Matthew is 6!

Happy birthday to Matthew! He's active, he's funny, and he's all imagination these days. He's also one of the few people in this household who will let me take pictures of them.

 

 

Here he is sporting his new skeleton pajamas and the "wild dragon" toy Robert gave him for his birthday. You can "tame" the dragon by petting its head and rocking it to sleep. 

 

 

 

He was excited to help make his own birthday cake. 

 

 

 

I should have let him decorate it, too, 'cuz this minion is awfully creepy-looking.

 

Matthew started his birthday day very, very early...5:38 AM!! Presents and cinnamon rolls for breakfast, special attention at school for being the first b-day of the school year, birthday cake baking, lots of playing with his presents all day, a trunk or treat at Alice's school, a family dinner party with Papa John's pizza, and more playing with birthday presents in his room after bedtime. Robert was helping him build his Lego robot until 9pm *ahem*.

This is the part of the birthday blog post where I would usually record a little about Matthew's personality at this stage. In all honesty, I'm finding it crazy hard to isolate his distinct personality from the family milieu. He often drives that milieu, actually. 

He plays really well with every sibling, though things have been a little more turbulent with James lately. Robert tells him crazy stories and plays imaginary games alongside him. Alice treats him like a baby animal and dresses him up in costumes and sometimes runs a ninja school for him. James constantly jokes and wrestles with Matthew. Matthew loooooooves a good wrestle. James' joking sometimes makes Matthew angry, but then James makes another silly comment or face and Matthew instantly switches from screaming mad to laughing along with him. It's hard to predict when James will pull Matthew's mood out of the fire versus just making things worse. Communication is hard at any age *sigh*. That makes the parenting of these situations a little tricky. My goal from here on out is to point out behavioral/emotional clues that might help them understand each other better. I hope. If I'm feeling patient enough in the moment.

Because of his siblings, Matthew is now fluent in Minecraft lingo. He spends his hard-earned screen time watching Minecraft videos. The three boys often brainstorm loudly about modifications they would make to Minecraft worlds and what kinds of stories would happen in them.

His morning snack these days is a cup of frozen blueberries, leaving his lips perpetually stained a bluish-purple hue all through his online class. I wonder if his teacher notices.

And while his constant stuffy nose is back (ah, allergies), he hasn't had an ER visit in over a year. The meds have curbed his asthma significantly. I am so, so grateful for this.

His teacher tells me that a couple weeks ago, Matthew only knew 3 sight words. Yesterday, he knew 11! And many of those hadn't been taught in class yet. So, he's getting the hang of this reading thing. What a relief. The world is so much easier to navigate when you can read!

He's not much of an outdoor guy. He's not passionate about drawing or dinosaurs or any one thing in particular. He's a people person. Relationship person. Snuggly, affectionate, playful, and funny.

This afternoon, Alice was having trouble with a zipper pull. Robert did something and fixed it with a flourish and said something very 10-year-old boyish that could be taken two ways. His intention was playful and supportive, and thankfully Alice perceived that this time, so she playfully responded that now she was sad at his success, her failure, and wanted a sadness treat. Robert, being the complete softy he is for Alice's happiness, inquired about which treats in particular might be sadness treats and then promptly ran to his trick-or-treat stash and delivered a perfectly sweet package of Skittles to her lap. She proceeded to eat them mockingly sadly. Matthew looked over with a grin and said, "Hey, I want sadness treats, too!" Alice replied, "You have to be sad to get sadness treats." Matthew wrinkled his nose and said, "Then I want jealousy treats." Clever little guy. 

For drama homework one day, his teacher asked him to answer the question, "What is drama?" I wish I could post his video response here, because it's very much Matthew, but his words were, "I know what it is, but when you said it I think like...a messy place...bye." He does not like drama, by the way. He rolls his eyes at all of her assignments. Here he's expressing sad, angry, and happy emotions. The sad and angry are genuine at having to complete the assignment. The happy is, well, dramatized. 

Writing comes naturally from his right hand, but coloring and painting and fancy footwork all seem to spring from the left side of his body. 

When he asks to play a game, he means role-playing. You become characters in a situation or you control toys that are the characters. He wants you both to be on the same side, often as good guys, and he doesn't like conflict. His plot lines revolve around super powers and secret bases and exploration. James and Robert steer it towards battle. He strongly prefers to play these games with me and only me because his siblings tend to take over and turn the game their own way. 

Kindergarten has given Matthew more confidence. He eagerly answers questions and explains his reasoning. He participates in school and in home discussions a lot more than he used to. I like seeing him change that way :) And I look forward to another great year with this spunky little kid.

Doing Better

I've noticed a marked change in the family's overall happiness since I adjusted my priorities. I'm happier, too. The kids are still siblings *sigh* but there are more moments laughing together than running away from each other. The school routine is easier. There are more moments when I have the time, energy, and desire to play on the floor with them. To snuggle them. To offer compassionate empathy. To be patient and listen. 

I taught them how to play steamroller. I can't believe James and Matthew had never heard of the game!!

We've reincorporated a regular family prayer in the morning. That's been good for us.

I've cut down significantly on my time playing Sims. I was using it as a pointless escape...a pause button on my frustration between the two lives I was trying to live...siiiiiiiigh. I still play it, but not to run away.

The kids are growing, little by little. And small changes add up:

As long as the boys are playing well and Bobby is working in his office, I can pop out for a quick walk or errand and not worry too much. I remember my friend doing this with her 6th grade triplets and it blew my mind. Alice was only in 5th grade and Matthew was still 3 years old at the time.

Robert and James have recently expanded their palates to include more mixed foods. James actually ate and enjoyed an American-style taco on a corn tortilla: beef, queso fresco, lettuce and tomato. It was like...like...mind blowing. Robert ate a quesadilla with meat on it. Baby steps, man, but what a relief. It's so much easier to eat together (and eat out) when the kids can be flexible with food choices. Whew. 

Alice and Robert are pretty self-sufficient when it comes to getting their lunch. They ask for ideas/options, of course, but then they do their own meal prep to make it happen. Robert just discovered the beauty of a tortilla rolled up with cheese and shredded chicken and toasted in the toaster oven. Score!

Virtual school has become routine now, which makes the day run much more smoothly. James' new teacher is everything I could want. What a world of difference!

And I cannot overstate the importance of having Erin integrated into our lives. She quietly and consistently makes our lives so much richer. One of Erin's roles that I've come to appreciate more is her relationship with Alice. Erin is Alice's close friend and confidant, a mentor and role model. I am infinitely grateful for their close relationship. Alice has been going over to Erin's house once a week or so and cooking with her. She gets the one-on-one attention she craves, just being her crazy middle-school self, doing something she loves, with someone she loves. Bliss.

Erin has also enabled me to work on some of my own dreams. I got a little choked up the other day just thinking about it.

All in all, things are good right now. I'll enjoy it while it lasts :)

Opossum

Robert went out to take care of the chickens today and discovered an opossum curled up in the coop. He tells me he didn't know which possibility was scarier: 1) a dead opossum or 2) a sleeping opossum. By the time he got me and the whole crew out there cautiously peering into the chicken enclosure, it was obvious this was a live opossum. And he didn't want to move:

 

James wanted to hold it.

I said something about Rabies shots.

Matthew immediately bolted back into the house.

James took a step back, then started plotting how to handle the creature without getting bitten.

Robert was anxious to keep all people and chickens away from it. No matter what.

I let the chickens out. Opossums usually attack chickens. This one wasn't acting normal.

There I was, trying to keep chickens out of their home long enough to let the opossum leave on his own.

It was clearly a he.

James hovered. 

Robert worried.

Matthew yelled questions at me from the safety of the back door.

Alice and Bobby blissfully unaware in their work spaces. 

The opossum wouldn't move. If anything, he just rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.

Not cool, man.

I got a long stick. Prodded him. He hissed a little, but barely moved. Was he sick?

James asked about wild animal hospitals that would take in a sick opossum.

I yelled and clapped. I banged on the coop. The opossum just blinked at me.  

Bobby came out to see what he could do while I took the younger boys to Erin's house.

More yelling, banging, prodding...no progress.

Then we got a broom. 

Man alive, that creature did NOT like the look of the broom! We broomed him all around the enclosure trying to guide him to the door. He never once attacked the broom or bit anything. He was not the greasy, aggressive, hideous opossum I expected. He seemed younger, less experienced, and just plain scared. I actually started to pity the fellow. Thankfully, I thrust him out the door before his passive charm could take hold. He scuttled into the bushes. Whew!

Robert says the door to the chicken enclosure was shut, but not locked. I wonder when that opossum slipped in. Maybe early this morning.

Kindergarten STEM Project

I love, love, love this project. He was asked to create his name in a big way (at least as long as he is tall) using items that represent parts of his personality and interests.

M: campfire roasting sticks (marshmallows, baby!)

A: slippery socks (he wears them on his hands and feet to slide around on the tile)

TT: Magnatiles (just plain fun to play with)

H: books (loves stories in a big way)

E: Legos (building fun!)

W: angel hair pasta (plain noodles with stinky cheese are his favorite)

Sick of Treats

Hi all, I'm just making it official here that I'm sick and tired of treats/desserts/candy running my life. They consume my thoughts. I've built habits and routines around them. It's time to get my life back. I will cut them out from now until Christmas Day. That should give me enough time to remember the other coping strategies I used before treats/dessert/candy conquered all...sigh.

One of our latest "treats". Matthew is learning about "the magic line" in school. When illustrating, the magic line is the line that separates the ground from the sky or the floor from the wall. All of his pictures in kindergarten must have one. He helped me decorate this applesauce cake and there it is! The cake was disgusting, by the way, and quite inedible, but the homemade applesauce topping and cinnamon sugar were perfect on their own :) Nothing like homemade applesauce.

50-50-50

My friend Rachel has set an ambitious goal for herself to complete a 50-mile ride in each of the 50 states before she turns 50 years old. She invited me to join her! How could I possibly refuse?! Our century ride in Ohio was our first one. This last weekend, we checked off #2: Illinois.

Here we are on the Tunnel Hill Trail in southern Illinois. It was a slow, uphill grade to the top where a long, dark tunnel lay. You can see the trees were just starting to turn fall colors. 

We spent the night in Metropolis, IL, which is, of course, the home of a gigantic Superman statue. Photo op! 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, superheroes wear masks to protect others. Even if NO ONE ELSE in rural southern Illinois bothers to wear them. Grrrrr.

This was a great ride for many reasons. So many reasons. What a challenge to look forward to over the next 7 years!

That's 7 states a year.

And let me tell you, I can't wait for Hawaii and Alaska. Woo hoooooo!

James is 8!

Happy Birthday, James! This was a big one for him. At age 8, he was ready to be baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He was delighted to get baptized on his literal birthday, even if it meant sharing with General Conference :)

He woke up bright and early! We opened presents and had crepes for breakfast. Then we got dressed and headed to the church building for his baptism. This would be unlike any other baptism in our family to date. First off, it was just us, Erin, and the Bishop in the room. Second, we were allowed to invite others to attend via Zoom Conference. We invited everyone...family, friends, family friends who had moved away. I was in charge of the technology, so that had me all wound up, but everything seemed to run smoothly on that front. I did not accurately estimate how long it would take Bobby and James to change out of their wet clothes, though. Oh well. 

There are things I would do the same again and things I would change if I got another chance, but overall, I want to remember these things about this day:

James was smiling ear-to-ear.

James chose his grandpas to give the prayers. He really likes his grandpas.

Alice gave a great talk on our baptismal covenants.

Alice and I got to be witnesses. It might not seem like a big deal to some, but it was special to me.

I felt the Spirit. Even with all the things that were different this time. Live piano music would have been soooo much nicer *sigh* but the sing-along videos were effective and much more enjoyable to see/hear than our little family singing a capella all by our lonesome.

After James' baptism and confirmation, we came home to watch the first session of Conference. Bobby had set up bowls of treats for different key words. That kept the kids engaged a reeeeeally long time. 

James chose Papa John's pizza for his birthday dinner (surprise, surprise) and he wanted S'Mores for his birthday dessert. I like a good campfire, so I said okay. Well, it rained on our campfire all evening until we were stuffed with stove top S'Mores. Then, I looked out and saw blue sky and a fire pit full of great coals. Like I said, I like a good campfire, so we stoked the fire, added a few more logs, and hung out on the back patio until way past bedtime. 

He got his special day. The day he was looking forward to for so, so long. He went to bed satisfied. That makes me happy.

Now, James, this part is for you.

It's hard being the middle kid in this family. I see and feel the struggle in you every day. You're doing a fantastic job at it, though. You are finding ways to relate to your older siblings (Minecraft, video games, cooking, art) and your younger one (imaginary games, wrestling, reading). 

You have empathy and compassion. 

You think deeply about your experience. Just today, as we ate our lunch together, you asked me, "What is your favorite part about life?" I thought about it a bit and said that I like that I get to learn things about other people and myself and the world around me. You sort of nodded your head, averted your eyes, then said, "My favorite thing is this family." Then you looked up at me and asked with that signature twinkle in your eye, "Does that change your answer?" I replied that learning new things wouldn't be nearly as fun if I didn't have the people I loved with me. So, yes, I changed my answer :) 

You like to figure things out. 

You spend hours at a time working on projects that are meaningful to you: building a deluxe fairy house, painstakingly replicating your favorite Pokemon creatures from a library book, drawing elaborate plans for a future house or garden or ultimate crime-fighting boat, planning scavenger hunts for your siblings, reading and reading and reading, building with Lego, turning an overgrown bush into a secret base, preparing a proper burial for a wild creature or a beloved pet alike. 

I wouldn't have you any other way.

Happy Birthday, my man. Thank you for being a part of this family and an important part of my life. 

Love,

Mom

James made a pumpkin pie out of one of his pumpkins. Mmmmm.

One of James' writing assignments: Write 5 Great Things About Yourself.

A real smile from James. That's a beauty.

He loves the set of scriptures that Grandma and Grandpa Evans gave him for his birthday. He's especially thrilled at the possibility of the gilded edges being real gold. (I wish that boy would let me cut his hair. He's too big to wrestle into submission anymore...sigh.)

James upgraded to Robert's bike this fall! He was reluctant at first, but got the hang of it in a matter of seconds. Less work for greater speed?! Sign me up!

For his birthday, Robert gave James a roll of unsorted wheat pennies with 2 Indian head pennies. I missed seeing their warm, excited hug in real life. Thanks, Bobby, for preserving this moment for everyone. The look on Robert's face...more golden than gilded edges :)

Minor Adjustment

I quit the farm early this season. Bittersweet. 

For the last few weeks, I wasn't looking forward to my time there. I love what I learn while I'm at the farm. Every time. But lately, it wasn't recharging me like it had in the past. It just made my work at home harder, somehow. Like I was putting one life on hold to enjoy the other. I didn't completely figure this out until I was talking to my good friend Marie on the phone. She and I often talk about balance, making time and space for oneself in the midst of all life's demands. I realized that I had two lives I was trying to live in one: 1) the mom I want to be and 2) the individual person I want to be. I had put a lot of time recently into #2 and it was making #1 much more difficult. I felt like I was failing at both. So, it was time for an adjustment.

I gave up the farm so I could be present for my kids every morning of the week while they are doing remote learning. Especially with James' teacher, there is no understanding exactly what she wants without attending each class period and keeping track of every stray statement that comes out of her mouth. I'm hoping this will change with the new teacher. Fingers crossed. I've also been able to spend more focused time on helping the kids with their 2.5 hours of after-school homework. Sometimes it goes well, sometimes there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth. I cannot predict it. I cannot influence it. I can only set enforceable boundaries and ride the wave of emotion. It's easier for me to deal with this stuff when I'm not trying to be anything else but 1) the mom I want to be.

Kid School Update

I got news last week that our elementary school has hired a new 2nd grade teacher for James!! Huzzah!! It will take a couple weeks to transition, I hear. In the meantime, we're chugging along on his school work. He's delighted to have finished the section on double digit addition/subtraction (carrying and borrowing) and revels in the relative ease of measuring things with a centimeter ruler. He's reading better, too, but only because he's doing it every day again. We weren't very diligent about going to the library over the summer...erk.

Matthew gets daily practice at school with letters and sounds and sight words. He's noticing letters and words in the world around him. Just yesterday, he proudly proclaimed, "Z-O-O-P spells zoop!" He read it in a library book. Friday was his first trip to the library in a long time, and it was certainly his first library trip ever where he wanted his own bag for his own books and spent more time choosing books than playing. It helps that all the library toys have been removed (*sigh* Covid) but I think something has actually changed in him. He was adamant that the books he selected get put onto his bed (the only place in the house where people have to ask his permission to remove things) so no one else would read them or carry them away before he had a chance to look at them. We rediscovered the CD Audio Books section, too, where he picked out a whole pile of books he can read-along with the CD. 

We had virtual parent-teacher conferences last week, too. Robert's teacher wants to challenge him a little more. Robert thinks that means giving him MORE homework, but she assures us he'll be trading in busywork for more meaningful kinds of work. Kudos to her for trying to tailor each kid's educational experience in such a time! She says he's pretty funny in class. That comment made him sink into his chair and groan out loud. He really, really, really doesn't like to mix school and home. 

Alice's workload is high. She also spends a lot of time hiding from the noise and chaos that come from her three younger brothers. The last couple of weeks, we've experimented with leaving Robert and James home together without an adult. Bobby, Alice and I will go for a walk around the block (about 12 minutes) and return to find them just fine. I like those walks with Alice. She just opens up and shares everything. She's so excited about BYU right now. There was a regional Zoom meeting for kids interested in applying to BYU and I registered Alice. I can't imagine she was the ONLY 8th grader there, but maybe. She ate it up: housing, religion classes, clubs and groups, getting around campus, and the entire application process. One of these days we'll make a trip out there to see it in person. She's more excited at the prospect of visiting Provo than Hawaii. From what I can tell, there are 2 really big aspects of BYU that are grabbing her attention right now: 1) most students will be members of the Church of Jesus Christ. She cannot wrap her brain around that. 2) independence, freedom to come and go, and pretty much all things "adulting".