Emotional Blunting

Towards the end of May, I was having some physical symptoms that finally nudged me to see if I needed to take my anti-anxiety medication anymore. 

A little history: I started Effexor in December 2018 after a very sudden and prolonged bout of anxiety that made it hard to function. In kinda ruined Christmas. After a couple stable years, my doctor and I decided this spring to switch to a different anti-anxiety med that was a little less potent: Lexapro. Things were fine. Actually, everything was emotionally fine, but something odd was developing physically. Suffice it to say, my bowels are my canary in the coal mine. 

I talked to my doctor about stopping the anti-anxiety meds altogether. He supported the idea and told me to lower the dose gradually to slowly wean myself from them. These particular drugs have some hefty side effects when stopped suddenly. I slowly reduced my dosage over a month and took the last tiny dose a month ago. 

What have I noticed? 

--Even with the slow wean, there have been some mental withdrawal symptoms, even as recent as this week. They're fading, though, and less frequent...small waves of light-headedness or confusion lasting up to 10 seconds.

--My bowel issue resolved.

--Emotion. Strong emotion. A sad moment in a movie brought on tears for the first time in years. A newborn baby's cry on tape took my breath away...I gasped in a wave of emotion...I thought I was going to burst right there in the middle of the spinach patch. Playing acoustic guitar and singing "Leaving on a Jet Plane" with Erin (electric guitar) and Alice (accordion) made me so happy that I got all choked up and could barely finish the chorus. My son's harsh tone to his sibling sparked fierce anger. In me! I haven't felt emotions that strong in a long time. Or ever?

One major side effect (and purpose of?) anti-anxiety meds is called "emotional blunting." It mellows out the extremes, takes the edge off. It gives the logical/rational mind a chance to assess the situation before fight or flight kicks in. I have been amazed at the patience and resilience that came to me so readily over the last couple of years. I could tell that it was more than my usual patience. Not normal. I blamed and thanked the meds.

These extra powerful emotions that I've experienced since stopping the meds, I'm guessing, are also not normal. I'm guessing my synapses are still adjusting to the new milieu and taking things a little too far. After all, it can take 6-8 weeks for anti-anxiety meds to reach full potency. I wouldn't be surprised if it takes at least that long to adjust after stopping them.

But what if I'm wrong?

What if this is peri-menopause or the anxiety coming back or *gasp* permanent damage I caused by taking the meds in the first place!?

*deep breath*

The emotions are strong, yes, but it's not too much to handle. Yet. I'm keeping a close eye on this. I still have a full month's supply of Lexapro in the cabinet just in case :) Feel free to ask me how things are going any time. It doesn't hurt to have other people watching out for me, too :)