A rant on "our friends"

Okay, I have something that's bothering me and I need to work it out.

Friends.

There's a trend these days to call everyone in the child's classroom or group "our friends." I can see how that would seem like a positive move, emphasizing togetherness and closeness and friendliness in general.

But I'll tell you one thing: Robert is SO confused. He's never had a real friend. He's three. So when his preschool teacher says, "We'll start the story when our friends are all sitting quietly", or maybe something like, "Some of our friends are still learning to share", Robert learns that a "friend" is anyone. He's not learning that anyone can be a friend. See the difference?

When I ask Robert who his friends are, he thinks I want a class list.

He's told me a couple times, "Some friends are nice and some friends are mean."

Really?! 'Cuz I expect my friends to be nice to me, even when it hurts.

Before preschool started, Robert had one friend. A real friend. Well, as real as a 3-year-old can have, anyway. Robert doesn't classify that boy as a friend anymore because he doesn't go to school with him. He has NO WORD to describe that relationship. Am I the only one disturbed by this notion?

But now I'll tell you another thing, and this is probably the real issue at hand: It's not easy for me to throw around the term "friend." I may have known someone for five years, but that doesn't make them my friend. I have about 10 real friends, and more than one is related to me. See what I mean? Short list, real relationships. I truly care about these people and their lives.

Friends are not the kids you simply endure at school. Friends are not everyone. Friends are people who invest in the relationship. They give as much as they ask. They are regenerating and enduring. Timeless.

Robert is three, I know, what's the big deal? He'll figure it out when he's old enough to care. Sure, sure, sure. I'm trying to be okay with this. Really, I am. This is clearly MY problem, not his. I just wish I could give him another word for that trusting, enduring relationship that comes along every once in a great while.

Real friend? Close friend? Dear friend? Good friend? True friend? Bah humbug. There's a reason the word "acquaintance" exists.

Warning Signs

Alice and Robert were sitting on our kitchen desk, moving our kitchen chairs around with their legs. Buddy noticed his legs could fit through the spaces on the back of the chair pretty easily, so he shoved both legs in up to his thighs. Well, they wouldn't come out again. Surprise! Buddy wouldn't let me touch him or the chair. They tried everything they could think of to free him, though I nixed the suggestion to break the chair open. Alice's face lit up with one last idea to stretch the wooden slats apart just enough to let him pull his knees through. I was the only one strong enough to try, so I seized that as an excellent smokescreen for shoving his knees through with brute force. It worked!

Buddy was afraid he would forget this experience and try to put his legs through the chair back again. Alice suggested she write a note and tape it onto every chair in the house. Robert politely listened to her detailed description of the note and its specific placement when he suddenly burst out in an anxious surge of emotion, "But I don't know how to READ!"

"Then I'll write it in orange. All the orange notes in the house say 'Do not put legs in here', okay, Robert?"

"No! You should tape the big paper on so hard that I can't break my legs through if I try it again. So, so, so much tape!"

I piped in with, "I think a big orange note should be enough."

Robert seemed doubtful as Alice worked on her large notes, but much happier once they were in place.

Bobby's Sunday Summary

This week was very busy, or should I say the weekend was very busy.  3 Days straight of go go go.  Friday was a deadline at work, which happily we met, but it was after several weeks of slippage.  Not so much from what we could control, but more from external sources.  I also spoke at a conference on Friday.  Luckily it was a kind of small conference in town, so I was only out of work for about an hour and a half.  Then I came home early to pick buddy up for a boys night out.  We went to the mall for the family night they have.  We rode the carrousel, had a few treats and played at the new playground they have.  After that we came home so we could all go to the church for a Christmas party there.  We snuck out a bit early.  The kids just could not take any more fun.

Saturday I was solo for a lot of it, Susan was off helping a friend and doing some Relief Society stuff.  In the morning we went to a friend's baptism.  The in the afternoon Alice went to a birthday party while I took the kids.  In between we put together a gingerbread house kit we had.  That evening we went to the work Holiday party. It is always a bit awkward with Susan having to talk to people she does not know very well, but it turned out fine.  The food was also surprisingly good.  Who know that mexican food and Saag-Paneer would go so well together, but they actually do.

Today has been a more or less regular Sunday, which is fairly crazy anyways with my schedule.  But the kids were great throughout most of it, so it was not nearly as stressful as it could have been.

Buddy-isms

Apparently Robert is hitting the peak of his "cuteness" curve. He's the only one I talk about on the blog anymore :( Here's more cuteness:

Alice came home one day from school with a paper cut. Robert was completely in awe. "Paper CUT you? How? Show me how." Then he started trying to cut things and other people with paper. "Mom, can you show me how this works?" Well, yesterday afternoon, the boy is leafing through a magazine and gets a paper cut on his thumb. He looks at it for a second, "Hey. That paper cut me. I have a paper cut!" We oooh and aaah for him. I ask him, "Does it hurt?" He says, "No, not really." Then the cut starts to bleed a little and he says, "I was wrong! It does hurt! It hurts worse than dying!" One band-aid later and we're all fine.

Today, he was helping my neighbor and me make an evergreen wreath. He was in charge of the scissors, of course. These were the BIG scissors. He and Alice were playing around and singing when suddenly he burst out with, "We're off to see the scissors, the wonderful scissors of Oz. I'm the scissors of Oz!" and he burst out laughing. Then he said, "I'm the scissors of Oz. I can do anything. Well, I can do anything except eat beans."

It's true. The boy doesn't like beans. 

Bobby's Sunday Summary

The holiday season is upon us.  Susan had a small advent get together yesterday.  A handful of people showed up to sing Christmas hymns and have some snacks afterwards.  It turned out really nice.  Thanksgiving was also this week.  It was mostly a small get together.  Just us and one other family.  We went traditional this year.  It was mostly laid back and rather relaxing.  The next day we went down to the temple.  It too was a relatively relaxing experience, at least compared to the usual temple trips.  Hopefully the coming weeks will not be too stressful too.