Guitar, Books, and Algebra Problems

I was playing my guitar in the living room, trying out a few new songs, when Robert said, "No, Mom, stop. You can't play that one. That song is actually popular and I like it and it's no good on a guitar. You're not allowed to play it." Grouchy.

Hm. Well, I was sort of thinking the same thing as I played it, so I didn't mind giving it up for his comfort. But now I know what I'm going to play at his wedding reception *mwah ha ha haaaaaa*

**************

James, Matthew, and I went to the library on Saturday. As we drove home through the fall leaves with the windows down and smiling, James said, "I just love days like this."

I thought he was talking about the quality time together and the beautiful sunshine and such. 

He continued, "I love having a whole bag of new books and just going home to sit on the couch and read the rest of the day."

Well, that's pretty awesome, too. It made the weekend quieter for everyone. Fast Sunday wasn't nearly as contentious as it usually is. The boys just read and read and read.

***************

Robert has just been moved up to 8th grade Algebra this week. They had him in advanced 7th grade math, but it wasn't challenging him at all. His first day in Algebra was a wake-up call. The teacher was talking about slopes and y-intercepts and he had no idea what was going on. His teacher sent him home with a few worksheets. They were exams the class had already taken this semester. She told him to do what he could and they could work on the bits he didn't know. Robert guarded these worksheets jealously and wouldn't even let me see them. He asked me about slopes and y-intercepts at dinner and Bobby and I were able to explain it to his satisfaction.

Algebra is my favorite math. I love it. It's like a logic puzzle that follows a certain set of rules. You don't have to be brilliant, just diligent, and it's fun! This morning, before Robert woke up, I saw his stack of worksheets on the table. I leafed through them. To his credit, he was able to grind through 3/4 of the problems using his own intrinsic reasoning skills. I was thoroughly impressed. I couldn't even begin to comprehend how he had solved the problems, but his answers were correct. I noticed, however, that one very simple and very important concept would have made all the problems much, much easier to solve. And would allow him to easily solve all the problems he couldn't grind through on his own. He just hadn't been exposed to that concept yet. 

After he got up, I casually offered to teach him that concept. He loudly refused, saying the test was to show what he knew, and since he didn't know that, it wouldn't be representative. He also insisted that if I helped him solve a problem, then he would only know how to solve that problem, not others like it, so he didn't want to give the teacher the impression that he understood a concept when he really didn't. I backed off. Why poke a grouchy bear? But he was curious. He did want to know the concept. I wanted to teach him the concept. So when he asked me to show him, I did. Unfortunately, because I'm me, I learn and teach better with specific examples. Unfortunately, because he's him, using one of his worksheet problems as a specific example was not okay and he was furious that I had shown him how to solve that problem. Even though I had demonstrated on a seperate piece of paper. 

**An optional side note here**

He's so. stinking. literal. 

And he feels perpetually misunderstood (or much better informed) than pretty much everyone except his teachers and Alex.

And he is filled with righteous indignation towards those who disagree with him or don't interpret a word/sentence/situation the exact same way that he does. He will lecture you on how you were wrong this time and dictate how you can do better next time. As a service to you. "Because," he reasons, "if roles were reversed, I would want to know about my mistake."

*big sigh* 

And I tend to work best in an ishy-squishy landscape where things are grey, not black and white...I feel like I have more to learn than to dictate...I presume that most people are doing the best with what they've got and will figure out some important things without constant badgering (Because, if roles were reversed, I learn better from my experience, not a heavy handed lecture)...and I believe that resolving misunderstandings requires diligence ("How do you see it?"), not brilliance ("If you could just see how I'm right, then there wouldn't be a misunderstanding anymore!"). 

Sometimes I feel like Robert will disagree or take issue with anything that comes out of my mouth, even if I'm saying something he asked for. If I give him the short, easy answer, he asks further questions and gets progressively more exasperated and angry at me for not being more specific in the first place. If I give him the long, detailed, more specific and accurate answer, he gets mad at me for muddying up the waters because he just wanted a simple yes or no.

Every time he asks a question, he has a single, very specific, very literal meaning in mind. My initial interpretations of his questions are right maybe 10% of the time. If I answer off the cuff, 90% of the time I interpret the wrong meaning and I get lectured for not understanding a simple question. If I hold my answer and ask him questions to clarify which exact interpretation he's envisioning, he gets frustrated and I get lectured for not understanding a simple question. This happens every day. It can be any kind of question ranging from the mundane to the metaphysical.

So, I stay calm. I keep a low, steady tone. I bristle at the lectures, but I don't lecture him about it. I say something simple like, "You already told me this." "I get it." "Why are you mad at me?" "I'm trying to understand." 

It occurs to me now that I *should* say, "Let's come back to this when we're both calm."

**Back to the story**

He said now he only knew how to solve that problem and my help did nothing. I suggested that I had taught him a concept, not an answer, and that he could test his understanding on one of the other worksheet problems. He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes (that's as close as I get to an "Oh, okay, that makes sense" from this kid) and he waited until I left to try it out.

Three minutes later, he had me check one of his attempts, which was perfect, (that's as close to a "thanks" as I get from this kid) and then he lectured me on how to teach him concepts in the future without specific examples...Keep it abstract. Just the underlying principles. He'll do all the specific application on his own. 

You're welcome.