Every day is different

Gosh. I've been working at Champaign Cycle for 2 weeks. Every single day is different except 1) I always learn something new, 2) I always get a little more confident/independent in something else, and 3) I feel like a complete idiot in yet something else. My coworkers have been awesome teachers and very patient. 

I find the coworker situation just as fascinating as the mechanical work. Every shift feels different based on who's working that day. The manager is meticulous and crazy good at bike mechanics. He can look at a bike and know instantly what needs doing. The assistant manager is more loosey-goosey, unhurried and chatty. He's a very experienced mechanic but his real superpower is finding solutions to problems that no one else can solve. 

The job has put a damper on other things I like to spend time and energy on. I've had to reschedule or postpone time with friends :( I'm less available for church-related meetings and activities that happen during the day. Any outings or errands I can't complete between 8:15 and 9:30am must be done with my kids in tow or while Bobby is home to be with them. Both of those situations come at a price I'd rather not pay. My mom has been in town for 2 weeks and I've barely spent ANY time with her or my sister. 

I think working 5 days a week is not a good fit for me. I'd rather work 2-3 days. That's not possible right now, but the cycling season is almost over. Things will slow down significantly over the next few weeks. 

I've been riding my bike to and from work most days. It makes me tired. I push hard for all 5.6 miles and then I'm beat when I get there or home. It makes me tired and sleepy the rest of the day, too.

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I miss Bobby. Ever since the big kids stopped going to their rooms at 7:30 per the bedtime routine, I've had less time just with Bobby. Alex likes to chat and play board/card games with me. Robert likes to play video games online solo or with his friends. So, evenings are now a modified extension of "Mom Mode." By the time Bobby and I are getting ready for bed, I'm starved for his attention and conversation. I miss the unguarded adult time I used to enjoy with him when the kids were all in their rooms by 7:30pm. I guess this means we need to reinstitute date night.

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I don't want to go to bed now, but I know tomorrow will be a whole lot better if I do. Grr.

Camping Trip #10

James, Matthew, and I camped Friday night at the Middle Fork Forest Preserve in Penfield, IL. It was a short and sweet trip, considering we were helping some friends move until 5pm on Friday and I had to work Saturday at 10am. 

On the 30-minute drive out, we listened to "The Tales of Beedle the Bard." That was fun. It was not fun forgetting our soft little camping bed, though, nor Matthew's suitcase, but we did alright. Great weather. Perfect weather. I "slept" on a bunch of blankets layered on top of each other. Not cool, man.

Other campers were noisy until 10pm, per the campground rules. Migrating Canadian Geese made a whole lot more noise overall, though. I'm still trying to figure out what the boys like about camping. They don't like campfires or being outside after dark. They hate bugs and pit toilets. A tent is fun, but they want to sleep reeeeeeally close to each other in a nest of blankets with all the lights on. They don't like hot dogs any more

Why do they get all excited about these trips?! It can't possibly be the camping part. 

I just asked Matthew that question. He said "sleeping outside" and "all the other activities we do on our trips."

One camping trip to go. We're going to miss our deadline by a little bit, but the trip will be much, much better if we take our time during Fall Break instead of trying to squeeze it in on a weekend. 

New Job

Remember that bike mechanic job I applied for last month? A couple days later, the manager let me know that he didn't have a place for me right away, but maybe he'd call me in March when things got crazy busy.

Two weeks later, I got a call. Somehow, two of their mechanics experienced unpredictable, significant life changes that week and could no longer work their usual hours. Indefinitely. 

Sooooo, I got the job. They gave me the hours I wanted and the pay I asked for.  

Today was my fourth day. 

I'm slow, and I need people to show me things and answer my questions, but there are already a couple things that I can do independently. 

I've learned a lot about bikes and I'm remembering a lot about having co-workers.

And, it turns out, working in a small, local bike shop is not completely unfamiliar to an at- home mother of 4:

-- constant interruptions

-- tools aren't always in their places

-- at any moment, someone could walk in and ask a question about something I've never heard about and expect me to have a coherent answer

-- a little bit of chaos

Two missionaries brought a bike in this morning. I was happy to see them. They were easy for me to talk to. There was a lot more wrong with this bike than a flat tire. A lot. The more my manager looked at the bike, the worse it got: parts scavenged from other random bikes over the years, a rear derailleur that barely survived an apparent crash, and no way to change gears. The elder just smiled and shrugged, "It just gets me from point A to point B. I don't need any more than that."

The strange thing, though, was how quiet my coworkers had become as soon as the elders walked in. No joking back and forth, no questions or small talk between themselves or with the elders. Nothing. Here I was, more comfortable with a customer than I've ever been, and my coworkers clearly weren't. 

I chatted with the missionaries about their area and ward and whether there was a mission bike mechanic. I wonder what my coworkers took from that exchange. They didn't say anything, but there was less swearing the rest of my shift, even when we discovered someone had ordered the wrong size wheels for this ancient bike. Twice. And the correct wheels would have to be special ordered from a special company and cost $2-300. The repair was also due 2 days ago. Someone would have to call the customer and give him the baaaaaad news.

Lucky me, my shift was over :) 

That's definitely NOT like parenting kids. 

Robert's Rick Roll

Robert noticed that one of his teachers didn't "lock" the Google slideshow she used in their lesson that day...

"I don't know WHY she didn't lock it, but I saw that she hadn't and I changed all the hyperlinks in the slideshow to a YouTube video of "Never Gonna Give You Up" (Rick Astley). I Rick Rolled everybody."

I laughed in amazement and amusement. This kid, my own son, who insists on following the rules and making others follow the rules...hijacks a teacher's slideshow for fun. Apparently, if the teacher leaves herself vulnerable, he's not breaking a rule???? This is the same reason he feels perfectly fine building web pages that allow him to play games at school that are normally blocked by the school's firewall. They're harmless games (Cookie Clicker, anyone?) and he only plays them when he's done all his other work.

"If they don't want me to build a website around the block, they'll block me."

Anyway, I asked how his teacher took the Rick Rolling.

"No one noticed during class, but the next period, my teacher came to my class and asked if I was the one who did it. I said yes and she laughed. She thought it was funny. But the NEXT period, my student teacher found me and yelled at me."

He didn't like being yelled at, but the situation was confusing, so he kinda shrugged it off. Will he do it again if given the chance?

Disappointment

Last night was a Relief Society Activity entitled "Favorite Things." We've had it a few times before. It's sort of like a white elephant gift exchange. Each person brings one of their "favorite things" wrapped like a gift. We take turns choosing gifts and learning a little more about each other as each person explains why they brought that particular gift to share. There was a $10 spending limit. I brought a pint of homemade freezer jam from my own berries. Others brought movie gift cards, favorite snacks/beverages, home decor, personal care items, etc. 

The first gift I chose turned out to be fancy cheeses. I'm lactose intolerant and cheese makes me miserable. I couldn't use or enjoy this gift at all. Thankfully, the cheese was stolen from me so I got to choose a different gift. The second gift was a bodkin. Yes, it's a very useful and beloved sewing tool to the person who brought it, but it was so far removed from anything I had done or planned to do with my time--completely out of left field--I was dumbstruck for a moment. And then I almost cried with disappointment.

I saw a woman who doesn't drink soda get a gift card for a soda shop.

I saw a woman with severe food allergies get a can of probiotic soda.

I saw a very non-athletic woman get $10 worth of peach-flavored electrolyte powder.

I was grateful I didn't get the eyebrow gel or the lavender spray or the bag of rocks.

I wouldn't have been able to eat the pumpkin pie or whipped cream.

I did not want a gift card to the movies or to Chik-Fil-A.

I had no use for the big earrings or the bag clips and spiral notebooks.

What would I do with a felt picture of a farmhouse?

This whole activity seemed like a waste of time and resources. I felt myself spiraling into a very bad mood.

No one stole the bodkin from me so it was mine to keep. I already had one at home that I hadn't used in 10 years, so I gave it to the woman next to me and had to leave the activity before I really did cry.

The bodkin wasn't the problem.

The activity wasn't the problem. Though, as a RS Presidency member, I will strongly recommend that we retire this activity despite at least two women proclaiming loudly, "This is my FAVORITE activity! I look forward to it every year." Or maybe I just won't attend it in the future. 

Anyway, something else was at work here and I had to figure it out.

Sleep would help. 

I went to bed just before 9pm. As I lay there thinking about the disappointment I felt, I could see how it was just the latest in a recent string of disappointments that I've had to deal with over the last couple of weeks. I wondered if the disappointments were the problem or if something deeper was at work and it was just harder to shake off the disappointments because of it.

No answer yet. Still working on it.

Sick Day

Monday morning, James and Matthew woke up feeling awful: sore throats, runny noses, chest congestion (Matthew) and nausea (James). They were lethargic and weak. I decided they should stay home from school. When they heard the news, they didn't immediately start feeling better, so they must have felt pretty crummy. 

I cancelled my work out. I cancelled my volunteer garden work.

Did I resent it? Not really. They weren't very needy patients. They got their own breakfasts and entertained themselves quietly all morning. Was I relieved at the day "off"? No. I would have rather gone for a bike ride and worked at the community garden. I think that would have helped my mental/emotional state more.

I ended up working in my own garden most of the day. That was good. I'm glad I got that. I harvested butternut squash and pulled out the last of the tomato plants. I ignored the okra and green bean harvest. They've been kind of disappointing lately and I had had enough disappointment already that morning :) 

At some point, the boys came outside to check on me. They saw the hose and immediately remembered a game they had enjoyed the day before. I said yes and they ran inside to get their swimsuits on. Feeling better, guys?

The game consisted of running the hose at one end of a garden aisle, blocking the other end, letting the aisle fill with water, and having fun. A mud day. They looooooooved it. It started with just muddy feet, then feet and hands, then they fell down a couple times and it became a full-out mud swimming party. As you can tell...

Yup, they were feeling better. I was hungry for lunch, but I knew that once I went inside they would stop playing. I weeded and puttered and weeded some more. It was good to get so many tasks done. Finally, I told them I was going inside and they instantly decided they were done, too. They hosed themselves off without prompting from me, sorted out who would bathe first, and took turns getting clean ALL BY THEMSELVES. Mud days in the past were NEVER so easy. 

The bathroom was a disaster when they were done cleaning themselves up, but they didn't complain when I asked them to come back and help. They were also SO hungry that they didn't complain about the lunch I made them (which was exactly the lunch I would have made them for school that day...nothing special). Then they did their piano practice and chores, unprompted, to earn a computer turn. This whole growing up thing is crazy. I am living the dream I had so many years ago, and it's wooooonderful. 

Airport Wanderings

I'm at the airport in Manchester, New Hampshire, awaiting my flight home which leaves in 3.5 hours. I've been at the airport for 4 hours already. Wandering. Reading. Staring at nothing in particular. It's a pretty small airport. Some of the employees look at me like, "You're STILL here?" Yup. So, while I wait, I figure I can spend some time wandering through my thoughts.

Yesterday, Rachel and I completed a 50-mile ride in Vermont. It was smooth, beautiful asphalt the whole way. We made great time! And the hills were more moderate than in New Hampshire the day before. We rode along the coasts of a few of the islands in Lake Champlain. Fancy. Vermont is forested and rolling. There were a couple signs along the highway warning us of moose and bears nearby. We suspected they were only there to add rugged charm ;) 

Vermont, like New Hampshire, was experiencing unseasonably hot and humid weather this week. We were riding alright, though, until a cold front turned all that warm atmospheric water into a severe thunderstorm. I kid you not, it went from sunny and hot to cloudy and sprinkles in 10 minutes. Then it went from cloudy and sprinkles to torrential downpour and wind threatening to blow us off the road in 60 seconds. We were kinda in the middle of nowhere, but there was a house nearby. I was desperate enough to knock on their front door. When the owner answered, he handed me a big, soft, warm towel before even saying hello. He let us take refuge on his porch. The rain and lightning were insane. Wind all fierce. The worst was over in 30 minutes. Whew. 

Soaked to the skin, teeth chattering, we rode the last 7 miles to the car and sloshed our soggy selves down. All of our dry clothes were safe at the hotel about 2 hours' drive away. Ugh. 

But, you can't skip out on Ben and Jerry's when their factory tour is literally on the way back to said hotel. 

Yes, we stopped.

Yes, it was still kinda raining. 

Yes, we ate ice cream...

...in our soaking wet and still freezing cold bike gear (our rainbow tie-dye jerseys even matched!)...

...outside ('cuz indoor A/C was way too cold)...

...and took pictures.

I tried their non-dairy strawberry whipped cream flavor. Almond base, real berry chunks. Tasty. 

Back at the hotel, we finally got clean and warm. 

It was a good couple of rides this week. 

In other news, there's a groundhog in our backyard. It's not clear yet exactly where it lives, but it's obviously focused on gaining weight for a winter hibernation. And doing a good job. 

My neighbor called me about it today, asking if it's gotten into my garden yet. My garden fence is not built to support a 15-pound groundhog assault. We're okay for now, but...yeah.

Alright, I've been sitting long enough. Time to walk the terminal again :)

On the Road Again!

I'm in the northeast with Rachel this week, checking off a couple more states from our 50-50-50 goal. New Hampshire is far hillier than I anticipated. It's also having a hot, humid spell right now. Ugh. The trail we rode was green and shady, even if it was gravel-y and slow. Only a few folks responded to my cheerful greetings :( 

I love my bike.

I love riding it. 

I'm so glad Rachel included me in this goal of hers.

This was the first time I took my bike on an airplane. I was pretty scared the airline folks would damage it or lose it in a way that would ruin the trip. The airsick cat near me on the plane almost ruined her owners' trip, too. I don't know what they finally drugged her with, but it worked hard and fast. I was relieved for the cat and for myself. My noise canceling headphones eliminated the engine noise, but those wailing meows got right on through.

When I got my bike back at my destination, I unzipped the carrier and checked all the bits. It was just fine! What a relief. And it made me strangely giddy that it actually worked out.

Rachel picked me up from the airport and drove us to our hotel. We checked in about 10pm. She had already spent the ENTIRE day driving to that airport, by the way, after teaching seminary at 6am that morning. She's nuts. And super reliable. 

The bike ride today was long and tiring. I'm glad we have a nice hotel room to shower and rest in afterwards. I got to eat deep fried cauliflower with my dinner tonight *sigh* Awesome. 

My bike and luggage. The bike case is pretty big, yes, but the wheels on the bottom are soooo smooth, and checking it costs no more than a regular bag.

A view from today's ride: lakefront property way, way, way over there. 

I had to send this picture to Robert. He's got a goofy fixation with using "potato" in all of his writing assignments. Imagine 20 vocab words used in 20 sentences, all about potatoes in one way or another. 

It feels great to be out here doing this. The anxiety has completely subsided. I listened to my "go-get-'em" and "life is good" and "never give up" music on the ride today. It felt so good! I thought about how sick and uncertain life was this day 2 years ago. I couldn't believe then that I would ever feel okay again. But I AM okay! I'm even happy. I'm glad that changed. I hope it never comes back, and I hope none of my friends or family ever need to experience that, but if it shows up again, I now have a little more hope that it won't last forever.