"I feel more grown up already"

We had just gone swimming as a family and we were walking out of the family dressing room together when I took a final head count of the kids:


"One, two, three...uh-oh...one...two...three...which one is missing?!"

Then I realized that Alice was carrying Matthew out on her hip and I had completely forgotten to count her as one of the kids.

The tweens are officially upon us :)

She feels it, too. Just today, Alice turned to me and said, "I feel more grown up already, even though
I'm only 3/4ths the way to my next birthday." I smiled. She's turning nine in 2 weeks.

Alice is such a responsible person! It's so easy to give her a little more independence and expect a little more in return. She shoulders it well...most days. I love that I can trust her with stuff that really matters.

Alice and James in the garden, July 2014

Hello chickiboos!

I'd like you to meet the five newest tenants of our laundry room:

Sweet and sleepy. Just the way I like my newborns.

We drove out to my friend's farm this afternoon. I love going there. I love my friend's parents. I even love their dog. I tolerate all pets, but I truly love only two pets on this entire planet and that big galoot named "Moose" is one of them.

*sigh*

It was easy to spot our chicks among the 225 yellowish reddish ones. My friend's kids chased them down and packed them up into a little cardboard box for us. On the way home, I was glowing with excitement about this new adventure when we hit a little pothole in the road and a flutter of startled peeps came from the box. The sound triggered something in my memory and my heart sank with a sudden realization...a wave of emotion...of what I had just committed to do by taking on these little babies. 

"What have I DONE?!" I groaned to myself. 

Babies are a lot of work. And worry. I've gotta protect them, for one, from my human babies who are wrestling with each other to get the best look. The bars in the above picture are for the chicks' protection, not ours. The chicks are also guarded by a baby gate and one of those spinny, James-proof door knob thingies. Gotta keep my eye on that James kid in particular. 

Newborns. Starting from scratch. Doing this whole thing all over again. 

Excitement officially over, reality setting in. I'm glad we have them. Time to get to work.

Sweat, seeds, and chicks

This morning as I exercised, I noticed I was sweating more and earlier than in the past. I suddenly remembered one of my physiology teachers talking about how our body adapts over time to the conditions it is given. For example, when you perform exercise regularly, your body gets more aggressive and efficient at cooling itself off. Thus, I am taking my drippyness as a good sign that things are moving in the right direction :) Also, I did 2 burpees today (minus the push ups) and 1 jump kick. Feeling pretty awesome.

I ordered some seeds for this year's garden. Tons of flowers. I know what you're thinking, "First you join a gym and then you start planting FLOWERS?! Who ARE you?!"

Still figuring that one out.

I like flowers because they're pretty. Yes! They're pretty. I said it. Living ones are pretty, anyway. And the ones I've planted so far give lots of color for very little effort. Planting food crops takes a little more attention and energy and time (pest control, canning, freezing) then I'm willing to commit right now. I will still plant my favorite veggies for the kids to attack (cherry tomatoes, snap peas, baby sweet corn, green beans, cocktail cukes, parsley, mini watermelon) and for me to enjoy all by myself (other herbs, collards, swiss chard).

We'll see how the strawberries do this year...I haven't been the most attentive host. And the brambles took a serious licking last fall when I (finally) put together a trellis that could hold their weight. And the ENTIRE orchard of 7 fruit varieties produced a whopping 2 peaches last year. We did produce a pint of blueberries and 2 litters of bunnies, though ;)

Biggest change this year will be a regular watering schedule. Gonna set up some soaker hoses on a timer. It worked wonders for my front yard. Let's see if I can't coax a little more out of these plants with some regular watering.

In related news, our new flock of hens has arrived. My friend is holding on to them at her farm until I can pick them up (hopefully this weekend). I purchased only Australorps this time around. They look like this today (3 days old):

But will eventually look like this (4 months+ old):

Beautiful, easy-going, excellent brown-egg layers. Even kindergarten-aged Alice who was scared of everything could handle this breed with ease. Nothing like the spunky, nippy, curious, and flighty Rhode Island Reds I've got now. The Australorps won't be laying eggs until July, so the Reds are welcome to hang out until then.

Sneak Peek

Have a look at the concept for our new kitchen!

My favorite part of this whole process has been the logic puzzle: figuring out where things go to optimize our priorities. The major impetus for this update was traffic flow and functionality. Check and check. Imagine having a pantry actually in the kitchen instead of the guest room! Dreamy. And envision a major thoroughfare completely unblocked by a fridge and garbage can! Makes me want to dance a jig.

Now comes the part I have dreaded...choosing colors, shapes, sizes, and styles for all the cosmetic stuff.

*groan*

I know I want a cohesive design that makes the kitchen a warm, inviting space, but I have no clue how to achieve it. And I don't want to take the time to learn a whole new skill. And there's too much that I like to just "choose what you like" and call it good. Dumb free market economy.

Bobby scoured the internet for kitchen design pictures that might help us narrow things down a bit. We kinda agreed that this one came closest to the cabinet color and appliance color and lighting setup that we had mentally envisioned:

I'm not keen on the backsplash, but everything else seems just fine.

Fine. I find that feeling a little unsettling. Shouldn't I be passionately in love with the new design we choose? Then again, there are oodles of kitchen styles that I love more than this, but would never put in my own house. So why do I feel kinda disappointed about this one? Clean lines, pretty wood color.

Maybe it's just too neutral? My current kitchen is dark walnut and avocado green with cream counter tops speckled with blue, grey, and pink. I guess I could use the back splash to introduce a hint of color. Maybe blues.

This kitchen is also completely devoid of anything soft...curtains, dishtowels, rugs. Hmm.

Color and fabric will soften it a bit and make it more inviting. Maybe that's all it lacks. 

Just because it's there...

Robert and James played outside today for the first time in a month. They teamed up with the neighbor kid to chuck rake-fulls of those pokey-ball-tree thingies across the street. They just wanted to see how far they would go. They also smashed a large rock (grrrr) that I was using for another purpose. Why? Because the idea simply occurred to them and they thought it would be fun.

It's the story of my life these days...

Three little boy bums crawling around under a rug display at Home Depot.

At 16 months old, this little man climbs like Robert, obeys like Alice, and charms like James.

Frustrating as it can be at times, I wouldn't have it any other way :)

10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation

I opened my computer one morning and found this TED talk waiting for me on the screen:

It's entitled "10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation" and it's given by a famous NPR talk show host, Celeste Headlee. I can't imagine anything more appropriate for my Lenten goals!

The teaser from the TED talk page:
When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations -- and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations.

Was it fate? Did Bobby leave it there for me to find? Probably not. Most likely, one of the smallest kids was pushing buttons on my Feedly page and got caught before he could mess anything else up. (Every time Matthew gets 10 seconds with my computer, the whole thing crashes and I have to initiate a hard reboot! Ugh)

Anyway, I found it an insightful and entertaining 12 minutes. Time well spent. Now to put it into action.

1. Don't multitask. Be present. Be in that moment. Don't be half in it and half out of it.
2. Don't pontificate. Enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn.
3. Use open-ended questions: who, what, when, where, why, or how. Let them describe it.
4. Go with the flow. Thoughts will come in and we stop listening...let them go.
5. If you don't know, say that you don't know.
6. Don't equate your experience with theirs. It is never the same. It is not about you.
7. Try not to repeat yourself. It's condescending and really boring.
8. Stay out of the weeds. People don't care about the names, dates, and details so leave them out.
9. Listen. We speak at 225 words/min and listen at 550 words/min. Don't let your mind fill in the gaps
10. Be brief. Go long enough to cover the subject, but don't go so long as to lose interest.

Alice's First Dramatic Production

Alice had this idea some months ago that she would like to put on a play with her friends. We searched around for a suitable piece and stumbled upon a "theater kit" designed to help 8-10 year olds put on a play with their friends! Fantastic!

We held the first rehearsal between Thanksgiving and Christmas, then brought the gang together again this weekend for one final rehearsal on Saturday and the big performance on Monday. The kids did just about everything themselves: divvying parts, gathering costumes, creating props. Alice asked Marianne Jarvi to play thematic music on the piano. They added a funeral scene! And they had SO much fun rehearsing and putting this thing together, that I would be happy to do it again. Here's a picture of the group at the end of the show:

Alice was the director, so she's not in period costume.

I loved doing this! Alice was thrilled with how it all came together. It didn't have to be "perfect", which is one thing I really, really love about Alice's personality. She has grand ideas and the guts to get out there and try them because she's not all tied up in doing it just so. She also has a great group of friends to work with. Love these guys.

Okay, enough gushing. I would post some video here for you, but it's kinda hard to watch if you're not the kids' parents, y'know? I'll post a couple more pictures instead :)

In this scene, a mother and daughter are washing and hanging clothes to dry. Alice is holding up the clothesline.

Lent Again

...I did warn you that this was something I struggle with nearly every day, right?

After church today, I was rushing around to gather kids and meet Bobby and get a hold of so-and-so before they left when I saw a person across the hall that I vaguely knew but thought I should say "hi" to. Normally, I would allow my busy bits to overshadow a difficult social situation, but this time I made eye contact and waved with a smile. The person waved back and smiled.

No awkward conversation.

I did not lose track of my kids or miss so-and-so by taking that half a second to wave hello.

And you know what  realized? The interaction was genuine. I really did want to say hi to that person, and I felt their response was genuine as well.

So, I didn't die and I didn't get sucked into small talk. I was actually glad to have done it.
Go figure.

More Lent Work

The kids had (separate) music/dance assemblies at school today. I would have skipped them, as always, with two littles in tow, but Alice and Robert were really hoping to see me there. Big, semi-public things like these where I'll run into tons of people I half-sorta-know...ack!

It turned out pretty well in the end. I decided to say hi to the parents I recognized and it didn't kill me. I also smiled and waved at a mom I would like to get to know better and she asked if she could sit by me. We made conversation. It was pretty darn easy this time. Know why? Because we were talking about our kids. I guess I can make small talk about my kids or another person's kids. That's easy. I am genuinely interested in that topic right now. Or maybe it's because I genuinely cared about getting to know her. Either way, I had a good time.

Interesting. Maybe that's one reason I hate small talk...I never ask about stuff I'm genuinely interested in, or I don't genuinely care about the person I'm talking to. Small talk feels like a 5-minute formality where I won't remember anything they said and I won't give them any genuine answers...because how many people really share or care about how things are actually going?

Lent at Work

My Lenten goal was put to the test today. I had offered to give someone's children a ride, but they hadn't gotten back to me. I don't know this person very well, but I know them well enough that they were probably too swamped with living life to respond to me in time. And I knew their kids were really looking forward to this event.

Normally, I would have just gone without them.

This time, because I'm working on this, I actually walked up to their front door and knocked. Ack! Turns out, they were really glad I did. Everything turned out fine for everyone involved.

Whew.

Lent

The custom of Lent varies broadly between Christian sects, but I appreciate the overarching description that wikipedia gives:


There are traditionally forty days in Lent which are marked by fasting, both from foods and festivities, and by other acts of penance. The three traditional practices to be taken up with renewed vigour during Lent are prayer (justice towards God), fasting (justice towards self), and almsgiving (justice towards neighbour).

However, in modern times, observers give up an action of theirs considered to be a vice, add something that is considered to be able to bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations.


I first heard about Lent from a Catholic friend who adored it as a season to prepare for Easter. Then I brushed into it again with an atheist co-worker who found it a fine time to give in to all his vices...just to be contrary :) Finally, I read an article on modern observances of Lent and was struck by one pastor's words that most people see it as a time to sacrifice something for a while, but it should really be used to make us better people forever. What a notion! I loved the idea that I could focus on one of my sins or weaknesses for 46 days and truly repent/overcome/conquer and improve myself!

So that's why I observe Lent.

Last year, I tackled my addiction to treats. It took 46 days of fasting from treats to show me how and why I needed them so badly. Now, I'm better at moderating and indulging periodically like a normal person. Not perfect. Never will be. But now these are conscious choices and I don't feel so out of control anymore.

This year is a tough one. Been thinking about it a lot. There is something I struggle with that I wish and wish and wish I could improve almost every day: interactions with people I don't know well.

• I have a hard time making eye contact with strangers I pass on the sidewalk.
• If I see someone I recognize (but don't really know), I duck out or busy myself with something and pretend I don't see them.
• I never introduce myself to new people at church or work functions or moms groups or anywhere.
• I don't invite people to do stuff with me, even if I really, really, really want to get to know them better. 

It's not because I don't WANT to interact with these people, it's because I don't really know HOW to interact with them. Small talk is nails on a chalkboard to me.

So, it's time to face the awkwardness. I don't expect to change into an extrovert over night...or ever...I just want to find a more comfortable expectation for myself.

That's my focus from Wednesday (Ash Wednesday) to Easter Sunday. I'm still debating how best to approach it, but I will probably set specific goals/behaviors for myself (e.g. say hello to everyone I pass on the sidewalk? chit chat with grocery store cashiers? invite three new people to do something social with me? read a self-help book on making conversation?).

Still have 2 days to figure that out :)

Hideousness

Had a dream last night that I was unexpectedly pregnant. Cried for two days straight. When I woke up, the idea of having another kid did not bring me to tears, but I was relieved not to be in that situation :) My life is full. Filled to the tippy top with people I love and the mess that comes with knitting our lives together.

We had a stimulating dinner conversation the other day that led to this photo shoot. Can't remember what we talked about...I think it had to do with nose squishiness:

Rock Climbing!

So, I joined a gym.

*gasp*

It's SO not like me, I know. Crazy, right?

Well, it's not just any gym, it's the YMCA. A really, really neat YMCA.

With a 30' climbing wall:

Bobby took the kids climbing today while I traveled to the temple. He tells me 30 minutes was just enough time because Alice's arms were getting tired (she rang the bell three times!) and it took James 20 minutes to finally warm up to the idea of attempting it. Robert was climbing up and down the whole time, but was afraid to be up so high alone. He finally got to the top when one of the instructors was climbing next to him.

Spider girl! She's so strong. Robert's on the right with an instructor.

 

Still. Not. Sure. Lucky for us, the instructors are used to working with kids as young as 2 years old and are willing to start at the very, very basics.