Anticipation

This is my favorite part of the holiday season: anticipation. The gifts are wrapped and packed, we've listened to the music, put up all the decorations, baked and enjoyed WAY too many holiday treats, and felt the Spirit as we ponder the meaning of Christ's birth, life, death, and resurrection. Now I'm just waiting for the chance to see family again. I'm simply giddy with anticipation!

Other contributing factors to my light heart this evening:

Our lesson in Relief Society last week was especially good as we discussed the meaning and purpose of the Sacrament. It put this whole week on the right track. It's also been cool to study the Atonement with Bobby this last week as our "companionship" scripture study. This is the first Christmas season I can remember where I've actually felt my testimony grow. It didn't come from studying Luke 2.

I love that Bobby could make crepes for breakfast this morning.

I love that Alice and I read library books for 2 hours today. This girl has an insatiable appetite for stories. I love that she tried on a pair of snow pants and instantly turned them into a firefighter outfit. Bobby was her crew for a while before she had our whole family riding in a fire truck, putting out fires, and saving people's valuables.

I love that Robert's face lights up when he sees me. I love that he grabs my hair and headbutts/snuggles my face with his. I love that his 6th tooth finally broke through today. I love that he loves to eat whatever we're eating.

I love that the kids enjoyed quiet time together this afternoon and I got to do a little sewing. I loved lowering Robert's hem on his Big Butt jeans and leaving the waist just as it is (he's actually lost a pound over the last month...just 23 pounds...wasting away!...docs aren't worried) and finishing his laundry bin (pictures another day when he's not sleeping).

I love that all the Furoshki cloths I made last year are ACTUALLY getting used and doing an AMAZING job. They're just a joy for me to look at :)

Clockwise from upper left: blue handkerchief (from a baby shower), Peace/Love handkerchief (Goodwill find), tie-dye shower curtain (freesale pickup through a church activity), tie-dye shower curtain, blue king-sized pillowcase (inherited from a life-changing houseguest experience last year), teal and red striped flat sheet (inherited from former lab mate), and tie-dye shower curtain.

Not only are they attractive cloths, but they have a story. I love, love, love that kind of thing.

Heck, I'm just plain happy.

Bobby's Sunday Summary

This week has been a very odd and distracted week. There were layoffs this week at work like I posted earlier. I still have a job, but almost everyone I worked with was let go. I will be working on a new project along with a lot of other people at our site, but things have not really ramped up on that either, so it is kind of a dead time between the layoffs and the forced dead week between Christmas and New Years.

On the home front Alice has been excited about Christmas. Everyday she asks if tomorrow is Christmas. She also had her Christmas program like you probably already saw. If anyone is interested in the full program, not in fast forward we can probably make it available.

Robert has also officially crawled...-ish.




Alice has also been progressing a lot lately too, and she wants us to know about it. I think there is some jealousy here too, which is normal, when the baby starts to learn to crawl. Alice has started to do some puzzles all by her self. She just finished a 9 piece Sea Horse puzzle all by her self, with no help from anyone else at all.

Alice's Preschool Christmas Program

Alice's preschool class held their Christmas Program tonight. When I heard she would be playing the part of Mary, my heart skipped a beat. Was it a twisted sense of pride I felt? Ugh. Yeah. Like Mary is somehow better than an angel or a shepherd or a sheep? Double ugh. The feeling actually alerted me to the unconscious need I have to hear other people approve of my children...sounds like I've got some work to do on my mommy self-esteem ;) Anyway, enough about me.

Alice was overwhelmed by all the kids and their families. Her M/W/F class (7 kids) was combined with the exuberant T/Th class (10 kids), so Alice only recognized a few faces. She wouldn't even make eye contact with her teacher. The same teacher that she hug-tackled as soon as we walked in.

Bobby recorded the whole event, but I've created a shorter version. The first few seconds is a song, then the kids say, "While Mary was walking, what did she see?" and Alice (after a long pause and a visual reminder from her teacher) responds, "I see a donkey looking at me." Then they sing again.

I put the rest of the video in fast-forward (3x normal) to shorten the time AND demonstrate how little Alice actually moved throughout the rest of the performance. Her angel friend, Nadia, was all over the place. You'll see, you can't miss her. Alice mostly licked her lips, stood up and down as directed, and spent a little time exploring the manger at the end.

Overall, it was quite the educational experience for me as a mom and a preschool parent. It unearthed all sorts of things for me to ponder. Oh wait, it isn't about me. Alice mostly endured it for the brownie at the end, Robert flirted with the young girl sitting behind us, and Bobby manned the camera. A whole family affair. Wish you were there :)

Physical Prowess

Sitting to tummy to crawl stance to...sitting up again!

Back to tummy to crawl stance to...sitting up again!

One teeny skill closer to self-propelled exploration. One happy dude.

Way to go, little mister!

Good news?

Bobby still has a position at Yahoo! Inc., but 13 of his coworkers were laid off today, including his manager and several friends he has worked with over the last 7 years. I used to be so worried about us and what would happen to us, but when Bobby told me Ross and Rob were laid off, that hit me pretty hard. I'm relieved and sad and angry all at once. It's hard for me to call survivorship "good" news.

So what lies in store for us? We're sticking around a bit longer. Alice gets to stay in her excellent preschool, I get to enjoy my friends here a little bit longer, and Bobby gets to figure things out career-wise.

Meeting Santa Together

We told Alice that if she sat on the guy's lap, she would get a candy cane. She got in line, hopped onto his lap for the photo and just sat there until he asked, "What would you like for Christmas?" She replied, "A candy cane."

"Uh, well, I think I can do that for you."

Ta daaaa! Another successful visit with the guy dressed like Santa. Robert didn't seem traumatized in the least. I like his pinwheel-ankle action.

My Little Man

 

(yeah, I made those rockin' Big Butt jeans!)

 

(He enjoyed the noodles more than he lets on in this picture. He ate 80% of the pile)

Bobby's Sunday Summary

This week has been very stressful. Alice has started having real temper tantrums, and we are not completely sure were they are coming from. She might just be feeding off of stress that is at home already. Partly because at work they are planning layoffs again. The rumor is Tuesday. I am not that concerned about what will end up happening, even though this time it looks more likely then previous times that I might be "downsized". There are enough companies hiring now that I doubt I will stay unemployed for very long. I am just not sure where I would end up. The biggest amount of stress is the not knowing, which is really bad for Susan because she is a planner. Sorry I don't have much good news this week, but there should be some more pictures and videos coming soon.

Ready to Write It Down

It's been 8 months since Robert's birth. I wasn't ready to talk about it back then because everything was out of whack. I was grappling with the new family dynamic, trying to make something/anything work, and disturbed by how much the experience wasn't the warm and fuzzy "welcome to our life" that I had wanted it to be. The toughest learning curve of my life.  Hands down.

Now, though, it's totally different. Our whole family was brushing our teeth at the same time this morning. I looked at that boy squeaking his gums on the handle of his toothbrush and tried to imagine what our life would be like without him. In all honesty, two words came to mind: simpler and hollow. My brain and heart have carved out a place for this fellow. I love him more every day.

So, the following is an account of Robert's first few days. Yes, I talk about labor and even use the words "cervix" and "afterbirth" so read at your own risk. I also delve into some of my thoughts and feelings, which weren't always positive. In fact, the reason I wasn't able to talk about Robert's birth before now was because it was a traumatic and raw experience unlike anything I had ever experienced before...including Alice's birth. If you want to skip the labor talk, scroll down to the asterisks ***

I remember reading some stories to Alice in the morning and noticing how things felt different. The harmless little Braxton-Hicks contractions were different. Absent, actually, and there was something else in their place. Braxton-Hicks contractions tighten your whole uterus for a few seconds. They're hard to ignore and easy to predict (i.e. standing up quickly, a little more physical exercise than you're used to, a full bladder, etc.). There were no more B-H contractions when I thought I should feel one. Just a teeny ache of tension. I watched the clock and discovered this tension was happening every 5-10 minutes pretty regularly. Suddenly, a stillness settled in my mind. I don't know how else to describe it. I kinda knew this was the real thing. This was the day I had waited for for 40 weeks and 4 days. I wasn't excited. I wasn't afraid. That surprised me. I just felt focused.

The tension contractions got stronger over the next several hours. I didn't tell Alice. I didn't tell Bobby. I started to get scared. Giving birth is not easy. My experience with Alice's birth showed me I was certainly capable of it, but Alice's birth also taught me how exhausting and painful it would be. It was hard to feel excited about the work ahead of me. Soon, I started leaking amniotic fluid with each contraction. The contractions got harder and more erratic. This was nothing like my experience with Alice which went almost exactly by the book. I was suddenly more insecure and more scared than I had ever felt with Alice's labor. That surprised me. I was embarrassed about it, too. "Shouldn't I know how this whole labor thing goes by now?" All my coping strategies were failing me. The pain was growing too quickly. I didn't have time to adjust.

I called the hospital to let them know I was in labor. I called Bobby, I think. Maybe my mom, too. I can't remember. I did call Bill and Kristin to come get Alice. I helped Alice pack her bag. Bobby came home from work at some point, Bill and Kristin took Alice away at some point, and I know we tried to eat something before heading out (homemade tamales with green enchilada sauce). I kept trying to put off our departure. I couldn't stand the thought of going through those increasingly painful and erratic contractions while strapped in to my seat by a seat belt. Walking and swaying were the only way for me to get through them. I had only been feeling pain for an hour, anyway. A trip to the hospital felt premature. Then walking and swaying wasn't helping anymore...it was time to go!

We checked in and got a room at 6pm. The contractions seemed more manageable now and I started feeling dumb for coming in so early. The nurse put on the fetal heart monitor and started asking the routine questions. The midwife was on her way. I was in a good mood. Then the next contraction came and I felt like I should push. When I told that to the nurse, she ran out to check how close the midwife was. In she came! The midwife on duty was Kathy Easter. The exact lady I had just had such a positive experience with a few days before. I knew I was in good hands. I was chatting and laughing between contractions, which I thought was a sure sign that I was not far enough along to need to push. She checked my cervix and said I was dilated to about 6cm. Another surprise for me! I shouldn't feel the urge to push until 10cm, right? Kathy assured me that my body knew what it was doing and that I should follow the urge. I did. It was a matter of minutes before I was fully dilated and the baby started moving down the birth canal.

I remember so little about the next 30 minutes. Here are the pieces that remain:

I needed Bobby to hold my hand and count out loud for me through each contraction. Counting out loud reminded me that the contraction was only going to be there for a small amount of time. I remember he had to count past 50 once.

Kathy removed the fetal heart monitor soon after arriving. I was much more comfortable after that.

In the last 10 minutes, as the baby's head was coming into view and the pain was so shocking, I completely panicked. I was afraid. I didn't want to endure this another minute. I was in tears. This was nothing like Alice's birth. Nothing was the same. I asked Kathy, "Why am I so afraid? I don't want to go through with this. Why?" She said in all seriousness, and with perfect compassion, "Because you know it's going to hurt like hell." I needed to hear that. She acknowledged and validated my experience. My pain was real. My pain was okay. I was still afraid, but I had no other choice.

A few contractions later, there he was. Kathy picked him up and put him right into my arms. He was hot and wet, yelling like nothing else. He felt heavy to me. I looked at him and wondered, "Are you a Robert?"

Bobby and I held him, trying to figure out who he was. We didn't think to take pictures. I was going through all the physical shock that comes after giving birth...the shakes, afterbirth, utter relief...and marveling that it was actually done. Alice's birth took 6 hours from the first contraction. Robert cut that in half.

He nursed really well from the start. No problem latching on. No problem staying awake for both breasts.

*************************

They moved us to the recovery room and we made all of our phone calls. Still didn't have a name for him, really. He slept and slept, waking as often as newborns do. I was tired from the start. Alice's recent obsession with Mary Poppins led to one song getting stuck in my head the whole time I was in the hospital. It's that terrible song that Mrs. Banks sings about the suffrage movement. One line in particular haunted my half-asleep stupor, "Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid." For 2 days! Every time I nursed, every time the babe would squeak in the night, those were the only words that would come to mind. I felt sorry for the boy. I was probably making terrible milk with all that animosity swimming around my consciousness.

Nobody sleeps well in the hospital. I don't like being there. We put teeny little Robert in his car seat. Alice's car seat was empty right next to him. I was both glad and scared to go back home. How would I manage this needy newborn and his older sister? I wondered a lot, but knew that I had no choice. I needed someone to tell me that this, too, was going to "hurt like hell."

We drove straight to the Jarvi's house to pick up Alice. I stayed in the car. Bobby went in and Alice burst out the front door shrieking at the top of her lungs, "Baby Bob! Baby Bob! Baby Bob!" My feelings were suddenly so powerful that I started to cry. I...had...missed...her. I was amazed by her instant love for Robert. She was running towards the car and I was watching the last few seconds of her pre-Robert life. Everything was about to change. Where would we go from here? Who would we become? I didn't want her to see me cry, so I put it away for a while. She adored him, the Jarvies cooed over him, and then we took our kids home for the first time. Together.

The first few weeks that followed that day were hard. I won't candy-coat it. I just couldn't find a way to meet my needs, Alice's needs, and Robert's needs. Even with my mom, my sister, and Bobby at home to help me! Robert was the sweetest, most compliant baby in the world, and was such an easy-going little guy (when my Mom held him to her chest all night...thanks, Mom).

What made it so hard? I think it was because I had to restructure my relationships with everyone in the house, including myself.

Anyway, it's still a work in progress, but things are much, much better. Prayer and practice can deliver me from almost any difficulty, I'm learning. I love that boy dearly. I love both of my kids (er, I mean "our kids"). Life is more complex now, sure, but the blessings are richer for it. You should have been there when we decorated the Christmas tree last night. Warm fuzzies all around, and the best quality time we've had in a long time. I'm still glowing just thinking about it. I think that's why I can record Robert's birth experience now. My feelings, my life, aren't like that anymore. I've got a new line stuck in my head, "There is hope smiling brightly before us and we know that deliverance is nigh."

Bobby's Sunday Summary (I know, I know it's Monday)

This week felt like a crazy one. Although it was actually very normal. It was probably mostly that everyone one sick, at least a little bit this last week. Both Alice and Robert have had colds. Alice even has had a bit of croup again. Susan has been stressed with it all, and I think it all culminated last night with Robert having some gut issues or something along with the cold, and me having a headache so I couldn't help out as much as I would have liked. I sure love Susan and am very grateful for all that she does even when she is not too happy about it.

"The Dress"

Here are the only existing pictures of Alice in the red princess dress that I sewed for her this Halloween. She's trick-or-treating at Bobby's work (yeah, they mostly wear t-shirts and shorts there. Nerds rock!). I'm a little ashamed to share the picts, but maybe I'll help someone else avoid the same mistakes. It's HUGE on her (size 4-5 in a costume actually means closer to size 6). I've got the skirt pinned up (poorly) in the back so she doesn't trip over it constantly. She still tripped over it constantly. The headband was an afterthought (obviously) and people had to ask her what she was. She didn't mind telling everyone over and over that she was a princess.

Ugh! What a mess of a dress! It didn't look nearly so bad on Alice's 5-year-old friend. Maybe Alice just has to grow into it a little more. Until then, I'm hiding my shame in the deepest, darkest closet available. Curse those shimmery costume fabrics and froo-froo dress details!

Faux Chenille Blanket

I love, love, love this idea! A couple of twin-size beauties are on my future project wish list (we already have plenty of baby blankets to last us a couple generations):

Picture and idea snagged from MADE.

More of Robert's Personality

Spending more time with the boy, I start seeing more about him.

Noise
It's no secret that he tolerates noise pretty well. Last night, we pulled out the inflatable mattress that used to be for guests (this mattress can't hold its air longer than an hour, so it's "cruel and unusual" to make guests sleep on it). It's now a jumping toy in our living room for a while. Anyway, the inflation process is pretty noisy and high-pitched. Not only did Robert tolerate the noise, but he wanted to see and touch it. He wanted to be right on top of it! Even when the motor was quiet, he wanted to examine it and play with it.

"I'm gonna getcha"
When Alice was a finger-walker, we would play the "I'm gonna getcha" game. She'd run away laughing and squealing every time. We now play it with Robert and get completely different results: Robert either ignores the threat entirely (usually when it's coming from Bobby) or turns around, grins, runs full-force, and tackles the person threatening to get him (usually me, then he mauls me with open-mouth kisses and head-butting, grabbing my hair to snuggle it). It's nice to know one is appreciated.

Soft, furry stuff
Alice didn't seem to care one way or the other about stuffed animals. Robert, however, can't help but grab furry stuff with both fists and pull it to his face for a nice, long, wet, open-mouthed rub. Even live animals (sorry, Reuben, you ancient Siamese cat).

Recent Art Work

I'm working in the kitchen and Alice asks, "How do you spell "lost", Mommy?"

I sound out each letter, "lllllll, ah, sssssss, t"

 

She then "writes" a story (see the l c l c E i writing on the right?) about a little lost boy who eventually overcomes some bad guy and is reunited with his family. Then she insists we act it out.

Another day, Alice and Bobby are writing "letters" to each other on scraps of packaging that Alice had previously been using as money. She tells me this is a picture of a baby bird and a mommy bird crossing a bridge.

This is another bird crossing a bridge but now there's a smattering of yummy seeds for her. I kept my thumb in the picture for scale. These are itsy, bitsy drawings.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

My mom won't get me anything that I want for Christmas. Can you help?

Electrical cables and cords
Electrical outlets
Toilet bowl
Toilet paper dispenser

Love,
Robert

Personal Revelation

So, um, the end of that last post was kind of ominous. I've been in a bit of a funk, lately, trying to make this mother-of-two thing work. Feeling overwhelmed. Feeling tired. Feeling that two kids was as much as I could ever handle and it would be irresponsible of me as a human being to have any other children because adding one more needy, sleepless dimension to my life would put me over the edge and destroy any hope of being a good mother.

Dramatic? Perhaps a little.

Then, acting on the advice of my dear husband (and countless others throughout my life) to pray about it, something changed. It was an answer. Instead of trying to convince myself and God why I shouldn't have any more children, maybe I should focus on enjoying the two kids I actually have. "Oh yeah. Maybe I should." It was a loving sort of chastisement, and now I had another series of questions to ponder: What do I enjoy about each child? In which situations do I feel the most stress? I used to love this motherhood thing...what happened? How can I create more of those moments of enjoyment and mellow out during the stressful ones?

The timing worked out great, actually, because we were heading to the temple the next day. I had 3 hours in the car with Bobby to chat it out and brainstorm solutions. Alice played almost entirely by herself the whole time and Robert slept blissfully. That alone was a miracle, and the only reason Bobby and I could chat things out so well.

(Side note: I think this blog has helped me in several ways. One of the most powerful ways being a connection with grandparents, family, and friends who tend to pray for us when we're struggling. Those prayers work, by the way, and produce miracles like a 3-hour conversation with my spouse.)

I realized that most of my parental anxiety centers around Robert. My boy. The new one I keep trying to fit in and figure out. His needs are constantly changing, despite being so simple. He doesn't have the skill to express himself in the few moments I can devote to him at a time. It's gnawing at me that I don't know him as well as I want to.

So, I pondered it some more and received/found/felt another answer: Spend more time with Robert doing the things he likes, whether or not I actually enjoy that activity. I groaned. The boy is an insatiable finger-walker. I envisioned hours hunched over helping him toddle around our house. Then I remembered how much he likes a good bath, too. I could throw a few extra baths into the week just for fun. Robert also likes wrestling, crazy kid, and I actually like a little physical play now and then. Actually, I just like making the kid laugh.

It's been a few days of this new focus and I've noticed a complete turnaround. He's still waking up several times a night for...no...blasted...reason...ARGH! I'm still exhausted most of the day *yawn*, but I love the boy again. You know why it works for me? Because my love language of choice is quality time. My time with him IS my growing love for him. And now I know him better. And like him more. And feel less parental guilt for somehow failing him as a mom before he's 1 year old.

So what did I have to give up to spend all this quality time with Robert? Surprisingly little. I spend less time on the computer checking email. My games with Alice just have to be flexible enough to include random movement from room to room with Robert's finger-walking. And maybe it's just coincidence, but Robert's happier, too, so he seems more flexible with other people's schedules and circumstances.

This mom-of-two thing is still harder than anything I've done before, but I like it again :)

Bobby's Sunday Summary

This week has been very very busy. This week was Thanksgiving. We got to spend it with our friends. We made several pies, stuffing, raw veggies, and green beans. They roasted a 23 lb. turkey. This bird looked about as big a Robert. It was a lot of fun to just hang out and have a relaxing afternoon. The day after Thanksgiving we drove down to St Louis to go to the temple. We got a hotel for the night, and we both did a session friday evening. It was nice, but Robert still was having issues so we did not sleep nearly as well as we had hoped.

On Saturday we had some of Susan's high school friends come over. They are now living in North Carolina and Michigan, but were in Indianapolis for Thanksgiving and stopped by. It was a lot of fun and Alice made some new friends.

Farm Dreams

Our friends and neighbors have asked us to watch their "livestock" while they're away for Thanksgiving: rabbits, laying hens, and an ancient Siamese cat who just can't get enough love. It's cold work in the semi-darkness (rabbits need to be fed about the same time every day, dusk). We discovered this little beauty in the chicken coop yesterday:

Alice didn't want to put it in the fridge right away. She held it for a long time, whispering sweetly to the teeny "chickie" inside. Then she asked to eat scrambled eggs for lunch.

Someday, somewhere, with the right amount of space and a little more nurture room in my life (i.e. kids get a bit older and I need someone/something more to nurture), we will have a few laying hens. Nothing big, but it's a little dream of mine. Think she's dreaming of it, too?

Speaking of dreams, here's the Boy in a spontaneous 3rd nap yesterday:

I think he's praying for more rest. I am, anyway ;) Robert is getting better slowly. He seems unhappy almost all of the time. I haven't heard him laugh for a few days. That's rare. He's having a hard time sleeping at night, which means Bobby and I are having a hard time sleeping at night, too. Argh!

Two young kids is on the edge of what I feel I can handle as a mom. I don't get to enjoy either of the kids as richly as I want to. It's a treat for me to take just Alice to the store. It's a rare treasure to spend 10 minutes on the floor with just Robert. I still can't believe I'm a mom of two most days. I love this work more than I thought I would. Honestly. After a good night's sleep, I can't even imagine wanting to do anything else. Really, truly. It's a Gobstopper: hard and sweet and difficult to describe when your life/mouth is full of it.

Double Ear Infection

Fussy, fussy, fussy Robert,
Clinging like a static-y skirt.
Give him a dose of Tylenol
He still acts like he's hurt.

Won't eat, won't play, won't sleep a wink.
His body gets all hot.
"It can't be ear infection, Bud,
You haven't any snot!"

Reluctant trip to see the Doc.
(Some desperation, too)
"Ah yes, it's ear infection, ma'am
And not just one, but TWO."

Amoxicillin, you're my pal.
You stink, you're pink, but hey
For bringing back my little boy,
You're welcome any day*.

*any day you are medically warranted and properly prescribed by a licensed professional, of course.

Bobby's Sunday Summary

Perhaps it is just the lazy Sunday after noon but no one really remembers much or what happened this week, so I assume it must have been been an fairly normal week, except for the week end. We had stake conference this week and Elder Bednar came. We had many different meetings, so Saturday and today have been rather busy. Although today was not as busy as my usual Sunday, hence the lazy Sunday afternoon.

Alice's Friend

In Alice's preschool last week, their topic was friends and friendship. For show and tell they were asked to share something about one of their friends and possibly bring a picture, if they had one. Alice has several friends she loves (and asks) to play with countless times a day. I thought this would be a very easy show and tell. I mentally sorted through our pictures to see if we might have a picture of any friend she happened to choose. This girl surprised me yet again. I asked her, "Which friend would you like to talk about in show and tell?" She replied with a grin, "Wobert." And this is the picture she chose to share:

A Robert by any other name...

I found this the other day and wanted to record it somewhere. Blog wins. It's a list of names I was considering while pregnant with Robert. I had intended to bring it with me to the hospital, but it had fallen off of my nightstand at some point. We were holding that little baby, looking at him, listening to him, and trying to figure out who he was. It took us a while, especially since I couldn't remember half of the names I had been considering for so long. Even after we decided he was Robert Jerald, it took some time for the name to fit. I can't imagine him as anyone else anymore.

I've often thought about the other names my parents were considering for me. My mom tells me they thought about Karen, Susan, and Steven (gender was a surprise at birth back then). I wonder how my life might have been different as a Karen. 

Dentist Visit

Alice runs into preschool this morning, throws her backpack into her cubby, spots her teacher and shrieks in excitement, "Mrs. Strom! I went to the dentist!"

"You went to the dentist? What did they do?"

(I was dying to hear what Alice would say, so I hid around the corner)

"They sucked my spit!"

"Oh, wow!"

"And they gave me a new toothbrush!" She runs to her backpack and pulls out a little flosser. "And a blue flosser!"

She cares more about the new brush and flosser than the mini beach ball, the sticker, and neat little bubble timer she also received during this visit. I think she officially collects toothbrushes now.

We prepped her for some time about what to expect on her first visit to the dentist. We talked about the squishy chair that moves, the flashlight in your face, opening your mouth so they can count your teeth...blah blah blah. Nothing surprised her except the spit sucker. I forgot about that. She tolerated "Mr. Thirsty" once or twice and then politely refused any more. She sat there nervously with her mouth wide open so the hygenist could count teeth, scrape plaque, polish, AND paint on a fluoride treatment (Confession: even I don't sit through a polishing. Can't stand it. I've refused it ever since I learned it was not actually necessary for clean teeth). This girl amazed me. I sat at her feet on the chair, she held my hands/arms, and Robert played on the floor. Both of these kids blew me away.

They're not normal, y'know. I just keep testing them to see what they'll do and they keep doing stuff like this: polite obedience, patient waiting, and comfortable interaction with every person they meet. How will I ever learn how to set boundaries if they keep being so self-limiting? Count my blessings, right? Or wait/prepare in secret terror for the day they suddenly decide to test all the limits at once.

*sigh*

The dentist concluded that Alice has nice, strong teeth and no cavities. Woo hoo! She also commented that it's nice to see so many gaps between baby teeth (i.e. Poulson pebble teeth) because that means there's less chance of crowding later on. My family may not have problems with crowding, but many end up with braces anyway.

She also confirmed my suspicion that fruit snacks were of the devil. Not in so many words, but I got the hint.

Looking for Time Again

Several new points to ponder and no time to ponder them. Sigh. I'm over-scheduled again. Gotta rework my routine. When I get the time, I'd love to tell you about these things:

• Robert learning to roll over and getting angry about it
• Alice's first trip to the dentist. What a good sport!
• Robert's budding personality, curiosity, and energy
• Taking a friend to visit her husband in prison
• House renovations and growing blind to the chaos
• The importance of regularly changing your furnace filters *sigh*

Bobby's Sunday Summary

This week has been a lot like last week. More home improvement. But much more slowly this time. We are trying to do some of the finish work on the floor which is a bit slower then just laying down the large expanses. Robert is betting bigger and more desirous to walk. Every chance he gets he will grab our fingers and throw himself on to the floor to try and finger walk. He also has an amazing reach. He will tuck his feet under him and lean forward until he is almost on his knees to grab something. he he will go back to siting. This leads to a few face plants, but he is surprisingly good at knowing his boundaries.

Haircut Attempt

Our "Saturday Family Fun" activity last weekend was haircuts. Yeah, yeah, kinda lame for everyone except Alice who giggled and jumped and begged for her turn. This particular haircut won't make my top 20 list. It's a real hack job. Sharper scissors would help. A lot. And maybe some haircutting training.

Anyway, I see Robert's hair is hanging over the tops of his ears and think a spiffy little haircut will make him look even spiffier in his Sunday duds the next day. I plop the boy down, drape him in the gown, and make the first cut right above his left ear. A clump of light brown baby hair flutters to the floor and I regret it instantly. It's not just that the straight cut looks completely terrible. Terrible like...like...like his mom just took a pair of scissors and cut straight above his ear:

No, the part I most regret is seeing that little clump of baby hair on the floor.

What?! Since when am I the kind of person to get sentimental over haircuts?!

This boy's babyhood is different, somehow, from my experience with Alice (uh, duh Susan). I want him to grow up enough to make my life easier, but I don't want him to really grow up.

Despite this sudden longing to preserve Robert's fleeting babyhood, I still have to fix my (second) hack job. I take the clippers and run a 7/8ths inch length all over his head. It graduates the straight cut enough to hide a bit of my shame, but now there is even more baby hair on the floor and I'm getting more emotional by the second. His fuzzy halo remains, though severely crippled. Hope springs anew. It may grow back.

Changed my mind

After a terrible night like last night, I decided it's probably too early to put them together in one room. Alice woke up several times with a stuffy nose and Robert had one of his random wakings with lots of crying. I got very little rest between 10 and 1, but at least each of the kids only woke up with their own issues.

Decision made: I'm keeping them apart a little while longer.

(sigh of relief)

Note: I should clarify that I haven't actually put them in the same room yet. Each kid had a bad night on the same night, independent of the other kid. I can only imagine how much more frazzled I would feel if they had been in the same room waking each other up. I will probably consider putting them together in another 6 months.

Bobby's Sunday Summary

This week has been very long and stressful. We had a lot happen to the house.  We got new carpet throughout the entire house.  We had to move all  the furniture to the kitchen or the garage.  And it is not all back yet.  I also worked on the bathroom a bit more yesterday. Now it is all done but a little painting, on the base boards. And it actually looks fairly good.

Why put them together?

Now that our house has been emptied into the garage, I'm taking a new look at how we use our space. I'm rearranging the living room furniture and contemplating a new sleeping arrangement for the kids. I know, I know, I tried this before when Robert was a couple days old. It didn't work out then. Why do I have this crazy "need" to put my two kids in the same room for sleeping? Doesn't that just set me up for a world of co-wakings? And yet I have this evil desire to put them together...just to make them (and us) do it. It's not a very rational thought, so I'm using this blog entry today as a space to consider my options. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter, if you'd like to leave a comment or shoot me an email.

Why keeping them apart is attractive:

1. Different nap and quiet time schedules. In separate rooms, Alice can play as long and loudly as she likes while Robert sleeps away.  Her quiet time starts whenever it's convenient for me. He sleeps when he needs to. No need to delay quiet time because of a nap, or make the kid sleep in the living room because quiet time isn't quite over yet.
2. Different bed time expectations. After the bed time routine, Alice sits in her bed for some time looking at books and listening to music or stories on her CD player. She also keeps the light on all night. Robert nurses in the dark 'till drowsy, then goes into the crib with a pacifier and his blanket. Dark silence. Both traditions/expectations would have to change significantly to accommodate each other.
3. Each kid has space to call his/her own. This probably doesn't matter so much right now, but it's really important to me as they get older. 
4. We have the space. A three-bedroom house allows each child his/her own room, and it's not like we've found a different use for that room that suits us. Before Robert came along, his room was a storage room. Technically called an "office" because it contained our printer and internet router, but mostly it was a black hole where we threw things whenever company came. Oh yeah, it also stored a few hundred pounds of food storage. I guess that's kinda important.
5. They won't wake each other up in the middle of the night. Both kids "sleep through the night" (meaning they are physically capable of it and usually accomplishing 10-12 hours of continuous sleep a night), but between the periodically teething/sick/gassy infant and the periodically sick/thirsty/cold preschooler we tend to be awakened once a night. They don't tend to wake up one another, though, because they sleep in separate rooms with the doors closed.

Why putting them together is attractive:

1. I'm curious to see what will happen. Will they sleep better or worse? Will they play together better or worse?
2. Adds a new dimension to the sibling relationship.  I'm always thinking about their developing relationship. Yeah, it's the psychologist in me. I have a lot of control over their relationship now before Robert talks and moves and pesters her for fun. I have this crazy idea that if I foster a strong, positive relationship now, then the hard times to come won't be so hard. I'm trying to build a buffer. Am I trying to control something that's uncontrollable?
3. Alice likes company.
4. Robert likes company.
5. They like each other. I think they'll have fun.
6. Maybe we could use the "extra" room for something else. We don't get enough guests to dedicate an entire room year-round to them, but it would be nice to have a private-like public space that guests could stay in, like an office or play room. I really like to give guests a private space with a lockable door. 
7. Two kids in two rooms seems like a luxury. I don't pay for luxury goods, so why use my space so luxuriously? It seems like I'm being wasteful by giving the kids so much luxury. Spoiling them, maybe. 
8. And, well...I'm a little embarrassed to admit this in a public space...I've got a little obsessive-compulsive tendency to gather things and sort them. Some people hate putting toys away and folding laundry and emptying the dishwasher, but I kinda like sorting and gathering like items and tucking them away into their little places. A little collection of kids in one room seems so much neater and pleasing to me than spreading them out all over the house. 

So, there you have it. Those are the arguments in my head. Now here's the analysis. If I put the kids together and turn the extra room into a play room, then most of my concerns about combining them are alleviated: Alice's quiet time and Robert's naps can take place in separate places (Alice in the play room, Robert in the bedroom). Bed time is a little trickier. Maybe Alice can use wireless headphones and keep a small lamp on by her bed. That's something I should try, actually, before moving her bed anywhere.

I asked Alice about it and she loves the idea of sharing a room with Robert. She actually wanted to sleep in the crib with him, but I told her the crib was off-limits. She considered that for a while and decided that she's still interested. I wonder if she likes the sharing idea well enough to change her bed time habits.

How much is a pair of wireless headphones anyway...Amazon has them for $20. Let's have a chat with the girlie-girl.

If she's willing to try it, then I'm willing to make the move. Her bed is pretty easy to move and a pair of wireless headphones will be a useful addition to our technology stash, regardless. And I'm just plain curious to see what the heck will happen.

Dapper Dan

In the midst of the crazy house updates, I suddenly realize that my kids are ill prepared for winter weather. We have to get the boy a coat, at least. Socks might help, too. So we zip out to our local kids' clothes consignment store and have a look. We end up with a coat, winter shoes, warm PJs, and a couple winter dresses...still no socks *sigh*. I get lucky, though, and find a nifty vest and tie just right for my little man. Couple them with pants and a shirt from a cousin and ta da! Fancy-dressed man.

 

I love to see him gussied up. I never got into dressing Alice fancy (probably because fancy girls are usually frilly and froofy), but I can't get enough of this boy in dress clothes. One drawback: all of these items are sized 2T, and yet his neck is still too large to button the top button on the shirt.

Kitchen Floor Progress

Three solid days of mistakes, frustration, and figuring/locating/purchasing the right tools/materials for the job and we FINALLY got some of the new floor put down in the kitchen. Then we experienced a few more mistakes and quite a bit more frustration before Bobby found his rhythm and performed this amazing transformation:

That's the kitchen floor half done. Good man! Stove moved, fridge in the entryway (tight squeeze!), kitchen table in the middle of the living room (an emotionally exhausting disruption, no matter how necessary and temporary it may be), and lots of dust everywhere. Most of the dust, thankfully, is in Bobby's make-shift workshop:

 

While the kids and I were at the Halloween party on Saturday, eating good food, playing with friends, and trick-or-treating, Bobby pounded out the rest of the kitchen floor project. It was critical that we (I mean "he") finish on Saturday because the glue takes 12 hours to cure. If he had to do more on Monday, the glue wouldn't cure until Tuesday and we'd never get all the furniture moved in time for the carpet to be installed Wednesday. So he did it.

The kids and I played there all morning while Bobby was at his pre-church meetings. It is literally the only open floor space in our house larger than 3'x3'. See how this home remodeling can be so emotionally exhausting? Here's a snippet of the fun:
























I hear, "Mom, look at Robert!" several times a day. Sometimes it really pays off to look at the kid :) In this video, he's reaching for the dishwasher cord and the natural gas pipeline for our stove. I promptly moved the stove back into position.

Alice invented a new game on our new floor this morning. She dances around and you try to hit her feet with beanbags. You only win if you hit her six times out of six. This is gonna take some practice on my part.

Halloween Celebrations

Halloween started a week ago at our house. Our church had a "Trunk or Treat" last Saturday. The red princess dress Alice had selected was not yet complete, and it was 2 sizes too big anyway, so she went to the party as a turtle...with a Tinky-Winky headband and red, sparkly princess shoes. Bobby posted picts last week.

Then came the Costume Parade at a local nursing home. Alice opted to stay in preschool for their Fall Celebration, so it was just me and the boy. We had invited several friends from church to attend, too. I'm glad we did. In the picture below, 7 of the 19 kids were our invited friends :) Can you see my little Chef/Pillsbury Dough Boy in the front? He was really interested in the kitty cat sitting next to him. He tried to get her attention by squealing and flailing his limbs. She ultimately decided he was too young for her and toddled off.

FYI, also featured in this photo are Robert's cousins Will (Cat in the Hat) and Kayla (turtle), and several friends: Justin (blue dinosaur), Esther (Tigger), Caleb (fireman), Mary (ballerina in snow boots), Spencer (fireman). Not pictured are Spencer (cowboy) and Isaac (pumpkin). I love having so many people I like to hang out with. Really. It's a blessing.

Later that afternoon, Bobby's work hosted a "Ya-Boo!" event where kids could trick-or-treat at all the cubicles. Alice wore her red princess dress this time, and it was terrible. It's WAY too big for her, so we had to pin up the skirt while the bodice was sagging off of her shoulders. I'll put it away for a year or so and then slip it into the dress up box. Sewing a princess dress was quite the learning experience. The biggest lesson was humility. Second was gratitude for sewing friends who could help me through it. I will not be tackling anything so complicated again for a long time. A long, long, time. I didn't take pictures...it was that bad.

Then on Saturday, we were invited to a neat Halloween party with friends. I love my friends, even when I'm too frazzled and tired to make much party conversation. Alice threw on her purple tutu leotard, some thick tights, and a pair of white shoes and called herself a ballerina. I'm cool with that. (It's taken me some time to be cool with Alice's periodically frilly and froofy femininity. My main concern was that she would dive into the frilly, froofiness without exploring other options. It turns out that she enjoys many kinds of play and many kinds of dress-up, so I'm okay with exploring the frills when she feels like it.) I didn't take pictures at this event, either. I was juggling two kids, a couple plates of food, and then trick-or-treating. Bobby stayed home to make progress on the kitchen floor (see the next post, woo hoo!).

So, three Halloween events and three costumes for the girl. Robert was his charming chef-self every time. He was quite a good sport with the hat and all. He had a great time at the final party. He loves kids. Spencer Bair (almost 3yrs) got a little close with his sucker and Robert took it from him, popping it into his mouth with glee. We retrieved the sucker but Spencer didn't want it anymore. All was forgiven quickly, though, since Spencer only had to look at Robert to make him burst into giggles.

And today, on the "real" Halloween, we're just eating lots of candy :)

Bobby's Sunday Summary

This week has been a crazy one. We have has so many Halloween parties with Alice, including the trunk or treat last week that we have much more candy then she could ever eat on her own. Robert went to all of them as well, we just didn't encourage him to ask for candy. Add to that the new floor we are putting in the Kitchen, it has been very crazy. Happily the kitchen floor is almost done, and we should be able to finish it in time for the new carpet next week. After that hopefully life starts to get closer to normal again.

First tooth! First pacifier!

He did it! He cut his first tooth! Like Alice did, Robert tends to get awfully snotty the couple days before the tooth pops out. We thought he was getting sick...again...then the tooth came through and all the snot disappeared instantly. The second tooth won't be far behind.

This has also been an interesting week with the pacifier. Baby Bob has never really liked them. We tried really hard at first to get him attached to them, but he just gagged and cried harder every time. Well, with the teething and the off-and-on sickness, he started to use me as his pacifier. No go, bub! I pulled out the pacifiers again and gave it another go. Success! It didn't take him long to get the hang of it this time.

But now I have mixed feelings. The pacifier has made bedtime, ouchies, and the "witching hour" much, much more pleasant for all of us. At the same time, I know I will be taking it away from him eventually. And I kinda miss all his random babbling noise. You can't see his smiles as well, either, from behind the pacifier. Was this a short-term gain for a long-term loss? Hmmmm.

Alice had unlimited pacifier use until age one, then it was restricted to the bed. When she started asking for it by name ("deet-do") at age two, I felt it was time to get rid of it altogether. Her relationship with the pacifier evolved naturally and none of these transitions was terribly traumatic. Each parent has his/her own philosophy about this issue, I know. And there are great parents on both sides of the issue that I deeply respect. I understand both sides. So, I have mixed feelings. My impulse is to allow pacifier use as long as it continues to make our lives and relationships better/easier. If it becomes "absolutely critical" to the boy's happiness, out it goes.

Let's see how this goes.

Still Catching Up

Bobby told you that my friend Julia came to visit, and he even showed you pictures of things we did WITH Julia, but failed to connect the two events. Here are a few pictures from that busy, but awfully fun, weekend.

Individual shots of all 5 of us in the car. I'm in the back seat, crammed between the two car seats. It's technically legal, and the kids absolutely love it, but it's not very comfy:

The girls at Negangard pumpkin patch:

We were trying to get a shot of just me and Julia but Alice kept popping in. She picks strange times to suddenly like getting her picture taken.

The boys at the patch:

Bobby had Robert on his shoulders quite a bit. Robert kept grabbing Bobby's hair and burying his slobbery face in it with giggly gusto. That is the main reason that all of the picts Bobby took of us girls happen to be askew.

After the pumpkin patch, we painted our hallway. Julia went to pick up dinner (at Holy Land! Woo hoo!) and Alice begged to go with her. Unbelieveable. I had to take a picture of it.

Then on Sunday, Robert wore his first fancy Sunday suit (thanks Evanses!):

It was also the last time he would fit into this particular outfit. Oh well. It did whet my appetite for more "little man" clothes, though. I'm fashioning some Big Butt slacks for the boy now and dreaming of vests, little ties, and shiny shoes in our near future.

Julia left Sunday evening after a quick batch of raspberry coconut milk ice cream. Alice sobbed. We were all a little sad, but it was good she left when she did. I came down with some nasty gut bug the next day. Ugh. The coconut milk ice cream was an unfortunate casualty. Any thought of coconut flavor now makes me nauseous. Bye bye Thai curries and peanut sauce, but only for a while. I hope.

Playing Catch-up

Two of Bobby's Sunday Summaries in a row...wow, I'm behind. Plenty of excuses: Bobby's been out of town, we've been sick and then sick again and then teething (adds up to no sleep), and I'm just plain uninspired these days with all the other work to be done in the house. Home improvement is lots of work and it's not the kind of work that makes me happy. The whole process is a long, tedious learning curve coupled with a headache. You have to mess up your WHOLE house for a LONG time just to make it look better in the unforeseen future. Not my cup of tea.

But the end is actually in sight these days. We've trimmed our "to do" list significantly by completing a few projects and just plain dropping most of them from the list.

"Do we really need to repaint the ceilings, too? They look pretty good to me."

"You're right, let's just go to bed."

Lately, I find comfort and sanity in the fact that this house in this neighborhood is only worth so much, even if we deck it out with all the latest and greatest luxuries. No one buys a $200k home in a $100k neighborhood.

We've finally purchased the Pergo laminate flooring for us to install in the kitchen over the next week. Then the carpet will be installed next Wednesday and TA-DAAAA! We'll have a party in our "new" place.

Bobby's Sunday Summary

This week was a crazy week. It started out with us going to the pumpkin patch to pick out some pumpkins, and to carve a jack-o-lantern.

We ended up with a 2 faced pumpkin. One Alice drew and one I did.

Alice is addicted to candy. Last night our ward had their annual halloween party. Alice got a fairly good haul of candy from the Trunk-or-Treat part. Well in the car, and the entire time she has been awake she has been interacting with the candy. She has been planning out what she will eat and when she will eat it, because she doesn't get to eat it all at once. She has gone through the basket several times asking about the flavor and type of each of the candies so she knows all about them when making the proper decision on what to eat.

The party was more then just a trunk or treat, there were also some games, and lots of fun costumes. Robert was supposed to be the Pillsbury Dough Boy. But we were too tired from out temple trip that day to finish it, so he was just a baker.

Alice was a turtle. She was originally going to be a princes. But she decided that she wanted to be something else, and put on things from her dress-up box.

Bobby's Sunday Summary

This week was very busy. I was in California all week for work. I left early Monday morning and didn't get home until late Friday night. Susan spent the week at home with two sick kids. At least the second half of the week was with sick kids. On Friday our friend Julia showed up for a week end visit too. So it was an eventful but tiring week end as well. Happily everyone seems to be mostly better. Susan still has a cough that will not go away. But we are still going to be very busy. We are doing some touchups to the house, so this week will be filled with painting.

Mmmmmm

Bobby's been out of town this week and I've had to get (more) creative with the kids when they are the most fussy: 4-6pm. Yesterday was funny.

Robert's fussing. He's tired of the walker, tired of sitting on the floor, and tired of every single baby toy in the house. I sit him on the table for a change of pace. He's way back by the kitchen window so he won't lunge off the side. It works! He's happy and flailing his arms again. Whew. Alice is at her seat, munching on scrambled eggs and listening to "Stone Soup" the gajillionth time on the CD player (thank goodness for books on CD!). I'm washing dishes at the sink trying not to memorize the story. My back is to the kids. Robert starts fussing and straining a bit and I can tell that he's bored again. I rack my brain for a novel "toy" to hand him, "Wire whisk? Measuring cup? Tupperware? Spatula?" The fussing suddenly stops and I hear a smacking noise punctuated only by excited panting. Curious, I turn around to find Robert with nubbin of bacon poking out of his mouth. He has a big smile on his face and hickory-smoked drool dripping down his chin.

Exasperated, I ask Alice, "Did you give Robert your bacon?!"

"No. Bacon? What?"

I pull the bacon from his mouth. He had crammed half a slice in there! Apparently, he was lucky enough to steal the bacon off of Alice's plate while she was mesmerized by the story.

Alice wanted the bacon back, by the way, and she ate it all. Goofy, goofy, bacon-loving kids.

Check out Robert's hair halo:

Oh yeah

Just a preview of our next Saturday Family Fun activity:

Noise Shmoise!

Robert doesn't mind loud noises. It's a radical departure from his dear ol' sis who STILL must run into another room whenever I need to vacuum, mix up some batter, or grind a few nuts. He's also a far cry from empathetic. The sweet boy actually finds Alice's melt downs amusing. Maybe he can't tell noisy silliness from noisy tragedy? Admittedly, they sound pretty similar, coming from Alice.

Anyway, here's Robert watching a neighbor of ours mowing our lawn. The screen door is open, so he's getting the full volume of the mower. Doesn't phase him. He watched this neighbor back and forth, back and forth until he was done with the lawn.

In case you were wondering, Robert's hearing appears to be normal in every other way. He wakes up in the morning within seconds of hearing Alice's cheery (though whispered) voice in our room :)

Check out his new Big Butt jeans! I made him 2 pairs at once in 2 different sizes (didn't take as much time as 2 pairs created subsequently would). The smaller ones, 12-18 months, didn't fit and now they belong to a cloth-diapered baby twice Robert's age and a few pounds shy of Robert's weight (23 pounds and counting!) *sigh* Robert did get to keep the 18-24 month size with lots and lots and lots of rolling in the hem.

He's only 6 months. The idea (hope?) is that Robert will stay about 25 pounds as he learns to crawl and walk. His pants can then be lengthened before he "outgrows" the waistband again.

A Mexican friend of ours took one look at Robert and exclaimed, "Bien gordito!" I know enough Spanish to figure that one out on my own. Somehow, "bien gordito" seems infinitely more charming than "big fatty." Also, it was spoken lovingly, not in amazement or pity, which makes a big difference. I get a lot of amazed exclamations and a few pitying ones. One mother even asked me, in all seriousness, if his doctor had put him on a diet :(