In the dream, I'm doing something with the family. It's been a variety of things, so I don't think the activity itself is important. The family members present also vary, except for James. Somehow, in the dream, I'm asking him to stop doing something. He doesn't stop. It's not that he doesn't hear me, he's choosing to ignore me. I get more insistent. Then louder. He keeps going. I get more and more frantic until I'm screaming and crying, commanding him to stop with everything I've got. It doesn't make a difference. I wake up furious and beaten.
What the heck?!
I don't feel this way about James in real life. Not even close. Sure, he's the kid most likely to push his brothers' buttons a little longer than I want him to. Yes, he does a lot of things before asking if he can do them. And, of course, he's just plain growing up and exploring independence. None of this bothers me to the point of screaming out of control. Or screaming at all.
Also, James is one of the most sensitive of my kids when it comes to correction. He's not rebellious. Maybe a little bit of a rascal, but he takes correction very, very seriously. If I ever get so upset that I raise my voice to him, he crumples instantly and we need to talk through it thoroughly before bouncing back.
I'm recording this here now in case I have a different/clearer perspective of it later on in life.
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