Love and Progress on Projects

Robert was snuggling up to me, happy about something he was looking forward to. He said he loved me. I wondered out loud what it was I did that made him feel loved. He said a few specific things...I joke with him the way he jokes around...I do things with him...I listen to all of his frustrations and issues with other people...and I don't get mad or annoyed at him. 

Yup, that's how I feel loved, too :)

The carpenter has finally, finally, FINALLY finished the front room doors. James has been very interested in the whole process. He keeps tabs on the bathroom remodel, too, but not like these doors. He was eager to get them up and running asap. He expertly filled in all the nail holes with wood putty (I only did 2), sanded them smooth, and helped me tape up all the hardware. Then it was time to paint! Matthew hopped in, too, once he saw the rollers come out.

My proud handyman

Literally helpful children. I love this growing up thing.

Goofy guy

Here, they're working on the dining room side. They followed instructions very well! They filled the rollers with paint (but not too much), applied a smooth and even coat (mopping up the bloopy bits), and managed to keep (almost) all of the paint on the drop cloth zone. James got a decent swipe in his hair somehow. He looked quite mature and distinguished at church the next day. 

I love, love, love that they were excited about this. Their help was actually helpful! Both the carpenter and one of the bathroom contractors mentioned that we were pretty decent painters. Was that because their expectations were really low to begin with?? I'm glad my Dad let me paint some things with him. I know painting stresses him out, but I learned a whole lot more doing it myself with an experienced teacher than I ever would from a YouTube video. I should have spent more time plumbing with him...ugh.

Alex asked if we could go driving. Then he asked about ice cream, since it was a holiday weekend. I counter offered with a freeway experience, and it was a deal. Alex drove us to St. Joseph, a little town about 5 miles from Urbana, but he took the freeway for the first time ever, and managed to park at the Dairy Queen there. He needs a lot more experience parking *ahem* but we all celebrated with Cherry Dilly Bars. He's shaping up into a pretty good driver.

I've got leeks, broccoli, and cabbage growing in my front room. Hopefully the spinach and lettuce will sprout soon. That means gardening season is creeping in again...mixed feelings...I love it and it's a whole lot of work. I've lately had to build farming/gardening into my morning routine. I never did that before. I used to get ready for the day and then try to squeeze in chicken care and planting/weeding/harvest somewhere between all the other things I do as a mom. Well, that meant chicken care and planting were always rushed, overdue, and laden with guilt. Have you ever tried to cram 3 weeks of growing into a seed you planted 3 weeks late? It doesn't happen. You HAVE to take the time to plant the seed 3 weeks ago or it won't be mature today. I'm sure there's a life lesson in there somewhere, but I won't labor the point.

Sometimes I get annoyed that the chickens or the planting is taking up so much of my quiet morning time alone. I sometimes feel that way about exercise, too. But today it occurred to me that these aren't merely chores to be rushed through so I can get on with my life. These activities are me LIVING the life I want to have. I want healthy livestock and a well-planned, productive garden. I want a strong body that can do the heavy lifting and work for hours at a time. Well, how do I get those?! Duh. I can't believe it took me this long to see it. So, now I've got a little more patience for the process :)

Day Off

The kids have today (Friday) off due to district teacher training. They also have Presidents Day off on Monday. Gonna be a long weekend, both good and bad.

I had my regular doctor checkup yesterday. Anxiety meds and self-care behaviors are effective, I get to go to the lab for some routine blood tests (lipid panel, blood glucose), and I got a referral to a pulmonologist to be assessed for sleep apnea. He also advised me to cut down the amount of carbs I eat, eat more vegetables, and get more exercise. Ha!! He didn't ask me ONCE about what I normally eat or exercise. He also recommended fish oil supplements because, um, I can't even remember.

Bathroom remodel is going well. Tony is grouting the tile today. I like this construction company. So far their subcontractors have been quiet, friendly, respectful, completely on time, and totally dependable. They take extra measures to protect our floors and bedroom from construction dust and then spend the last 20 minutes of every day cleaning up after themselves...sweeping, vacuuming, and storing all equipment in a tidy manner in the bathroom. They don't smoke, they don't swear, and they don't play loud music. So, so different from the other contractors we've had: windows, kitchen remodel, door installation.

Alex has a few hours of street driving done. He's getting better. It used to take us 10 minutes to get to the store. Today, it only took 6. I usually get there in 5. It's kinda fun to have a buddy to run errands with again. Well, it got better once we purchased a few "Student Driver" magnets for the car. The first week, without the magnets, some folks honked at him and some sped past him in a huff. Folks have been a little kinder and given him a wider berth since we put on the magnets. Thank goodness. 

Robert has a pull up bar in his room. He's doing pull ups every day and LOVING it. He likes to see himself getting progressively stronger. He also had a couple programming victories this week. I know he's speaking English because I recognize all the words he's using, but I literally understand only 5% of what he's telling me. 

James helped me a lot today with prepping our new doors for painting. He helped me tape the edges, then he filled all the nail holes with wood putty on his own while I put topcoat on the stained thresholds. The smell of the polyurethane topcoat reminded me of woodshop in middle school. I really liked woodshop. Urbana Middle School doesn't have a wood shop :(

Matthew brought home a chapter book from school that he's SO excited to read. It's about a cute little magic bunny and his quest to protect a magical key. There's "chocolate" in the title, too, so there's that to look forward to. He read the prologue and got even more excited. He insisted I read it, too, which I did, and my internal reader was gagging on the sweet, sappy language and rolling her eyes at the overdramatic tone. Matthew is a sweet, innocent, tender-hearted kind of soul. To each his own.

I'm remodeling my garden space, upgrading the chicken coop, and getting seeds planted indoors. The chicks have entered their awkward phase. They're kinda ugly, but still friendly and curious :)

Don't Want to Forget

A few things happened this weekend that I don't want to forget. 

1. Sunday was a sunny, warmish day for February, so while Bobby and Robert were taking the sacrament to an older couple in our ward, the little boys and I went for a walk. Alex opted to stay home. We started on our usual block walk, not sure if the wind would be kind to us. We warmed up nicely, though, and decided to play the adventure game. The boys took turns choosing which direction to take at each intersection on our walk. If we knew what to expect down one way, they'd choose the other way. Except once. We ended up near their old preschool (Wee Disciples Preschool at Trinity Lutheran Church) and they really wanted to go see it. They started reminiscing. Imagine a 2nd grader and a 4th grader waxing nostalgic about preschool..."That was the happiest I've ever been," said Matthew. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. They pointed out what they remembered on the playground and shared snippets of memories. Matthew remembered how far away one end of the playground seemed from the other and feeling a real sense of discovery and accomplishment when he finally ventured there. Just once. They remembered sitting on carpet squares and laughed about shaving cream activities and reminded each other of the toys they liked to play with. Matthew remembered a time when another preschooler wasn't kind. James remembered finding a recipe he wanted to try out and his teacher making a copy for him. Spaghetti Pie. Then they talked about the "Going On a Lion Hunt" song and what they loved and dreaded about it. Matthew said, "My imagination was so big, I was actually scared when we had to pretend to run back through all the things to get away." James said, "I thought it was dumb that we'd be on a hunt for something and then run away when we finally found it. Why?!"

2. There aren't many things that get Robert excited. He really enjoys math and video games, but last Saturday was the first time in a long time that I literally saw him giddy with excitement. He was programming something in Scratch. He wanted to make it do something specific. He told me about it in extreme detail, but I only understood 1/4 of the terms. I'm not a programmer. I took one 1-credit pass/fail programming class in college and FAILED it because I just could not bring myself to care. I've never encountered a subject quite like that ever since. Anyway, he wanted to do something and tinkered until it did exactly what he wanted. He reveled in it! Then he would tinker some more and discover a more efficient way to do the same thing and his excitement could. not. be. contained. Sheer joy. Jubilation. It happened over and over again. In fact, all Sunday, he was eagerly thinking about how to refine a certain function in his program and devised a new way. He couldn't wait until Monday morning to try it out. It worked, of course, and in the process he realized a more efficient way to do the same thing. Gleeful. 

3. Sunday is usually a huge cooking day for our family. This Sunday was exceptionally active in the kitchen. Alex made Chinese Orange Chicken from scratch, then a batch of snickerdoodles. Bobby made Chicken Parmesan from scratch (a Fast Sunday tradition at our house). Then James decided he wanted to make oatmeal raisin cookies. He accidentally added twice the salt and three times the butter it called for (fractions can be a little tricky) but we baked it in a cake pan and it turned into a very lovely "salted caramel" oatmeal crumble that we ate with whipped coconut cream. Divine. Then Matthew hopped into the kitchen to make Beet Cupcakes (officially called "Red Velvet" but they mostly taste like a dark chocolate lemon cupcake with hints of earthy beets. Beautiful color and texture. A favorite around here.) He wanted to do all the measuring and mixing himself. He did. The counter was a war zone, he had to fish out several bits of egg shell, but the cupcakes turned out quite well. Somehow, I managed to keep on top of the dishes through all of this.

4. Alex has been in a bit of a funk the last couple weeks. I had wanted to talk to Alex about it, feeling like whatever was happening was really important to him. Last night, as we took some Chinese Orange Chicken and Beet Cupcakes to the missionaries, Alex started chatting about things that were stressing him out. I asked a few questions and learned that something big was straining his friend relationships. One friend was accusing another friend of a heinous act. The other denied it. Alex is caught in the middle. I would normally chalk this up to age-appropriate high school friend drama, but the subject of the drama is new to me. It involves sexual behavior. I never, ever, ever had to deal with that as a teen. Alex does. My friends just didn't do that. Apparently, Alex's friends sometimes do. He says there are places in his school where kids regularly go to smoke marijuana and vape. I didn't know about any of those places in my high school days, but they must have existed, right? Even in Utah. Are these things more accepted and pervasive than they used to be, or did I just happen to miss all of that in a bubble of naivete?

5. Yesterday, James fasted again. The first time in a long time. When our children choose to fast, we do lots to encourage and support them through it. When Robert says, "I'm hungry." I (try to) say with love, "Me too." Sometimes I add, "And it's worth it." James decided he would fast two meals, but not drinks. About halfway through, he was feeling hungry and a little grouchy and kinda limp. He laid on the floor of his room after a spat with Matthew. I thanked him for choosing to fast. I told him that fasting was powerful and thanked him for blessing our whole family that way. He said miserably, "I know. That's why I'm doing it." Then I let him know that it wasn't supposed to be easy. He replied, "I know. That's why I'm not giving up." I felt the Spirit so powerfully right then. Thanks, James, for your humble and steady effort. You taught me courage just then.

Pictures :)

 

James' class was practicing Facts vs. Opinions and this was what he wrote. My favorites are "I think water has a taste" and "I think fish aren't very good pets."

Matthew's class was also working on Fact vs. Opinion. His opinion was, "I think snakes are cute." This morning, Matthew asked me if babies were still cute even when they barfed. Give me a baby sneeze any day, but barfing? Ugh. 

I got more chicks. Robert's first response was an emphatic and exasperated, "Again?!" Yes, my child, I have a problem. James and Matthew were much more receptive. They even consented to let the chicks live in their room since we're short a bathroom for the next several weeks. This breed is called Starlight Green Egger. They're the cross between a breed that lays blue eggs and a breed that lays brown eggs. Thus, they are good layers and the eggshells are varying shades of green. The kids aren't allowed to claim or name any of them. They're all MINE.

Our family finally got Covid last month. Here's Matthew in his sick bed on day 2. We were especially concerned about Matthew catching it because his asthma is almost exclusively triggered by viral infections. I had resigned myself to the fact that if Matthew contracted Covid, we'd end up in the emergency room one way or another. As soon as he tested positive, I sent out a plea to his grandparents for prayers on his behalf. Seriously, folks, grandparents' prayers are powerful. Any time I let them know of something we're concerned about, things clear up beautifully. Well, Matthew felt sick for maybe 24-36 hours and then he was his normal self. No asthma, no lingering effects. Maybe his age helped (Covid hit the rest of us much, much harder than that), but that's not the whole story. I'm grateful for family and the power of prayer.

Here's Alex sporting his Invisalign braces and the Spider Man action figure custom-made with his own face. He was thrilled, even if it doesn't reeeeeally look like him.

Snow fun! Haven't had much of that this year.

"Things I think I would love" by James 1) being the owner of a bank, speeding away on a boat with treasure and dollar bills flying out behind him. 2) a rocket fueled by gold.

The WEIRDEST baby carrot we've ever seen in our lives. It looked like the outer layer unfurled completely and lost its core. It was a sheet of carrot. Matthew assures me it was delicious.

Robert doesn't do pictures anymore, or else I'd share something from him, too. He made an ugly but fantastically delicious strawberry cherry Jell-O cake last week. That was delightful. 

Volunteering and Inequalities

The 4th grade won the Penny Wars PTA fundraiser with a whopping score of 15,000 points. Second place was only 8,000 points. They had a solid strategy and pulled through. James was pleased, though a little let down to learn that his grade would have won even without a generous contribution from his own money coffers. All the 4th grade classes will get pizza parties and the PTA will get $1100 to fund field trips, give out birthday books, put on family nights, feed and support teachers during parent-teacher conferences, and provide meals/childcare at PTA meetings. 

I've been volunteering at the school for the 4th and 5th grade Battle of the Books. I may have told you about this already. There's a specific list of 24 books that kids all over the country read for this, then they compete in teams to answer True/False questions or "In which book..." questions for points. I'm the adult for James' team. On our team, there's one kid who reads chapter books before breakfast, one kid who can barely read a few words at a time, and the rest are somewhere in between. We meet once a month during school to review books and do practice competitions. It's been fun getting to know the kids on my team. There's one kid who struggles to pay attention, but is all puppy love and enthusiasm. There's another who is sharp and confident and consistent. There's another who's confident and arrogant. And there are few quiet kids in the mix, including James, who hang back until they know the answer to the question and then speak up. At the end of our practice yesterday, James said, "It's strange how all the kids on our team like you." 

I did a double take, "Huh? I mean, L was really huggy today, but is there anyone that kid doesn't love?" 

"Yeah, okay, but it's not like 'ugh, here's an adult we have to deal with'. They talk to you and tell you stuff."

I thought that was pretty normal behavior for a group of 9-11 year olds, but to James it was a novelty. I wonder how that came to be. Am I supposed to be uncool? I figure as long as my child is excited to see me at school, then their peers probably think it's pretty cool, too?? Matthew's class is CRAZY excited to have parents at school.

Today will be my first day volunteering for the 4th and 5th grade play. I never could or would have volunteered for these sorts of things when Alex and Robert were this age. I had two little kids at home back then! I volunteered for things I could do from home (e.g. writing Battle of the Books questions) but there weren't many of those opportunities. Now, I can come and go more freely. I have emotional/mental space for more things outside of my home...during school hours anyway :)

I also realized this week that piano practice for the older kids was very different from piano practice for James and Matthew. Alex and Robert needed 6 practices a week in order for their chores to be "done". If they didn't have all of them done by the time chores were due, they would have to do the rest on chore day. Once, Robert had to do a quadruple practice. He got much better at being consistent after that. Matthew and James, however, don't have that requirement. Most of that is their teacher. Skousen was very particular about 6 practices a week and had a check-off sheet and everything. McNabb, not so much. Much more laid back. Totally not equal. James and Matthew aren't learning piano as well nor as fast as the older two did. Also not equal.

And Robert and Alex were making their own school lunches in 4th grade because we had so much going on with the little kids in the morning it just made sense. Robert was/is also pretty rigid about what goes into his lunches and how. He probably would have to make his own lunches in 4th grade even if he were an only child.

Chores for the older kids were pretty weak for a long time. Once the older kids needed bigger chores, the little kids got the easier ones at much younger ages than Alex or Robert ever did. That's one disadvantage to being younger. Matthew has scrubbed more toilets than ANY of the older kids.

Walking to and from school...the bigger kids did it without me. Anine (a neighbor) walked them when James was born, Bobby walked then when James started preschool, then they walked themselves a couple years until Covid. Now, after Covid, Matthew and James get walked to school every day by me or Bobby (weather permitting). And I walked them home, too, until just recently. 

Alex and Robert have had their own rooms since Matthew was old enough to share with James. Matthew and James will continue to share until Alex moves out.

Breakfast has changed a lot, too. The older kids got a hot or prepared breakfast most days of the week. Why? I was already awake with the baby and I wanted a hot breakfast. There was always time for it. Now, however, I get to "sleep in" until 6:30 and I really prefer a breakfast shake these days. I only make hot breakfasts on weekends and holidays.

Quiet Time. I'm pretty sure Matthew only did quiet time until he stopped napping. The older kids likely have lots of stories about quiet time that Matthew will never relate to.

Staying "out" after bedtime. Our family does pajamas, scriptures, and prayer starting at 7pm. All of our kids get to stay up as long as they like after that as long they stay in their room and don't cause anyone any trouble. Since Alex and Robert are older, they get to "stay out" an hour longer than James and Matthew. This is something the younger kids will never, ever get to experience. There will NEVER be younger kids than them who have to stay in their room. "Staying out" will never be a privilege or special alone time with the adults. 

I'm sure there are oodles of inequalities my kids will bring to my attention as our family continues to age. Families can't help but be unequal. People change. Kids grow up. Each person has their own struggles and comforts. I wouldn't want it to be the exact same for all of them. Or me. I wish I could know if it was balanced, though.