Robert: "If you don't get me the stool, I'm not going to like you."
Alice: "That sounds a lot like hate." (a bad word in our house)
Robert: "No."
(pause)
Alice: "Well if you don't get the stool then I'm going to lose trust in you. And you know what that means, don't you? If I don't trust you, then you can't come in my room. And I won't share my treats with you. And I won't let you--"
Robert: "Ugh! Fine."
Nevermind that Robert is helping Alice finish her own chore.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Green Hands
I took the boys to the farm store this morning to pick out a couple more tomato cages. Buddy liked the huge, colorful ones. They looked plenty sturdy (officially labeled "Peony cages") and they weren't much more expensive than the grey metal ones, so I consented. I love having his help in the garden.
We also picked up some jute/twine and a healthy looking rhubarb plant. I've managed to kill three rhubarb plants before they ever made a single leaf for me. This time, baby, I'm going to make it work! My three other attempts rotted in the ground, thanks to super-wet Illinois springs. I had to give this one a real spot in the raised bed garden just to give it a fighting chance. Since the bunnies decimated 25% of my strawberry plants in 2 days, I suddenly had room for rhubarb. I guess I'll call it a blessing :)
Robert relishes any garden task that involves his shovel or a pair of scissors. He dug the hole to plant the rhubarb, then snipped jute while I installed the tomato cages. I tied up his bean-a-pillar plants, and then he asked, "Is there anything else I can do that needs digging or cutting?" I looked around and decided to attack some of the persistent plant pests that have bothered me these last couple growing seasons.
We dug up and hacked out a GIGANTIC, sprawling vine and its long, winding root that was 2 inches thick and at least 4 feet long. I hope we got enough of it out. Robert awarded me with 2 "rotten eggs"* at the end of that ordeal.
Then we tackled a big thistle, getting maybe 60% of the tap root. I have a feeling we'll see that guy again.
Then we assaulted a smaller thistle. 100% success!
Robert was on a shoveling roll and he just wanted to keep going. We worked up about 5-6 big dandelions and discovered an underground ants nest in the process.
When the pile of weeds was collected at the end, Robert awarded me "a gold medal of rotten eggs! a hundred hundred rotten eggs!"
We took our tools back to the garage and Robert asked if his shovel could hang next to mine. That's the first time ever. I think I got a little choked up (Curse these pregnancy hormones!).
Then we sat in the wagon and rested with water. Robert challenged me to fix the weed whacker. Turns out, it wasn't broken, so he encouraged me to weed-whack the overgrown clover around the bramble patch. That was fun for all of us. James gets a kick out of motorized tools. I picked up a wad of chopped clover and squeezed a puddle of dark green juice onto the driveway. My hands were stained. The boys loved it.
Just then, a big truck full of plants and shrubs drove up to our neighbor's house. Robert and James begged a closer look. So, we spent the next 20 minutes or so watching two guys plant a 15-foot tree in our neighbor's front yard. Robert kept saying stuff like, "I bet that's hard work. They must be hot and tired. It's going to take them a long time to dig a big hole with only two shovels. The hot sun makes me tired." It's hard to know how much the working guys heard of this. The whole process was fun to watch, but it was more fun watching the boys watch them.
Soon, it was lunch time and all three of us were green, muddy messes. We cleaned up, ate lunch, and celebrated a hot morning of work together with popsicles.
Bring on the summer!
*Robert recently picked up the phrase, "Last one [insert activity here] is the rotten egg!" Alice can't stand to play it, Robert hates to lose, and James doesn't care either way. One day, Robert declared that the last one buckled in the car was the rotten egg. Alice immediately began protesting. I smiled and said that I would be happy to be the rotten egg. This intrigued Robert. He asked why and I explained that there's only one rotten egg in that game. I liked being the only one of something...it was special. From that day on, he decided to play the rotten egg game with only me. He lets me lose at everything because I like the rotten egg position so much. And even when I win, he awards me the rotten egg anyway because I like it better than winning. Somehow it has morphed into awarding rotten eggs to me whenever I do something he finds worthy of praise.
We also picked up some jute/twine and a healthy looking rhubarb plant. I've managed to kill three rhubarb plants before they ever made a single leaf for me. This time, baby, I'm going to make it work! My three other attempts rotted in the ground, thanks to super-wet Illinois springs. I had to give this one a real spot in the raised bed garden just to give it a fighting chance. Since the bunnies decimated 25% of my strawberry plants in 2 days, I suddenly had room for rhubarb. I guess I'll call it a blessing :)
Robert relishes any garden task that involves his shovel or a pair of scissors. He dug the hole to plant the rhubarb, then snipped jute while I installed the tomato cages. I tied up his bean-a-pillar plants, and then he asked, "Is there anything else I can do that needs digging or cutting?" I looked around and decided to attack some of the persistent plant pests that have bothered me these last couple growing seasons.
We dug up and hacked out a GIGANTIC, sprawling vine and its long, winding root that was 2 inches thick and at least 4 feet long. I hope we got enough of it out. Robert awarded me with 2 "rotten eggs"* at the end of that ordeal.
Then we tackled a big thistle, getting maybe 60% of the tap root. I have a feeling we'll see that guy again.
Then we assaulted a smaller thistle. 100% success!
Robert was on a shoveling roll and he just wanted to keep going. We worked up about 5-6 big dandelions and discovered an underground ants nest in the process.
When the pile of weeds was collected at the end, Robert awarded me "a gold medal of rotten eggs! a hundred hundred rotten eggs!"
We took our tools back to the garage and Robert asked if his shovel could hang next to mine. That's the first time ever. I think I got a little choked up (Curse these pregnancy hormones!).
Then we sat in the wagon and rested with water. Robert challenged me to fix the weed whacker. Turns out, it wasn't broken, so he encouraged me to weed-whack the overgrown clover around the bramble patch. That was fun for all of us. James gets a kick out of motorized tools. I picked up a wad of chopped clover and squeezed a puddle of dark green juice onto the driveway. My hands were stained. The boys loved it.
Just then, a big truck full of plants and shrubs drove up to our neighbor's house. Robert and James begged a closer look. So, we spent the next 20 minutes or so watching two guys plant a 15-foot tree in our neighbor's front yard. Robert kept saying stuff like, "I bet that's hard work. They must be hot and tired. It's going to take them a long time to dig a big hole with only two shovels. The hot sun makes me tired." It's hard to know how much the working guys heard of this. The whole process was fun to watch, but it was more fun watching the boys watch them.
Soon, it was lunch time and all three of us were green, muddy messes. We cleaned up, ate lunch, and celebrated a hot morning of work together with popsicles.
Bring on the summer!
*Robert recently picked up the phrase, "Last one [insert activity here] is the rotten egg!" Alice can't stand to play it, Robert hates to lose, and James doesn't care either way. One day, Robert declared that the last one buckled in the car was the rotten egg. Alice immediately began protesting. I smiled and said that I would be happy to be the rotten egg. This intrigued Robert. He asked why and I explained that there's only one rotten egg in that game. I liked being the only one of something...it was special. From that day on, he decided to play the rotten egg game with only me. He lets me lose at everything because I like the rotten egg position so much. And even when I win, he awards me the rotten egg anyway because I like it better than winning. Somehow it has morphed into awarding rotten eggs to me whenever I do something he finds worthy of praise.
Susan's thoughts on Alice's recital practice
*sigh*
I'm looking forward to Alice's first official piano recital. So is she. It's hard to know, though, what part of the whole thing she's looking forward to most. Is it the performance itself? The gracious applause? Or the abundance of sweet treats waiting at the end? I'm curious to see how she handles the pressure. I'm dying to chat with her afterwards about how she felt it went...will she be disappointed? embarrassed? inspired? energized?
This whole recital business has been pretty educational for me, too. It brings out the darker side of my mommy life. Most people don't know how terrifically competitive I can be. I'm a sore loser and kind of a jerk regardless of where I rank in the end. I don't like that part of me, so I try to avoid competitive situations. Having children live and work and compete in the real world has been an interesting journey for me. I'm learning to let go and enjoy in many cases, but poor Alice just keeps growing into NEW situations that push me a little farther than I'm ready for.
That said, here are the most surprising/educational feelings I've had on the recital issue:
1) I found myself a little annoyed that Alice has mastered more technically complex and more aesthetically pleasing pieces of music than "Nephi's Courage" (the piece Bobby just caught on video for you), and yet "Nephi's Courage" has been selected as one of two pieces for her to perform. The other piece is more complex and aesthetically pleasing, but she's had it practically memorized for a month. I caught myself thinking, "Couldn't she have worked on something MORE complex and showy in that time? Now people won't know how good she REALLY is!" As if showing off was the point of a recital.
2) I'm going to be taking mental notes on the ages and skill level of every other student in the recital. I'm going to try and fit Alice with a rank. A totally pointless and meaningless rank. It's a stupid exercise, I know, but it's going to take a lot of effort to keep myself from doing it.
3) Alice is embarrassed when we take movies of her playing the piano. She can't stand to watch or listen to the movie Bobby just posted, and she can't quite tell us why. I wish I knew more about this. I'll ask her again, but I'm hoping her behavior at the performance tomorrow night will shed some light on the matter.
4) I keep having flashbacks to a few of my own piano recitals. I can't remember how old I was. The treats were important to me. The room full of smiling strangers made me nervous. I didn't care a whit how technically complex or aesthetically pleasing my selected pieces were.
I'm looking forward to Alice's first official piano recital. So is she. It's hard to know, though, what part of the whole thing she's looking forward to most. Is it the performance itself? The gracious applause? Or the abundance of sweet treats waiting at the end? I'm curious to see how she handles the pressure. I'm dying to chat with her afterwards about how she felt it went...will she be disappointed? embarrassed? inspired? energized?
This whole recital business has been pretty educational for me, too. It brings out the darker side of my mommy life. Most people don't know how terrifically competitive I can be. I'm a sore loser and kind of a jerk regardless of where I rank in the end. I don't like that part of me, so I try to avoid competitive situations. Having children live and work and compete in the real world has been an interesting journey for me. I'm learning to let go and enjoy in many cases, but poor Alice just keeps growing into NEW situations that push me a little farther than I'm ready for.
That said, here are the most surprising/educational feelings I've had on the recital issue:
1) I found myself a little annoyed that Alice has mastered more technically complex and more aesthetically pleasing pieces of music than "Nephi's Courage" (the piece Bobby just caught on video for you), and yet "Nephi's Courage" has been selected as one of two pieces for her to perform. The other piece is more complex and aesthetically pleasing, but she's had it practically memorized for a month. I caught myself thinking, "Couldn't she have worked on something MORE complex and showy in that time? Now people won't know how good she REALLY is!" As if showing off was the point of a recital.
2) I'm going to be taking mental notes on the ages and skill level of every other student in the recital. I'm going to try and fit Alice with a rank. A totally pointless and meaningless rank. It's a stupid exercise, I know, but it's going to take a lot of effort to keep myself from doing it.
3) Alice is embarrassed when we take movies of her playing the piano. She can't stand to watch or listen to the movie Bobby just posted, and she can't quite tell us why. I wish I knew more about this. I'll ask her again, but I'm hoping her behavior at the performance tomorrow night will shed some light on the matter.
4) I keep having flashbacks to a few of my own piano recitals. I can't remember how old I was. The treats were important to me. The room full of smiling strangers made me nervous. I didn't care a whit how technically complex or aesthetically pleasing my selected pieces were.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Quick! Write it down!
Some things I don't have the time to ponder/marvel/write out like I want to, but I have to put them down somewhere or I'll forget them forever:
After school yesterday, I asked the kids if they wanted some applesauce. James raised both arms high in the air and shouted, "Yaaaaaay!" I guessed that was a yes. He did it again when we all loaded in the car for a special trip to the ice cream store. "You guys ready to go get ice cream?" "Yaaaaaaaaaaay!"
I was unloading groceries this morning and I left an unbuckled James alone in the car. When I came back for the next load of groceries, he had already discovered my special stroopwafel cookies, selected one for himself, and casually munched through half of it. That's no small feat, and no small treat.
A family with a newborn girl sat in front of us at church. Robert hovered over the baby, giggling at her, then climbed right up in my lap and smooshed his nose into mine whispering, "I hope our baby is a girl so she's as cute as that one." He will also give my tummy hugs and say, "That's for the baby if it's a girl. I still love it if it's a boy, but the hugs are only for the girl."
Alice, in desperation: "Mom! I can't remember what the library looks like! I haven't been there in SO long!" (I've been getting books there regularly while she's at school)
After school yesterday, I asked the kids if they wanted some applesauce. James raised both arms high in the air and shouted, "Yaaaaaay!" I guessed that was a yes. He did it again when we all loaded in the car for a special trip to the ice cream store. "You guys ready to go get ice cream?" "Yaaaaaaaaaaay!"
I was unloading groceries this morning and I left an unbuckled James alone in the car. When I came back for the next load of groceries, he had already discovered my special stroopwafel cookies, selected one for himself, and casually munched through half of it. That's no small feat, and no small treat.
A family with a newborn girl sat in front of us at church. Robert hovered over the baby, giggling at her, then climbed right up in my lap and smooshed his nose into mine whispering, "I hope our baby is a girl so she's as cute as that one." He will also give my tummy hugs and say, "That's for the baby if it's a girl. I still love it if it's a boy, but the hugs are only for the girl."
Alice, in desperation: "Mom! I can't remember what the library looks like! I haven't been there in SO long!" (I've been getting books there regularly while she's at school)
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Girls' Night
Finally! A Girls' Night with Alice that actually worked for both of us! We originally decided to go for ice cream, but the temperature that evening was pretty frigid. We were driving past a Starbucks when Alice asked if they sold cocoa. Of course, my dear! I wholeheartedly agreed. Minutes later, we were snuggled down together in an oversized squashy chair sipping our drinks and nibbling special treats.
Alice thought it was sooooooo cool that her cocoa came in a coffee cup. She asked about the other patrons: are they doing homework? Are they the age you were when you and Daddy were friends? With each answer, she got more delighted, like this was a place for "big people" to do big people things and she had been specially invited to join them. She took great interest in the decor and what it might mean.
When our drinks were done, we went home and locked ourselves into Alice's room for a light-hearted, clue-giving round of Battleship. Alice actually said with a smile, "I don't really care if I win" and she meant it. The exclusive time together was more fun than the win. Robert and James pounded on the door a bit. I had hoped their movie for Boys' Night would last a bit longer, and I felt sorry for the obvious exclusion. Sorry, boys.
It was a low-key, but special event. Alice was glowing and I had enjoyed myself very much. I hope we have more of those experiences ahead of us.
Alice thought it was sooooooo cool that her cocoa came in a coffee cup. She asked about the other patrons: are they doing homework? Are they the age you were when you and Daddy were friends? With each answer, she got more delighted, like this was a place for "big people" to do big people things and she had been specially invited to join them. She took great interest in the decor and what it might mean.
When our drinks were done, we went home and locked ourselves into Alice's room for a light-hearted, clue-giving round of Battleship. Alice actually said with a smile, "I don't really care if I win" and she meant it. The exclusive time together was more fun than the win. Robert and James pounded on the door a bit. I had hoped their movie for Boys' Night would last a bit longer, and I felt sorry for the obvious exclusion. Sorry, boys.
It was a low-key, but special event. Alice was glowing and I had enjoyed myself very much. I hope we have more of those experiences ahead of us.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Monday, May 12, 2014
What I did today!
Please forgive my excess enthusiasm for the following list. You have NO idea how long some of these items have been bothering me and how relieved I am to get them off my list...forever!
Loaded the dishwasher
Cleaned and dried 2 loads of laundry
Made 4 dozen muffins for future breakfasts
Cleaned Alice's room (I just couldn't help myself)
Re-hung the coat rack that fell off the wall 3 months ago...screwed it to the studs this time :)
Repaired that dumb dining room chair (broke 6 months ago)
Cleaned up a ripped bag of charcoal in the garage...from 6+ months ago
Swept out the garage
"Mopped" the garage with a hose and a push broom
Cleaned up the chick pen in the garage (been empty for 2 months now)
Planned the week's menu and grocery shopping list
Weeded the strawberry bed
Figured out a long-term solution for our rain barrel overflow issue
Measured the soil pH around the blueberries...PERFECT!
Rigged some bunny fencing around the raspberry canes so they can keep their leaves
Made, served, and cleaned up dinner...without a huge sibling fiasco
Put three kids in bed solo...without a huge sibling fiasco
And here are other neat things that happened today associated with or happening around that magnificent to-do list:
Noticed red bumps/blisters on the bottom of James' feet
Foot blisters + 3-day fever + painful mouth = Hand-Foot-Mouth Disease...yipee!
Discovered a small Stag Beetle amongst the charcoal
James' first impulse upon realizing the beetle was still alive: stomp it
One blueberry bush is in bloom *squee!*
Not a whimper at bedtime from the recently-pacifier-free James
The kids love lemon-flavored Italian Ice
My neighbor secretly hauled away our enormous pile of sticks and brush
Loaded the dishwasher
Cleaned and dried 2 loads of laundry
Made 4 dozen muffins for future breakfasts
Cleaned Alice's room (I just couldn't help myself)
Re-hung the coat rack that fell off the wall 3 months ago...screwed it to the studs this time :)
Repaired that dumb dining room chair (broke 6 months ago)
Cleaned up a ripped bag of charcoal in the garage...from 6+ months ago
Swept out the garage
"Mopped" the garage with a hose and a push broom
Cleaned up the chick pen in the garage (been empty for 2 months now)
Planned the week's menu and grocery shopping list
Weeded the strawberry bed
Figured out a long-term solution for our rain barrel overflow issue
Measured the soil pH around the blueberries...PERFECT!
Rigged some bunny fencing around the raspberry canes so they can keep their leaves
Made, served, and cleaned up dinner...without a huge sibling fiasco
Put three kids in bed solo...without a huge sibling fiasco
And here are other neat things that happened today associated with or happening around that magnificent to-do list:
Noticed red bumps/blisters on the bottom of James' feet
Foot blisters + 3-day fever + painful mouth = Hand-Foot-Mouth Disease...yipee!
Discovered a small Stag Beetle amongst the charcoal
James' first impulse upon realizing the beetle was still alive: stomp it
One blueberry bush is in bloom *squee!*
Not a whimper at bedtime from the recently-pacifier-free James
The kids love lemon-flavored Italian Ice
My neighbor secretly hauled away our enormous pile of sticks and brush
Friday, May 9, 2014
Prep for the Baby
When we learned we would be having a new baby in November, it became clear that some of the kids would have to grow up faster than I had anticipated. In particular, the older kids needed to be more independent and baby James needed to lose a few baby ways. We've made significant progress so far!
Alice asked for a clock in her room. Now she tells herself when it's time to stop reading and turn out the lights. We haven't used the alarm for waking, but that will probably come before November.
Robert dresses himself in the morning without help, even removing his night diaper and disposing of it properly. We'll work on the wetting issue later.
James has moved to a toddler bed. Bye bye crib. That wasn't the slightest bit difficult for him.
Alice has started to use her room more than ever before. Instead of running to me to intervene with siblings, she takes to her room. It's a place of quiet when Robert is being a pill, and it's a great place to let off some dramatic, sobbing, frustrated steam.
Robert uses the bathroom independently now, too. Even the wiping. Hallelujah!
James loses the pacifier. This has been hard for him. All of us. We're on day 5. Naps are still a bit touchy, bedtime and night wakings are a little rougher, and now he has a fever that makes him a restless sleeper. He's stopped asking for pacifiers, though, which is progress.
Alice sometimes gets breakfast for the younger kids on weekends. She'll pull out the bowls and cereal and pour the milk for them.
Robert buckles himself into his booster seat in the car! He's faster than I am.
James climbs into and out of his seat at the table quite proficiently. We tell him it's time to eat and off he goes to wait his turn for food. Food is important to this fellow.
Potty training James is still far away in my thoughts. It's too early for me, and I can't bear regression. So, I'll hold off until I can invest the energy it requires. So. Much. Energy. Ugh.
Alice asked for a clock in her room. Now she tells herself when it's time to stop reading and turn out the lights. We haven't used the alarm for waking, but that will probably come before November.
Robert dresses himself in the morning without help, even removing his night diaper and disposing of it properly. We'll work on the wetting issue later.
James has moved to a toddler bed. Bye bye crib. That wasn't the slightest bit difficult for him.
Alice has started to use her room more than ever before. Instead of running to me to intervene with siblings, she takes to her room. It's a place of quiet when Robert is being a pill, and it's a great place to let off some dramatic, sobbing, frustrated steam.
Robert uses the bathroom independently now, too. Even the wiping. Hallelujah!
James loses the pacifier. This has been hard for him. All of us. We're on day 5. Naps are still a bit touchy, bedtime and night wakings are a little rougher, and now he has a fever that makes him a restless sleeper. He's stopped asking for pacifiers, though, which is progress.
Alice sometimes gets breakfast for the younger kids on weekends. She'll pull out the bowls and cereal and pour the milk for them.
Robert buckles himself into his booster seat in the car! He's faster than I am.
James climbs into and out of his seat at the table quite proficiently. We tell him it's time to eat and off he goes to wait his turn for food. Food is important to this fellow.
Potty training James is still far away in my thoughts. It's too early for me, and I can't bear regression. So, I'll hold off until I can invest the energy it requires. So. Much. Energy. Ugh.
Mental Parenting
I did a little mental exercise last night. The boys were working independently to make it very difficult for us to sleep, so I had some time to think in the darkness.
I wondered why I don't write glowing blog posts about my time with Alice.
There are the obvious reasons: 1) she's only home on evenings and weekends when I'm rushing about trying to do everything else, and 2) she doesn't generally enjoy doing the same things that I enjoy doing.
But I felt some other kind of emotional wall. Something is holding me back from truly enjoying the girl she's become.
I remembered earlier this week when Buddy and I could finally unroll all the windows in the car because Alice wasn't traveling with us (she says the wind makes it hard to breath...she's never been a fan of open car windows). I felt free!
Do I feel oppressed by Alice? No, that's not quite it. She's simply a careful, thoughtful, sensitive kind of person who reacts strongly to noxious stimuli. I feel like any turn of events can suddenly result in a meltdown. A loud, dramatic, and extended meltdown. It's tiresome. I dread it.
But I think there's even more. She's my first child. Every new experience with her is weighted with setting expectations and precedents. There's that constant struggle within me trying to balance her independence with her dependence. How much do I push her? How much do I wait? My mental exercise last night was to remove Alice from her unfortunate birth order placement and swap her with Buddy. She was free! The grapple hook of expectations and uncertainty just opened up and let her go. I saw it clamp hard onto Buddy, though, poor guy. I've got to work on removing that grapple hook.
So, it stinks to be first. Different personalities and interests complicate the matter. Having little to no time every day to work on that relationship makes it truly frustrating.
How do I work on this? Summer is coming, of course. Maybe I could carve out some girl time for us that doesn't involve girly stuff :) Alice really enjoys reading the scriptures with only me, but it comes at the very end of the day when I'm out of steam. I see her disaster of a room around me and just can't wait to leave ASAP. Maybe that's where we'll start. Strike a deal? Daily scripture study in exchange for an environment I actually want to spend time in? I'll think about that more.
I've tried Girls Night Out dates with her, and enjoyed them, but going out isn't really my style. It's hers. Maybe we could trade off. Gotta think about that more, too.
Now some questions for you:
--Other suggestions?
--Do you feel a grapple hook of expectations for your first kid(s)?
--Have you successfully built a relationship with a child whose personality is fundamentally different from your own?
I wondered why I don't write glowing blog posts about my time with Alice.
There are the obvious reasons: 1) she's only home on evenings and weekends when I'm rushing about trying to do everything else, and 2) she doesn't generally enjoy doing the same things that I enjoy doing.
But I felt some other kind of emotional wall. Something is holding me back from truly enjoying the girl she's become.
I remembered earlier this week when Buddy and I could finally unroll all the windows in the car because Alice wasn't traveling with us (she says the wind makes it hard to breath...she's never been a fan of open car windows). I felt free!
Do I feel oppressed by Alice? No, that's not quite it. She's simply a careful, thoughtful, sensitive kind of person who reacts strongly to noxious stimuli. I feel like any turn of events can suddenly result in a meltdown. A loud, dramatic, and extended meltdown. It's tiresome. I dread it.
But I think there's even more. She's my first child. Every new experience with her is weighted with setting expectations and precedents. There's that constant struggle within me trying to balance her independence with her dependence. How much do I push her? How much do I wait? My mental exercise last night was to remove Alice from her unfortunate birth order placement and swap her with Buddy. She was free! The grapple hook of expectations and uncertainty just opened up and let her go. I saw it clamp hard onto Buddy, though, poor guy. I've got to work on removing that grapple hook.
So, it stinks to be first. Different personalities and interests complicate the matter. Having little to no time every day to work on that relationship makes it truly frustrating.
How do I work on this? Summer is coming, of course. Maybe I could carve out some girl time for us that doesn't involve girly stuff :) Alice really enjoys reading the scriptures with only me, but it comes at the very end of the day when I'm out of steam. I see her disaster of a room around me and just can't wait to leave ASAP. Maybe that's where we'll start. Strike a deal? Daily scripture study in exchange for an environment I actually want to spend time in? I'll think about that more.
I've tried Girls Night Out dates with her, and enjoyed them, but going out isn't really my style. It's hers. Maybe we could trade off. Gotta think about that more, too.
Now some questions for you:
--Other suggestions?
--Do you feel a grapple hook of expectations for your first kid(s)?
--Have you successfully built a relationship with a child whose personality is fundamentally different from your own?
Outside Love
I spent all day outside with the boys today and here are my favorite moments:
...James sees an ant in the dirt and instantly drops flat on his belly to watch it closer. Chin to toes, he's filthy and he doesn't even notice.
...Buddy insists on helping me dig a trench for the asparagus crowns. He stands right where I need to shovel and jabs his red shovel into the dirt that I've already turned. If he hadn't been so earnest in his efforts, I might have become frustrated.
...James sees said trench that Buddy and I just dug and he must march in it. Repeatedly. So proud of himself.
...I have to empty a rain barrel before I can move it to the right place. I just push it over and 20 gallons of water gushes out the top. Both boys shriek with surprised exultation. James hops from one foot to the other 'cuz he just can't contain the thrill, then they race to play in the puddle. Robert finds a dirty rag, soaks it in the puddle, holds it high, and throws it back into the puddle full force. James busts a gut laughing, dirty rainwater all over his face.
...I wander off to care for the chickens and the boys somehow manage to fill a flower pot with dirt, leaves, and a gallon of water. That makes mud. Glorious mud. Somehow, James gets it smeared all over his right eye. They dump it out on the concrete and dance in the mess.
It just makes me happy. Two muddy boys in the bathtub before lunch and I couldn't be happier. I told Bobby about this and he said, "They're just like you!"
He's totally right. I love that they love to be outside as much as I do. I love that dirt and bugs and mud are their playground. I love that they find my work fascinating. I love that they want to be a part of it right now. I have no idea what the future will bring, but I'm enjoying my today: my boys at age 4 and 18 months.
...James sees an ant in the dirt and instantly drops flat on his belly to watch it closer. Chin to toes, he's filthy and he doesn't even notice.
...Buddy insists on helping me dig a trench for the asparagus crowns. He stands right where I need to shovel and jabs his red shovel into the dirt that I've already turned. If he hadn't been so earnest in his efforts, I might have become frustrated.
...James sees said trench that Buddy and I just dug and he must march in it. Repeatedly. So proud of himself.
...I have to empty a rain barrel before I can move it to the right place. I just push it over and 20 gallons of water gushes out the top. Both boys shriek with surprised exultation. James hops from one foot to the other 'cuz he just can't contain the thrill, then they race to play in the puddle. Robert finds a dirty rag, soaks it in the puddle, holds it high, and throws it back into the puddle full force. James busts a gut laughing, dirty rainwater all over his face.
...I wander off to care for the chickens and the boys somehow manage to fill a flower pot with dirt, leaves, and a gallon of water. That makes mud. Glorious mud. Somehow, James gets it smeared all over his right eye. They dump it out on the concrete and dance in the mess.
It just makes me happy. Two muddy boys in the bathtub before lunch and I couldn't be happier. I told Bobby about this and he said, "They're just like you!"
He's totally right. I love that they love to be outside as much as I do. I love that dirt and bugs and mud are their playground. I love that they find my work fascinating. I love that they want to be a part of it right now. I have no idea what the future will bring, but I'm enjoying my today: my boys at age 4 and 18 months.
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