Another Summer Update

It's been a whirlwind summer. Every other week has been something new or different. The weeks in between feel like a juggling act between my regular responsibilities and shouldering the extra time and attention with the kids.

Alice felt like the Sketch Comedy Workshop at BYU was a slice of heaven. She also decided that the next time she goes to Utah, she's going to need a lot more time with her cousins in SLC and in AF. Maybe a week with each? I raised an eyebrow but kept all my "that won't work because..." thoughts to myself. This life has shown me that I am often wrong about such things. The workshop was filled with her people. She felt completely at home, completely herself, completely accepted and loved. It was independence like she's never experienced. When she first got home, she was a whirlwind of laughter and confidence. Then over a week or so, that girl faded into the polar opposite...sadness, no appetite, messed up sleeping schedule, taking little interest in things that used to excite her, staying in bed all day... it was more than "the blues" and it was getting worse. She met with her therapist today and they termed it "a depressive episode." She's doing better since naming it. She was shocked, actually, at how much better she felt after only one hour of therapy. Alice figured it would take weeks of work to feel normal again. It's not totally over yet, but it's getting better.

Robert and James spent a week in Ohio with their frousins (friend-cousins), the Garners. Rk and Mims stayed with us. It was a frousin exchange. Like all things parenting, it had its ups and downs. We went to the pool, the library, and the zoo. We did sewing, crafts, and more crafts. I heard several times a day about how the Evans house and family culture were different from the Garner house and family culture. I got to experience a 4-year-old again (how soon one forgets!!) and Alice got to experience having little sisters for a week. Sort of. It's different when you grow up with them. Anyway, she finally confessed at the END of the week that she had stopped wanting little sisters once she had plenty of little brothers. Years ago. When Robert and James returned from their time with the Garners, they told us about the museum, the zoo, the glass-blowing workshop, the lake, and a whole week of Mexican-themed dinners. Rachel and I haven't talked about it much. Not everything we learned from this experience is something we want our kids to overhear *sigh* I hope to evaluate the experience with her more thoroughly as we ride 50 miles together in Michigan this weekend. 

Matthew has grown a lot this summer. Learning to read and swim and play piano all at once seems to do that to a person. He feels like he can do hard things. He cracks jokes and ponders big questions just like the rest of the kids, even if they don't pay him much mind (that's older-sibling-itis for ya'). Matthew had a great time with Rk and Mims here. They played games more the way he liked to play them...predictably, cooperatively, and everyone on the same side. No rogue characters changing it into a war game or telling him he's doing it all wrong. Matthew was happy to follow the girls' lead. He's made enormous progress against his fear of water. Unbelievable. Reading and writing is a fun challenge for him right now, too. Piano, well, we haven't really had two weeks of lessons in a row all summer and home practice time has not been enforced, so he feels like he's really good at THAT, too!

Alice has Girls Camp the rest of this week, then we take a family trip to the Gulf Coast, then we hang out at home for a week before Robert goes to "Sixth Grade Transition". It's like summer school, but just for the new 6th graders at the middle school. I guess they'll get familiar with the campus, lockers, having multiple teachers, changing for PE, etc. All the middle school stuff that there's no way to prepare you for in elementary school. He's not looking forward to 6th grade. At all. 

My Olympic-distance triathlon is coming up at the end of the month. I've developed a running injury that makes running or walking for long distances pretty painful :( I'm resting it now, hoping it'll be well enough to compete in a few weeks. It won't be my fastest triathlon. I've wanted to quit the race so many times before now. But I realized that if I don't do it this time, it will be hanging over me like a debt unpaid. I'll feel compelled to finish it another year. I'll have to start the training all over again! So, I'm doing it this year. Rest the foot, take it slowly, steadily, and just get to the finish. Then figure out a more suitable goal for next year :)

My garden is BEAUTIFUL! It makes me so happy to grow things and be out there. I've been eating as much of it as I care to and donating the extra produce to Solidarity Gardens. I think I'm finally learning to like beets! Like them! Not just tolerate them. 

James appears to have some degree of sensitivity to gluten/wheat, too. Still experimenting with dosage and other potential causes of his symptoms. In some ways, it's easier to have 2 gluten-free kids than just one. It makes the family's hassle and sacrifice a little easier to bear :( Having to be careful about gluteny and non-gluteny foods is a big, stinking hassle and sacrifice! When I die and get to ask all my questions, I'm going to want to know about the timing of all this...why now? Why, when they had both been enjoying wheat for their whole lives do they both develop similar symptoms that seem to disappear when wheat/gluten is removed from their diet? They are 6 grades apart! One female, one male. One prone to anxiety, one oblivious to it. One going through puberty, one still a child. One craving attention from peers, one contented never to stand out. Was there some sort of environmental cue that set things in motion for these guys?!?! Crazy. I'm definitely gonna ask.

I Want to Remember

A few Robert moments happened today that I just want to remember...

Robert was in a pretty good mood this morning because we had just discovered that he now officially fits safely in the front passenger seat of the van. Woo hoo! We were at the grocery store picking up supplies for Erin's bday dinner tonight (*squee*) when Robert said, "Oh yeah, I remember this place."

"Huh?"

"It's been a long time since I came shopping with you--lettuce!" He points to the display of bagged salads and says with a hint of surprised nostalgia, "I remember that lettuce section." We got a text from Alice (in Utah) just then and he wanted to send her a picture of the lettuce wall so she could appreciate it, too. I raised an eyebrow and said I'll only take a picture if you're in it. He did this:

Ha! I like it even more now than if he had turned around and smiled for the camera. 

Later, as we snuck into Erin's house to leave a birthday surprise, he smiled and said, "I smell this smell (gesturing around the house) and it makes me think of Minecraft and YouTube and treats and Ruby and time with Erin." He was so genuinely happy in that moment, I wanted to remember it forever.

I don't very often get to see surprise, joy, and nostalgia in Robert. Robert takes on a lot of responsibility. Not just for himself, but for every other person in the household. He's consistently offering advice and correction whenever he sees something that could be improved or corrected, respectively. It kinda wears on us. On me. We're working on it. The boy genuinely feels like he's doing people a real service, "It's what I would want to know if I were doing X like that." 

Hm. I disagree. But I don't want to get distracted...

The point of this post is to remember these moments of joyful nostalgia and how it felt as Robert's mom to see him experience them. It made me happy. He spends so much time trying to do the right thing and trying to get others to do the right thing that I like to see him just stop and be.

SAM's Club Returns!

Our "Sons and Mothers Club" for boys Robert's age has started up again. This evening, we met up at H's house and went catch-and-release fishing in a brief but saturating downpour. H's neighborhood has a few small ponds that the HOA restocks every year with bass and sunfish. We were NOT disappointed. And Robert needed it. A lot. He needs his friends. And he's always wanted to catch a couple decent-sized bass. Tonight was a win all around. Each of the boys who put a line in the water managed to catch at least 2 big fish. The rain made campfire s'mores impossible, but C managed to make them really well and really efficiently with her broiler!

Robert and Bass #1. It was the first fish caught of the evening! Notice how dry everything looks.

 

Robert and Bass #2. This happened to be the LAST fish caught of the evening. Long after the downpour.

Emotional Blunting

Towards the end of May, I was having some physical symptoms that finally nudged me to see if I needed to take my anti-anxiety medication anymore. 

A little history: I started Effexor in December 2018 after a very sudden and prolonged bout of anxiety that made it hard to function. In kinda ruined Christmas. After a couple stable years, my doctor and I decided this spring to switch to a different anti-anxiety med that was a little less potent: Lexapro. Things were fine. Actually, everything was emotionally fine, but something odd was developing physically. Suffice it to say, my bowels are my canary in the coal mine. 

I talked to my doctor about stopping the anti-anxiety meds altogether. He supported the idea and told me to lower the dose gradually to slowly wean myself from them. These particular drugs have some hefty side effects when stopped suddenly. I slowly reduced my dosage over a month and took the last tiny dose a month ago. 

What have I noticed? 

--Even with the slow wean, there have been some mental withdrawal symptoms, even as recent as this week. They're fading, though, and less frequent...small waves of light-headedness or confusion lasting up to 10 seconds.

--My bowel issue resolved.

--Emotion. Strong emotion. A sad moment in a movie brought on tears for the first time in years. A newborn baby's cry on tape took my breath away...I gasped in a wave of emotion...I thought I was going to burst right there in the middle of the spinach patch. Playing acoustic guitar and singing "Leaving on a Jet Plane" with Erin (electric guitar) and Alice (accordion) made me so happy that I got all choked up and could barely finish the chorus. My son's harsh tone to his sibling sparked fierce anger. In me! I haven't felt emotions that strong in a long time. Or ever?

One major side effect (and purpose of?) anti-anxiety meds is called "emotional blunting." It mellows out the extremes, takes the edge off. It gives the logical/rational mind a chance to assess the situation before fight or flight kicks in. I have been amazed at the patience and resilience that came to me so readily over the last couple of years. I could tell that it was more than my usual patience. Not normal. I blamed and thanked the meds.

These extra powerful emotions that I've experienced since stopping the meds, I'm guessing, are also not normal. I'm guessing my synapses are still adjusting to the new milieu and taking things a little too far. After all, it can take 6-8 weeks for anti-anxiety meds to reach full potency. I wouldn't be surprised if it takes at least that long to adjust after stopping them.

But what if I'm wrong?

What if this is peri-menopause or the anxiety coming back or *gasp* permanent damage I caused by taking the meds in the first place!?

*deep breath*

The emotions are strong, yes, but it's not too much to handle. Yet. I'm keeping a close eye on this. I still have a full month's supply of Lexapro in the cabinet just in case :) Feel free to ask me how things are going any time. It doesn't hurt to have other people watching out for me, too :)

Multi-update

It's been a while...

Lots has happened...

My feelings are kinda all over the place...

Welcome to summer at the Evans house with 4 kids 14 and under AND a mom who seems to have cultivated too many summer-specific passions! It's almost like she grew up in a warm, sunny place with year-round agriculture...like southern California, maybe?

Where do I even begin?!

Pictures are a safe bet. Let's start there. 

Covid Monday Night Fun activities, especially during the winter, usually meant family screen time or playing games together in the house. No longer! We now have outdoor options like James' idea here called "Will It Burn?" The answer is yes. Eventually. And it will create nauseating stenches you can't erase from your memory. Especially old bird and insect nests. Yuck.

We got to meet Milo, the Bill-Kristin-Evans' family puppy! If there were a dog boarding place or shelter that would allow 8-year-olds to care for (and play with) their animals, James would never leave it.

Alice graduated from middle school! Here is her graduating class minus one girl who finished her school year remotely from the Middle East. So many feelings about this. We have since set Alice up with a checking account, taught her how to use a debit card, and sent her off to BYU for a 2-week workshop on Sketch Comedy. She's hardly had time to respond to my texts, which I take as a good sign. And I'm crying on the inside.

Alice's drama teacher made these fancy cakes for each of the graduates. Alice had slowly eaten halfway through it over 2 weeks or so when we accidentally discovered that wheat/gluten seems to have been a factor in her chronic nausea and episodes of night waking (sick to her stomach, can't fall asleep again for hours) for the last year or so. No worries, she sold the rest of the cake off to her brothers piece by piece :) It could be Celiac's disease. She got nauseous after only a dime-sized piece of bread. She's not eager to take the blood test for Celiac's, though, since it involves putting gluten back into her diet for a while (e.g. chronic nausea, bad sleep) and then getting blood drawn. She has, however, consented to a double-blind gluten trial at home once she's back from her workshop. We'll slip her some gluten without her knowledge and hopefully parse out how much of this phenomenon is psychosomatic.

We discovered another nest of baby bunnies. These guys were much older. My research indicated that mother bunnies would not be disturbed by human smell on their babies, so we ventured to hold them once or twice. When I held them, they writhed and screamed. When James and Robert tried, they instinctively held the babies in a way that made them calm and quiet. Even after the babies were old enough to leave the burrow, Robert and James would find the baby bunnies in the tall plants nearby and give them another snuggle now and again.

Rachel and I completed a 50-mile ride in Georgetown, Kentucky as participants in the Horsey Hundred. Green, grassy, rolling hills, miles and miles of horses at pasture. We were lucky it was overcast and a little drizzly. That kept the humidity on our side :) We've lined up 5 more 50-mile rides for 2021 (1 in July, 2 in Sept, 2 in Oct) and we'll STILL be a year behind our goal of 50 miles-50 states-50 years old. Thanks, Covid! And thanks, America, for being so so so large. This challenge is definitely a challenge.

James found this mutant strawberry in our garden while I was away and saved it for me. He knows I looooooove mutants. Sweet boy. The garden is doing GREAT this year. I've spent all my farming stress-worry-guilt energy on the Solidarity Gardens plot at Meadowbrook Park, leaving only the fun stuff for my backyard. Fun, but it still takes a lot of time. I've harvested lettuce, spinach, cabbage, napini, cilantro, strawberries, cherries, rhubarb, honeyberries, radishes, mustard greens, kale, collards, hybrid broccoli, garlic scapes, Chinese cabbage, pea shoots, snap peas, oregano, thyme, zucchini and potatoes so far. Much more to come.

Robert, James, and Matthew continued their white board drawing adventures. Robert took close-up pictures of some of his favorite creations. This one reminds me of a stunned goateed guy from a movie. A specific one. I think it's the thief guy from Tangled, actually *shudder*.

This one's pretty creepy, but not violent. I got a call from the summer school director about some violent drawings James made in class one day. Gory stuff involving a retired mass murderer. I asked him about it later that day and he said flat out, "I'm not doing THAT again." The extra attention from teachers and directors was an effective deterrent. So many feelings about this experience, too.

Robert was especially pleased with how the lips/beak and collar came out on this one. Robert has spent much of his summer reading and relaxing in his room for hours at a time. He doesn't really want to go anywhere or do anything with anyone. Bobby has lured him outside for the occasional walk. He'll come to the splash pad or pool or library with me and the younger boys. And he goes to church. Other than that, he's completely satisfied at home. Maybe not completely satisfied. When he's at home, he notices things that he doesn't agree with and mentions them. He genuinely feels like he's helping people learn manners and keep the household rules. He's also quick to correct anyone's perception or description of something. All. The. Time. He genuinely feels like he's helping people learn or avoid mistakes. Or he tries to make a side joke and it doesn't go over well because folks are expecting to hear a criticism 99% of the time. I'm convinced some of this behavior is age appropriate and some of it is purely anxiety. I wish I wish I wish my kids and I didn't have excessive anxiety to constantly keep in check. It's exhausting.

I was making some woodworking stuff for Alice's first week of Kid Camp and James got an idea for a dog toy he wanted to make for Ruby. We had the right tools and materials, so I said yes. I managed the chop saw, but he did a lot of the power drilling himself. It was harder than he thought. Much harder than using the drill to take out screws! The toy is three natural sticks connected with a single knotted rope. I'm sorry, Erin, for the splintered wood bits Ruby will create from chewing on this. I thought it would be an outdoor toy.

Kid Camp Minecraft Skins! And James is showing off his necklace strung with Minecraft-meaningful colors of pony beads. Alice has already successfully completed two weeks of her summer Kid Camp series. The first week was Minecraft-themed and the second week was Plants and Animals. Every minute of these camps was held outside in atypical heat and humidity for June. The kids endured it well. They seemed to have fun. Alice and I were wasted by the end of every day, though.

Minecraft Camp armor and swords.

James resumed piano lessons a couple weeks ago and Matthew got started. So far, Matthew loves to perform for people but hates to practice. He loves practicing with me, though, because it's a lot of 1-on-1 attention followed by a marshmallow.

Here's the bulk of our pie cherry harvest. The cherries were SO sour that even the birds could barely gag them down. I tried to turn them into freezer jam, but, well, it kinda turned into chunky cherry syrup. Still sloppy straight out of the freezer. Bah humbug. Tastes great, though! Just remind me to make a cooked jam/preserves for the cherries next year.

In other news, I'm still training for an olympic-distance triathlon, but not the way I planned I would be. I have a book, see? A book that lays out how much and what kind of running, swimming, and biking I can do to prepare my body for this particular endurance event. It's a 16-week course. The first few weeks are fine, the next few weeks are harder, but fine. The middle few weeks are death on a stick. What is death on a stick? I don't know. But it stinks. It's NOT motivating. It's crazy hard and I don't have TIME for that kind of training intensity. There. I said it. So, I modified my training regimen to suit my goals: 3 running periods a week, 3 cycling periods a week, no swimming. My swimming isn't going to improve much without a coach, and it's not the most intense nor the longest portion of the race. As far as I can tell, the swimming portion is there just to scare good runners and good cyclists away from competing in triathlons. It does a GREAT job of that :) I'm keeping up the running and cycling just to keep those parts of my body tough until the event on July 31st. My goal is met just fine this way, and it leaves some time/energy for other things I want to do with my life besides swim, bike, and run :) Like farming.

Matthew read a verse out of the scriptures for the first time this week. Learning to read is magical. He's quietly reading things all over the place now and asking what they mean. I love this. He was soooo excited to read an Elephant and Piggie book to his friend while they waited for her mom to pick her up. I should have snagged a picture. 

A couple weeks ago, I hit my limit. I finally (again?) couldn't do everything that needed to be done in a day, emotionally or physically. The work list was endless and chronic and I had to try and do it all while managing the social, emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental health of 4 kids at home. It felt horrible. I asked Bobby to take on dinner planning and preparation indefinitely. So many feelings about this. Including, but not limited to guilt, relief, resentment, peace, confusion, joy, jealousy, teamwork, and love. Overall, I feel like it's been a very positive change for me and my family. In many ways.

Bobby inspires independence. In me and in the kids. It's one of his superpowers. I can't quite pinpoint how he does it, but it's a really important job in our family that I just don't do as well as he does. It goes like this: Whenever Bobby works with the kids in a capacity that I used to do exclusively, suddenly they are doing more for themselves than ever before. Matthew is putting on his own shoes, James is cooking his own eggs, Alice is making her own lunches, and Robert is doing his own research to see what it takes to successfully care for a crested gecko. So glad to be doing this as a team!

That's probably a long enough blog post. Congrats for reading all the way to the end!