Another school year begins

Hello! Another school year has begun, and not without its quirks. All four kids are attending new schools:

Alex: both a senior in high school and a brand new community college freshman. We've experienced a number of "firsts" together as we navigate this whole college thing. Crazy. He's taking 3 courses at the high school and 2 courses through Parkland Community College. He is deliriously happy.

Robert: a freshman in high school. He won't tell me anything directly, but I've managed to surmise that he has friends in every class and one of his friends convinced him to join some sort of science club or something. Robert has also started early morning seminary this week.

James: a brand-new sixth grader at Next Generation School. He's figuring out a new class schedule and getting used to several new teachers. This middle school is new to our family (e.g. Alex attended Urbana Middle School and Campus Middle School for Girls, and Robert attended Urbana Middle School), but all the staff are extremely friendly and helpful so far. James is loathe to take on any after school clubs or activities, and he's intensely preoccupied with how/whether he'll fit in academically and socially, but he seems to like all the new independence and privileges that come with middle school life. 

Matthew: a 4th grader at Next Generation School. He's quick to point out that this school is nothing like his experience at Yankee Ridge Elementary. The first thing he said after spending a day with his whole class is, "I heard only ONE cuss word the entire day!" Matthew is also nervous about making friends. He said he doesn't know anyone's names yet, but kids are asking him to play during recess. 

Our trip to Houston at the end of the summer was very nice. Hot and humid, but the company was delightful. Several of us worked with Alex to make him a quilt. James probably put in the most hours. We shopped at HMart, visited the Space Center, and swam in the pool at our rental. I got to go to the temple on my birthday. I was glad to have Mom with me. After we did an endowment session, James and Dad met us in the baptistry. We were baptized and confirmed for some of our ancestors. That was a good use of my birthday day. 

The day we were leaving back to Illinois, I noticed some red bumps on my neck. It looked like a rash, but it didn't itch, so I figured it would go away. 

No such luck. 

A week later, those little bumps had grown into an itchy, swollen rash on my scalp, neck, shoulders, and chest. The symptoms were consistent with an allergic reaction, but I couldn't think of anything I had come in contact with or eaten in the last week that was out of the ordinary. I had started a new prescription a few weeks before, but wouldn't an allergy have shown up before then??

I went to convenient care where they prescribed a round of steroids to tamp down my immune response and hopefully get me back to normal. The doctor didn't think the new prescription was related. She asked about anything else that might have changed. Nothing. Nothing except that medication. Since it was not a necessary medication (anti-fungal to treat toenail fungus), I stopped taking it anyway. The steroids then seemed to help a little, along with ibuprofen, but the rash came back hard once the steroids were done. 

Back at convenient care, more swollen, blistered, peeling, and itchy than ever, now with an angry rash completely covering my chest and back and starting to creep down to my hands and knees, I begged for relief. I almost got teary and said, "Please help me." The doctors were shocked at the extent of it, but with no other symptoms, they were confident I just needed a larger dose of steroids. They injected me with a high dose of steroids and prescribed another stronger, longer round of oral steroids. 

And today, two days later, I'm still miserable. The steroids, benadryl, and ibuprofen don't seem to keep the rash from spreading, but they do prevent blistering (for which I'm very grateful). Patches of the rash that blistered and peeled earlier are less itchy now. So, it feels like it's running its course. I'm drowsy much of the day due to the antihistamines. 

I looked up the prescription antifungal I was using and learned it can remain active in the body up to a month after the last dose. The liver just doesn't metabolize it very quickly. Strangely, that news actually brought me some hope. If the medication is the cause, then this will end. Even if it takes 30 days, this will get better. It's scarier to me imagining that stress or hormones or an autoimmune disorder is the culprit....there's no clear endpoint in sight for those. 

I'm grateful that it hasn't been so bad as to keep me from my motherly duties. The first week of school is an important one. I've been especially concerned about James and Matthew this year. Lately, they've had bouts of sadness and depression. Maybe 4-5 times a week each? They are almost always triggered by something unexpected or unfortunate happening to them, then they wilt under the weight of it all. 

When Matthew notices he's inexplicably sad, he starts to get anxious about being sad. He really, really, really, doesn't like feeling sad. His anxiety about the sadness grows until he's overwhelmed by it and can't think straight. He's not sad anymore at that point, but he's sobbing, rocking himself back and forth in the fetal position, and unable to make decisions. This used to freak me out. A lot. I used to try all sorts of things to pull him out of it. All the extra attention was NOT helpful, by the way. What does seem to help is a calm, listening ear that offers empathy and recognizes his frustration. It's crazy hard not to ask questions or offer solutions. Matthew eventually calms down and finds a solution on his own. He almost always apologizes for losing control and then thanks me for my help. 

When James gets a bout of this sadness, he withdraws. He stops talking, seeks solitude, and looks off into the distance. He wants help changing his mood, but doesn't quite know how to ask for it. If we get a chance to talk privately about it, he can sometimes recognize what's bothering him. Many times, though, he doesn't know exactly why he's suddenly sad. 

James experiences anxiety, too, he starts to shake, rock back and forth, wring his hands, grit his teeth, and writhe on the couch. He can't speak words, but sometimes he cries and whimpers as if he's physically hurt. At first, I thought this was a tantrum response. I ignored it or sent it to another room. That changed nothing. The only thing that seems to help is a calm, listening ear that offers empathy and recognizes his frustration. 

So, I'm trying really hard to be that listening ear for James and Matthew. These episodes never come at convenient times and they take a lot of patience. Both boys are old enough now to detect my frustration, even if my words are kind and patient. 

Let me see what else I can share about the first week of school that may be of interest...

-- Matthew signed up for an after-school enrichment class about science

-- Alex started his Child Psychology course at the college and is thrilled with his textbook. It gives details and cites studies, forcing him to think critically about things, not just memorize them. 

-- James went with all the middle schoolers to a nearby 4H camp for some team building activities. They were tasked with building a 1-person raft that would cross the beach twice without sinking. He had a lot of fun with that one. 

-- Robert continues to tell me nothing. He doesn't like answering my curious questions. I have noticed, however, that his strength training is paying off and that puts him in a good mood. He still mentions every once in a while how lovely it was to have us away in Texas. He and Bobby had full reign of the house and schedule. Everything was so quiet and peaceful.

Okay, that blog post is long enough. Good night!

July Update, of sorts.

We're just over halfway through the kids' summer break. It's been a busy 6 weeks!

We've had no shortage of ups and downs. Each kid has experienced his own sequence of good and not-so-good events and there's a whole lot of processing that goes along with all of that.

I hate speaking so vaguely. I'm sorry. The kids are old enough that I can't really share their stories here without their permission.

Work has been good. A few of my repair jobs came back to the store because of problems I had missed or wasn't trained to see. "Boomerangs", as they call them at the shop, are very, very bad news. A hundred in-house mistakes are eventually forgivable, but one public mistake...dude...you're in trouble. My managers decided that my work needed to be better supervised. Which, since it wasn't being supervised AT ALL, wouldn't be hard to do. 

True to form, the edict was made without any process in place or authority delegated. Everyone agrees that it must be done. End of story. No one is assigned to check my work. There is no universal standard I'm being held to. I just do the work the best I know how and beg one of the other mechanics to check it over before I can declare the job is finished. 

 

Each mechanic I can choose from has different preferences. One mechanic will check it out thoroughly, just in the stand, and have an exacting standard, but doesn't want/know how to give feedback so he just makes the minor fixes himself without explanation and gives it back. Another mechanic will give it a decent test ride outside, but not check anything in the stand, and he'll let me know if anything didn't work like it should. The other two are simply too busy to ask so don't even try. 

 

It's a little frustrating, yes, but that's pretty much how apprenticing is supposed to go, right?

The younger boys and I attended ACES Family Academy again. We love sleeping in the dorms, eating in the dining hall, and taking mini classes on campus at the University of Illinois. Here are a few picts from our lovely 1.5 days there. I took a few of them. The rest came from volunteers putting on the event. Can you spot at least one of us in each one??

We hiked the dorm stairs all the way to the top floor (6th). Cool staircase!

Dorm hallway. Can you sense Matthew's excitement?

Every stinking thing about ACES Family Academy is fun. Even walking to dinner.

Since the U of I is so close to us, we biked there and used our bikes to get around. It saved a lot of time and gave us something fun to do in down time. Matthew tried to get us lost, but did not succeed.

 

 

Playing pool at the Illini Union. We all stink at it.

It's the Alma Mater! Another famous U of I landmark.

 

 

 

Waiting for Commencement to start.

Commencement. The three of us are sitting in the middle of the back row. Can you see us?

Plant ID class. We went on a scavenger hunt in the IDEA Garden.

Economy class. We're learning about "economic utility" and how trading influences it. Kids were asked to rate their satisfaction (utility) with 5 different types of candy. Then they were given 5 random pieces and asked to add up their total utility. Then they were allowed to trade with each other. By the end, both James and Matthew had maximized their utility score. It helped Matthew a lot that his favorite candy was Smarties and tons of people were willing to trade with him.

 

Economics class, ranking candy preferences. How would you rank Skittles, Reese's PB cups, Starbursts, Smarties, and Kit Kat?

 

 

Economics class. Man, I look grouchy.

 

 

Economy class. Final photo. Matthew is thrilled. James is NOT happy. It turns out, the last kid to trade him had STOLEN that piece of candy from another participant and the true owner came back for his Reese's. James was left with 4 Reese's and a Smarties. After class, we talked to the instructor and James could trade with her. Matthew decided that ACES Family Academy was a special occasion and therefore released himself from the "no white sugar" part of his vegetarian diet. He's not big into treats, though, and even though Smarties were his favorite, he only ate a couple rolls of them by the time we got home. He nonchalantly threw the rest away.

Junior Naturalist class. We learned how and why scientists track animals in the wild, then each kid got to tag their own stuffed mammal to take home.

 

Playing in Memorial Stadium. We got to play around in the famous football stadium. Famous around here, anyway.

Nosebleed seats give the best view of the whole stadium :)

They served dinner one night in the Stock Pavilion. I thought it was a GREAT idea. So much room to roam.

A mini class about yeast. We got to do an experiment together.

Yeast class. Each group measured the amount of CO2 that came from their yeast metabolizing sugar. Our balloon was the first to stand up on its own!

Yeast class. Matthew reminding me to write down ALL of our observations. He was a real stickler for following the protocol.

James put a face on our balloon, which garnered a lot of attention from the instructors and led to a class-wide phenomenon.

 

 

This was James' third year at ACES Family Academy, so he earned a Master's Degree. He was NOT okay with the public attention, but he hung in there.

 

 

 

A Day in the Life

I just wanted to record today:

1am Matthew has a terrifying nightmare about a hurricane. James brings him to me and I let him sleep in my bed. Years ago, I swore I would never let my kids sleep in bed with me. I just don't care as much anymore. He sleeps fitfully and loudly. I'm aware of him there the rest of the night, always a little worried that I'll wake him up or he'll wake up again. It's not a restful sleep.

6:30am My watch alarm goes off, but Matthew's still sleeping, so I turn it off. We don't really need to go anywhere this morning anyway. 

6:35? Matthew gets out of bed. I stay put. It's Bobby's day to get him breakfast. 

7:15 Alex wakes up and knocks lightly at my bedroom door. He wants to get ready for work and needs my bathroom. I let him in and *almost* fall asleep again while he gets ready. 

7:30am I get out of bed for family prayer. Family Prayer.

7:35am Bring on the morning routine. I putter around the house tidying and loading the dishwasher. Bobby does such a great job unloading it promptly that I sometimes get mad at him. If it's empty, I need to reload. Matthew gives me a long hug around my waist and says thank you for comforting him after his horrible dream. Robert asks if I have any breakfast ideas for him. I suggest the usual and he says he's growing tired of those. I suggest the things he never chooses and he gets irritated that I would list things I already know he doesn't usually eat. Dude. What do you want from me?

7:45am Alex leaves for work. I suggest Robert makes chocolate chip muffins. It doesn't take long to remember why I don't ask him to cook very often. Every ingredient, every step in the process starts with complaining, progresses to irritation, peaks at frustration, and ends with a mini exposition on how I misunderstood his request for assistance. He speaks English, I swear, but I stink at predicting what his words actually mean.

7:55am Matthew asks to play a game of dominoes with me. He has it in his head that he and I will play every game in our game closet this summer. I join him on the living room floor. James has taken up some of the floor sorting through Alex's collection of glass beads. He sorts them by color, identifies a few broken ones and mutants, and puts the whole ones back into the treasure box to mix up and gaze upon, thinking about how cool they look. 

8:15am The muffin batter is finally, finally ready to go into the oven. Robert gives himself a 2nd degree burn on the oven door and calmly asks me to take over. Ice pack. Broken blister. Trouble getting dressed for an outing with friends. So much pain. 

8:40am Muffins! Robert gets to eat. He's very happy. He claims these muffins as his own and puts them in the freezer for future breakfasts. 

8:50am James does not want to practice piano. He asks again about when he'll be allowed to stop taking them. I tell him again that he can quit when he gets as far as Robert did. James asks how far. Robert says he thinks it was somewhere in book 5 (James is very close to finishing book 3). James breaks into sobbing and runs to the front room. He asks to see the book for confirmation. I tell him I'll get it when I'm done playing dominoes with Matthew. Robert continues to talk to me about his burn pain. James continues to cry in the front room. Matthew asks how we know when the game is over. He's been playing for an hour, completely content to play without knowing the objective of the game. 

9:15am The game of dominoes is finished. I look through the piano books and discover that Robert only got halfway through Book 4. This is a huge relief to James. His mood lightens significantly and he practices piano.

9:30am The boys get dressed. Matthew and I lay on the living room floor doing 10 pages of math. His math assessment at the new school showed he hadn't yet been exposed to several 3rd grade math concepts. He was tasked with completing this workbook over the summer. The workbook is significant. We'll need to complete 4.8 pages each weekday all summer to finish it. Matthew gets distracted very easily, and 10 pages feels overwhelming to him this morning. I work on my patience. I concoct ways to make the problems less tedious. James chimes in and makes it fun enough to work through at a steady pace.

10am Math done, we pick up a couple prescriptions and drop off a carload of donations to Salt and Light Ministries. It's our local Salvation Army.

10:15am The boys finish their chores to earn computer turns, and then get started. I start prepping the house for guests. I had invited the sisters in my Relief Society to a Lunch Bunch potluck at 11:30 that day. 

11am James helps me start a batch of charcoal in the grill. 

11:25am I throw some Impossible burgers and veggie hot dogs on the grill. 

11:40am Just when I start to think no one will show up, 3 families arrive. Lunch Bunch has begun! There are 6 little girls aged 18 months to 5yrs in our front room playing with toys. There is one 8wk old infant named Arthur. James and Matthew follow me around nervously as I finish grilling and setting up for the buffet. Matthew gleefully asks to flip the burgers. I let him have a go. James mumbles something of an unsure warning and Matthew's mood crashes instantly. A few apologies and some encouragement later, Matthew is willing to try again. He succeeds! 

11:50am The food is ready and we start to eat. Families are willing to try the vegetarian grilled items. Several folks are pleasantly surprised at the Impossible burgers. The veggie hot dogs are pretty much disgusting. Live and learn, eh? 

12:15pm Robert comes home from his outing with friends and sees the baby. He walks right up to the mother and asks if he can hold him. Robert is gentle and a little insecure, but clearly happy. Uncharacteristically smiling. He finally hands the baby back to his mother and gets up to find lunch. Lunch Bunch continues. I meet some new people and have awkward conversations with them. I'm not used to talking about myself, so when someone asks basic stuff like where I'm from or what I like to do, I draw a blank. I mentally process all the options right there on the spot to find an accurate and concise way to answer the question. They look at me. I'm still thinking. I take longer than they expect and feel like I owe them an explanation. The first thing that comes out is, "I don't like talking about myself." Which startles and embarrasses the woman as if she had done something offensive. I try to clarify, but it's all wrong, and I just end up answering the question in stream of consciousness style, which is neither accurate nor concise. Her eyes widen and her brows raise just a touch. I stop talking. It's quiet for half a beat, then I ask her the same question and everyone is suddenly relieved that the conversation is now on track again. Ugh. The little girls play great together. The adults converse easily. Someone asks if we're vegetarian. I tell them that Matthew is vegetarian out of compassion and we're supporting his choice. Then the topic turns to vegetarianism and veganism. I share a tidbit that most white sugar is not vegetarian because charred animal bones are used in the whitening process. It's only then that I realize Matthew is standing right next to me. He looks at me in horror, on the verge of tears, "Animal bones?! Sugar isn't vegetarian?!" I mentally smack my hand to my forehead. What have I done? It wasn't something I was trying to hide from him. I literally forgot all about it until that moment. I assured him that not all sugar was processed that way and we could talk about it later. 

1:15pm Families start packing up to leave. One mom mentions Alex's summer Kid Camp and then a series of questions and glowing recommendations ensues.

1:30pm Lunch Bunch is over. I clean up. The boys play with all the toys they haven't seen in months (years?). Everything old is new again. Then Matthew remembers that it's a piano lesson day. He's overcome with fear and shame that he doesn't have his songs down well. So. Much. Crying. So much consoling. So much practicing patience. 

3:15pm Alex comes home, full of stories about work that day. We talk for 30 minutes. He tells me his bike is making several noises and he doesn't feel entirely safe riding it to work in that condition. I promise to give it a tune up that evening. 

3:45pm I load up the boys for piano lessons. Matthew is upset again, but quiet this time. James asks me to talk to his teacher about possibly getting through that half of Book 4 by the end of the summer so he can quit before 6th grade. I agree to ask. When I bring it up to his teacher (who is my friend that I admire and love), she dramatically, lovingly, and half-jokingly tells James that he can't possibly quit. That he shouldn't. That she won't let him. He's much too fine a piano student to stop. He should reconsider. She simply won't let him quit. James takes all this attention quietly, with a polite and insecure half-smile. He doesn't answer her. Then the lesson begins. 

5:15pm Both boys get through their lessons just fine. We dash home for dinner. Bobby has prepared cheesy oven fried chicken 4 ways: regular with cheese and seasoned breading, non-dairy for me, completely plain and boring for Robert, and a vegetarian form for Matthew. 

6:15pm One of the sisters from church that I minister to calls me to let me know her apartment might have bed bugs again. Her home helper can't come if there are bed bugs, so she needs someone else to pick up her medications 1-2x a week, grocery shop for her 1x a week, do her laundry 2x a month, and take her to doctor appointments and the bank 1-2x a month until her apartment is cleared. Last time, it took a month to get rid of all the bed bugs. The time before that, it took 4 months. I told her I could pick up the items she needed and deliver them tomorrow. 

6:45pm It's time to leave for youth activities, but they're not being held in the usual place,  so Alex doesn't feel safe driving the boys to it. I take them. It's 20 minutes away instead of 7. 

7:25pm I'm at the grocery store picking up groceries and garbage bags for my ministeree. I also get her some fresh berries and salami because she loves them but can't often afford them. 

7:55pm I get home so Bobby can go pick up the kids from activities without taking Matthew along. I do something with my time. I can't remember. 

8:45pm Bobby gets back with the kids. Cue the bedtime routine. Once the little boys are in bed, I head out to the garage to give Alex's bike a tune up. He comes along for the chat time. We drink soda and talk and laugh and fix his bike.

10:15pm The tune up is complete and there are no more noises. Whew. I clean up and we head inside. Alex goes to bed. Bobby and Robert have gone to bed. I'm all alone for the first time today. All I want to do is sit quietly and work on my own planning and projects, grateful for the quiet and complete lack of interruption. The perpetual mental urgency of responsibility that I feel all day with my family quiets down. It's just me. Just my own wants and needs. I don't have to put them on hold or negotiate them with the other people and priorities I love. I sit down to write this post, amazed at everything that happened today, wanting to record the sheer volume of interactions and feelings I experienced in one single day, but my eyelids blink a little too long. My brain can't quite hold a thought long enough to compose a sensible sentence. I'm out of time. I save the unfinished blog post and go to bed. Am I disappointed? No. I'm proud of what I experienced today. I'm just plain worn out.

And so it begins...

Summer. 

Here we go again.

But, like always, it's different this year :)  The kids' ages and interests have changed. All of our needs have changed. It's almost re-inventing the wheel every year. 

Alex is working at the park district again at their nature camp. Loves it! They appreciate him so much more now that the head honcho has moved on to another job. Alex has also created an ambitious Kid Camp schedule at home for the days he's not working at nature camp. He'll be teaching Matthew swim lessons, too. 

Robert just wants to be comfortable at home and in charge of his own schedule. He likes having days with nothing to do.

James wants to do things and be out and about, but not with other people he doesn't know. Summer camps are pretty much torture. I have felt that way, too. I always liked the idea of camps and full-day activities as a kid, but the actual events had a lot of stuff I just didn't like...like loud people I didn't know and lots of random rules and mosquitos/heat and unclear expectations and unstructured social situations. So, James spends a lot of time asking if we can do this, that, or the other thing and then having to be patient or bored when the answer is "no" or "not yet." 

Matthew's mood has been a little volatile with the sudden schedule change. He's a little hard to read, but I think his ideal summer involves spontaneous activities and adventures that you chase down the second you think of them. 

I'm working at the bike shop 3 full days a week this summer. Pluses and minuses. I like that I get a break from one type of work to do something completely different. They're such different kinds of work!! Each one is a relief from the other.

So far this summer...

--James has attempted to teach Matthew how to mow the lawn.

--Robert has gotten a sunburn from playing pickleball with his friend one morning.

--Alex has biked to and from work every day.

--James purchased an enormous Nerf gun with his own money.

--Matthew has become a vegetarian. For reals.

--The little boys have read almost 2 days straight in an effort to complete the Summer Reading Programs for BOTH libraries in our area. These libraries offer some pretty sweet prizes.

--I've prepared gallons of strawberry freezer jam.

--We traveled to see the first brood of cicadas to have emerged this year.

--James helped me create a better bike repair shop space in the garage.

--I have decided that Pepsi tastes better than Coke and 7-Up is way tastier than Sprite.

Promotion Ceremonies

Our family attended James' 5th Grade Promotion Ceremony this evening. It was a party atmosphere. The vice principal gave a speech, the kids' names were called, they all got certificates and shook some hands, then the 5th grades sang a song that brought on a few adult tears and everyone got a free snow cone.

I asked Matthew why the principal didn't give a speech. He said she got a new job right after the school board announced our elementary school would house all of the dual-language programs in the district as of this fall, and all of the traditional (single language) students and teachers would be reassigned to other schools. It was a divisive decision by the school board. Not many families are happy about it. The change will save the school district $1 million a year. I'm unhappy about it, but in all honesty, the announcement was only the final straw. Our local classroom/school/district culture has degraded to the point that teachers and administrators burn out at an alarming rate. In the last 7 years, we've had 3 principals at the elementary school, 2 at the middle school, and 3 at the high school. One of them has been charged with embezzlement. Matthew had 3 different third grade teachers in the same classroom before Valentine’s Day. A quarter of the things he was meant to learn this yearIt's ridiculous. 

Robert didn't want us to attend his 8th Grade Promotion Ceremony. If you don't know Robert (or my relationship with Robert) very well, I will translate for you: "I understand this is a milestone, but I really don't care about celebrating it, and having family people mix with school people is very difficult for me. I know you adore me. You know I adore you. Not attending this event (and therefore avoiding a family/friend paradox and any  potentially embarrassing situations) is a demonstration of your love and respect for me as a human being with feelings (which can only be expressed in carefully curated ways dependent on the group of people I am currently with). Please."

He tells me he received 2 awards containing words like presidential, achievement, academic, award, and winner, but assures me 39 other people in his promotion class got the same.

All 4 kids will be attending new schools next year! And Robert will start early-morning seminary. 

It will be a new level of busy for our family. 

Lately, I've just felt like this is a really nice moment in our family story. We have more laughter and love floating around. Shared laughter. I like those sharing bits the best. Alex and Robert are so funny and real. James and Matthew are so curious and playful. I like to run errands with just Alex and the little boys. We play loud music, goof around, and laugh like we're drunk. They're great for road trips, these three. 

I like that 30 minutes every school morning after everyone else has gone and it's just me and Robert horsing around until he has to leave. He's funny and warm and silly and affectionate and sometimes we talk about hard things. 

I like those afternoons when Alex helps me make dinner or prep freezer jam or pull weeds. He's so confident and capable! I like his random texts and Marco Polos telling me something crazy about school.

I like it when James gives me a big, long hug. We can tease each other. I like how his eyes literally sparkle when he's got a great idea brewing. I like how he's always willing to run an errand with me, no matter how small, and if it's just me and him, sometimes we end up talking about real things: big questions, hard things, things not understood. He tells me patterns he's noticed. Sometimes we even design experiments to test his hypotheses.

I like it when Matthew puts his hand on my arm like he did when he was younger. He's not a snugly kid, generally, but sometimes when we're doing something together, he'll just put his hand on my arm and keep it there. Last night, he was scared at bedtime and ended up spending a little 1-on-1 time with me. I like his sweet company. I like the precocious expressions and dry humor he's developed as the 4th child. And he's full of that drive to have fun (safely), explore (with permission), and be with people (he loves).