. I'll have to think of something else terrifying to do.

Fix something that's been bothering me a long time
DONE! Therapy is a wonderful thing. I was glad to have a relationship with my therapist before the anxiety struck. And now that my anxiety is pretty stable and I'm doing fine, my visits with her are now only on an as-needed basis.

Go somewhere new
DONE! I figured out early on that this goal was more about the experience than the actual location. While Phoenix, AZ isn't exactly on everyone's travel bucket list, it hit the spot for this particular goal. I got to go with a close friend. No kids. No spouses. I got to visit Mom and Dad on their mission. I got to see sunshine and flowers. I developed a sunburn! All while Illinois was still cloudy, wet, and freezing. Sweet!

More Chick Fun and Teeth

I promise, this will NOT turn into a chicken blog. I will NOT be (any more of) a chicken lady (than I already am). There is more to my life than our feathered pets! But...the kids are still completely in love with them, so funny things keep happening in and around the kids while also involving the chicks:

It was a sunny, warm Sunday afternoon and we found ourselves taking the chicks out to the front yard to peck around. The chicks were a little nervous in all the open air and they stuck pretty close to the kids. When Alice laid down for a second, Buffy-Xena hopped right onto her leg and walked right up to her face. Alice moved her back down. Buffy walked right back up. Repeated several times.

Buffy perching on Alice. Hades, Roscoe, and Robert's feet also pictured.

One chick wouldn't walk on the grass. She just perched on things, all creeped out by the new experience.

Another funny chick thing happened today. Matthew had a friend over after preschool and he was showing her the chicks. They fed the chicks celery while I made lunches. After the kids had eaten and moved off somewhere else to play, I saw something moving in the corner of my eye. Lo and behold...

Uhhhhh, what?!

...my mud room had a flock of chickens in it. And by the amount of excrement on my bathroom floor, I could tell they had been out of their cage and wandering for some time. Why did I think preschoolers would 1) keep the chickens in the pen and/or 2) put them back when they were done playing? Probably because Alice, Robert and James are SO good about that chick stuff that I never have to worry. Ever. Sheesh. Lesson learned. The preschoolers DID remember to wash their hands after feeding the chicks, though. I'm glad that much happened.

In other news, James lost another tooth! This picture was taken the day before it popped out on his way to school. He had already packed his tooth collection into his backpack for show and tell that morning, so he just added it to the others. Our kids have lost 24 teeth. So far.

Race Day!

It's done...and my body is so, so tired.

My friend and I competed in the Pioneer Sprint Triathlon today in Petersburg, IL! It's the same race I ran last year: 300 yard swim (12 laps), 13-mile bike ride, and a 3.1-mile run.

I beat last year's time by 5 minutes, which means I swam, biked, and ran faster in the race than I ever did during training. Again. The improvement I see during a competition just blows my mind.

Why can't my music recitals work the same way? Or my Sunday School lessons? Or my momming in public?

Pbbsh.

Bobby asked if I'll do it again next year. It's a little early to tell. I'm still wearing a pounding headache from this one. The truth is, I wouldn't have trained for this race if it hadn't been for my friend's timely decision to sign up. And I'm pretty sure she's giving up biking for good after today...

So, we'll see. I love love love the bike bit, though, and have signed up for one long ride a month this summer (30-60 miles) through our local cycling folks (Prairie Cycling Club). If I like the longer rides, I'll consider a century ride next season :)

Chickie Fun

I can't remember who it was, but one of the kids asked if they could feed the chicks some celery. It piqued my curiosity. Turns out, the chicks LOVE celery. They don't like apples, blueberries, pineapple, or lettuce very much. They go crazy for celery.

You can tell from the picture and the video that the chicks have grown a lot. Matthew is also getting more brave around them. He's still a little afraid of their "sharp claws" but this was the first day he ever tried picking one up. Loved it!




In the following video, Matthew had seen me pull out my phone, so he started posing for a picture. He keeps that silly, plastic grin glued to his face until I tell him it's actually a video. Then he puts on his extra-squeaky "host voice" for the video.

Bust a gut laughing

Matthew and his friend K are laughing their heads off...real, hearty, belly laughs that make me want to laugh out loud, too...as they fill their mouths with water and spit it on each other.

Hold on, the game has changed. They've pulled out bowls...now they are kitties drinking out of bowls, talking in baby voices, asking for kitty food, too.

Their kitty "food" is mandarin orange slices.

Scared

Alice told me a boy on her 6th grade team broke his arm yesterday doing something she couldn't really describe clearly. I don't think she even knew...she wasn't an eye witness. She was kind of shaken up about it. She had a Concert Band concert last night, too, which made her nervous and excited. Then some kids and teachers were crying a little since this would be the last Concert Band gathering of the year and the 8th graders would be moving on. Such a series of emotions all within a few hours of each other, and Alice snapped. She couldn't sleep. The weight of her life came crashing down on her and she was nervous and scared and exhausted and panicking and lonely all at the same time. She was awake a long time.

She said something that pierced me to the center: she said she didn't feel safe anywhere at school, except in a couple small spaces/times. She's said this before to me and several other people, so I'm not revealing any personal information here. But this time, it struck me with more power than ever before.

This is the girl who has friends in every class.

The girl who doesn't care what she wears or what other people think of her opinions.

The girl who makes straight A's.

The girl who teachers and adults praise for being so level-headed, responsible, sympathetic, warm, and honest.

No one teases her. It's not a bullying situation, or exclusion, or in any way connected to popularity.

She just doesn't feel safe at school. What does that mean? In the past, she's mentioned swearing, discipline issues in class, physical fights between students, and lunch being unbearably loud. Police have been called to the school several times this year to intervene in various situations. Teachers and the principal assure me that things ARE getting better since the beginning of the year and they will continue to get better as everyone grows accustomed to the new discipline structure.

Her friends feel safe. Their parents assure me their daughters have emotional breakdowns, too, but not one of them is scared to go to school like Alice, or triggering anxiety attacks when a teammate breaks an arm. 

Maybe this is why Alice is willing to leave everything she knows and loves about Urbana Middle School (friends, band, German, walking to Erin's house) and start over at Campus Middle School for Girls next year...maybe all the difficult things at school wear her down faster than the good things can build her up.

I wonder if it's a mistake to let her leave. When she goes into public high school in a couple years, this will all come back to greet her full-force. Will she be better prepared for it? Or worse off?

I wonder if it's a mistake to encourage her to stay. Middle school is a lot like the real world, but it's also its own psychotic, self-absorbed, passionate, insecure, questioning everything and everyone sort of microcosm. Some of that will be found in ANY middle school she attends. She can't run away from difficult social situations her whole life.

She's thought about this a long time. We've talked over the pros and cons all year. We've practiced coping strategies and self-care. She's fasted and prayed about it repeatedly. She feels Campus Middle School for Girls is what she needs now, and she's willing to sacrifice everything she loves at UMS for it. Does she fully understand the trade she's making? And how much unknown she's jumping into? She'll be a year behind the other girls in math, Spanish, computer science, and friend-making. Will she hit the ground running? Or will it just create a different kind of stress that blows her gaskets? Or will she find the safe, supportive community she's looking for? Or, or, or...so many possible outcomes from here.

*sigh*

For better or worse, whatever happens this next year, I am wondering if she will look back on this decision in 10 or 20 years and be proud of it. How will it shape the rest of her adolescence? And her approach to her own kids' adolescence?