Summer Snippets

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This entry was written 26 July 2025, published 11 August 2025

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Alex goes to college in 2 weeks. He's still crazy excited and terrified. He's started packing up his room. I'm still not feeling any nostalgia, sadness, fear or loss. Just cautious excitement :) Here's the thing: I don't remember my transition to college being anything particularly difficult. I was 45 minutes from my parents. I came home for weekends that first term because I had a boyfriend. And, thanks to a fantastic summer program for women in science, I had a job and an instant posse of friends from day one. I had a scholarship to pay tuition and a tidy little student loan to pay rent.

Actually, now that I write that all down, I realize that my freshman experience isn't much like Alex's at all. Add to that his powerful desire to transform himself, and we have a completely new situation on our hands. Alex is getting more piercings this week. On his face. This doesn't excite me. He knows this. He's wanted to do lots of things for years and he's respectfully obeyed our wishes that he wait until adulthood. Not a single fight. I have a lot of love and respect for a kid who can wait that patiently for something he's wanted so long.

Yesterday morning, before James and Matthew got up, it was just Bobby, me, Alex, and Robert doing our stuff in the kitchen and living room getting ready for the day. I brought up the Evans Family Reunion next summer and asked Alex if he would be coming. He's not sure. We were kidding around about the novelty of having an adult child in the family with his own schedule and life outside the house. Bobby said something like "it's harder to plan things for the family..." and Robert hopped in with a joking laugh, "cuz' you won't be part of the family anymore."

I burst out laughing way more forcefully than I had anticipated. Before Robert said it out loud, I didn't know exactly what I was feeling about Alex's college transition. Turns out, I was feeling like the Alex at college wouldn't be "part of the family" anymore. 

That's true AND false. It's true that he won't be in our daily lives and routines. We will know only what he chooses to share with us, and he will know only what we choose to share with him. Each of us will make plans for the future without consulting each other's calendars every time. All the daily life overlap/intimacy has been synonymous with the word "family" in our house for the last 18+ years (e.g. your family is the group of people you live with at home). 

Now we get to expand that definition. 

My parents and siblings haven't lived in my home for decades, but they are still family. And when I got married, my running definition of "family" expanded again as I came to love Bobby's parents and siblings. Somehow, when we started having kids of our own, my working definition of "family" shrank back to its default size. Alex leaving for college is starting to pull it wider again :)

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Robert went to FSY (For the Strength of Youth, a week-long church camp for teenagers) at Purdue University last week. He wants to go again next year. When I asked him about it, he was reluctant to share any details. He said the best part of it all was the fact that it was him and his friends and his own choices and his own experience. He doesn't really want to share that with his family. I respect and love that, too. 

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A friend of ours suggested we get our families (e.g. the people who live in our homes) together at a park for some lake fishing and hill cart fun. I liked the idea. A lot. I decided to add ice blocking and a hot dog lunch, too. Then I invited all of the families in the ward with kids my kids' ages to come. I rented the pavilion by the playground at Colbert Park and set a date. People came! The kids were generally old enough to manage their own activities and be courteous to each other. It took two hours of almost constant use for James' hill cart to finally break. Nobody got hurt :) 

My favorite part was getting people together that my kids would enjoy. My second favorite part was how easy and comfortable all those wonderful people made it.