Why am I so bugged about this?!

On Sunday, Alice and I attended one of the dedication ceremonies of the Indianapolis Indiana Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We were even so fortunate as to have seats inside the temple itself, adjacent to the room where all the action was happening. I found it an inspiring, moving experience that I will reflect on for many years. Alice felt like it was kinda like any other meeting with speakers and prayers.

Unfortunately, the positive and uplifting bits of my experience have been overshadowed by one little snag I encountered as we left the temple:

There were NO public restrooms on site. Well, there was a whole meetinghouse right across the parking lot, but it was "closed" and "locked", according to the men in dark suits and silver beehive lapel pins guarding every single entrance. At least two men for every door. That exact building was open to the public when we arrived, but now it was closed off as we were leaving?! In retrospect, we had attended the noon session. Perhaps they sealed off that building in order to host general authorities and other VIPS for lunch? I asked one fine beehive-labeled gentleman if he knew where we could use the bathroom and he just said in an annoyed tone, "Yeah, that's our problem right now. All the people coming out of the session wanting to use the bathroom and the building is closed."

So...okay...um...thanks?

My feelings were hurt at his tone. I was feeling sensitive that day. My dear baby had woken me up at 2am that morning to nurse, then decided he was ready to eat, get up, and play for real at 5:30am. Alice and I had driven 2 hours to get to the dedication, then sat in our seats for 45 minutes, as directed, waiting for the meeting to start, which lasted 2 hours. At the moment I was facing this man and this particular problem, I was exhausted, hungry, full of milk, fighting a nasty headache, and wrestling a full bladder. I needed a little empathy and a little more information.

Maybe he wasn't feeling in tip top shape, either. He did have to work on a Sunday, after all, and thousands of Mormons in one place can be quite a handful.

Anyway, I can deal with my hurt feelings, but I'm thinking I should let someone higher up know about the "no public restroom" problem I encountered. I know the name of the Area Seventy in charge of the local temple committee, but I can't find ANY contact information for him. That kinda bugs me. Where can I go to report something like this?

New Family Photo!

Our most recent family photo, taken at the Evans Family reunion this July in Isle La Motte, Vermont.

I see this picture and I just KNOW each one of those faces and lives so intensely. So intimately. I am steeped in their current reality. Right now, that's ALL I know about these people, though. I wonder how I will feel about this picture in 5, 10, and 50 years from now.

Dining Room Remodel

You know when you have a baby that takes two naps a day and is bright and playful during all the other kids' quiet/nap time? Yeah, me too. It means I get to spend a lot of time at home. So, when I'm craving a project, it means I must find one that is kid-friendly and nap-friendly and mostly at home or a place where little kids are strapped in to shopping carts.

When Alice was this age, I took up sewing.

Sewing isn't exactly Robert-friendly or James-friendly. They like to sit on my lap and push pedals, spin dials, or use my tools to stab/cut/threaten things.

I would have done something outside, but it was cold raining and I wasn't in the mood to be cold wet. And then what the heck would I do with Matthew once he woke up?! I can't do nearly as many outside things as I would like now that he's mobile.

Anyway, today I needed a project that the boys could help me with during Matthew's morning nap. I attacked the wood paneling in the dining room.

What a horrible idea, right?! I just wanted to see what was beneath it...just get a peek. But to assess it at all, I had to remove base boards and some tacked on molding at the top. Well, once you've got the molding off you might as well give it a little tug to see how it's attached...within ten minutes, Robert was helping me like this:

Robert must be 3/4 monkey.

...and I got a sick feeling that Bobby might not be pleased with this surprise development. When I heard the garage door open I accidentally said out loud, "Oh no. Daddy's home." Alice and Robert stared at me wide-eyed. I confessed that I hadn't discussed the timing of this particular project with Daddy yet and I wasn't sure if I would be in trouble or not. Alice let out a scared gasp. Robert ran right out to the garage to tell Daddy that we took down the wall he didn't like (little stinker...was he trying to get me in trouble or help me out by warning Bobby?). When Bobby finally understood what I/we had done, he just sighed and acknowledged that I'm on a roll with this house updating stuff.

(whew)

There was a real wall beneath the wood paneling, but the glue they used was crazy strong. It ripped off the back of the wood paneling, or ripped off some of the drywall paper, or just stayed in a thick, crusty, yellow streak across the wall. I'm thinking I'll need to install new drywall. (Easy, right? Dad?).

Now my dining room is SO much brighter and uglier. The boys and I had a riot, though, and I'm glad I did it. Now to learn about drywall...

Dishwasher

Matthew was helping with dishes tonight.

The little stinker successfully put off his afternoon nap until 5:00 PM! That meant he wasn't very tired when 7:00 rolled around. He hung out with me while Bobby was out doing bishop stuff and the kids were in their rooms. I enjoyed his cheerful company.

Now if he could only put that pot away in the right place...

Alice's First Day in Third Grade

First day of school went well for Girly this year.

The boys and I walked her there. I was pushing the stroller, but she had her hand on the handle the whole way there. She wasn't pushing. Just holding on. She was giggly and nervous, confessing that she wasn't sure what to think about having her best friend in the other 3rd grade class this year. It turns out that Alice's five other best friends ARE in her class this year, so she's totally fine.

We've been really lucky to have a neighbor friend one grade ahead of Alice who unfolds all the mysteries of each grade to her as she goes. That eases a lot of Alice's stress surrounding change.

Alice knows the school routine by now. She found her place to line up, lugged all the school supplies with her, and started chatting with old friends. No big whoop. She's grown up a lot this summer. I have found her help at home irreplaceable. She steps in when things start getting crazy, especially with Matthew, and waves her magic "get along" wand. Things calm down. If she's the one losing her temper, though, everything explodes, but for those other times, she can be quite resourceful.

At one point today, she had Matthew bust-a-gut laughing. He was reaching up to her face and she was making "ewww" noises as he tried to cram his fingers into her mouth. I felt a twinge of sadness that he doesn't laugh like that for me...maybe he would if I played with him more. Most of the time, I'm only interacting with him because he's hungry or sad or in pain. Having four kids certainly has its drawbacks...like forgetting to take pictures on the first day of school.

But, hey! I get another chance tomorrow. That's Robert's first day of Kindergarten :)

Finding Himself

I think Robert grew up a little this week.

---He managed to strike up a friendship with a kid at the park. He was even so comfortable as to ask the boy for his phone number, but the kid said he didn't know it. I am relieved to see that Robert has a few social tools that he's not afraid to use.

---Yesterday and today, Robert asked to take his quiet time separately from Alice. It wasn't a choice made in anger, like he was trying to hurt her feelings (he's done that several times before and it really gets her goat). No, this time, he just preferred to play quietly on his own...for the first time in the history of rooming with Alice (a year or so!).

And I think I learned a little more about what makes him tick. Robert can be difficult to understand because his motives aren't always clear, or the same, or anything he talks about. Ever. But I think I've detected a pattern that may help with so many things in the future. In short, I see that Robert is willing to take risks and do more when he's not the one being tested.

---We were getting ready to leave the park and James had removed his shoes waaaaaay over there under the monkey bars. I asked James to try and remember where he had left his shoes and then retrieve them. James gave me that "Whuh?" expression like I was speaking Chinese. Robert was within ear shot. I saw him bolt the opposite direction of the car. Sheesh. I turned away to do something and came back a couple minutes later to find James' shoes neatly sitting by the stroller. That was not the work of my little James, and Alice was occupied elsewhere, so that left Buddy. What?! Did he do that for me? For James? I asked him if he had brought back James' shoes and he said yes. I could have swept him up then and there and smothered his dirty face in kisses. I didn't, though, because 1) he weighs 50# and 2) he's prone to embarrassment in public places. Why did Robert run to get James' shoes after I had asked James to do it? Why did he do it with no fanfare?

---Robert resists swim lessons, to put it lightly. Loud tears, clinging, and lots of stalling. Anywho, James has been more interested in water this summer, so I asked my friend (and Alice's swim teacher) to give James a little swim lesson. I just wanted to see how ready he was for it. As soon as she starts talking to James, Robert starts paying attention. By the time she has coaxed James into the shallow end, Robert is next to them in the big pool, chest deep. My friend asks James to do simple tasks like blow bubbles and get his ears wet. James is nervous, but obedient, and Robert is doing all of it just off to the side. These exact tasks were TORTURE during Robert's own lessons some weeks ago. And now he's completing them without hesitation?! What fascinates me most is that Robert is not doing this stuff for the teacher's praise or to make James feel bad. He's performing the tasks on his own without drawing any attention. So what is it about James' swim lesson that suddenly motivates Robert to work on his own skills? Competition with James? Fear of failure in front of an authority figure?

---Robert is playing at the park and there's a kid about his age climbing on the play structure. The kid's grandpa calls out to him and says, "You think you can climb that wall all the way to the top?" Robert perks up. The kid tries to climb in his flip flops and falls off, deciding to spend his time elsewhere. Robert hops on to the wall and works at it until he can climb all the way up to the top. Again, he makes no public announcement about his accomplishment. He just watches the kid. Of course, the kid saw Robert do it, and now the kid comes back to try again. With a little more work, the kid does it. Then he and Robert take turns climbing up the wall and giving each other pointers. This is the kid Robert later asked about his phone number. 

Does he fear failure? Is it stage fright? Does he like to compete? What gets me is that he's not seeking external rewards for his accomplishments. There's something else in the experience that he finds rewarding. I wish I knew exactly what. Gotta keep my eye on him and see.

Me Wike...

That sweet little frustrating James! One moment, he can be sharing his deepest dreams and desires with me:

• Sitting on the sidewalk, watching Matthew use his pincer grasp to examine the mulch and seeing Robert climbing to new heights on the playground, James has his legs out in front of him and his feet are rocking side to side on his heels. He's leaning back on his arms, casual-like. He turns his head to me and flashes his impish grin with the smiling eyes and says, "Me wike modocycohs. An' me wiiiiiike candeeeee. An' me wike fide-ing wif sords and evee good fing. Yah."

• Another day, I tell him we need to run some errands and he perks up, "Us go uh gwoh-swee stoh an' gedduh gwoh-swees. An' us go uh boat stoh an' gedduh boat!"

• Or he'll make up one of his fantastical adventure stories about us throwing a rope up to space and swinging up there to catch bad guys with our swords and rockets, then throw them into jail and blow up the jail and get candy from the bad guys and eat it. When he's finally satisfied with the story's outcome, he half-sings, "Us go do it! Us go dooooooo it!" and shakes his hips. I wasn't paying good enough attention one day and I said, "Sure!" to one of his delightful "us go do it" dances and now he calls it the "wope stoh-wee" and he insists we need more rope before we start.

And the next moment, he's grabbing Alice's swim suit and running away with it. Or pulling out Matthew's pacifier and throwing it on the floor of the car. Lately, he's had a hard time keeping his shoes on in public places. Argh! And too often he's suddenly unable to walk a step further when we're 5 yards from the car. Let's not forget the "Wait for me!" screams that actually mean, "Stop, turn around, look at me, watch me pass you, and then start going when I've already beat you to the destination." Every once in a while I think he goes deaf:

"Whuss dis, Wobuht?"

"That's a calculator."

"Uh whuh?"

"Calculator."

"Whuh?"

"Cal-cu-la-tor"

"Whuh?"

"CALCULATOR!"

(James is so surprised by the shouting that he reflexively slaps Robert on the face full-force)

(both children run to me wounded and crying)

But there's one thing about James that I don't want to change for a long time. Part of his bedtime routine involves a "snuggle" from me. I lay down next to him on his bed and sometimes he wraps his arms and chest around my whole head. I hear his heart beating. He says things like "Me wike you" or "You so sweet" or just smiles at me long and big. I just bask in that unfiltered affection and take it all in. I know my kids like me, but James likes to TELL me that he likes me. That's something wonderful.

So, I'll keep him a little longer, if only for entirely selfish reasons :)

Oops...can't forget these!

A couple pictures got left out of my last post.

*gasp*

My kids sleeping. I just can't see this often enough. I'm addicted to pictures of my kids happily and healthfully unconscious.

Poutine! Fries smothered in melty cheese curds and warm brown gravy. Served hot. A-MAZE-ING. Instant comfort food in all its greasy, crispy, salty glory. I ate a salad, too, but who wants to see a picture of salad? Bobby and I finished the meal with a round of fresh fried mini cake doughnuts shaken in powdered sugar. They were freakishly delicious. I almost passed out with pleasure. Excellent meal. So glad it resides in Canada, though :)

Evans Family Reunion Trip

I just can't do this trip justice in words. No number of photos could accurately express my feelings about the significance of this trip.

*sigh*

So, I give up.

I will share this, though, and perhaps it will capture the essence of what I'm trying to express...

There was one coolish evening after dinner when all the kids were playing in the huge backyard of the house on Lake Champlain. Robert and Chandler were sharing wagon rides down the little hill on the back end of the property. James and Benjamin were chasing each other, pushing each other down, and laughing their guts out. Alice and Jessica were playing with a cluster of smaller cousins and singing a slightly modified variation of the Daniel Tiger theme song (the beginnings of their "Annoying Kids" variety show). A few of us adults were sitting and chatting on the back deck. Matthew was squealing with glee, sampling random bits of plant matter he found on the ground. My heart was full. I watched my kids play with cousins. I looked around at all these awesome people I barely knew and truly loved. Bobby turned to me and said with a half smile, "This right here kinda makes it all worth it."

Well-spoken.

It started to sprinkle a little, then the rain moved off a little to the east and suddenly there was a full rainbow in the sky...bright, brilliant, and absolutely impossible to photograph properly. It captured the feeling of the moment just perfectly. One beautiful, ephemeral moment.

The whole trip wasn't like that. Oooooooo boy. No way. In fact, most of the trip was more difficult than regular life here at home. But I like to think about the things that I felt on this trip...the kinds of memories my kids will have about these places and these people...getting the chance to connect with my kids, reconnect with extended family, and revisit old friendships...it was totally worth all the stress and sacrifice and time.

Now to a few pictures...

James, enamored with the view from a 6th story window at one of our hotels. Yup, he's a flatlander.

Alice skipping rocks on the lake.

Alice and Robert at the entrance to Tyendinaga Cave in Ontario.

James looooooves hotel beds.

"Me no eat mine weggies!"...30 seconds later..."Zzzzzzzzzzzz."

Alice and Spencer B find something in common after all these years...a love of reading.

Hooray for finger walking! I owe Katy about $40 for all her loving, attentive babysitter-like care of Matthew.

The ocean! The for really real ocean!

Rhode Island lighthouse at Beaver Tail State Park.

Robert taking in the view.

Our "silly" family portrait. Alice cracks me up. Thanks, Michelle, for taking these pictures.

Let's start with Utah

Hey there, blog. It's been a while. Since our last chat, I've been to Utah and back, then out to Ontario, Vermont, Rhode Island, New Jersey, Ohio, and Indiana in one gigantic 2-week adventure with family and friends and more family. Crazy.

I'm not a fan of travelogue blogs, so I don't want to dump all of that here, but I do want to highlight some of the traveling just to put the experiences in context. This post relates to my Poulson family reunion in Utah.

We had a lesson in Relief Society today about strengthening family relationships. We talked about a lot of things, but the two words I heard more than any others were "time" and "sacrifice." Relationships take work. Especially family relationships. You don't get to choose your siblings like you can choose your friends. I support my family's efforts to get together and build new memories together. Here are a few of my new favorite Poulson family memories:

A couple of us went to dinner together before the reunion officially started. Matthew was on something that night, charming the wait staff and making a royal mess of anything within grabbing distance. A grandfatherly waiter was especially attentive to Matthew, bringing him his own plate and a little spoon. At the end of our visit, we were getting up to leave, and Matthew put out his arms and leaned towards the grandfatherly waiter, just asking to be held. The man was touched by the gesture, but told Matthew that he still had too much work to do :)

The next night was a potluck BBQ at my sister's house. I liked seeing my nephew Scott rock the pogo stick. It was also fun to see a few nieces and nephews as adults. I wished (just for a moment) that I could be raising my kids at the same time my older sisters raised theirs, wondering how that might have changed my relationships with them. I pondered on the reality that my siblings and I are getting older. The next generation is beginning to enter the stage I kinda just got comfortable claiming as my own.

Saturday morning, I had the unique and momentous experience of being baptized for a few of my ancestors in the Jordan River Temple. I had been researching these people for some time, preparing their information so that proxy baptisms could be performed for them, but I didn't feel any particular connection to them during that research. Things felt strikingly different once I saw their names on those temple cards. I started to cry. Not for joy, not for sadness, but something else. What was it? It kinda felt like anticipation and relief. Relief? Something like that. But not my relief. It was powerful. Anyway, the feeling grew even stronger as the baptisms were performed. At one point, a male ancestor's name was spoken and a distinct feeling came: "Frankie." It's hard to explain how, but I got the impression that Franklin preferred to go by Frankie. I was so glad to have had that morning in the temple with some of my family.

Saturday evening, we spent at a bowling center with arcade games and a heap of other activities that I was far too chicken to try out. Yeah, I blame it on my age, but I'm pretty sure I just have no taste for extreme sports. I got to bowl with some of my favorite people on this planet. Sean saw my score and said I should join a league. Then I told I him was using bumpers. Bumpers make it SO much more fun. Matthew was loathe to be separated from me, so I was grateful to Kinzie and Rachel and Kristin for sweeping him away and keeping him happy. He's such an easy-going kind of kid until he sees me and can't get to me :( I enjoyed the arcade a lot. Air hockey, especially. Pretty much everyone gave all their tickets to Atticus who was thrilled to take home a few prizes. I think my older kids would have loved being there with us that night. I started to miss them.

Sunday was a laid back day with church and another potluck dinner. This time we met at Heidi's house. Heather revealed the answer to her guessing game and everyone got prizes. Woo hoo! I like prizes.

It's a good thing I bought a new suitcase at IKEA to truck home all my prizes and IKEA treasures. Sunday evening, I got to Skype with the kids at home. It made me miss them a whole lot more. Mike's family arrived in time to join the chat and the cousins just giggled and looked at each other for a while. Then they started talking. I want my kids to have good relationships with their cousins. My favorite part of the night, though, was playing "Mafia" with my parents, Erin, Heather, the Bennetts, and Mike's family. Ella can be sooooooo sneaky. She can lie most convincingly, and my mom can't. I mean that in the best possible way :)

The journey home was lame. A cell phone would have been nice. Better weather in Chicago would have been nice, too. Oh well. We're already talking about the next reunion in a couple years...Disneyland in California!