Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Advent Complete
Tonight, we hosted the last installment of our Musical Christmas Advent series (aka "sing songs and eat cookies"). I'm a little sad it's over. It was great to be with friends and family singing all kinds of Christmas music, especially the traditional carols and hymns that aren't in the LDS hymnbook. Each night left me happy and peaceful instead of the usual post-party feelings of, "Aw man, why on earth did I think this was going to be fun?!"
I was lucky to be a part of that little Advent group with my sister Heidi and her cool friends so many years ago. I'm quite thrilled to have a copy of their Advent notebook with all the music.
Did it prepare me better for Christmas this year? Yes.
Will I do it again next year? I hope so.
Did the kids like it? Yes! Alice even opted to stay and sing while the others played elsewhere. And there's nothing like a good old fashioned binge on cookies and cocoa to make the season brighter, right?
Since this was the last night, I let it go a lot longer than I should have. We sang until 8:40, then started in on the treats. It was 9:30 or so before people started leaving. And poor Robert, with his hands and face sticky with innumerable treats and goodies, practically fell asleep on my shoulder as we said goodbye to our guests. He asked to be put "straight to bed, but not because I did anything bad, just because I'm so tired."
It was a good idea. A good fit for us this year. I'd like to feel this good about Christmas every year.
I was lucky to be a part of that little Advent group with my sister Heidi and her cool friends so many years ago. I'm quite thrilled to have a copy of their Advent notebook with all the music.
Did it prepare me better for Christmas this year? Yes.
Will I do it again next year? I hope so.
Did the kids like it? Yes! Alice even opted to stay and sing while the others played elsewhere. And there's nothing like a good old fashioned binge on cookies and cocoa to make the season brighter, right?
Since this was the last night, I let it go a lot longer than I should have. We sang until 8:40, then started in on the treats. It was 9:30 or so before people started leaving. And poor Robert, with his hands and face sticky with innumerable treats and goodies, practically fell asleep on my shoulder as we said goodbye to our guests. He asked to be put "straight to bed, but not because I did anything bad, just because I'm so tired."
It was a good idea. A good fit for us this year. I'd like to feel this good about Christmas every year.
My Week by Alice
Umm, Noo, Haa, Daad, Nooo Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Snort Ha HA he he heh heeeeeeeehe eh ehe ehe ehe ehehe ehehe ehe e huh ummm.
I had a horrible day, umm, school is over. mmmmmmm hehhe hehehe eh ehe he. Thats all. heh eh eh.
(What made today horrible)
I couldn't choose any books. uhhhh. Naughty list. The End.
I had a horrible day, umm, school is over. mmmmmmm hehhe hehehe eh ehe he. Thats all. heh eh eh.
(What made today horrible)
I couldn't choose any books. uhhhh. Naughty list. The End.
Bobby's Sunday Summary (Getting Ready For Christmas)
We are getting ready for Christmas around here. We had a fun christmas party with some friends yesterday. They had tamales and we all hung out and had fun. It was really nice. Today I did not have any morning meetings so it has been a lazy Sunday morning. It was fun to talk with the kids about Christmas and what was happening and take some pictures.
This is our front yard, it looks like will be another gray Christmas for us.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Climbing Wall Part 1
I did it! A year in the planning/testing/figuring stage, and finally the finished product came together today: a small climbing wall in my front room. I absolutely LOVE it. The kids think it's fun, too:
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
A rant on "our friends"
Okay, I have something that's bothering me and I need to work it out.
Friends.
There's a trend these days to call everyone in the child's classroom or group "our friends." I can see how that would seem like a positive move, emphasizing togetherness and closeness and friendliness in general.
But I'll tell you one thing: Robert is SO confused. He's never had a real friend. He's three. So when his preschool teacher says, "We'll start the story when our friends are all sitting quietly", or maybe something like, "Some of our friends are still learning to share", Robert learns that a "friend" is anyone. He's not learning that anyone can be a friend. See the difference?
When I ask Robert who his friends are, he thinks I want a class list.
He's told me a couple times, "Some friends are nice and some friends are mean."
Really?! 'Cuz I expect my friends to be nice to me, even when it hurts.
Before preschool started, Robert had one friend. A real friend. Well, as real as a 3-year-old can have, anyway. Robert doesn't classify that boy as a friend anymore because he doesn't go to school with him. He has NO WORD to describe that relationship. Am I the only one disturbed by this notion?
But now I'll tell you another thing, and this is probably the real issue at hand: It's not easy for me to throw around the term "friend." I may have known someone for five years, but that doesn't make them my friend. I have about 10 real friends, and more than one is related to me. See what I mean? Short list, real relationships. I truly care about these people and their lives.
Friends are not the kids you simply endure at school. Friends are not everyone. Friends are people who invest in the relationship. They give as much as they ask. They are regenerating and enduring. Timeless.
Robert is three, I know, what's the big deal? He'll figure it out when he's old enough to care. Sure, sure, sure. I'm trying to be okay with this. Really, I am. This is clearly MY problem, not his. I just wish I could give him another word for that trusting, enduring relationship that comes along every once in a great while.
Real friend? Close friend? Dear friend? Good friend? True friend? Bah humbug. There's a reason the word "acquaintance" exists.
Friends.
There's a trend these days to call everyone in the child's classroom or group "our friends." I can see how that would seem like a positive move, emphasizing togetherness and closeness and friendliness in general.
But I'll tell you one thing: Robert is SO confused. He's never had a real friend. He's three. So when his preschool teacher says, "We'll start the story when our friends are all sitting quietly", or maybe something like, "Some of our friends are still learning to share", Robert learns that a "friend" is anyone. He's not learning that anyone can be a friend. See the difference?
When I ask Robert who his friends are, he thinks I want a class list.
He's told me a couple times, "Some friends are nice and some friends are mean."
Really?! 'Cuz I expect my friends to be nice to me, even when it hurts.
Before preschool started, Robert had one friend. A real friend. Well, as real as a 3-year-old can have, anyway. Robert doesn't classify that boy as a friend anymore because he doesn't go to school with him. He has NO WORD to describe that relationship. Am I the only one disturbed by this notion?
But now I'll tell you another thing, and this is probably the real issue at hand: It's not easy for me to throw around the term "friend." I may have known someone for five years, but that doesn't make them my friend. I have about 10 real friends, and more than one is related to me. See what I mean? Short list, real relationships. I truly care about these people and their lives.
Friends are not the kids you simply endure at school. Friends are not everyone. Friends are people who invest in the relationship. They give as much as they ask. They are regenerating and enduring. Timeless.
Robert is three, I know, what's the big deal? He'll figure it out when he's old enough to care. Sure, sure, sure. I'm trying to be okay with this. Really, I am. This is clearly MY problem, not his. I just wish I could give him another word for that trusting, enduring relationship that comes along every once in a great while.
Real friend? Close friend? Dear friend? Good friend? True friend? Bah humbug. There's a reason the word "acquaintance" exists.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Warning Signs
Alice and Robert were sitting on our kitchen desk, moving our kitchen chairs around with their legs. Buddy noticed his legs could fit through the spaces on the back of the chair pretty easily, so he shoved both legs in up to his thighs. Well, they wouldn't come out again. Surprise! Buddy wouldn't let me touch him or the chair. They tried everything they could think of to free him, though I nixed the suggestion to break the chair open. Alice's face lit up with one last idea to stretch the wooden slats apart just enough to let him pull his knees through. I was the only one strong enough to try, so I seized that as an excellent smokescreen for shoving his knees through with brute force. It worked!
Buddy was afraid he would forget this experience and try to put his legs through the chair back again. Alice suggested she write a note and tape it onto every chair in the house. Robert politely listened to her detailed description of the note and its specific placement when he suddenly burst out in an anxious surge of emotion, "But I don't know how to READ!"
"Then I'll write it in orange. All the orange notes in the house say 'Do not put legs in here', okay, Robert?"
"No! You should tape the big paper on so hard that I can't break my legs through if I try it again. So, so, so much tape!"
I piped in with, "I think a big orange note should be enough."
Robert seemed doubtful as Alice worked on her large notes, but much happier once they were in place.
Buddy was afraid he would forget this experience and try to put his legs through the chair back again. Alice suggested she write a note and tape it onto every chair in the house. Robert politely listened to her detailed description of the note and its specific placement when he suddenly burst out in an anxious surge of emotion, "But I don't know how to READ!"
"Then I'll write it in orange. All the orange notes in the house say 'Do not put legs in here', okay, Robert?"
"No! You should tape the big paper on so hard that I can't break my legs through if I try it again. So, so, so much tape!"
I piped in with, "I think a big orange note should be enough."
Robert seemed doubtful as Alice worked on her large notes, but much happier once they were in place.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Bobby's Sunday Summary
This week was very busy, or should I say the weekend was very busy. 3 Days straight of go go go. Friday was a deadline at work, which happily we met, but it was after several weeks of slippage. Not so much from what we could control, but more from external sources. I also spoke at a conference on Friday. Luckily it was a kind of small conference in town, so I was only out of work for about an hour and a half. Then I came home early to pick buddy up for a boys night out. We went to the mall for the family night they have. We rode the carrousel, had a few treats and played at the new playground they have. After that we came home so we could all go to the church for a Christmas party there. We snuck out a bit early. The kids just could not take any more fun.
Saturday I was solo for a lot of it, Susan was off helping a friend and doing some Relief Society stuff. In the morning we went to a friend's baptism. The in the afternoon Alice went to a birthday party while I took the kids. In between we put together a gingerbread house kit we had. That evening we went to the work Holiday party. It is always a bit awkward with Susan having to talk to people she does not know very well, but it turned out fine. The food was also surprisingly good. Who know that mexican food and Saag-Paneer would go so well together, but they actually do.
Today has been a more or less regular Sunday, which is fairly crazy anyways with my schedule. But the kids were great throughout most of it, so it was not nearly as stressful as it could have been.
Saturday I was solo for a lot of it, Susan was off helping a friend and doing some Relief Society stuff. In the morning we went to a friend's baptism. The in the afternoon Alice went to a birthday party while I took the kids. In between we put together a gingerbread house kit we had. That evening we went to the work Holiday party. It is always a bit awkward with Susan having to talk to people she does not know very well, but it turned out fine. The food was also surprisingly good. Who know that mexican food and Saag-Paneer would go so well together, but they actually do.
Today has been a more or less regular Sunday, which is fairly crazy anyways with my schedule. But the kids were great throughout most of it, so it was not nearly as stressful as it could have been.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Buddy-isms
Apparently Robert is hitting the peak of his "cuteness" curve. He's the only one I talk about on the blog anymore :( Here's more cuteness:
Alice came home one day from school with a paper cut. Robert was completely in awe. "Paper CUT you? How? Show me how." Then he started trying to cut things and other people with paper. "Mom, can you show me how this works?" Well, yesterday afternoon, the boy is leafing through a magazine and gets a paper cut on his thumb. He looks at it for a second, "Hey. That paper cut me. I have a paper cut!" We oooh and aaah for him. I ask him, "Does it hurt?" He says, "No, not really." Then the cut starts to bleed a little and he says, "I was wrong! It does hurt! It hurts worse than dying!" One band-aid later and we're all fine.
Today, he was helping my neighbor and me make an evergreen wreath. He was in charge of the scissors, of course. These were the BIG scissors. He and Alice were playing around and singing when suddenly he burst out with, "We're off to see the scissors, the wonderful scissors of Oz. I'm the scissors of Oz!" and he burst out laughing. Then he said, "I'm the scissors of Oz. I can do anything. Well, I can do anything except eat beans."
It's true. The boy doesn't like beans.
Alice came home one day from school with a paper cut. Robert was completely in awe. "Paper CUT you? How? Show me how." Then he started trying to cut things and other people with paper. "Mom, can you show me how this works?" Well, yesterday afternoon, the boy is leafing through a magazine and gets a paper cut on his thumb. He looks at it for a second, "Hey. That paper cut me. I have a paper cut!" We oooh and aaah for him. I ask him, "Does it hurt?" He says, "No, not really." Then the cut starts to bleed a little and he says, "I was wrong! It does hurt! It hurts worse than dying!" One band-aid later and we're all fine.
Today, he was helping my neighbor and me make an evergreen wreath. He was in charge of the scissors, of course. These were the BIG scissors. He and Alice were playing around and singing when suddenly he burst out with, "We're off to see the scissors, the wonderful scissors of Oz. I'm the scissors of Oz!" and he burst out laughing. Then he said, "I'm the scissors of Oz. I can do anything. Well, I can do anything except eat beans."
It's true. The boy doesn't like beans.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Bobby's Sunday Summary
The holiday season is upon us. Susan had a small advent get together yesterday. A handful of people showed up to sing Christmas hymns and have some snacks afterwards. It turned out really nice. Thanksgiving was also this week. It was mostly a small get together. Just us and one other family. We went traditional this year. It was mostly laid back and rather relaxing. The next day we went down to the temple. It too was a relatively relaxing experience, at least compared to the usual temple trips. Hopefully the coming weeks will not be too stressful too.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Brother Butts
I just love it when my boys share interests. Even the smallest, most trivial peek behind the couch bed makes me want to pull out the camera and post it on my blog. It doesn't happen that often, you see, since most of Robert's interactions with James still involve a lot of sneaky, passive-aggressive pushing/pinching/headbutting to scare James away from his play. James isn't always the victim, though, since he's on a pinching/biting streak of his own these days. They'll get this brotherhood thing figured out one way or another.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Bobby's Sunday Summary
This week was rather busy. I was in Washington DC for the last half of the week. I was there to speak at a conference. The last day of the conference they wanted to give me a thank you gift, but it was a wine opening set. They learned that I don't drink the first day so I just kind of left it with them, and it all worked out. The plane ride home was less then ideal. The conference center I was at was right next to Dulles airport so I just took the shuttle, and didn't bother with a rental car or anything. Sadly my flight out of Dulles was canceled because of weather issues, so they booked my on another flight out of Reagan. A $70 cab ride latter I was at the airport and ready to take off, except the new plane they had put me on was not ready to take off. The plane was three hours late and another flight to Chicago took off before ours even showed up. Turns out there was a faulty sensor on the plane and it took them three tries to fix it. I was positive that I was going to miss my other flight but it turns out that my flight to Champaign was delayed 2 hours and left 15 mins before the next flight to Champaign. I just made the flight but my bad did not. It was put on the flight 15 mins later. So I landed and then had to wait another 15 mins for my bags to show up. It was a very long day to finally get home.
The next day we woke up and a leisurely breakfast, and then went outside to finally rake the leaves. It was a big job, but it turned out to be a really good experience. Both Alice and Buddy helped to fill bags. Alice filled just over 4 bags all by herself. Buddy almost filled an entire bag. it was really great. Alice was actually really helpful, and didn't need any help, except to smash the leave down and carry them over to the pile. it was awesome.
The next day we woke up and a leisurely breakfast, and then went outside to finally rake the leaves. It was a big job, but it turned out to be a really good experience. Both Alice and Buddy helped to fill bags. Alice filled just over 4 bags all by herself. Buddy almost filled an entire bag. it was really great. Alice was actually really helpful, and didn't need any help, except to smash the leave down and carry them over to the pile. it was awesome.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
The power of a neutral tone
From my last post about introversion, you know I've been working hard lately on my relationship with Buddy. I'm just now starting to get a handle on it, almost seeing patterns and techniques that bring out the best of the shining, happy, meticulous, and helpful boy that he seems to be. And I'll tell you what, *sigh* it takes a lot of focus.
I feel like I'm learning an entirely new language and culture. I'm setting the same boundaries as I was before, but it's a totally different technique from what comes naturally to me. I wish I could describe it better. I'm REALLY excited that I've happened upon something that seems to work better for us. The biggest difference is my tone of voice. It's really, really important that I approach him with positive or neutral emotion. Negative emotions like anger, frustration, and disappointment are effective in the short term, but tend to make him insecure...he soon lashes out physically and emotionally on his siblings, resulting in more negative emotion from me. It's not even that MUCH negative emotion. I'm not a yeller, after all, but I can get pretty stern.
[Sidenote: I found Buddy in the bathroom one day practicing his "mad faces" in the mirror. They weren't your typical "bad guy" faces with exaggerated eyebrows and snarling. No, these were REAL mad faces. Subtle. Silent. He showed me his Daddy mad face and started counting to three. It was pretty darn good. I told him that Daddy sometimes clenched his teeth, too, and we worked on that bit together.]
The last couple days, Robert has done a few infuriating things. I've kept my cool, remaining emotionally neutral and casual as I asked him about each situation:
Another tip when working with Robert: When asked directly about his guilt in a situation, he will lie almost every time. Instead of "Did you do this?", I ask in a curious and interested tone, "Huh, what happened here? I wonder how that could happen." His typical guilty response is a shrug of his shoulders and, "Mmm-mmm. It could happen like..." and I usually get part of the real story. A few questions later and I get the whole story. I can tell he doesn't really want to lie, but it's hard to tell the truth when he knows it was wrong to do.
Alice wasn't the kind of kid to create these sorts of infuriating situations. She also took snippets of direction very seriously, acting with self-control, and often asking permission if I didn't make a boundary explicitly clear. She's still like that.
[Sidenote: I think school has made the permission-asking thing even worse. She asks if it's okay to do everything. Anything. Sometimes I have to give her permission three times before she acts.]
I think Alice and Robert are similar in how sensitive they are to redirection/correction. Alice crumples into a pile of tears and obeys, no matter how you deliver it. Robert sucks the pain in deep for a while and then pushes it out other ways, eventually obeying with great reluctance. I guess what I'm saying in this post is that slight changes in how I deliver redirection/correction to Robert can prevent him from sucking in the pain. He accepts the corrections and remains positive about his ability to make better choices in the future. He seems to be obeying with joy. Maybe it's a phase. Maybe it has nothing to do with my technique. I've seen that happen too many times with my kids, so I'm not calling it a real pattern yet, but at least my perspective change hasn't hurt the situation :) Maybe.
I feel like I'm learning an entirely new language and culture. I'm setting the same boundaries as I was before, but it's a totally different technique from what comes naturally to me. I wish I could describe it better. I'm REALLY excited that I've happened upon something that seems to work better for us. The biggest difference is my tone of voice. It's really, really important that I approach him with positive or neutral emotion. Negative emotions like anger, frustration, and disappointment are effective in the short term, but tend to make him insecure...he soon lashes out physically and emotionally on his siblings, resulting in more negative emotion from me. It's not even that MUCH negative emotion. I'm not a yeller, after all, but I can get pretty stern.
[Sidenote: I found Buddy in the bathroom one day practicing his "mad faces" in the mirror. They weren't your typical "bad guy" faces with exaggerated eyebrows and snarling. No, these were REAL mad faces. Subtle. Silent. He showed me his Daddy mad face and started counting to three. It was pretty darn good. I told him that Daddy sometimes clenched his teeth, too, and we worked on that bit together.]
The last couple days, Robert has done a few infuriating things. I've kept my cool, remaining emotionally neutral and casual as I asked him about each situation:
- Tearing the corners off of a couple pages in a library book---with his teeth!---and chewing up the paper into a slimy wad.
- Sneaking James into the bathroom with him after I explicitly told him James was not allowed in there.
- Using the red handle of the broom to draw lines down the corner of our front room wall.
- Punching James in the face for smearing a slobbery toothbrush on his arm.
Another tip when working with Robert: When asked directly about his guilt in a situation, he will lie almost every time. Instead of "Did you do this?", I ask in a curious and interested tone, "Huh, what happened here? I wonder how that could happen." His typical guilty response is a shrug of his shoulders and, "Mmm-mmm. It could happen like..." and I usually get part of the real story. A few questions later and I get the whole story. I can tell he doesn't really want to lie, but it's hard to tell the truth when he knows it was wrong to do.
Alice wasn't the kind of kid to create these sorts of infuriating situations. She also took snippets of direction very seriously, acting with self-control, and often asking permission if I didn't make a boundary explicitly clear. She's still like that.
[Sidenote: I think school has made the permission-asking thing even worse. She asks if it's okay to do everything. Anything. Sometimes I have to give her permission three times before she acts.]
I think Alice and Robert are similar in how sensitive they are to redirection/correction. Alice crumples into a pile of tears and obeys, no matter how you deliver it. Robert sucks the pain in deep for a while and then pushes it out other ways, eventually obeying with great reluctance. I guess what I'm saying in this post is that slight changes in how I deliver redirection/correction to Robert can prevent him from sucking in the pain. He accepts the corrections and remains positive about his ability to make better choices in the future. He seems to be obeying with joy. Maybe it's a phase. Maybe it has nothing to do with my technique. I've seen that happen too many times with my kids, so I'm not calling it a real pattern yet, but at least my perspective change hasn't hurt the situation :) Maybe.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Introversion
I'm introverted. Surprise! Ha ha ha, okay, that's no big surprise. Well, it turns out that Buddy is quite the introvert, too, so lately I've been reading about it and watching TED talks about it and collecting informative and hilarious comics about it. I want to understand my child's experience better and relate to him on that spectrum. Being an introvert myself (and a seriously introspective one at that), I know it will be harder to get to know Robert as he grows because introverts don't always share their feelings readily, even with their moms who just want to understand them, gosh darn it.
In my research, I've come across statistics placing introverts anywhere from 25 to 50% of the population. Where are all those extroverts? If you're an extrovert, please leave a comment to this post. I feel like I'm completely immersed in introverts. Maybe I just pick introverted friends...extrovert relationships take a lot of energy, y'know?
Some research indicates introversion is genetic...introverted brains are hardwired differently. Introverts process information in DIFFERENT parts of the brain than extroverts do and therefore introverts and extroverts use certain cellular pathways in different amounts. This whole thing can be tracked biologically, not just environmentally! Absolutely fascinating.
So what does this mean for my relationship with Robert? Well, it means a lot of things. It means some forms of discipline are humiliating (e.g. scolding in front of peers) and some basic routines are paralyzing (e.g. ad lib public speaking, attending a busy/noisy preschool, time pressure to complete a task or make a decision) to him when they would only make an extrovert uncomfortable. It also means that he flows through life at a different pace, getting completely engrossed in a single task or idea for a period of time before moving on to another. He wants to know how and why things work. He can't stand to be interrupted in speech or play. He can only take so much of Alice's attention/play before he starts to drive her away with mean words and actions. Hmmmm, I should talk to Alice about this pattern so she can learn to give him space before he hits the "breaking point."
Robert lives in stark contrast to Alice, who would shrivel up and die if she didn't have new people to interact with constantly. Alice is on stage all day, and she loves it. She neeeeeeeeds it. She's the one who can't stand to be alone, who listens to music/books on CD at the same time she's reading in bed. Just for the noise and comfort of another voice. Robert likes to listen to music in the car. He doesn't sing along, doesn't want ANYONE to sing along. He listens hard and looks out the window and soaks it all in.
Anyway, he's a rich and interesting fellow to watch.
Where will James fall on the introvert/extrovert spectrum? Well, as of right now, one of his favorite games is to get perfect strangers to smile at him. He gets right into their personal space and flashes his big, pebble-toothed grin with scrunched up nose and squinty eyes. He just keeps shining it at them until they notice and do something. Then he runs back to safety. You tell me...innie or outie?
In my research, I've come across statistics placing introverts anywhere from 25 to 50% of the population. Where are all those extroverts? If you're an extrovert, please leave a comment to this post. I feel like I'm completely immersed in introverts. Maybe I just pick introverted friends...extrovert relationships take a lot of energy, y'know?
Some research indicates introversion is genetic...introverted brains are hardwired differently. Introverts process information in DIFFERENT parts of the brain than extroverts do and therefore introverts and extroverts use certain cellular pathways in different amounts. This whole thing can be tracked biologically, not just environmentally! Absolutely fascinating.
So what does this mean for my relationship with Robert? Well, it means a lot of things. It means some forms of discipline are humiliating (e.g. scolding in front of peers) and some basic routines are paralyzing (e.g. ad lib public speaking, attending a busy/noisy preschool, time pressure to complete a task or make a decision) to him when they would only make an extrovert uncomfortable. It also means that he flows through life at a different pace, getting completely engrossed in a single task or idea for a period of time before moving on to another. He wants to know how and why things work. He can't stand to be interrupted in speech or play. He can only take so much of Alice's attention/play before he starts to drive her away with mean words and actions. Hmmmm, I should talk to Alice about this pattern so she can learn to give him space before he hits the "breaking point."
Robert lives in stark contrast to Alice, who would shrivel up and die if she didn't have new people to interact with constantly. Alice is on stage all day, and she loves it. She neeeeeeeeds it. She's the one who can't stand to be alone, who listens to music/books on CD at the same time she's reading in bed. Just for the noise and comfort of another voice. Robert likes to listen to music in the car. He doesn't sing along, doesn't want ANYONE to sing along. He listens hard and looks out the window and soaks it all in.
Anyway, he's a rich and interesting fellow to watch.
Where will James fall on the introvert/extrovert spectrum? Well, as of right now, one of his favorite games is to get perfect strangers to smile at him. He gets right into their personal space and flashes his big, pebble-toothed grin with scrunched up nose and squinty eyes. He just keeps shining it at them until they notice and do something. Then he runs back to safety. You tell me...innie or outie?
Monday, November 11, 2013
Growing Pains...again
Buddy has a pattern. Every few weeks, he wakes up in the middle of the night with pain in his legs. He screams, he cries, he writhes. He tells us it hurts too much for him to even stop and take medicine. We massage, we soothe, we coax, we massage some more, we rock, we snuggle, we massage some more, and finally he calms down enough to take the ibuprofen. Then he eventually kicks us out of his room so he can get back to sleeping.
It happens so regularly that I kinda felt last night's episode coming on. We were due.
Our pediatrician says they sound like growing pains. Last night's pains were definitely centered in his ankles. He was thoroughly hydrated all day, and there was no excessive jumping or physical strain on his limbs. Add that to the pain's regularity, and Robert's large size ("You mean he's only three?!"), and I'm convinced it's related to his growth. A few weeks ago, he could still wear size 3T. As of this morning, his 3T jeans are highwaters. Anyway, I haven't officially documented the events until now. I'll just keep updating this blog post with dates. Poor guy.
Leg pain/Cramping episodes as of November 2013
10 November 2013
12 December 2013
6 January 2014
18 February 2014
21 February 2014
16 March 2014
10 April 2014
25 November 2014
5 December 2014
28 December 2014
February 2015
14 April 2015
It happens so regularly that I kinda felt last night's episode coming on. We were due.
Our pediatrician says they sound like growing pains. Last night's pains were definitely centered in his ankles. He was thoroughly hydrated all day, and there was no excessive jumping or physical strain on his limbs. Add that to the pain's regularity, and Robert's large size ("You mean he's only three?!"), and I'm convinced it's related to his growth. A few weeks ago, he could still wear size 3T. As of this morning, his 3T jeans are highwaters. Anyway, I haven't officially documented the events until now. I'll just keep updating this blog post with dates. Poor guy.
Leg pain/Cramping episodes as of November 2013
10 November 2013
12 December 2013
6 January 2014
18 February 2014
21 February 2014
16 March 2014
10 April 2014
25 November 2014
5 December 2014
28 December 2014
February 2015
14 April 2015
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Bobby's Sunday Summary
I don't really ave a ton to say, despite it being 2 weeks since I last wrote anything. Yesterday was one crazy day. Susan had some friends over to help wash/treat the walls for some mold we had show up. We are fixing the drainage problem too, so hopefully this is the last time we have to do this. At the same time I went out and got some gutter guards for our house and installed most of them. It was a long and crazy day.
Friday, November 1, 2013
I Love You
The boys and I were driving in the van this morning. Buddy said something so hilariously "Buddy" that I was struck again with how much I love that boy and this preschool age and my life with him. I just had to say, "I love you."
"Why? Where are you going?" (sounding worried)
"Huh?"
"Where are you going? Why did you say that?" (a little more worried)
"I'm not going anywhere. What makes you think I'm leaving?"
"You said, 'I love you.'" It's the WAY he parroted my "I love you" back to me that brought understanding. He sing-songed it with the "love" being the highest tone (kind of like the NBC television network chime, low-high-med).
"Oh really?"
"Yeah. That's something you just say when you're going away somewhere else." (calmer)
"Oh, well, hmmm. That's not what I meant to say. I was just feeling a lot of love for you right then and I wanted to let you know. What if I say, 'I love you, Buddy'?" (high-low-low-low-low)
"Yeah, that's okay. When you say 'Buddy' in it, you're not going away." (relaxed, back in Buddy coasting mode)
Then I thought about the last few times I had heard Buddy say "I love you"...they were all occasions when he was leaving a person somewhere. And he used the same tones every time. And here I was the whole time thinking he was such a balanced soul, in touch with his feelings, and at-ease with expressing his more vulnerable emotions. Pbbbbsh.
"Why? Where are you going?" (sounding worried)
"Huh?"
"Where are you going? Why did you say that?" (a little more worried)
"I'm not going anywhere. What makes you think I'm leaving?"
"You said, 'I love you.'" It's the WAY he parroted my "I love you" back to me that brought understanding. He sing-songed it with the "love" being the highest tone (kind of like the NBC television network chime, low-high-med).
"Oh really?"
"Yeah. That's something you just say when you're going away somewhere else." (calmer)
"Oh, well, hmmm. That's not what I meant to say. I was just feeling a lot of love for you right then and I wanted to let you know. What if I say, 'I love you, Buddy'?" (high-low-low-low-low)
"Yeah, that's okay. When you say 'Buddy' in it, you're not going away." (relaxed, back in Buddy coasting mode)
Then I thought about the last few times I had heard Buddy say "I love you"...they were all occasions when he was leaving a person somewhere. And he used the same tones every time. And here I was the whole time thinking he was such a balanced soul, in touch with his feelings, and at-ease with expressing his more vulnerable emotions. Pbbbbsh.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Kisses and Butt Tongue
James has a butt-shaped tongue. I'm posting this little video for the bemusement of certain siblings who have forever changed how I look at tongues :) He sticks it out when he wants me to make the "bleh" face
And he's just learned how to make kissy noises. He makes them in response to the words "kiss" and "kick" so far.
Piano Progress
Every week after Alice's piano lesson, I look at the new songs she is working on for the week and cringe. I wonder if this new lesson introducing some new basic concept will be the week she begs to quit. The truth is, she doesn't really like to practice until she knows the song pretty well. It's the first few days of the new songs that challenges my deepest convictions. But then she gets it. She's actually capable of learning something she's NEVER encountered before. It's a process that happens every day in school, but I don't get to witness it. I just watch in wonder.
Buddy Bits
On the morning I finished Buddy's Halloween costume, he wanted to wear it all day. I took him to the grocery store in it...bright red martial arts outfit with a blue belt. He turned a few heads.
The other day, he said with a sigh, "I wish I could be a pet for a mouse, but then he would have to be big and I would have to be small." We discussed the possibilities for a while...how would a mouse cook for him? drive him to preschool? put him to bed? He had some very logical questions.
Robert sometimes talks about his pet mouse Caleb. The mouse is rainbow-colored. He mostly sits in his house that changes shape and size constantly. His house travels, too, all over the place.
The other day, he said with a sigh, "I wish I could be a pet for a mouse, but then he would have to be big and I would have to be small." We discussed the possibilities for a while...how would a mouse cook for him? drive him to preschool? put him to bed? He had some very logical questions.
Robert sometimes talks about his pet mouse Caleb. The mouse is rainbow-colored. He mostly sits in his house that changes shape and size constantly. His house travels, too, all over the place.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Bobby's Sunday Summary
I found this Sunday Summary that never was finished. I don't totally know what happened here, especially with it stopping mid word. But here it is in its unfinished glory.
This week was fairly normal for the most part. It is starting to get colder and rainy so it has not been the nicest weather.
Yesterday Susan went to the temple and I stayed home with the kids. It was a good day overall. Alice has a birthday party to go to, so we cleaned the house in the morning and then watched a movie. After lunch we had a short quite time and took Alice to the party. After the party we had dinner and waited for Susan to come home.
The kids were really happ
This week was fairly normal for the most part. It is starting to get colder and rainy so it has not been the nicest weather.
Yesterday Susan went to the temple and I stayed home with the kids. It was a good day overall. Alice has a birthday party to go to, so we cleaned the house in the morning and then watched a movie. After lunch we had a short quite time and took Alice to the party. After the party we had dinner and waited for Susan to come home.
The kids were really happ
Bobby's Sunday Summary
Susan has done a couple of posts this week and I don't have a lot else to say. Halloween has started and the kids went to a trunk or treat on friday night, then on Saturday they went to their cousin's birthday party. But because James has been sick I got to stay home with him most of the day while Susan when out with the kids.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Wedding Dress Wonder
So, I'm tired of seeing my wedding dress hanging in my closet. It's a weight. A burden. Something I feel like I must cherish and care for and pass on to...who?...and why?... I haven't quite figured that out yet. It's a nebulous responsibility that I'm beginning to wonder if I want anymore.
Here's the thing. The "wedding dress" in question is not the dress I actually got married in. It's the formal gown I threw on afterwards for pictures and receptions. I have tried and tried to tack emotional significance to it over the last, um, twelve years and failed. The most meaningful symbols of that event to me, actually, are two tiny scraps of paper that most people probably throw away. I came across them months after our wedding and fell in love all over again. So! To me, the dress is simply a relic from all the formal to-do that accompanied our marriage. It doesn't represent the things I cherish most from that experience. It's nice, it's pretty, and it's still useful...I'm sure a dozen women could get married in it before it fell apart...
Do I give it away? What are your thoughts on your formal wedding clothes? Have your feelings about your wedding clothes changed with time? Have you kept them?
And if you're wondering how I would feel stumbling upon my mother's or grandmother's or great grandmother's wedding dress, I've given that some thought. I would only want to value that item as a symbolic relic if it 1) represented who that person felt they were, or 2) represented who they were to me. Does that make sense?
Here's the thing. The "wedding dress" in question is not the dress I actually got married in. It's the formal gown I threw on afterwards for pictures and receptions. I have tried and tried to tack emotional significance to it over the last, um, twelve years and failed. The most meaningful symbols of that event to me, actually, are two tiny scraps of paper that most people probably throw away. I came across them months after our wedding and fell in love all over again. So! To me, the dress is simply a relic from all the formal to-do that accompanied our marriage. It doesn't represent the things I cherish most from that experience. It's nice, it's pretty, and it's still useful...I'm sure a dozen women could get married in it before it fell apart...
Do I give it away? What are your thoughts on your formal wedding clothes? Have your feelings about your wedding clothes changed with time? Have you kept them?
And if you're wondering how I would feel stumbling upon my mother's or grandmother's or great grandmother's wedding dress, I've given that some thought. I would only want to value that item as a symbolic relic if it 1) represented who that person felt they were, or 2) represented who they were to me. Does that make sense?
Lemons
James has had a fever off and on for the last couple days. Couple that with diarrhea for the last week, and pressure on his gums from molars just about to erupt (any day now! Please!) he's been a whiny, tired, clingy fellow prone to unpredictable stretches of biting and drooling and irregular appetite. Poor guy.
But last night was hilarious.
James spotted a bowl of lemon wedges leftover from dinner and lunged towards it. Buddy and Alice got excited at the prospect of seeing James' "sour face", which caught his attention. He grabbed half a lemon, held it up, and smiled while the other kids gasped and yelped. Then he stuck it in his mouth. The kids went crazy. I may have laughed and encouraged him, too (ahem). His sour face/shiver was sub-par, so that wasn't the hilarious part. What got me laughing out loud was James' innate sense of showmanship. He performed the trick over and over again with increasing flair. The kids' reactions grew louder and more impressed, too. At one point, James brought the lemon close to his mouth and held it there with his mouth wide open...Alice and Robert squealed! Then he pretended to take a bite of it. Alice hit the floor laughing. Buddy was jumping on his chair. You could tell James was quite proud of himself.
Dude. We thought we were going to laugh AT James and his silly sour face, but he turned it into a full-blown show with suspense and mystery. He's only 12 months old! This boy is full of surprises.
But last night was hilarious.
James spotted a bowl of lemon wedges leftover from dinner and lunged towards it. Buddy and Alice got excited at the prospect of seeing James' "sour face", which caught his attention. He grabbed half a lemon, held it up, and smiled while the other kids gasped and yelped. Then he stuck it in his mouth. The kids went crazy. I may have laughed and encouraged him, too (ahem). His sour face/shiver was sub-par, so that wasn't the hilarious part. What got me laughing out loud was James' innate sense of showmanship. He performed the trick over and over again with increasing flair. The kids' reactions grew louder and more impressed, too. At one point, James brought the lemon close to his mouth and held it there with his mouth wide open...Alice and Robert squealed! Then he pretended to take a bite of it. Alice hit the floor laughing. Buddy was jumping on his chair. You could tell James was quite proud of himself.
Dude. We thought we were going to laugh AT James and his silly sour face, but he turned it into a full-blown show with suspense and mystery. He's only 12 months old! This boy is full of surprises.
Monday, October 21, 2013
I miss my chickens
A few weeks ago, I found a new home for the last two hens in my flock. I felt relief and a little of something else. I wouldn't say sadness. It's closer to regret. The thing is, even with my awesome local egg farm friend selling me delicious, free-range, locally grown, small eggs for $1 a dozen, I actually liked the color and flavor of my hen's eggs better. What an egg snob I've become! I think the difference stems from my hens' diet containing an abundance of food scraps. They eat everything. And maybe it's a genetic thing, too...I had a couple heritage breeds and my friend grows a hybrid hen that was bred expressly for egg production. Dunno. All I know is I miss my chickens' eggs.
And what's more, now that the chickens are gone, I once again have a stinking pile of rotting kitchen waste in my backyard. When chickens don't eat them, the scraps turn rotten and sour and, well, fragrant. Stinkier than chickens ever were. So, I miss my chickens even more.
And I never get out to check the rain gauge any more.
Well, I guess I finally figured out that these hens do more for me than eggs. I won't enjoy trudging out in the snow to feed them all winter next year, but will be nice to have them again. Stay tuned...more chicks will probably arrive February-ish.
And what's more, now that the chickens are gone, I once again have a stinking pile of rotting kitchen waste in my backyard. When chickens don't eat them, the scraps turn rotten and sour and, well, fragrant. Stinkier than chickens ever were. So, I miss my chickens even more.
And I never get out to check the rain gauge any more.
Well, I guess I finally figured out that these hens do more for me than eggs. I won't enjoy trudging out in the snow to feed them all winter next year, but will be nice to have them again. Stay tuned...more chicks will probably arrive February-ish.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Stinky Socks
Buddy pulled a sock out of the clean laundry basket and shoved it under my nose, "Smell it! Stinky sock!"
"Actually," I said, "that's a perfectly CLEAN sock that smells lovely *sniff* *sniff* *sniff*."
Buddy briefly pulled the sock behind his back and then shoved it under my nose again, "Stinky sock!"
This time, he was right.
He had farted/tooted/passed gas on the sock.
On purpose.
I was so disgusted and impressed with the idea at the same time that I wasn't sure how to respond. I decided to reward Buddy's resourcefulness and made a big stinking deal about how stinky that sock had suddenly become. He laughed his head off. I laughed my head off. I love being this kid's mom.
"Actually," I said, "that's a perfectly CLEAN sock that smells lovely *sniff* *sniff* *sniff*."
Buddy briefly pulled the sock behind his back and then shoved it under my nose again, "Stinky sock!"
This time, he was right.
He had farted/tooted/passed gas on the sock.
On purpose.
I was so disgusted and impressed with the idea at the same time that I wasn't sure how to respond. I decided to reward Buddy's resourcefulness and made a big stinking deal about how stinky that sock had suddenly become. He laughed his head off. I laughed my head off. I love being this kid's mom.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Bobby's Sunday Summary
Not too much has happened this week, except for yesterday, which was a very busy day. We started out in the morning trimming a few branches from the trees in our front yard. Robert really liked watching me climb up in the tree and cut the branches. The kids were then really excited to help carry the parts of the cut up branches to the wood pile.
After that we went to Negangard pumpkin patch. It is a farmer that grows a lot of pumpkins and sells them on his front lawn. They are really cheap compared to other places around here, but they also sell out really fast. When we were there they had almost sold out. We got the largest pumpkin we have ever gotten, because they didn't have much else left. The kids also got two little tiny pumpkins each. Expect to see pictures of the decorating soon.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Bobby's Sunday Summary
I don't have a lot to say. Susan already said a lot about James and his B-day. I just wanted to show one of the good times with Alice and Robert playing with him.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Manly-Man FAIL
Fisher-Price Loving Family "Dad" figure comes with a rake and a wheelbarrow. It's too bad his hands can't actually grasp the tools and the wheelbarrow was actually designed for garden gnomes. FAIL!
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Dear James
Dear James,
Happy Birthday! It's raining today, the air is cool, and the oak tree out back is silently changing colors one small patch at a time. It's fall. It's the time I think most of you.
A year ago, I was ready for you to come...mostly. There were so many variables surrounding your imminent arrival that I was in a bit of a panic (you will come to know more about my little planning panics in the years to follow). But you came! You came unlike any of the ones before you, and yet you were already so familiar. I held you and listened to you and marveled at your babyness.
I have a confession, James. A month or two before you were born, your dad and I kinda knew your name would be James. We didn't tell anyone or even allow ourselves to acknowledge it too loudly, though, because we wanted to see you first. I don't think the name "James" was on the list of possible names for either of your siblings. When we knew we were expecting you, the name sounded fresh and calm...like I had never heard it before and yet it was soooooo familiar. We tried the name on you in utero and it fit. Strange, but true. And the more I get to know you, James, the name fits better and better. You are altogether new and comfortably familiar at the same time. I loved the nickname "Tiago" best, but it never stuck. Maybe later.
I knew the family you were coming into. I wondered how it would all work out. I prayed that we could carve out a space for you and grow up together as a family. You have a place here, James. I had no idea how you would fill out our family so deliciously. Our life is full and good.
These days, you are starting to climb up on chairs and overturned boxes. You dig in the dirt with purpose. You understand and love the words "outside" "water" "snack" and "Alice", but the only word you use yourself with any consistency is "hi!". You follow Robert around, trying to be part of his games, but he's still very much a solitary fellow and doesn't often appreciate your attention. He loves to make you laugh, though. A smile or giggle from you will get him to do some of the silliest things he's ever tried. Especially at the dinner table. I can see the beginnings of a brotherhood. It's going to take some work.
You squeal at small animals. You mimic your older siblings' play: cooking, dancing, singing, nodding, racing, wrestling with Daddy.
I'm often surprised by how much you seem to understand and convey. Your grunting points actually convey emotion...sometimes pleading, sometimes frustration, sometimes boredom.
I wish I could stop you from eating dirt, but, well, whatever.
You loooooooove Alice. I think you can say her name. She is kind to you and tries to make you happy. One afternoon in church, the older kids had finished their snacks and you were the only one still eating. Robert was itching to get some of your bread and I suggested he hold out his hand and ask nicely. When he did, you didn't react. At all. It was as if he hadn't said anything. Then Alice gave it a try and you promptly used your pinchy fingers to pick out one morsel of bread and drop it in her palm with a smile. We thought you didn't know what Buddy meant the first time, so he tried it again. No reaction. Alice asked the exact same way Buddy had, and you grabbed a whole HANDFUL of bread and gave it to her. Dude, you crack me up sometimes.
You love your daddy, too, often leaving my arms for his. I can't tell you how much I love and appreciate that man. I'm glad you've learned to love and trust him at such a young age. That will probably serve you well :)
Happy birthday, James-ee. I can't wait to see where we go together next.
Love,
Mom
Happy Birthday! It's raining today, the air is cool, and the oak tree out back is silently changing colors one small patch at a time. It's fall. It's the time I think most of you.
A year ago, I was ready for you to come...mostly. There were so many variables surrounding your imminent arrival that I was in a bit of a panic (you will come to know more about my little planning panics in the years to follow). But you came! You came unlike any of the ones before you, and yet you were already so familiar. I held you and listened to you and marveled at your babyness.
I have a confession, James. A month or two before you were born, your dad and I kinda knew your name would be James. We didn't tell anyone or even allow ourselves to acknowledge it too loudly, though, because we wanted to see you first. I don't think the name "James" was on the list of possible names for either of your siblings. When we knew we were expecting you, the name sounded fresh and calm...like I had never heard it before and yet it was soooooo familiar. We tried the name on you in utero and it fit. Strange, but true. And the more I get to know you, James, the name fits better and better. You are altogether new and comfortably familiar at the same time. I loved the nickname "Tiago" best, but it never stuck. Maybe later.
I knew the family you were coming into. I wondered how it would all work out. I prayed that we could carve out a space for you and grow up together as a family. You have a place here, James. I had no idea how you would fill out our family so deliciously. Our life is full and good.
These days, you are starting to climb up on chairs and overturned boxes. You dig in the dirt with purpose. You understand and love the words "outside" "water" "snack" and "Alice", but the only word you use yourself with any consistency is "hi!". You follow Robert around, trying to be part of his games, but he's still very much a solitary fellow and doesn't often appreciate your attention. He loves to make you laugh, though. A smile or giggle from you will get him to do some of the silliest things he's ever tried. Especially at the dinner table. I can see the beginnings of a brotherhood. It's going to take some work.
You squeal at small animals. You mimic your older siblings' play: cooking, dancing, singing, nodding, racing, wrestling with Daddy.
I'm often surprised by how much you seem to understand and convey. Your grunting points actually convey emotion...sometimes pleading, sometimes frustration, sometimes boredom.
I wish I could stop you from eating dirt, but, well, whatever.
You loooooooove Alice. I think you can say her name. She is kind to you and tries to make you happy. One afternoon in church, the older kids had finished their snacks and you were the only one still eating. Robert was itching to get some of your bread and I suggested he hold out his hand and ask nicely. When he did, you didn't react. At all. It was as if he hadn't said anything. Then Alice gave it a try and you promptly used your pinchy fingers to pick out one morsel of bread and drop it in her palm with a smile. We thought you didn't know what Buddy meant the first time, so he tried it again. No reaction. Alice asked the exact same way Buddy had, and you grabbed a whole HANDFUL of bread and gave it to her. Dude, you crack me up sometimes.
You love your daddy, too, often leaving my arms for his. I can't tell you how much I love and appreciate that man. I'm glad you've learned to love and trust him at such a young age. That will probably serve you well :)
Happy birthday, James-ee. I can't wait to see where we go together next.
Love,
Mom
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Up close and personal
Another 4 cubic yards of rich, steaming, earthy compost delivered to our house this week. This time its job is to bury a couple of stumps and prep the soil for raspberries and blackberries next spring. Oooo diddly.
We spread the compost out and seeded it with white clover, which happens to be 1) an excellent ground cover for high traffic areas, 2) superior pasture for free-range chickens, and 3) commonly accepted as a turf weed. May my neighbor forgive me ;)
 |
| Buddy dug in. He loved this chore as much as I did. The kid-sized shovel is the BEST $5 I've ever spent. |
 |
| Gooooooood stuff. |
 |
| Buddy invents a frisbee. |
 |
| Alice would have jumped in, but she had cut the bottom of her foot earlier and opted to go for a bike ride instead. |
 |
| James looking on. He tasted some compost, scooped it into a pan with a spoon, and gingerly tried walking on it once. Not to his liking, I suppose. |
We spread the compost out and seeded it with white clover, which happens to be 1) an excellent ground cover for high traffic areas, 2) superior pasture for free-range chickens, and 3) commonly accepted as a turf weed. May my neighbor forgive me ;)
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Had a dream last night
I was lounging about at my mom's house when it suddenly dawned on me:
"I'm 34 years old and I'm still living with my parents?! It feels like there's something wrong with that picture. I think I should probably get a job and move out on my own."
"What would I work in?"
Then I suddenly remember, "Oh! I have a Master's degree in nutrition! I could do something with that."
"But I got that degree some time ago. Why haven't I been working?"
"That's right, I have kids. Three of them. I'm working all day with them. But how can I do that? Where do I get money for food?"
"Oh yeah. I have a husband. Bobby. He works so I can be home."
"Yeah. That's it. But, wait. Where are they? Where are these people? Why aren't they here with me in Utah at my parents' house? Oh! They live in Illinois! That's where Bobby's work is.
"Dang! I wish his job were here."
"No, wait! I don't. I don't want to live in Utah. I want to move my parents out to Illinois. But that won't work, so, yeah. That's it, I guess."
And then I woke up, more than a little relieved. Each piece of Dream Susan's life answered the question at hand and raised the next question until there weren't any more questions. But Real Susan has another question, "What's next?"
I feel a little out of focus:
"I'm 34 years old and I'm still living with my parents?! It feels like there's something wrong with that picture. I think I should probably get a job and move out on my own."
"What would I work in?"
Then I suddenly remember, "Oh! I have a Master's degree in nutrition! I could do something with that."
"But I got that degree some time ago. Why haven't I been working?"
"That's right, I have kids. Three of them. I'm working all day with them. But how can I do that? Where do I get money for food?"
"Oh yeah. I have a husband. Bobby. He works so I can be home."
"Yeah. That's it. But, wait. Where are they? Where are these people? Why aren't they here with me in Utah at my parents' house? Oh! They live in Illinois! That's where Bobby's work is.
"Dang! I wish his job were here."
"No, wait! I don't. I don't want to live in Utah. I want to move my parents out to Illinois. But that won't work, so, yeah. That's it, I guess."
And then I woke up, more than a little relieved. Each piece of Dream Susan's life answered the question at hand and raised the next question until there weren't any more questions. But Real Susan has another question, "What's next?"
I feel a little out of focus:
 |
| Photo credit: Robert |
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Did it again
Remember when I freaked out about all the cavities I could see in Robert's teeth and how that story actually ended?
Well, Alice started complaining about her molar hurting when she would eat. I, um, freaked out again. Internally, of course, because if Alice detects the slightest hint of unease in any particular authority figure, her spine stiffens and her limbs turn to jell-o and she's a volatile mess of anxiety. Gotta work on that.
Anyway, I looked at her tooth myself and poked around and saw something that looked like a cavity. For real, this time. I was pretty sure that this exact arrangement of sharp edges and scooping must be a hole starting. It was even a little black. Her checkup was 3 months ago, but I couldn't remember if they had taken x-rays, and I didn't know how fast cavities could start, and if she's hurting it must be serious, right? And blah, blah, blah later, I made an appointment with the dentist.
Alice was kind of excited to be taken out of school, but then she cried at the thought of the drilling and numbing shots and swallowing with your mouth open (How do I do that, Mom?!).
Ten seconds into the examination, Alice was her giggly self again. No cavity. No sign of anything awry. Absolutely nothing wrong with those strong teeth. The hygienist tapped and pressed and scraped and poked, then the dentist tapped and pressed and scraped and poked. Nothing.
Sometimes kids can bruise a tooth with some sort of trauma. Or maybe one of her 6-year molars is coming in and unsettling the baby one in front of it. Or something else? It's not a cavity. Again. Bobby said, "It's a good thing you're not a dentist." ;)
Well, Alice started complaining about her molar hurting when she would eat. I, um, freaked out again. Internally, of course, because if Alice detects the slightest hint of unease in any particular authority figure, her spine stiffens and her limbs turn to jell-o and she's a volatile mess of anxiety. Gotta work on that.
Anyway, I looked at her tooth myself and poked around and saw something that looked like a cavity. For real, this time. I was pretty sure that this exact arrangement of sharp edges and scooping must be a hole starting. It was even a little black. Her checkup was 3 months ago, but I couldn't remember if they had taken x-rays, and I didn't know how fast cavities could start, and if she's hurting it must be serious, right? And blah, blah, blah later, I made an appointment with the dentist.
Alice was kind of excited to be taken out of school, but then she cried at the thought of the drilling and numbing shots and swallowing with your mouth open (How do I do that, Mom?!).
Ten seconds into the examination, Alice was her giggly self again. No cavity. No sign of anything awry. Absolutely nothing wrong with those strong teeth. The hygienist tapped and pressed and scraped and poked, then the dentist tapped and pressed and scraped and poked. Nothing.
Sometimes kids can bruise a tooth with some sort of trauma. Or maybe one of her 6-year molars is coming in and unsettling the baby one in front of it. Or something else? It's not a cavity. Again. Bobby said, "It's a good thing you're not a dentist." ;)
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Would I rather be alone?
Alice was in school, Buddy was in preschool, and it was just me and James at home waiting for the piano tuner to arrive. There was stuff I wanted to do, stuff I tried to avoid, and a mess of conflicting thoughts and emotions gumming up my gears. I had to sit down for a minute.
Some stuff I wanted to do couldn't be done because it was incompatible with an 11-month-old running around and needing love, attention, play, comfort, help, etc.
Other activities I wanted to do couldn't be done because I didn't have enough energy. Even though James is now mostly sleeping through the night (hooray!), I still wake up several times a night on my own or in response to some noise or shuffle or thump in the kids' rooms. And Robert suddenly thinks 5:30 AM is a great wake-up time.
I could do these other, other things, but...but...but...
One of these days, I'll have the time and energy for...
Once James is in school, then I'll finally get to...
Someday, when they're older...
I've been thinking these things a lot more lately. I'm tired of these thoughts. They are true and false at the same time. Yes, I wish I had periodic lengths of focused, uninterrupted time to work on my own projects. Yes, I wish I had the energy to do these projects when those lengths of time did occasionally come upon me. And yes, having three young kids makes it a lot harder to find that time and energy.
Would I rather be alone?
I sat in my messy kitchen, looked over the piles of apples yet to be processed, and watched James playing with canning lids on the floor. I thought to myself, "Would I rather be alone? Would I rather have this time right now to finally finish the things that have been bothering me all week?" And I forced myself to answer.
I wouldn't give up James.
I wouldn't give up any one of my kids.
And I really like their company. They crack me up. They challenge me. It's good. hard. work.
I like the work I have. I like my coworkers. Why do I find myself wishing they were gone? Something's out of balance.
Then I looked at those piles of apples. Apples covering the counters, filling pots on the stove, and overflowing from buckets in the guest room. Cutting, cooking, saucing, and canning that mountain of fruit on my own, with a family to run, is an impossible task. No joke. Impossible. If I didn't admit that to myself soon, it would eat me alive.
So, in the short-run, my problem is applesauce. The weight of that monumental...impossible...task that I had assigned to myself was throwing everything out of whack. My real life was incompatible with my expectations for myself. That's frustrating. That's exhausting. That's a classic life imbalance for me. I've got a friend coming over this afternoon. Maybe we can do some together. After that, I'm moving the apples back into the guest room. All of them. And I'm shutting the door. We'll sauce the rest of them this weekend as a family.
The big picture, it seems, is accepting the truth that there are tasks I simply can't do on my own at this time in my life. Maybe I could have done it when Alice was a baby. Maybe not. Maybe I'll be able to do it next year, or in 3 years, or in 30 years. Just not this year. Not this week. Not today.
Some stuff I wanted to do couldn't be done because it was incompatible with an 11-month-old running around and needing love, attention, play, comfort, help, etc.
Other activities I wanted to do couldn't be done because I didn't have enough energy. Even though James is now mostly sleeping through the night (hooray!), I still wake up several times a night on my own or in response to some noise or shuffle or thump in the kids' rooms. And Robert suddenly thinks 5:30 AM is a great wake-up time.
I could do these other, other things, but...but...but...
One of these days, I'll have the time and energy for...
Once James is in school, then I'll finally get to...
Someday, when they're older...
I've been thinking these things a lot more lately. I'm tired of these thoughts. They are true and false at the same time. Yes, I wish I had periodic lengths of focused, uninterrupted time to work on my own projects. Yes, I wish I had the energy to do these projects when those lengths of time did occasionally come upon me. And yes, having three young kids makes it a lot harder to find that time and energy.
Would I rather be alone?
I sat in my messy kitchen, looked over the piles of apples yet to be processed, and watched James playing with canning lids on the floor. I thought to myself, "Would I rather be alone? Would I rather have this time right now to finally finish the things that have been bothering me all week?" And I forced myself to answer.
I wouldn't give up James.
I wouldn't give up any one of my kids.
And I really like their company. They crack me up. They challenge me. It's good. hard. work.
I like the work I have. I like my coworkers. Why do I find myself wishing they were gone? Something's out of balance.
Then I looked at those piles of apples. Apples covering the counters, filling pots on the stove, and overflowing from buckets in the guest room. Cutting, cooking, saucing, and canning that mountain of fruit on my own, with a family to run, is an impossible task. No joke. Impossible. If I didn't admit that to myself soon, it would eat me alive.
So, in the short-run, my problem is applesauce. The weight of that monumental...impossible...task that I had assigned to myself was throwing everything out of whack. My real life was incompatible with my expectations for myself. That's frustrating. That's exhausting. That's a classic life imbalance for me. I've got a friend coming over this afternoon. Maybe we can do some together. After that, I'm moving the apples back into the guest room. All of them. And I'm shutting the door. We'll sauce the rest of them this weekend as a family.
The big picture, it seems, is accepting the truth that there are tasks I simply can't do on my own at this time in my life. Maybe I could have done it when Alice was a baby. Maybe not. Maybe I'll be able to do it next year, or in 3 years, or in 30 years. Just not this year. Not this week. Not today.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Bobby's Sunday Summary
Saturday was a busy day. We went out to Rantoul and picked apples at the orchard next to the church building there. They are not pretty, but they are plentiful.
We have only made a dent in them so far, but plan on saucing a lot more of them soon. The kids also had a really good time. Especially James.
We have only made a dent in them so far, but plan on saucing a lot more of them soon. The kids also had a really good time. Especially James.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Camera upload...a few picts for your enjoyment
 |
| I love, love, love that cheesy, scrunched-nose grin of his. |
 |
| First week of school---2013 |
 |
| The first time Robert has written his name in a semi-legible manner (read it right to left with the "t" in the very middle). I was pushing him to practice writing his name, thinking that Alice CERTAINLY could spell and write her name by the time she started preschool. I was seriously wrong. Robert likes it, though, and he's getting better with practice. |
 |
| Cool wagon wheel at the boiling hot Cheese Festival. |
 |
| The kids earned some money by washing windows for me. |
 |
| I thought James was finally old enough to "help" me with dishes. Nope. He just eats the bubbles. |
Friends Make the Best Pies
Pie wasn't on the agenda yesterday, and yet somehow it took up my entire day. In
the best company possible. I'm recording this now because I want to
remember the times when I am completely surrounded by friends in the
best, most spontaneous, and joyful ways. Yesterday, apple pie was the way.
My friend called me in the morning to tell me her apple trees were ready to pick. She had never allowed herself or her children to eat the apples from these trees before, so she was letting me have them for free. When I finally got her to taste one of her own apples, she was immediately won over by the sweet, crisp, fruity-tart flavor (I could drone on about the quality and disease resistance of this particular variety she happened to be growing...these were EXCELLENT apples...but I'll spare you). She borrowed a long hook and cutting tool from her neighbor and we spent the morning picking apples. Our children ran around the grass stuffing their faces with the fruit. Especially James.
After picking up Robert from preschool, we started lunch. Buddy looked over the 15 gallons of apples and proclaimed, "That's a lot of apples! Do you think it's enough for a pie?" My plan was to sauce them, but 15 gallons of raw apples doesn't make much sauce. It was hardly worth the mess it would make of my kitchen.
"Okay, let's make a pie after lunch."
Then another friend popped in for a visit. I don't often entertain surprise visitors, but I make exceptions for the very best of them ;) She and Robert worked the apple peeler/corer and I cleaned up the slices. James watched in awe from his seat. We just kept talking and slicing and talking and slicing. Before I knew it, we had enough prepped apple to make THREE apple pies. Whoops, guess we'll have to make three pies, then.
I'm fortunate that my friend does pastries. She whipped out three butter crusts in no time. Buddy and I assembled the pie filling. Just about that time, another friend came by (this was a planned stop) to drop off her son for a play date. She was feeling a bit out of sorts because a service she had planned to perform for a different mutual friend of ours had exploded in her face that morning. I offered her one of our three pies to take instead. This made everything better.
Pie. Makes. Everything. Better.
My two friends left for an appointment and the three boys and I got to work assembling and cooking these pies. Whew! My house smelled awesome. My kitchen got a serious cleaning. I got to help and be helped by oodles of friends. And then I got to eat pie.
I haven't had a better day in a long, long time.
My friend called me in the morning to tell me her apple trees were ready to pick. She had never allowed herself or her children to eat the apples from these trees before, so she was letting me have them for free. When I finally got her to taste one of her own apples, she was immediately won over by the sweet, crisp, fruity-tart flavor (I could drone on about the quality and disease resistance of this particular variety she happened to be growing...these were EXCELLENT apples...but I'll spare you). She borrowed a long hook and cutting tool from her neighbor and we spent the morning picking apples. Our children ran around the grass stuffing their faces with the fruit. Especially James.
After picking up Robert from preschool, we started lunch. Buddy looked over the 15 gallons of apples and proclaimed, "That's a lot of apples! Do you think it's enough for a pie?" My plan was to sauce them, but 15 gallons of raw apples doesn't make much sauce. It was hardly worth the mess it would make of my kitchen.
"Okay, let's make a pie after lunch."
Then another friend popped in for a visit. I don't often entertain surprise visitors, but I make exceptions for the very best of them ;) She and Robert worked the apple peeler/corer and I cleaned up the slices. James watched in awe from his seat. We just kept talking and slicing and talking and slicing. Before I knew it, we had enough prepped apple to make THREE apple pies. Whoops, guess we'll have to make three pies, then.
I'm fortunate that my friend does pastries. She whipped out three butter crusts in no time. Buddy and I assembled the pie filling. Just about that time, another friend came by (this was a planned stop) to drop off her son for a play date. She was feeling a bit out of sorts because a service she had planned to perform for a different mutual friend of ours had exploded in her face that morning. I offered her one of our three pies to take instead. This made everything better.
Pie. Makes. Everything. Better.
My two friends left for an appointment and the three boys and I got to work assembling and cooking these pies. Whew! My house smelled awesome. My kitchen got a serious cleaning. I got to help and be helped by oodles of friends. And then I got to eat pie.
I haven't had a better day in a long, long time.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Bye Bye Girls
Roo got over her broody urges yesterday and laid her first egg in a month. Today, she and Penny were whisked away to a lavish backyard elsewhere to be spoiled with treats and pet-like attention. Alice was in tears. I was a little relieved to have them go somewhere that wouldn't mean certain death.
I'm not a monster, y'know.
The remaining chickens, well, their fate is still certain death. Or maybe I can find a good home for them, too? Dunno.
I can feel the growing season winding down.
Cooler weather is on its way.
We had a good run this year. I'll probably review my 2013 farming triumphs and failures in another post. Every year is one step closer to figuring out what I want out of all of this.
I'm not a monster, y'know.
The remaining chickens, well, their fate is still certain death. Or maybe I can find a good home for them, too? Dunno.
I can feel the growing season winding down.
Cooler weather is on its way.
We had a good run this year. I'll probably review my 2013 farming triumphs and failures in another post. Every year is one step closer to figuring out what I want out of all of this.
 |
| The girls panting in the early September heat wave. |
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Sweet
This is why I let Alice use my camera. Every once in a while, I get something like this...awwwwww:
Bobby's Sunday Summary
I don't feel like I have a ton to write about.
Alice lost her first tooth this week. It has been loose for quite a while, and she has been telling everyone about it. Several people, including myself, offered to help take it out, but she refused. It finally just came out at school one day with relatively little fanfare. I guess we are not doing the tooth fairy thing. She still has the tooth and a $1 to boot. If you look close you can see tongue where tooth should be. And the one next to it is wiggling now too.
We went to the temple in St Louis for the first time in a while. We have gone to other temples while on vacation and the like, but have not managed to get to St. Louis in a long time. In an effort to find something new and interesting to do with the kids, and to help a friend get her hands on some gluten free goodies, we discovered these.
They taste like a fresh ripe mango with cream fresh. Susan was skeptical before she tried one, and now wants us to bring a cooler down the next time we go to the temple. I must say I am not fighting the idea.
Alice lost her first tooth this week. It has been loose for quite a while, and she has been telling everyone about it. Several people, including myself, offered to help take it out, but she refused. It finally just came out at school one day with relatively little fanfare. I guess we are not doing the tooth fairy thing. She still has the tooth and a $1 to boot. If you look close you can see tongue where tooth should be. And the one next to it is wiggling now too.
We went to the temple in St Louis for the first time in a while. We have gone to other temples while on vacation and the like, but have not managed to get to St. Louis in a long time. In an effort to find something new and interesting to do with the kids, and to help a friend get her hands on some gluten free goodies, we discovered these.
They taste like a fresh ripe mango with cream fresh. Susan was skeptical before she tried one, and now wants us to bring a cooler down the next time we go to the temple. I must say I am not fighting the idea.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Bobby's Sunday Summary
Not too much new to talk about Robert has started preschool. He likes it, but does not talk about it too much with me. Alice likes school, but depending on the day she says she hates it, because it is too dull. James is still growing and seems to be happy. Not much else to report.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Just saw these photos again...
...and wanted to share them (again?) with you. Robert was a big baby. Big, fat, roly-poly baby. I saw these this week and laughed out loud. He still makes all of those expressions, too. I just didn't know how much he looked like his 3-year-old self so early on.
In these photos Robert is 1 month, 2 months, and 13 months, respectively.
In these photos Robert is 1 month, 2 months, and 13 months, respectively.
Another Story by Alice and Robert
Once upon a time there was a
caterpillar in a nose, and a tissue tried to get it but it crawled down
the tummy. a Bird tried to get it from the inside of the bird, and he
ate his tummy instead. And the caterpillar tried to eat the bird, but he
already ate the all.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Family History Breakthrough
This is it, ladies and gentleman, the actual evidence of a rumored deed that supposedly connects my GGG grandfather to his as-yet-unknown-to-me siblings and parents. I wouldn't have found it on my own for many, many, many years. Thank you, Ancestry.com and all your users.
Let's start connecting up families!
Let's start connecting up families!
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Bobby's Sunday Summary
Not too much new to report. The last week before school starts. The kids played fairly well together. Alice has started to read a lot more books to Robert. This helps a ton, especially on days when they both wake up early and the rest of us want to sleep in. Hopefully everyone will adjust to school starting.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Epiphany about Alice
Ever since I found a painting that perfectly illustrates my feelings for Robert, I have been searching for something similar to describe my feelings for Alice. Yesterday, the search became an obsession as I looked through all of Brian Andreas' Story People prints online, ignoring my kids, getting more and more agitated that I couldn't frame my feelings for her. Mr. Andreas' work pinpoints quite a few tricky feelings for me, but nothing felt right when it came to Alice...
...maybe my feelings weren't normal
...maybe I was a bad mom because I couldn't exactly say all these other things about my experience as a mother, especially with Alice
...maybe I didn't actually have a clear picture of my feelings for Alice
...and that was the real answer. I didn't know how I felt about Alice.
So, I thought about that the rest of the day. I thought about my relationship with Alice. I can't say that I figured everything out, but I got this far:
She's my first, so everything she's experiencing is new to me. I feel like we're exploring together, but she's dependent on me, and I'm kind of dependent on her, but we're trying to learn independence from each other. And I'm insecure about all of that. Sometimes I'm even afraid of what Alice may say or feel or do in certain situations because I might not know how to respond.
I guess that could be said about any of my children. But Alice is old enough to see my mistakes and confront me. It's a new playing field.
And in all this thinking, I finally acknowledged to myself that Alice needs physical touch in order to feel and express love: hugs, kisses, sitting on laps, holding hands, playing with hair. I'm not much of a toucher. Her need for physical touch has actually been a source of anxiety for me. But once I recognized the complexity of my feelings for her, and how I had avoided physical touch for so long, I suddenly wanted to let her know how much I truly, deeply loved her. I scooped her up right there and hugged her tighter and more meaningfully than I had ever done before.
She means so much to me that it hurts to think about it.
I guess that's it. That's how I feel about Alice.
If you find a piece of art that illustrates this feeling, please pass it on :)
...maybe my feelings weren't normal
...maybe I was a bad mom because I couldn't exactly say all these other things about my experience as a mother, especially with Alice
...maybe I didn't actually have a clear picture of my feelings for Alice
...and that was the real answer. I didn't know how I felt about Alice.
So, I thought about that the rest of the day. I thought about my relationship with Alice. I can't say that I figured everything out, but I got this far:
She's my first, so everything she's experiencing is new to me. I feel like we're exploring together, but she's dependent on me, and I'm kind of dependent on her, but we're trying to learn independence from each other. And I'm insecure about all of that. Sometimes I'm even afraid of what Alice may say or feel or do in certain situations because I might not know how to respond.
I guess that could be said about any of my children. But Alice is old enough to see my mistakes and confront me. It's a new playing field.
And in all this thinking, I finally acknowledged to myself that Alice needs physical touch in order to feel and express love: hugs, kisses, sitting on laps, holding hands, playing with hair. I'm not much of a toucher. Her need for physical touch has actually been a source of anxiety for me. But once I recognized the complexity of my feelings for her, and how I had avoided physical touch for so long, I suddenly wanted to let her know how much I truly, deeply loved her. I scooped her up right there and hugged her tighter and more meaningfully than I had ever done before.
She means so much to me that it hurts to think about it.
I guess that's it. That's how I feel about Alice.
If you find a piece of art that illustrates this feeling, please pass it on :)
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Spaghetti Recipe
My friend Liz sent this to me yesterday. It's a page from a class cookbook in elementary school. It's not my handwriting, so I suspect it was made in kindergarten or first grade:
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Grog Sale
Alice and her friend N put together a small garage sale this afternoon, complete with a gorgeous sign (Alice recruited her cousin W to stand and attract attention at the sign):
There was no actual "grog" at this sale, which disappointed their only customer:
He left with a small bottle of bubbles instead. Thanks, Colonel Bob, for making this little girl's day.
There was no actual "grog" at this sale, which disappointed their only customer:
He left with a small bottle of bubbles instead. Thanks, Colonel Bob, for making this little girl's day.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
A Silly Story by Alice and Robert: An Egg Who Loves to Eat Daddies
One day a dad was walking to
his work and he saw an egg. The egg was all brown but the inside of it
was brown and its teeth were polished blue. The daddy was surprised to
see an egg with teeth. He said "What are you doing here?, are you some
kind of a funny Dog?" . The egg responded "No I'm not I'm an egg.
What are you doing here this is silly world?". The daddy said "This is
not silly world. No one is ever silly here. Eggs are for eating not
for being silly". Then the egg said "Achoo, excuse me" and then said
"Eggs? for eating? we eat scrambled Daddies for breakfast, not eggs".
"I'm surprised, You should eat eggs, not daddies." said the daddy, and
sang a song "Red and Blue, Blue and Red, Thats the colors of my foot"
This secret song the Daddy know was supposed to kill all eggs, but it
didn't kill this one, so he tried a different song. "Green and Blue and
Red, Blue and Green and Red" But the egg was still alive. This made the
daddy mad, because he was actually a wizard daddy, because he couldn't
get rid of this annoying egg. His children were little wizards too. Then
his wife came. She said "Umm Alice could choose" Which was a very
powerful magic spell. But the spell only made the egg bigger. Then she
said it again, because she was blind and thought it made the egg
smaller. So the egg got even bigger and hungry. The egg decided he
wanted some breakfast, and all the other things the egg wanted to eat
had already run away. The egg tried to catch the daddy. The egg took
pepper juice out of his pocket and squirted the daddy in the eyes with
the pepper juice and the daddy fell down. The egg said I love salsa.
Then the egg squirted some more in his ear and then he fell down and
then he eat the daddy. The Mommy was very sad, because she thought the
daddy was gone. But Eggs are not that strong and the daddy just cracked
the shell open with his special laser gun to boom him open and stepped
out. But he was covered in gooey egg. Yuck. The daddy said "That egg
was rotten"
The end
Bobby's Sunday Summary
A lot has happened since I last wrote. I don't think I have time to go into all of it. Suffice it to say that I had appendicitis. Am more or less recovered now, and we had a great vacation. Here are some pictures/Videos of the vacation.
First off we drove to Utah and stopped at many different rest stops on the way.
First off we drove to Utah and stopped at many different rest stops on the way.
We had a lot of fun surprises in the car for the kids too.
First stop was Idaho to visit my parents. There are no cousins there so we resorted to blocks and other activities like the zoo.
We Then drove down to Utah to see the Susan's side of the Family with all the cousins. This included a BBQ/Pool party. Hiking to Timp Cave, and having ice cream when we got back down. We also got to pet/feed some Lamas, and visit some friends we had not seen in a long time. And finally we went to a candy factory tour, a trip to a bounce house place, and playing at an odd dinosaur playground at a mall in down town SLC.
It was a long trip when we finally got home. But it was a lot of Fun.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
