I do not fear it anymore. I have resigned myself to accept the change in...in...everything. Absolutely everything.
The first few weeks are the hardest, of course, as we all adjust to being around each other a lot more with less to occupy our minds and hearts. I imagine retirement is a little like this.
DAY ONE
Take that, Summer Reading Program!
Robert builds a castle out of books in the middle of the living room. Alice dashes off to try swim team with friends. James likes having a few more people to play with. Matthew has toileting accidents. Kids grow tired of each other and bother each other nonstop. Bickering, hurt feelings, explosive tempers, and no quiet time. We try to move a thousand pounds of rocks into our backyard (no joke), but it's slow going and I am wasted from all the rocks I moved the day before.
DAY TWO
The neighborhood kids come over and play all day with the kids. We move some rocks, do some gardening chores, and play, play, play. That night, Erin arrives! Family morale lifts immediately (Erin has that kind of effect on us).
DAY THREE
We haul more rocks, but the kids are actually happy about it now that Erin is around. Bobby does most of the heavy lifting this time. And when we've moved enough rocks, we begin this:
Simple beginnings. Strong foundation.
An 80sq ft club house (with additional loft). The rocks make up its foundation. It's a gift from Erin, who has come out to help us build it and break it in. Last summer, when we went to the lake with Erin and my parents, an idea was born. Erin and the kids talked about a club house they could play in together and camp out in. This is the end product of that dreaming. The kids earned money to help pay for it. They've been involved in every step they could. Our generous neighbors have donated rocks and paint and other supplies.
It's been a full time job for three adults to manage the kids and build the playhouse over Memorial Day weekend. I'll post more about the process later. We are 80% done today and it's beautiful and fun and just exactly what we've all been hoping for. Tomorrow, they will paint and we'll put on the finishing touches. Can't wait to show you more!
I planted two types of carrots this spring: baby carrots and regular carrots.
Okay, okay, stop laughing.
Growing baby carrots was an experiment. Those perfect bags of miniature carrots all washed and peeled for me, ready to eat, have been my veggie go-to ever since I first allowed myself to purchase such a luxury. It turns out that "baby carrots" are actually fully grown carrots, not babies. They're just a variety that's been bred to be really, really little.
And here is our spring baby carrot crop:
James got to pick the first few by himself. We had to save the rest of the picking for when Alice and Robert got home from school.
Mmmmm. Slugs.
We washed and prepped all of them at once. The peels were so thin that I couldn't tell if they came off in the scrubbing or not. Didn't matter. The carrots were yummy. All the kids tried a few. The root texture was more tender than the store variety, but the flavor was not as sweet. And it was distinctly more carroty-tasting. In a good way, I think.
Do you see their funky shapes? These carrots were planted indoors and transplanted outdoors when they were already a few weeks old. That extra effort got us a crop of carrots in May, but my amateur transplanting technique shaped almost every root into a J. Ha ha haaa!
I'm guessing our full-sized carrots will have a similar shape.
I'm also wondering if I could spell my name in carrots next time. Maybe try a whole alphabet?
Matthew helped me water some new transplants today. Totally boring, kinda stressful, until I stood back and watched this teeny little kid lugging a big watering can around. He can barely lift a quart or so. Made me smile. Took a video. Or two.
Our preschool always has a year-end "Moving On and Moving Up" Program. They keep it short and to the point, which I appreciate, because my kids are only sitting still for the cookies afterwards :)
James, James, James. This boy is something else. The line order was arranged by the teachers and James just happened to be front and center this time. I was curious to see how he would cope with so many eyes on him.
True to third-kid fashion, this is the only picture we captured of the evening. James is in there, I promise.
Well, he turned into a goofball.
The kids sang a few of their favorite songs from the preschool year. I had heard James singing almost all of these to himself at some point over the year, so I knew he knew the words, but he opted for the gaping codfish approach. He did the hand gestures like the other kids, but instead of singing, he just gaped his mouth wide open and closed for each word. Total goof ball.
That is, until the song "The Fruit of the Spirit" which seems to be one of his favorites. Then he sang along swimmingly. Ms. Rohrer asked the kids to sing especially loud for that one, and James was ALL over that.
I dunno. I feel like once I get a pretty good idea of who James is, he changes a little and I can't predict what he'll do anymore. Maybe I just haven't really figured him out yet. Anyway, he likes to be silly. He likes to be sneaky. He likes a good practical joke. Just the other day, he and Matthew were playing near a patch of wild yellow flowers near the big garden. James told Matthew to hike up his really long shorts and walk right through the middle of the patch. It turns out, the plants have little pokey hairs all over them and James was trying to get Matthew to experience them for himself. Little stinker. I do hope James stops pulling those pranks before he loses Matthew's trust entirely.
After the singing, each of the kids was invited in turn to get a certificate and a prize while Ms. Rohrer announced where the child would be going next year and what he/she wanted to be as an adult. James will be returning to Wee Disciples for another year and he wants to grow up to be Batman.
James came to sit with us, certificate and prize in-hand. All smiles, all glee, all happy with himself. James is one of those kids whose eyes truly do "sparkle" with pure glee and/or the trickiest tricksterness. When Ms. Rohrer said we would be praying over the refreshments with the "Superman Prayer", James totally lit up...*sparkle*...let's see if I can remember it right...
Superman Prayer (roughly to the theme of Superman)
Thank you God for giving us food. Thank you God for giving us food. For the food that we eat, And the friends that we meet, Thank you, thank you God... For giving us food. (dun dun dun duuun duuuun dun dun dun duuuuuuun dun) Amen
Of course, James changed "meet" in the fourth line to "eat" and looked up at me with that big, pebble-toothed grin *sparkle*
*sigh*
Love this kid to bits. To bursting, actually. He's a mystifying little ball of prankster sometimes. A lot of the time. But his love and attachment to me is so, so deep and so, so real that I'm obviously biased. Perhaps if he didn't hold me in such high regard, I would have less patience for his shenanigans ;)
"Funder" = thunder...totally NOT fun
"Wahdder Mountin" = water fountain...fire hose to a 2yo
"Hew-dee" = Hootie, a stuffed owl from my parents
Potty training is a rousing success! Except for the solid bits. Still an interesting adventure there, I'm afraid, so I think I just need to watch him more closely for the next week to help him recognize the early signs.
I took a triathlon swim clinic this morning. I balked at the notion that they would really have FOUR hours of material to teach me. I promised myself I could leave after the first two hours. But the time went pretty quickly. The first half was technique work. Then we learned sighting and turning and pack starting techniques (not my favorite). The one thing I really, really loved most was the lap turn. It's different from a flip turn. It's an awesome sideways rocketing off the wall. My favorite. And I got a
little prideful when the Ironman athletes in the class had trouble with it and I
didn't.
*eye roll* I can be so, so petty.
Garden-wise, I've been treating the sickly tomato plants with sodium bicarbonate (baking soda). I feel they've recovered well enough to plant them. The fungus gnats are just about gone, so I can start all the melons and cukes again indoors, but it's late enough in the season now that I might as well plant everything directly outdoors: green beans, corn, watermelon, cucumber, cantaloupe, honeydew. So, once the rain stops, I'll get more compost out there and plant everything else.
Matthew went through 4 outfits yesterday, and it wasn't because of potty training. It was because he was playing outside in the rain and puddles, then inside at the sink, then ate a messy lunch, then played inside at the sink again. The good news is, he loves washing his hands after using the bathroom. The bad news is, I pretty much need to strip him down and start again when he's done. This video shows him dinking around outside in the rain. He says "hi" to the chickens at some point, stomps a couple puddles, and discovers a basketball will float in water. Nothing thrilling, but it's a part of this regular day-to-day living that I love. Towards the end, when he's reaching for the second basketball, you can sneak a peek at his big boy underwear ;)
Alice performed at her year-end piano recital. She did really well! She's progressed enough that the pieces she's learning actually sound like real music. She doesn't complain loudly about practicing anymore, either. I think she actually enjoys playing music! Can I truly be so lucky?
Here she is enjoying her first "Choco Taco" ever. She says, "How did I not know about these before?!"
Robert needed a haircut. Badly. Bobby took him to the barber while I was at the swim clinic and he came back with a mohawk. Ha ha haaaaa! So fun for one day. I'll trim it off tonight :)
Awesome.
Mean guy pose.
James has been enjoying the special end-of-year themes at preschool this week: Dinosaur Day, Bubble Day. Monday is Superhero Day. Then he's done for the summer. He's excited about no more preschool. This kid just doesn't enjoy being away from home or me. Bobby and I went on a date last night, leaving the kids with a very fun babysitter. James did his sticky arms routine, but managed to stay in the house as we drove away. He's also the only kid of mine who's snuck into my room on my "sleep in" days just to snuggle up to me and stroke my cheek. Last Saturday, he fell on the scooter handlebars and cut all the way through his bottom lip. Bobby took him to the doctor. It wasn't bad enough for stitches, and it healed pretty quickly.
Here's his wound on Day 3. Barely a scratch! And it didn't stop him from eating or talking like normal.
The kids LOVED picking them, but did not enjoy the mature flavor or hairy leaves. I pickled some for a Banh Mi sandwich and was a little disappointed. Gotta try them a few different ways.
This is going remarkably well. Admitting that "out loud" may have just doomed it to fail, of course, but I'll take my chances.
By Day 3, Matthew managed to get 100% of his fluid waste into the toilet of his own volition. No coercion or timer required. We're on Day 5 and he's maintained that streak, even fully clothed, even overnight, and even out and about. He's already used bathrooms at several local retail stores :)
Solid waste is apparently more difficult for him to gauge. I don't think he's resisting it, I think it's just harder for him to figure out when it's gas and when it's the real deal. I got to clean the real deal off of him and out of his underwear after Nursery yesterday. Happy Mother's Day!
Seriously, if we can get this solid waste thing figured out in the next couple days, Matthew will have been the EASIEST of the bunch to potty train. Hands down and all around.
My tomatoes have been struck with a fungus called "gray leaf spot." It's treatable, but a significant setback. I'm trying to figure out how they were exposed when they've been growing exclusively in my bathroom since birth and their growing medium was specifically designed to fight early fungal infections. It could be the hippy fertilizer I've been using (like concentrated compost), or the teeny gnats that come in through the window screen to enjoy the unseasonable warmth and light my little growing room provides.
Spotty, yellowing leaves.
My choices, as I see them today are:
A) I could give up. That was my first thought.
B) I could treat them with an organic-approved fungicide.
C) I could buy new seeds and start again with spot-resistant strains.
D) C and then B
In 15+ years of gardening, I've never used anything commercial on my plants besides Miracle-Gro. I'm resistant to the pesticide option (even with 'safer', more environmentally friendly product choices these days) because it's a whole new learning curve for me. And I don't see it as a long-term solution. And I don't want to get dependent on it. Seems dirty, somehow.
*sigh*
Next year, I will select seeds that are more resistant to gray leaf spot. This year, I will learn something new and delve into the world of chemical pest management...only products that fit the standards for the USDA Organic label. Californian and European standards are more stringent. More research to be done.
At least it's not the Tobacco Mosaic Virus, which has no treatment or cure :)
I've been working hard lately on developing my spiritual ears. It's a work in progress, of course, but I had two small experiences happen this weekend that indicate I might be getting better :)
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Experience #1
The kids and I were playing in the backyard this afternoon and our new neighbor was outside with her dog. We don't know this neighbor very well, but we're friends with her yippy, high-energy pup, Henry. We like Henry. I suddenly had the idea to invite this neighbor and Henry to come play with us in our backyard. And I actually said it out loud before stopping myself :) We had a genuinely good visit. Henry may be yappy, but he's not jumpy or nippy. He likes to chase anything that runs, and the kids love to run. Anyway, to most other people, this would not seem like a spiritual experience. But for me (the person who fears spontaneity, and new people, and dogs) it took a spiritual prompting and an immediate action on my part to make this happen.
Experience #2
In our church, women are prayerfully assigned a partner to go visit a few other prayerfully selected women in the congregation. It's a kind of ministry and watch care called "visiting teaching." For introverts like me, it's pretty much the opposite of a "natural and comfortable" interaction, but I try to see this as following Christ's example of ministry, and that gives me courage. Anyway, there is one woman I have been asked to watch over who hasn't come to church in years. She struggles with severe depression and anxiety and a host of other chronic health problems, but she loves God and genuinely wants to get involved again. I usually touch base with her every month and offer rides to church and various activities that she rarely attends.
April was a really crazy month for me and I realized on May 5th that I had completely forgotten about this woman all month. As I thought about calling her, the distinct impression came to mind that I should invite her to a special church meeting the next night. She hasn't been to church regularly in years. Why would she go to an EXTRA meeting on a Saturday night? I decided, though, that this was a spiritual matter and I should listen up. I called her and invited her to the meeting. She said the missionaries had invited her to the meeting earlier that week and she had wanted to go, but forgot about it. She was especially depressed that day, barely able to get her shoes on and leave the apartment, but decided that she needed to go to this meeting tonight. She accepted the invitation! We attended the meeting together and she told me at the end that she felt so much better for having gone.
Stories like this one get told in church meetings all the time. I never thought it would happen to me, though, because I never thought I would genuinely love someone who wasn't already a close friend or family member.
That is the miracle here. I thought I would have to be a different/fake person to reach out to
people in this way. It's seemed so unlike me. I've actually tried making invitations like these in the different/fake Susan way. Not good. It turns out in this case that I still got to be me.
100% me. I was just a "me" that loved this person now. My actual heart has changed towards this woman. The invitation wasn't fake or forced or extended out of a sense of duty. I have very little in common with this person. We wouldn't be friends under most circumstances. And yet...something has changed in my heart so that now I can follow a spiritual whisper like that one in a normal and natural way.
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Neither of these experiences were things I would have done on my own. That's why I'm recording them here as moments when I have used my "spiritual ears" to obey a spiritual prompting to act.
I kinda started potty training Matthew today. He's totally and completely ready for this step, but I'm dragging my feet for several dumb reasons. Anyway, it's going really, really well for the first day. Except one thing. None of his siblings ever flush the toilet. So, we're always having to flush the toilet before he uses it and after he uses it. He loves it. And he thinks it's the potty protocol wherever we go. Ugh.
According to my 2017 Garden Super Plan, the radishes should be ready to harvest today. I popped out there tonight and pulled two of those little pretties out of the ground. They were about the size of green peas. Made me laugh. I took them in to the kids, even though it was past bedtime, and Alice put one right up to her nose and inhaled deeply, "Ooo. That smells good," she said. They begged to eat them.
I never say no when my kids ask for vegetables. Even if they've already brushed their teeth :)
So, I gave those bitty radishes a little rinse and the kids ate everything. Leaves and all. Robert ate one entirely by himself. Robert! The same guy who doesn't like to try anything new or mixed or flavorful or chunky or stringy or spicy or...you get the idea. He ate it all and liked it! This, ladies and gentleman, is pure garden magic. Sometimes garden food can bypass Robert's dinner plate issues. And since the radish sprouts were obviously young, they were still tender and sweet, and only the tiniest bit spicy. They did smell delicious. It's crazy. Not all produce is tastier from the garden, but these radishes tonight certainly were.
The radishes are the first official fruits of my own garden planting this year, but the first delicious item of the season grown on our property was definitely the honeysuckle. Earlier this week, James was dinking around in the backyard and noticed the honeysuckle had begun to bloom. His face lit up and he screamed, "Honeysuckle!" Matthew, of course, did the same thing, having NO IDEA what James was excited about, and followed him as fast as his little legs could carry him to the honeysuckle bush. James is finally old/experienced enough to know how to pick a good honeysuckle flower. He can even snip the end off just so and squeeze the nectar right onto his tongue. The best part, though, was watching Matthew stand perfectly still with his head cocked up and his eyes squinched shut and his tongue sticking waaaaaaaaaaaay out while James carefully squeezed one of those precious drops onto his tongue for him. See? James does have a thoughtful, caring, empathetic, generous streak to him. Wish I could whip my phone out faster to take a picture. Sheesh.
Those moments are fleeting, however. Only hours later, he and Matthew gleefully stomped down every single one of my hosta bushes in the backyard, shredding leaves and scattering them merrily as they went. It was terrific fun! And the consequences were just as immediate and severe. I still can't think about it without seeing red. I believe the hostas will survive, but they will be in rough shape the rest of the season. Grrrrrrrr.
Feeling totally uninspired, unmotivated, and blah today. The last week, really. I have a PILE of projects and chores to do, but I don't really feel like doing any of them. I keep starting new ones, too, thinking this blah comes from boredom with the same old routine *sigh*
All to no avail. It's official: I'm in a funk.
I tried chocolating myself out of it.
I tried exercising myself out of it.
I tried sleeping myself out of it.
I tried "staying up late"-ing myself out of it.
I tried cleaning/organizing myself out of it.
I tried "finish projects"-ing myself out of it
I tried "being outside"-ing myself out of it.
I tried "connecting with friends"-ing myself out of it.
And now I'm trying to blog myself out of it.
It's kinda cool to see I have so many activities that help me feel better. It's kinda disconcerting that none of them seem to be helping this time around :(
What is this funk all about?!
I think it's the farm. I'm a little frustrated that I can't get out and work on the garden when it's convenient for me. I'm dependent on good weather, dryish soil, and a cooperative posse of kids excited to come with me and help (or entertain themselves). Which, come to think of it, will never happen all at once, and will never be convenient for me.
So, maybe I should accept the reality that gardening this year will never be convenient for me.
That does make me feel a little better.
I see the lists of non-gardening things I could/should be doing and think, "I don't want to do that. Or that. Especially not that. What I want to do is the one thing that can't be done right now because of weather or darkness or preschool pickup," so I just wait around for the perfect moment to get out and farm again. I'm getting other stuff done, but it's not making me happy. It's not the satisfaction I crave.
Maybe I should also try to remember what's satisfying about my non-gardening activities. Or at least trick myself into forgetting how much satisfaction this gardening stuff brings ;)I am hopelessly addicted.
What do you know? I'm starting to feel a little less funky. I still don't want to finish the laundry, but here I go. Won't it be satisfying when it's all folded and put away for another week? Yes, yes, very satisfying (*sigh* don't think about the giant sunflowers I want to plant, or the green beans, or those beautiful little artisan tomatoes with the pale stripes that make my heart skip a beat *nnnnnnngh* *straining a smile* laundry...can...be...beautiful...too)
Robert turned 7 on the 7th, which constitutes a "magic" birthday in our household. That means he got three wishes in addition to all the other birthday perks and privileges. Robert's three wishes were:
1. A big Nerf dart gun
2. $11.00
3. A friend party
Pretty reasonable, I think. He may regret these choices later on ;)
The gun was easy. I let him pick it out.
The $11.00 was even easier, especially since he put all of it towards something else he was saving for.
The friend party? Well, that was the tough bit. Robert named four friends that he wanted to invite, two of them from school. I had to send a note to his teacher to pass on to his friends' homework folders to ask the friends' parents for their contact information. A little awkward, and time consuming, but one parent got back to me :) If Robert had taken the party invitations to school, he would have had to invite the whole class. That's the school rule.
Hosting parties makes me nervous. Hosting kid parties makes me sweat. Hosting a kid party for five 7-year-old boys makes me want to run and hide. Literally. And I did. Bobby was the adult on-hand at the party. I was out and about running errands for most of it. I feel kinda bad about that, but I don't think Robert cared. He and I worked together beforehand on all the preparations: planning activities, gathering prizes/treats, prepping and sending invitations. And here's kinda how it went:
2:00 Party scheduled to start, free play in front room
2:30 All guests have arrived and they play Pin the Brain on the Zombie
2:35 Play "Shoot the birthday hat off the end of the table"
2:43 Go on a clue-driven treasure hunt, find snack/prize
2:55 Enjoy snack/prize
3:00 Play BINGO with prizes
3:15 Open birthday gifts and BINGO prizes
3:22 Popsicles outside
3:25 Free play until picked up (mostly basketball and Simon Says)
Robert was a loud, fun, crazy kind of kid with his friends around. He was still Robert, but a different one somehow from what I imagined he would be like with his friends. I only see him play with his siblings (mostly Alice). This, however, was a totally new experience for me. His friends are nothing like Alice :) I liked seeing that side of him.
Robert is growing up quietly and solidly, like a hardwood tree. The solid part intrigues me. He's not very whimsical or flighty or spontaneous. He's fun and creative and solid...thinks things through a little. Looks for patterns. And will talk to me all day about those things. He'll also stop talking when he's done explaining something, which I appreciate. He doesn't feel the need to fill the silence.
Robert made a sign for all the marathon runners going by our house this year :)
He's in no rush to grow up.
The other day, Robert was wrestling with Matthew. Wrestling with Matthew is pretty much sitting still or lying down while he crawls all over you with "hiya!" and "grrr!" and "nnnngh!" sounds. It's more fun if you wrestle back, but Matthew doesn't like to get out of control. Robert thought it was SO funny (and fun?) to play this way. He laughed and laughed. He was so skillful with Matthew that Matthew felt he was actually winning! At one point, Matthew had thrown a pillow on Robert's head and sat on it.
Robert is gentle with Matthew in ways he has never been with James. He and James don't always get along, mostly because they assume the other person is out to get them...which (ahem) is often true...but they do have one game they play together and seem to genuinely enjoy: chase and wrestle. How simple is that? When Robert is mad at James, he'll hit him. But when they're playing this specific chase and wrestle game, no one gets hurt. It's physical and loud and rough and all over the house, but no punches. James has started to play it with Matthew with mixed results...more positive than negative, I think. They both have fun with it. James and Matthew's relationship is a subject for another day, though. I love watching them grow together.
Here's a video of Robert and James in a more cooperative moment. They get it going about 20 seconds in (I wish I knew how to edit these videos better):
In the gardens by the Japan House during cherry blossom time.
Robert and Alice's relationship has grown, too. They often cooperate and compromise. Sometimes Robert gives up to Alice's wishes because he doesn't want her to throw a fit. Sometimes he gives her control because he loves her and wants her to be happy. Sometimes he'll stand his ground and let her storm off. He will almost always save a special privilege or treat to share with her. He pesters her, they share inside jokes, they respect each other's privacy and personal space. They make really, really good roommates, actually.
Robert's class made ice skaters as part of the Boneyard Arts Festival. Here they are on display at the library. Robert's skater is middle-ish, large, with a red shirt and blue pants and a little triangle hat.
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