Finding Himself

I think Robert grew up a little this week.

---He managed to strike up a friendship with a kid at the park. He was even so comfortable as to ask the boy for his phone number, but the kid said he didn't know it. I am relieved to see that Robert has a few social tools that he's not afraid to use.

---Yesterday and today, Robert asked to take his quiet time separately from Alice. It wasn't a choice made in anger, like he was trying to hurt her feelings (he's done that several times before and it really gets her goat). No, this time, he just preferred to play quietly on his own...for the first time in the history of rooming with Alice (a year or so!).

And I think I learned a little more about what makes him tick. Robert can be difficult to understand because his motives aren't always clear, or the same, or anything he talks about. Ever. But I think I've detected a pattern that may help with so many things in the future. In short, I see that Robert is willing to take risks and do more when he's not the one being tested.

---We were getting ready to leave the park and James had removed his shoes waaaaaay over there under the monkey bars. I asked James to try and remember where he had left his shoes and then retrieve them. James gave me that "Whuh?" expression like I was speaking Chinese. Robert was within ear shot. I saw him bolt the opposite direction of the car. Sheesh. I turned away to do something and came back a couple minutes later to find James' shoes neatly sitting by the stroller. That was not the work of my little James, and Alice was occupied elsewhere, so that left Buddy. What?! Did he do that for me? For James? I asked him if he had brought back James' shoes and he said yes. I could have swept him up then and there and smothered his dirty face in kisses. I didn't, though, because 1) he weighs 50# and 2) he's prone to embarrassment in public places. Why did Robert run to get James' shoes after I had asked James to do it? Why did he do it with no fanfare?

---Robert resists swim lessons, to put it lightly. Loud tears, clinging, and lots of stalling. Anywho, James has been more interested in water this summer, so I asked my friend (and Alice's swim teacher) to give James a little swim lesson. I just wanted to see how ready he was for it. As soon as she starts talking to James, Robert starts paying attention. By the time she has coaxed James into the shallow end, Robert is next to them in the big pool, chest deep. My friend asks James to do simple tasks like blow bubbles and get his ears wet. James is nervous, but obedient, and Robert is doing all of it just off to the side. These exact tasks were TORTURE during Robert's own lessons some weeks ago. And now he's completing them without hesitation?! What fascinates me most is that Robert is not doing this stuff for the teacher's praise or to make James feel bad. He's performing the tasks on his own without drawing any attention. So what is it about James' swim lesson that suddenly motivates Robert to work on his own skills? Competition with James? Fear of failure in front of an authority figure?

---Robert is playing at the park and there's a kid about his age climbing on the play structure. The kid's grandpa calls out to him and says, "You think you can climb that wall all the way to the top?" Robert perks up. The kid tries to climb in his flip flops and falls off, deciding to spend his time elsewhere. Robert hops on to the wall and works at it until he can climb all the way up to the top. Again, he makes no public announcement about his accomplishment. He just watches the kid. Of course, the kid saw Robert do it, and now the kid comes back to try again. With a little more work, the kid does it. Then he and Robert take turns climbing up the wall and giving each other pointers. This is the kid Robert later asked about his phone number. 

Does he fear failure? Is it stage fright? Does he like to compete? What gets me is that he's not seeking external rewards for his accomplishments. There's something else in the experience that he finds rewarding. I wish I knew exactly what. Gotta keep my eye on him and see.