5 year checkup and insurance woes

Matthew and I took James to his 5-year checkup today. He was perfectly compliant. And while he wasn't exactly chatty with anyone, he did make eye contact and nod his head in response to their questions. Yay! We had to ask about shots first thing, though, and Dr. Youakim was quite accommodating. No shots. A smile flashed across James' face even as he tried to tuck it away.

He's heavy (51 pounds)

He's tall (3.5 inches this year alone, about 3'10")

Nice blood pressure (80/44)

He's proportional.

His ears do a great job of clearing out wax.

He has allergies (no surprise there).

No other medical concerns.

The doctor asked James what he wanted to be when he grew up. James didn't answer at first, but when the doctor started making suggestions, James said "banker" with a sly little grin. I thought, "Huh?! Where did he get THAT idea?!" Then it hit me. Ah! Right. This kid loves money.

My little pirate.

And he has stinky armpits. I did ask the doctor about that. It turns out body odor is one of the early signs of puberty, but as long as James doesn't start growing armpit hair, then I shouldn't be too concerned. The doc said that kids who go into puberty too freakishly early actually don't end up very tall in the end. If James started getting hairy, we'd want to put him on some sort of hormone suppression regimen right-quick. I had NO idea that was something to worry about! So, yeah, I'm adding armpit screenings to my 5-year-old's bath routine :)

With Verizon acquiring Yahoo, Bobby now officially works for "Oath." Our health insurance is changing :( We will most likely need to find new doctors at the OTHER clinics in town because our preferred clinics and physicians aren't in-network. This stinks. Not just because I've got to meet with several pediatricians and find a good fit, but because all of our medical history might not transfer between clinics. Those beautiful growth curves and immunization schedules and medical histories...stuck. I haven't talked to anyone at the doctor's office about it yet. I'm still in denial. It probably won't be as bad as I think. Ugh.

James showing off his most recent tower of cushions.

Turkey Trot 2017!

While visiting the Garner fam in Ohio for Thanksgiving, our two families drove out to the Cleveland Turkey Trot and ran a 5k together. Some significant happenings from the race:

Alice and Bobby ran together the whole time, no walking breaks. A first time for Alice. Yay, guys!

Robert walked with me and the stroller (James and Matthew got to ride). It was a long, fast walk, and Robert had to push himself hard to make it to the end on his own two feet, and he DID it! Great job, Robert! Fantastic effort!

The race photographers caught us as we crossed the finish line and I couldn't help but pay the $1 to keep these moments in ones and zeroes:

Gosh, I love these people, and I'm so stinkin' proud of them. Even for something as silly as a 3 mile jog on Thanksgiving Day.

The rest of our trip was relaxing and crazy and fun and loud and everything in between. I love those Garners, too. It's a real treat to spend time with them.

Nightmares

Three nights in a row of dreams that make me want to cry: losing people I love, kids ignoring my passionate safety warnings, disappointment, grief, embarrassment.

My subconscious is feeling vulnerable, I guess.

In the meantime, I had a lovely Thanksgiving break. I don't know why my subconscious is freaking out. Details to come.

Car quake

We were driving to the Y this morning, listening to our new favorite CD from They Might Be Giants, when we stopped for a light. Suddenly, I feel the car shaking, kinda swinging back and forth.

What on earth?!

I look back at the boys to see if they're okay and there's Matthew totally rocking out in his seat. He was dancing so hard, the car was quaking! While buckled. Every limb moving, head nodding, eyes squinched shut, but not making a single sound.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the "cute" bit that makes me so happy and sad.

Thanks, Natalie, for reintroducing me to TMBG. I loved them in high school, but lost track. So happy to see they've put out a few CDs for kids that are just as fun for adults.

Another really cute thing to do: fall asleep in the middle of the day.

I also realized that Matthew gets a lot of attention for his fantastic red furry coat. My mom made it. Alice loved it as a preschooler. I never could put it on Robert or James, but Matthew took to it immediately. People literally gasp when he walks into a room. Not that he enjoys all that attention. He's pretty good at shying away if a stranger tries to engage him too casually.

Riding the horsie at Meijer in his "Elmo coat"

He loves it beyond reason. It doesn't keep him very warm and it's getting harder to put on as his shoulders grow broader, but it's got a totally furry soft outside and a slippery slick inside that he won't give up. He will wear no other jacket or coat.

He will also beg to wear PJs or a swim suit instead of regular play clothes. I let him wear anything to the Y (just to keep the resistance to a minimum) but I make him change from PJs if we're going out in public. His swim suit is fine anywhere but church.

Pbbbsh. Would I have let Alice get away with so much? No way. This fourth kid thing has its perks.

*squeeeeeeeee*

The local farm got back to me today!

They don't need any field help right now (surprised?) but they had a look at my resume and wanted to meet about possibly developing nutritional and cooking info for their members and customers next year.

*squeeeeeeeeee*

This is just the kind of stuff I can do from home! It gives me purpose to research and relearn and stretch those dietetic muscles. I can't wait until dirt time comes around again, but this will do nicely in the interim :)

She also mentioned they were putting in grant applications over the next couple weeks. That's something I could help with, too, but I didn't want to mention that this early...seems a little grabby, y'know? Maybe next year.

Or maybe I'll just get gutsy and ask if I can help with them this year.

Am I feeling gutsy?

Totally. Email sent.

Splendid

The other day, James swaggered into the dining room where a pile of grated cheese and a plate of bacon waited on the table for breakfast burritos and he declared, "Dinner looks SPLENDID, Mommy!"

Indeed!

Too Cute

Matthew is stinking cute these days. It's really, really hard to ignore those big blue eyes in that little round head and that stream of squeaky, logical, insanely sweet ideas flowing from his mouth. He walks like a little man. He dances like a little man. He asks things like, "Iss dis edi-bowl [edible]?" And I just can't contain myself! I sweep him up and kiss his little face before I remember to ask him, "Is today a kissing day?" 'Cuz he doesn't like to be kissed on "non-kissing" days when he's in a bad mood. "I hate kisses!!" he cries.

I told him tonight that we will be traveling next week. He had all sorts of questions. We sat at the dinner table after everyone else had finished and gone. I told him we would need to pack a suitcase for him with clothes and underwear (Ew, Mommy, dass gross *giggle*) and his super soft blanket (Duh one fwum Yahew?! *gasp*). Then he'll need his backpack with toys and games for the long, long drive. Maybe even snacks (Ween cheese? Iss dat a good nack?). He was completely smitten with the idea. Excited. Rapt. Wanting to learn more. James came in for something and left again, then Matthew turned to me and said quickly, "You tell me more about O-I-O? Wight heew? When we all done wif dinnuh?" as if I was going to get up and leave before he had heard enough. He asked about the people there (Iss it duh Weh-bekkah who hits?) and the toys (seatbelts on duh wiggle caws?) and bits he remembered from our other visits there (a soft flor, wight?).

He just wanted to sit and chat, talking about the magical wonders that await us in Ohio. I just wanted to hug him into my heart and keep him like this forever.

People tell me he's cute.

He tells me he is NOT cute.

I'm torn.

I don't want to admit that he's cute.

Cute doesn't stay. If I admit he's cute, then I'm admitting that he won't stay this way, and I start to feel a little sadness creeping in. If I just tell myself, "Well, that's simply Matthew." Then maybe I can enjoy this phase without the creeping sadness...but it's a lie. I know it.

Is it actually possible that I don't want Matthew to grow up? No, I want him to grow up. I want to see him love preschool and talk about his friends and get excited about all the things he will get excited about. I love that part of all my kids growing up...them discovering stuff about the world and themselves. It's my favorite.

Then what is this creeping sadness around the edges?

I suspect, deep down, that I'm a little afraid of the loneliness...the foreign notion of spending chunks of time during the day by myself. It's something I crave now, and envy in my friends with school-aged kids. But. Still. It's unfamiliar. I haven't been truly alone in a predictable way since Alice was born almost 11 years ago. This little kid Matthew is my last little kid. My last little chatterbox that scrunches his nose and growls when he's playing a baby tiger. My last "cute."

And I'm okay with that, rejoicing in it, and still kinda sad about it. We have some years, yet, before he goes to school full-time. I'll take the "cute". Embrace it. Love it while it lasts. It's just my bad luck that this "last" is such an exceptionally cute one ;)

Tidbits

No word from the CSA farm.

I broke my toe. Not in much pain anymore, but it means I won't be doing any running until January at least. It's a good thing I can still work on cycling and swimming.

Had another swimming breakthrough today. I'll spare you the details, maybe, and just say that I'm not practicing it perfectly like my swim clinic taught, but I'm getting it in bits and pieces. Twice during my swim this morning, I almost ran into the wall, because I was thinking so hard about my stroke that I didn't notice how long the pool was. For the first time EVER, 25 yards just didn't seem long enough.

Cycling in a spin class is torture. I hate it. Come warmer weather, I'll be looking for a biker posse to ride with periodically.

Matthew is talk, talk, talking like crazy these days. He's adopted his siblings' habits of theorizing and explaining interesting bits of life. He's telling me stories and imagining hilarious alternative endings to everyday situations. I wish I had a specific example to share with you. I'll pay better attention and try to record the next one. He's communicating more clearly with James and setting firm(er) boundaries. He actually kicked James out of his room today when James was being annoying.

James is hitting a pretty fun stage. He's clever and capable enough to cause mischief, but the last week or so, I've somehow managed to channel most of that energy towards positive, cooperative activities. Like cooking. He can actually measure out accurate amounts of ingredients and he LOVES to measure on his own. He feels great about using those skills, I can lavish him in attention and positive praise, and he doesn't seem to pester others as much. Not just cooking...what else have we done? Well, I've been showing him how to clean up his own messes and mistakes (instead of sighing painfully and sending him to a time out while I clean it up). When he got peanut butter on the wall (ahem) I handed him a Clorox wipe and asked him if this would do the trick to clean it up. He tried it and it worked. He was SO happy that he could erase that mistake and be all grown up with the cleaning wipes. I dunno. It doesn't always happen like that, but the last week or so, he's been really cheerful about admitting genuine mistakes and working to fix them. Maybe it's just a lucky streak and we'll be singing a different tune next week. Who knows? Right now, though, I wanted to record something positive :)

I'm torn about Robert's piano lessons. Again. He reads the music long enough to memorize the note sequence, then he doesn't look back at the page. Ever. His new teacher has him working on some nuanced pieces with all sorts of dynamic changes. Instead of reading them on the page, he's taken to memorizing them one by one through practice (e.g. louder here, softer here, accent on this note, ritardando here, etc.). It's painful to watch. If only he could use the written page as a reference! His sight reading is still very slow, but slowly getting better as we work on it. I appreciate his attitude, however, as he keeps working on things even when they're vexing him to periodic tears.

Alice is transforming tomorrow afternoon. A new hairdo. A pixie cut, she tells me. A friend and her mother will be taking her, with my blessing, because haircuts are not something I get excited about. Maybe that will change when I see the new Alice?

Next big thing

I found myself bored with nothing to do this week and it was quite disconcerting. It feels like I have space for more in my life...space for another overarching sort of project that I can research and think about and work on in the bits of time between everything else I already do...something to fill the gardening void.

What a large void that is!

I miss the garden. It stressed me out, but I loved being there and doing it. What did I love about it? What am I missing the most?

I miss the daylight. I miss the quiet work. I miss being comfortable outside. I miss seeing my efforts grow into something useful, delicious, or beautiful. That was so stinkin' fun.

*sigh*

When we drive by the "Big Garden" plot that has now been mowed down and tilled under, all I see is potential. No, it's more like I FEEL the potential. I'm clawing at the window to get out there and dig. Plant some seeds. Watch the garden unfold again. I want another chance! I learned so much last year. I've already forgotten all the bugs and plant diseases and low yields. I'm a hopeless gardening romantic.

*double sigh*

I came across a book this year that talked about modern winter gardening techniques with a short, simple frame of glass. Completely passive. The author has researched the old-fashioned French ways that provided fresh food to their markets year-round. He's collected and bred plant varieties that are EXTREMELY resistant to cold: peas, brassica greens, spinach, and especially fresh leaf lettuce. They thrive all winter with minimal protection. It's a fascinating thought. Unfortunately, to enjoy fresh salad greens all winter, you need to start them in August so they're big enough to pluck from every once in a while. I was swamped in August. No mood to prepare new garden beds and plant again. But I am NOW. And I'll remember this next August...start something for winter, anything, and my energy will come back full force in October/November. I will be craving a few plant lives to nurture.

I'm in a bit of a funk with this. I'm wondering if it's time to volunteer at a nearby CSA* Farm. They probably have work to do year-round. And it would be nice to learn how veggie gardening translates onto a larger scale. And maybe I could pick up a few tips on how to make my home garden better. It would be quite the time commitment, though. But what's the harm in asking for more info, right? It's settled :) I'm contacting them today. Let's see how this goes.

*CSA stands for Community Supported Agriculture. It's when people pay the farmer ahead of time for a weekly share of produce during the next growing season.

Matthew is 3!

I was putting the summer clothes away and getting out all the pants and long sleeves this afternoon. Since Matthew just turned 3, I thought maybe I should pull out the 3T stuff.

Nope. Not yet. He's still in the 2T size. So much so that he'll be wearing the same clothes he started wearing last winter *gasp* though the sleeves are a teeny bit short and the pants are a teeny bit highwater. I choose that over rolling up sleeves and cuffs...for now.

Add his size to his family position as the youngest, and you get genuine disbelief from me that he's actually 3 years old.

His birthday was a lot of fun. He woke up knowing through and through that THIS was his birthday, he was NOW 3 years old, and we were going to celebrate with swimming and cake. He also decided that now he was 3 years old, he would no longer be scared of the dinosaur slide at the pool. Done and done. He slid down that thing over and over and over. What a difference a birthday makes!

Things I love about Matthew right now:

• He's just figured out that "he" is for boys and "she" is for girls and he's THRILLED about it.
• He sleeps through the night, eats regular food, and uses the toilet day and night. Dude. My youngest hasn't done all that at once since 2009. We're working on independent dressing (sugar-free gum is my best friend these days), then he'll have the green light for preschool!
• He writes equally left-handed and right-handed. He can draw a decent circle freehand and trace a straight line. Half the time, he even manages a reasonable looking M. Poor kid has a name twice as long as his siblings, though, so he's got a long road ahead of him :(
• The boy doesn't like kisses, but he'll wrestle with you any time. A double thumbs-up is the sign for a wrestling match to begin. 
• I love that "y" at the start of a word is sometimes "l" to him..."lellow", "I need tuh loose uh potty...", "as big as uh looniverse", "I don't want loh-guht for breakfast, I want soil milk"
• Just the last week or so, when you ask him why he does or doesn't want to do something in particular, he says, "'Cuz I luff you!" Blast it all. With that weapon in his arsenal, he's going to get away with everything. Everything.
• He loves roasted broccoli. Nom nom nom.
• Perpetual stuffy nose...I think it might be allergies like his siblings. It's cute in a kid as long as it doesn't bother the kid, y'know?
• He loves his friends and siblings. Loves to play with other people. Loves to play alone. He's a pretty easy-going guy if you're not in a hurry. 
• He dances to music.
• He laughs at his own bodily functions. The noisier, the better.
• He likes to follow the rules. He generally shares with anyone who asks. He's easily persuaded by those whose respect he craves.
• When he sobs and tries to tell me what happened, I can't understand a single syllable.

I try to remember what life was like before I knew Matthew, and I can't. I try to guess what he'll be like in 1, 5, or 20 years and I can't. He is my constant reminder to live in the present. Enjoy the now. Live this life...today...this one crazy moment...'cuz that's where I find the most powerful joy. In moments.

One of my first moments with Matthew.