Happy Birthday, Alice!

Alice usually gives lots of warning as her birthday approaches. She counts down the days starting about mid-February. There's a flurry of party ideas, gift suggestions, some discussion about her birthday dinner and cake/pie, and a general sense of anticipation that makes it fun for me, too.

We finally settled on a birthday dinner on her birthday (sesame chicken), a birthday pie (homemade cherry pie with dark chocolate sauce) in Texas with Erin and Grandma and Grandpa Poulson, and a small birthday party at some future date...probably a couple friends coming over for a movie night...or making dinner together. She can't decide yet. 

This year, Alice said she didn't feel 11 years old yet. I can see that. I can see her changing, too, and expanding her ideas of what's possible. That seems very 11 to me. Maybe even 12 ;) Her friends are still important to her, but she has this budding sense of gravity...this concept that she is something still distinct and different from her peers. I'm fortunate that she still tends to think out loud and share all of her thoughts and feelings as they happen. I wonder how much longer that will last. I wonder how I would have survived this long without it!

I can tell that my opinion still matters a lot to Alice. She wants to please me. I find that dangerous. Whenever I notice something positive about her, if I say it out loud, she tends to exaggerate it the next time it happens. She tells other people that thing about herself. I had spoken the truth when I told her that thing, but it wasn't for the whole world to know. It wasn't the only thing I liked about her, either. It was just an observation, and somehow she instantly incorporated it into her identity. That, my friends, is a dangerous place for me to be. It gives me reason to pause before I say anything to her about her. I don't want "I did well" to turn into "I'm the kind of person who does well." There's a difference, y'know? Especially when it comes to mistakes, "I failed" can turn into "I'm a failure."

Middle school years. Here they come.

Speaking of which, she filled out her application for Campus Middle School for Girls. She's still undecided about whether she'll go, but the deadline was her birthday, so we got it in. She loves the smaller CMS size, but doesn't want to give up the Urbana Middle School Band opportunities. And her current friends. There was a questionnaire for the student to fill out and a separate one for the parents. I will share my answers to the parent questionnaire here. They're accurate, but a little vague and incomplete. I could have expounded on additional sheets of paper, but that seemed excessive in this exercise, y'know?

Describe your child's strengths and talents:
Alice’s superpower is relationship-building. She draws people together with big ideas like putting on a play (4th grade), creating a backyard museum (preschool), running an etiquette camp for preschoolers (2nd grade), or putting on a “spooky house” for friends (5th grade). She is naturally observant, empathetic, and loyal. She does pretty well academically, but her true passion is reading. She is insanely responsible. It surprises me what she notices and instantly works to improve, even without anyone asking her to do it. She works diligently to complete assignments on time, and thrives in environments where peers challenge her to achieve more.

Describe the areas in which you think your child needs encouragement:
Alice could use more practice with grit and creative problem solving. She hasn’t had to struggle much for anything yet, so when something gets difficult, her first response is to wilt and retreat. Alice also finds it incredibly stressful to be in places where peers break the rules or treat teachers/substitutes disrespectfully. Her stress in these situations turns into headaches, stomachaches, and long, tearful conversations later at home. We are working with her to develop tools for dealing with both of these areas in her life.

Give a one sentence description of your child:
Alice is an intelligent, capable, and self-directed relationship-builder.

So, the application is now in and we'll see how she feels about her choice once we know more. I could blog for hours on my own internal debate about this decision. I've studied and prayed and thought and thought and thought about this. It was tying up my guts with worry. At one point, I was praying especially hard about this decision: send Alice to a small, private middle school for girls OR encourage her to make a place for herself at the large public middle school. I got a feeling that I can only describe as one of mental numbness followed by a peaceful settling of my anxieties. This decision was clearly not for me to make. That's when I handed it to Alice. Who knows what she will decide in the end? Private school won't be easy. It will come with its own set of problems, and Alice will also need to help with tuition payments. Public school won't be easy, either. I am confident, however, that Alice will make a fine place for herself wherever she chooses to go. She senses the potential here.

Alice is talking about making money this summer running camps out of our house and pet-sitting and helping people with childcare and growing food for a farm stand. I wouldn't mind showing her how to run the lawn mower, either.

I love this age. I love every age Alice has been. She does this growing up thing so gracefully and without apology. She's cautious, but hopeful, and often planning ahead.

Looking forward to another fantastic year with this girl. Happy Birthday, Alice!

My 11-year-old enjoying her Cherry Garcia sprinkle-dipped cone at the Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream shop in Galveston, TX

Spring Break 2018!

Where do I even begin recounting our Spring Break 2018 trip?

*sigh*

This is what I hate about travel-blogging :( It is, by nature, a macro view, which makes it difficult to process the micro moments that make it all worth it. I'll just have to use the macro events as a framework to linger on the micro a bit. That way, you can skim through the bold bits to decide if you want to read more on that theme :)

We left Friday, March 16th, at 7am and drove and drove and drove for 7.5 hours until we reached Little Rock, AR. The kids traveled well. Alice and Robert were almost no maintenance on my part. James just wanted audio books the whole time. Matthew, well, he was something I did not plan properly for *sigh* Among other things, he declared a bathroom emergency twice in the 2 hours before reaching Little Rock which both turned out to be false alarms. Then, 15 minutes from our destination, it was suddenly the real thing and we were in the middle of nowhere. Literally. I dug around in the car and found an old disposable diaper. We pulled over so I could hold the diaper around him while he did his thing. I cleaned him up, and we were on the road again. That could have played out SO much worse.

We left our luggage in the car and spent the rest of the afternoon at a children's museum in downtown Little Rock. It was small enough that we could see everything in a couple hours, and the age range was almost spot-on for our kids. If only we had one adult to follow each kid around at his/her own pace and interest level. We got to see the world's largest musical Tesla coil. James couldn't get enough of the bed of nails. It was more like a bed of phillips screwdrivers, but he loved the sensation and thrill of danger. Robert and I had a delta-wave battle with our minds (we strapped brain monitors to our heads that measured delta waves (calm, relaxed waves) and it was like a mental tug-of-war). Alice got a kick out of the mansion of puzzles and brain games. It was a lot of math. We could figure out most of them, but you had to use your puzzle answers to complete a multiple-choice quiz to win the prize. In the end, she used her understanding of probability to "guess" at the ones we were missing and got it right. Matthew liked the pretend vet hospital. We were all a little scared by the tornado house.

Went to Corky's BBQ for dinner and went to bed at the hotel. Not much micro to linger on here, except Robert ate too much fried food and sugar free gum, so his gut was not happy that night. The other kids slept well, but Robert and the adults could have used another 8 hours :(

Next morning, we hopped back in the car and drove straight to my parents' house in Houston, TX. It was another 6.5 hours. By this time, the kids were tired of the road. And grouchy. And bored of all the things I had brought to entertain them. Matthew suffered the most.

We played at Grandma and Grandpa's house until Monday morning. The kids fell right into it at my parents' house. No awkward hugs or introductions necessary. They instantly fell in love with my sister's dachshund Sasha, too, which probably helped with the transition. Sasha is a sweet, quiet, unassuming kind of dog who would rather run away or snuggle Heather than bark or jump up in your face. We got to see my sister Lara and her family, too. I love how her family likes spending time together. They genuinely enjoy talking to each other and playing together...teenagers and all. I would love to have moments like that with my family of teenagers, too. This was also the point in the trip I realized I had only packed ONE pair of underwear for myself. Ugh.

Bobby and I jogged together Monday morning. Let me tell you...running at 6:30 in the morning in darkness in 100% humidity and 70F was NOTHING like a jog on the treadmill. I am NOT accustomed to breeze or uneven ground or interesting stuff to look at or keeping my own pace. Time to readjust those triathlon expectations a little bit more.

We drove 2 hours to the beach house on the Bolivar Peninsula. The kids did well. Matthew was beside himself with anticipation of the ACTUAL beach in his near future. The house was everything I had hoped for: private beach, lots of open space inside and out for our large crew, plenty of private space for regular bedtimes and baths and a moment to myself when I needed it. I loved having my parents and Erin with us. It's hard to be a mom on stage, and I know my parents had moments when they wished they could help more with the kids, but it was overall a very positive experience. Bobby stepped up and did a lot. More than his fair share. I was kinda wasted at this point in the trip...kicking myself for forgetting or underplanning some things...wanting a break from the kids, which is kinda the opposite of a family vacation...worried about the 2 days of driving between beach bliss and a freezy spring home in Illinois.

We stayed at the beach for a few days. The kids played on the beach every day for hours. Bobby was down there with them most of the time. There were shells, hermit crabs, oodles of sea birds, and small waves that were fun to run with but not so big as to knock anyone over. One day, there was a super low tide. A bunch of tangerine-sized jellyfish were beached. The kids found some great big shells and a golf ball coated in baby barnacles. When not at the beach, we ate, did puzzles, played with toys and read books, ran around the upper deck again and again and again (mostly Matthew and James here), explored a public park, watched ships going into and out of Galveston, sang Happy Birthday to Alice, and took Robert to convenient care to treat another asthma attack :( I had forgotten to pack his inhaler. Now we have 3. We spent one day in Galveston (the ferry ride there was cool) and saw "A Wrinkle in Time" in the theater. Made me cry. I didn't like crying, but the message resonated with me in ways I hadn't felt in a while. Maybe I'm still something of an 11-year-old girl deep inside. Maybe I'm just worried about Alice. Probably both.

We drove home to Illinois. I was reminded why I don't like traveling through Arkansas. All the kids were sick of the car by this point. We stopped again in Little Rock for the night. Alice, James, and Matthew braved the windy 69F air to go swimming in the outside pool. Alice worked on her glides and splashes while James gradually gathered enough courage and experience to finally jump into the pool from the side without assistance. That's another milestone for him. Bobby's one-on-one sessions at the pool have really made a difference for this boy. Him and Robert, both. Matthew played on the stairs until he got too cold, then snuggled into a nest of towels on my lap and shined in his charming, irresistible, and sweet little way. I didn't even care that he was soaking my pants and shirt through to my skin. That boy. I'm in so much trouble.

We came home to temps in the 60s. The kids pretty much hopped on their bikes right away and were zipping around the cul-de-sac until bedtime. Then it snowed and iced the whole next day. We got stuck in it this morning trying to get to church. The kids played in the snow for hours today, only 3 days after getting sunburned at the beach. Here are some pictures from our trip:

Wisps of Kindness

At dinner tonight, Matthew burst into tears when he learned 2 muffins was the max and he would have to finish a veggie before getting any other food. James instantly, and kindly, offered Matthew the rest of his delicious muffin...to enjoy when Matthew had finished his carrots, of course...and I almost fell out of my chair.

My little Jamesy-pirate, usually looking for an advantage of his own or a weakness in someone else, experienced a moment of...something else...and made his little brother really, really happy.

Later, after an evening of swimming at the Urbana Indoor Aquatic Center (Monday Night Fun!), Matthew was concerned when the swim bag kept hitting his feet in the car. I tried to move it off, but it just flopped back onto him. I tried again and didn't feel anything. Huh?! Robert had silently pulled the bag over onto his own feet. Y'know, just to give some relief to his little brother.

Moments like these don't happen every day. The kids get along, and they struggle like siblings do, but to see them offer relief to another without expectation of payment (or under duress of coercion), is a welcome sight indeed. Even when it's something small. Especially when it's something small? Hm.

Portrait of a mom trying to keep her grouchy 3-year-old occupied (and completely silent) during her 7-year-old's piano practice by letting him take goofy pictures with her phone. Success!

Dear Robert

Dear Robert,

If/When you peruse this blog later on in your life, you may notice a distinct lack of posts specifically about you at this age. Please don't be alarmed. Let me explain a little:

1. You don't like getting your picture taken.
2. You don't tell me about school.
3. You don't tell me about Primary.
4. We routinely spend 44 hours a week (out of 91 waking hours a week) away from each other.
5. You're in a bit of a grouchy phase. I think it has to do with your enormous school class being chaotic and you adjusting to a long-term sub while your teacher is on maternity leave. And it might be related to your sudden dislike of every food on the planet that isn't plain noodles or bananas...you're probably kinda hungry all the time. But these are just guesses, of course. You prefer to keep such things to yourself.
6. The interactions we do share mostly fall into one of these four categories, in order of time spent:

• Household business, 20-30 times a day, every day
• Piano practice (1-on-1), 20-60 minutes a day, 5-6 days a week
• Mom Time (1-on-1), 30 minutes, once a week, reading Harry Potter out loud
• Brief bursts of creative, thoughtful pondering and figuring and lively discussion. You tell me about what you're imagining or working on in that moment. You ask questions and we look up answers. You tell me a solution to something that's been bothering you, or me. You give me hug after hug after hug whenever you feel the urge.

I wish I could hold on to those bursts a little longer. Maybe those are what I should be recording on the blog...for me AND you. Yes. I'll do that. Or try to, anyway. So, what bursts happened today?

• We practiced the piano before school and you whooshed through some tough bits that had been bothering you. You were so delighted that you couldn't stop smiling. 
• You told me that your friends had declared all Roberts as "Amazing Bellies" with bellies that could pop off and take any shape they liked. You thought this was a great coincidence because you happen to have the skill of sucking in your gut and sticking it out like a pregnant lady in a very dramatic manner (especially after a large noodle dinner and a lava cake dessert tonight), which makes your belly pretty amazing. 
• I asked you about your upcoming birthday party (turning 8 is a "big party" year) and you got excited about the possibilities. You really want to go rollerskating at Skateland, which is pretty much my idea of purgatory, but maybe we can find a compromise. 
• You tried to earn a steak dinner by doing a push-up handstand off the floor. Dad may have to pay out sooner than he anticipated.

Yeah, this burst thing might work out.

You designed and sewed these cape shirts for yourself and your brothers one day. Alice helped you with threading the sewing machine and working out a couple kinks, but you did the whole project on your own. And they're great!

Love,
Mom

Early Nap

The kids love spending time at Erin's house! Last Friday, they went over for dinner and had a sleepover with games and prizes and a movie. Matthew had enjoyed a late nap earlier that afternoon, so he was wide awake until 9:30pm or so. Erin tells me he woke up the next morning about 5am. Ugh. Way before the other kids, but only by 90 minutes. We have early risers. When I picked everyone up at 8:30, Matthew and James already seemed a little droopy. Just 30 minutes later, Matthew was snoring on our couch...

Snnnxxxxxxxxx.

 ...and James was having a meltdown in the locker room after swim lessons because I put his socks on in the wrong order. Dude. Tired, tired boys. It doesn't bother me much, though, because the sleepover allowed Bobby and me to go to dinner and see Black Panther in the theater...and sleep in Saturday morning...and gather my thoughts before collecting the kids. I had a brief respite before snapping into "Weekend Mom" mode. Such a luxury!

Coupon Boy

I've mentioned before that James obsesses over the weekly ads and coupon booklets that come in the mail, right? Well, a couple months ago, he learned that these coupons have a limited lifespan. Now, instead of cutting them out one by one and secreting them away in his box of treasures, he picked his absolute favorite and asked very nicely with a please if we could possibly use that one...today...with his own money.

We had the time, he had the money, so I obliged. Little did I know that those Buy-1-Get-1-Free M&M milkshakes were the FULL adult size. James didn't seem to mind :)

He ate half before calling it quits.

And Matthew certainly appreciated James' generosity:

The super-long spoon was Matthew's favorite part. He only got 1/3 of the way through.

The server was extremely friendly and gracious and attentive. I ended up tipping her the same amount of money that the coupon had saved us ;)

Happy Hunter

Alice came with me to the Family History Center last week for some one-on-mom time. It turned out to be quite the busy night! We had three patrons AND Alice made a fantastic discovery of her own.

I wrote about it to a friend who had just given a class on beginning family history research to a bunch of 11-year-old girls and their moms:

"She said she was going to follow interesting names [in our family tree] like you had demonstrated. Well, she landed on an ancestor that I had researched a couple years ago. The research trail had gone cold and I had left a couple questions in the Notes section that I wanted to pursue later. Well, we started looking up stuff for one of the questions and Alice stumbled upon an obituary. I had looked for an obituary before, I know it! I had this woman's death certificate in my files, for goodness' sake! Anyway, the obituary was new to me and it was a wealth of information and dates. It named 8 children in birth order, including two little girls who had died as children. I hadn't known anything about the children who died.

I'm pretty sure I screamed. And Alice did, too. We spun around in circles on those spinny chairs. Then we got to work entering all the new information into FamilySearch. In a couple years, Alice will be baptized and confirmed for those girls and we can finally get this family sealed together right. She was totally glowing with excitement for two days. What a rush :)"

Here's how she felt:

Stinkin' surprised and happy.

Not Ready

Found these little beauties in my front flower bed this week. My 3-year-old Buzz Lightyear was kind enough to put his hand in the picture for scale:

Crocus bulbs breaking dormancy

I am so, so, so, not ready for spring this year. Here it comes.