Kissing a Reindeer

Well, he's done it. Matthew has "kissed" a reindeer (8 While 8 #4). He said he was hoping for more of a normal kiss...his lips on the reindeer's face...all or nothing...not this casual, fuzzy brushing of lips nonsense...

...we may need to try again...

We also played with friends at the YMCA playground (8 While 8 #3). The Family Pool happened to be open at a convenient time that day, so James and Matthew went for a swim right after getting sweaty on the playground. And, as Matthew's incredible luck would have it, that day was ALSO "Pie at the Y" Day, which meant they each got an enormous piece pumpkin pie under a pile of whipped cream for free. Possibly twice *shhh*. 

8 while 8

Matthew turned 8 in October. He'd like to do something 8 times in the year he's 8 years old. He asked me for ideas. Knowing Matthew, his one and only love language (...and interest...and reason for existing) is quality time with the people he loves. I suggested 8 outings with friends and family. 

He said, "Yes! Wait, what's an outing?"

(See? He only cares that it's with people he loves.)

I explained that outings were activities or field trips or special places to visit. 

"Yes! Yes! Let's do that!"

He had some help from me and James, but the reindeer thing was totally his unprompted idea.

Matthew's 8 while 8 goals (in order of excitement):

1. Take a train somewhere, buy lunch on the train, and do something fun at the destination.

2. Visit a planetarium and see a star show.

3. Play at the YMCA indoor playground with just people we know (aka NOT during Child Watch hours)

4. Kiss a reindeer.

5. Create a geocache.

6. Visit a zoo.

7. Ride on a go kart.

8. Go kayaking.

These birthday goal things are the perfect excuse to do something you've kinda wanted to do for a long time but never really made a priority. When would I ever plan a train ride to somewhere and allow myself to buy lunch on the train?! Never. Not because I don't want it, but because it's so inefficient and more costly and I've never done it before and I didn't know if Bobby or the kids would appreciate the experience and it's just a big hassle to plan things like this. If it's just practical me, I make the excuses and end up skipping the whole hassle.

But, if it's something Matthew really wants to do, and James is totally excited about it, and we have the means and time and energy for it, and I've kinda secretly wanted to do it my whole life, and the family members who don't want to do it are old enough to stay home, then why not?! Let's do it! Make memories. Bring on the quality time.

Some pictures from our recent shenanigans:

The ladybug tree. As we walked home from school earlier this fall, James noticed this tree trunk that was absolutely covered in Mexican Bean Leaf Beetles. They were mostly on the sunny side, but still swarming a week later on a cold and cloudy day. 

Matthew was baptized! He even managed to get it done on his 8th birthday, making it a complete set for the kids in our family. Every single one was baptized on his birthday.  

We love our missionaries!

Erin left us money to do something fun while she was away all month in Texas *sob* James and Matthew chose a trip to the trampoline park. We went on a day the Urbana kids didn't have school, but the rest of the schools were still in session. It was nice and roomy! Matthew made a tower cave in the foam pit. I also have a movie of Matthew sitting on the edge of a giant balloon thingy (you can see part of it in the corner of the above photo) and getting rocketed off when James jumped onto the other side of it. Hilarious. When they switched places, Matthew ran and jumped onto the balloon to try to rocket James off, but ended up bouncing backwards himself. James barely jiggled. Their masses just don't even come close.

This is after an hour at the trampoline park. They get so sweaty! Alex and Robert opted to stay home.

Halloween costumes #1. This is what James and Matthew wore to the ward trunk-or-treat. On Halloween itself, James went as a very classy vampire and Matthew got the sumo wrestler suit.

Sumo Matthew!

Election Day 2022. Our friends the Alveys put on an election for the kids. They got to sample a bunch of different snacks, treats, and beverages and cast votes for their favorites. 

James spotted a classic Rolls Royce!

Robert and Matthew discussing the finer points of peeling the foil from gum wrappers. Aluminum foil is a hot commodity in our house lately.

Harry Potter, Hard Lockdown, Humility

Matthew suddenly decided that Harry Potter books were no longer scary. I read something about brain development...or did I hear it from the Garners?...that about age 8 is when kids really start getting the difference between reality and fiction. Things get a lot less scary when your brain can clearly discern true threats from fictional ones. I may have just made all that up. Don't quote me.

Anyway, Matthew is really enjoying the Harry Potter series for the first time in his life. We've been reading it out loud together, but Matthew and James also listen to it at bedtime. He watched the first movie and loved it! The second movie is PG-13 (bah humbug), but the third is PG (wahoo!) so we'll watch that together once he's finished the third book. 

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The high school got an anonymous, but highly specific, threat of violence on Tuesday that caused it to go into hard lockdown. Alex was at lunch in the commons, no teachers around, when the order came down. Rumors spread like crazy, "There's a shooter in the building." "No, I don't hear anything, he must be outside." "They wouldn't put us in hard lockdown if there weren't a clear and present danger."

Within the hour, the restrictions were reduced to soft lockdown and they could go to the rest of their classes that day. By the last period, Alex said most of his classmates had been picked up by parents. It was just him and four other students left with the teacher. 

Investigations by the police, FBI, and school administration all determined that there was no real threat to any of the students or staff on campus at any time. This was the second threatening incident, however, in the last couple weeks, so the superintendent called for a couple e-learning days yesterday and today. Alex has been doing his lessons online. He's enjoyed the change of pace. The work is easier, more time for goofing off, and he gets to make a hot lunch as fancy as he wants it. He also gets a lot of time to hang out with me. He still likes talking to me one-on-one, so he looks forward to that :) Yesterday, in fact, he talked to me for 3 hours straight. Today, it was only a couple of hours. 

Alex suggested we take some of his fancy hot lunch to Sandy. She was really pleased at the gesture! As we got back into the car, Alex said, "This is why I like to make food. It's not about the food, it's about making people smile and seeing them enjoy the things I make. Every time someone tells me how much they liked something, it just makes me want to cook for them more!"

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Robert asked me about an algebra problem he got wrong on a test. When I solved it one way, I got the right answer. When I solved it another way, I got the complete wrong answer. But, to me, following the rules I remembered, I couldn't see why that would happen. Both methods were completely valid. I was missing something. I had forgotten something. I didn't like that feeling. I didn't like feeling vulnerable in front of Robert or Bobby in a subject I loved so much. It made me really, really grouchy all of a sudden. After some thought, I realized the grouchiness was a learning opportunity. A chance to experience humility. I confessed out loud (and hopefully in good humor) that I don't enjoy reminders of things I've forgotten, but it happens in life, and I was willing to relearn the thing I had forgotten...

...a little begrudgingly...

...but, the kids are getting older and the problems are getting more complex (school work and life in general). I'm going to have plenty of opportunities to experience vulnerability in front of them. The trick will be staying honest and humble and diligent through these/my learning opportunities. 

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I wrote an email to my friend Rachel the other day. I thought it was a pretty good cross section of my life at this moment, so I'm copying it here. You don't have to read it. This blog post is pretty long already. I just want it here for my own future reference :)

Yesterday, when you asked me what was going on at my house, I could only think of the types of activities you guys do at your house, and since my kids aren't out and about as much as yours and I'm not as driven and meticulous as you are, it felt like not much to talk about. 

But, after some thought, I finally have a satisfactory reply.

I'm doing all the winterizing yard work. Raking leaves, bagging them, and delivering them to the community garden for us to use as mulch next season. I've been doing Erin’s lawn, too, since she's out of town until December. That's a lot of hauling.

I'm working on being more diligent with personal study, exercise, and hygiene. 

Personal Study

Every day, I read a chapter from the Book of Mormon, pray earnestly, and spend some time studying the attributes of Christ in the Preach My Gospel manual. All of this happens when I'm home alone so I can give it my full attention. I also have to force myself to do it before I start my to-do list, or it doesn't get done. I also do it with a full spectrum light because I'm susceptible to S.A.D. All of this takes about 30 min a day.

Exercise 

Three mornings a week I'm scheduled to work out. Sickness and holidays and school emergencies cause me to skip it periodically, but I've been doing alright at least 2 mornings a week since school started. It takes me about 1.5 hours...45 cardio, 45 strength. I can tell I'm getting stronger, even if I still have a muffin top. This week I'm spending more attention on calorie counts. Ballpark numbers, not exact. 

Hygiene

Shower on gym days. That takes diligent effort. It seems like another frustrating expenditure of my precious alone-at-home time, but it doesn't really take that long and I always feel better afterwards. I'm working on a set morning and evening routine that now includes washing my face and taking meds.

I walk the little boys home every day. They rarely have homework. They use their free computer turns and sometimes do the extra work to earn their second. Robert gets home and does his OCD routine: snack, homework, computer turn.

Alex comes home and goes to his room for homework and down time. 

Bobby gets home, makes dinner (Hello Fresh or Food Nanny or something we all love like breakfast or Nachos or Grilled Cheese) and we eat about 6pm. Then Alex goes back to his room and the rest of us play and read and practice piano and do whatever until 7. Then there's the bedtime routine with PJs, toothbrushing, 12-15 verses and explanation from the Book of Mormon, and family prayer. Bobby reads fun stuff to the little guys while I read and discuss the Book of Mormon with Robert in his room. He asked me to do that with him starting a month ago and I really, really like it. Alex showers. We're all done about 7:45. If I don't have an evening activity, A and R come out to play games or chat with me until 8:30. Then Bobby and I go to bed usually about 9:30 or 10.

My evening activities are Guitar Jam on Mondays, Book Group or RS activities on half the Tuesdays, everyone has youth activities on Wed (we have an abbreviated bedtime routine), RS presidency meetings on most Thursdays, Fridays are reserved for Bobby and me, Saturdays are PG13 Movie night. Sunday is games with Bobby, Alex, Robert and me. 

This last week, Robert was moved up to a more challenging math class. He's frustrated that he doesn't know everything, but I'm confident he'll get it. He's been asking me for a little bit of help on his math homework. Mostly just to check his thinking process. 

Also, last week, Robert and the boys took an interest in aluminum foil. They're fascinated with how small they can crush it, using hammers. And they sand it to make it shiny. 

Alex announced that he'd like to dye his hair. He priced it out and decided to wait for Erin to get back from Texas and help him do it himself. Salons charge a lot!

I volunteered to help with the school's Battle of the Books. I'm the only adult with a team of 8 4-5th graders reading a list of books and practicing for a quiz competition at the end of the year. It's only one afternoon a month. 

I'm working on family history again, now that gardening and long rides are done. Made some great progress yesterday just before our call. 

I joined the ward choir (hasn't started yet) and the stake choir (done after Stake Conference this week).

I'm kind of looking for more to focus on, something productive and fulfilling, but the holiday season is upon us.

As a counselor in the RS presidency, I attend weekly Missionary Correlation meetings and all Temple and Family History meetings. I'm trying to get more excited about Missionary work. It's hard. The other counselor manages RS teaching and activities. I feel like I dodged a bullet, there.

This week, I purchased mini bundt cakes from Nothing Bundt Cakes and delivered them to all of the primary leaders, teachers, nursery, and music folks as a thank you for their thankless and isolated and absolutely essential work in Primary. It didn't seem like a large enough gesture. There isn't really a large enough gesture. 

Rand McFarlands memorial was Saturday. I was stressed because I wanted the luncheon to go well.  I shouldn't have worried because three other very capable women had volunteered and the four of us were a dream team. I even had fun! Bobby is Sharon's ministering brother and he's been taking Robert to do the sacrament at their house for the past few months. 

So that's what's been going on at our house this week. It just takes me a day to gather my response 😁 

Susan

Guitar, Books, and Algebra Problems

I was playing my guitar in the living room, trying out a few new songs, when Robert said, "No, Mom, stop. You can't play that one. That song is actually popular and I like it and it's no good on a guitar. You're not allowed to play it." Grouchy.

Hm. Well, I was sort of thinking the same thing as I played it, so I didn't mind giving it up for his comfort. But now I know what I'm going to play at his wedding reception *mwah ha ha haaaaaa*

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James, Matthew, and I went to the library on Saturday. As we drove home through the fall leaves with the windows down and smiling, James said, "I just love days like this."

I thought he was talking about the quality time together and the beautiful sunshine and such. 

He continued, "I love having a whole bag of new books and just going home to sit on the couch and read the rest of the day."

Well, that's pretty awesome, too. It made the weekend quieter for everyone. Fast Sunday wasn't nearly as contentious as it usually is. The boys just read and read and read.

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Robert has just been moved up to 8th grade Algebra this week. They had him in advanced 7th grade math, but it wasn't challenging him at all. His first day in Algebra was a wake-up call. The teacher was talking about slopes and y-intercepts and he had no idea what was going on. His teacher sent him home with a few worksheets. They were exams the class had already taken this semester. She told him to do what he could and they could work on the bits he didn't know. Robert guarded these worksheets jealously and wouldn't even let me see them. He asked me about slopes and y-intercepts at dinner and Bobby and I were able to explain it to his satisfaction.

Algebra is my favorite math. I love it. It's like a logic puzzle that follows a certain set of rules. You don't have to be brilliant, just diligent, and it's fun! This morning, before Robert woke up, I saw his stack of worksheets on the table. I leafed through them. To his credit, he was able to grind through 3/4 of the problems using his own intrinsic reasoning skills. I was thoroughly impressed. I couldn't even begin to comprehend how he had solved the problems, but his answers were correct. I noticed, however, that one very simple and very important concept would have made all the problems much, much easier to solve. And would allow him to easily solve all the problems he couldn't grind through on his own. He just hadn't been exposed to that concept yet. 

After he got up, I casually offered to teach him that concept. He loudly refused, saying the test was to show what he knew, and since he didn't know that, it wouldn't be representative. He also insisted that if I helped him solve a problem, then he would only know how to solve that problem, not others like it, so he didn't want to give the teacher the impression that he understood a concept when he really didn't. I backed off. Why poke a grouchy bear? But he was curious. He did want to know the concept. I wanted to teach him the concept. So when he asked me to show him, I did. Unfortunately, because I'm me, I learn and teach better with specific examples. Unfortunately, because he's him, using one of his worksheet problems as a specific example was not okay and he was furious that I had shown him how to solve that problem. Even though I had demonstrated on a seperate piece of paper. 

**An optional side note here**

He's so. stinking. literal. 

And he feels perpetually misunderstood (or much better informed) than pretty much everyone except his teachers and Alex.

And he is filled with righteous indignation towards those who disagree with him or don't interpret a word/sentence/situation the exact same way that he does. He will lecture you on how you were wrong this time and dictate how you can do better next time. As a service to you. "Because," he reasons, "if roles were reversed, I would want to know about my mistake."

*big sigh* 

And I tend to work best in an ishy-squishy landscape where things are grey, not black and white...I feel like I have more to learn than to dictate...I presume that most people are doing the best with what they've got and will figure out some important things without constant badgering (Because, if roles were reversed, I learn better from my experience, not a heavy handed lecture)...and I believe that resolving misunderstandings requires diligence ("How do you see it?"), not brilliance ("If you could just see how I'm right, then there wouldn't be a misunderstanding anymore!"). 

Sometimes I feel like Robert will disagree or take issue with anything that comes out of my mouth, even if I'm saying something he asked for. If I give him the short, easy answer, he asks further questions and gets progressively more exasperated and angry at me for not being more specific in the first place. If I give him the long, detailed, more specific and accurate answer, he gets mad at me for muddying up the waters because he just wanted a simple yes or no.

Every time he asks a question, he has a single, very specific, very literal meaning in mind. My initial interpretations of his questions are right maybe 10% of the time. If I answer off the cuff, 90% of the time I interpret the wrong meaning and I get lectured for not understanding a simple question. If I hold my answer and ask him questions to clarify which exact interpretation he's envisioning, he gets frustrated and I get lectured for not understanding a simple question. This happens every day. It can be any kind of question ranging from the mundane to the metaphysical.

So, I stay calm. I keep a low, steady tone. I bristle at the lectures, but I don't lecture him about it. I say something simple like, "You already told me this." "I get it." "Why are you mad at me?" "I'm trying to understand." 

It occurs to me now that I *should* say, "Let's come back to this when we're both calm."

**Back to the story**

He said now he only knew how to solve that problem and my help did nothing. I suggested that I had taught him a concept, not an answer, and that he could test his understanding on one of the other worksheet problems. He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes (that's as close as I get to an "Oh, okay, that makes sense" from this kid) and he waited until I left to try it out.

Three minutes later, he had me check one of his attempts, which was perfect, (that's as close to a "thanks" as I get from this kid) and then he lectured me on how to teach him concepts in the future without specific examples...Keep it abstract. Just the underlying principles. He'll do all the specific application on his own. 

You're welcome. 

Fall Hike

After a cold snap, the weather warmed up for the weekend. James and I were too sick Friday night to camp as planned *sob* but it turned out for the best. I ended up taking Matthew to convenient care for a chest x-ray Saturday morning, and then taking him to the ER freakishly early Sunday morning for an ear infection that was TOTALLY undetectable that morning by the previous doctor!! *sigh*

Sunday afternoon, though, Matthew's ear was feeling better and the weather was perfect for a fall leaf walk. I took whomever would join me and we drove out to Homer Lake Forest Preserve. It was great! We paused for a selfie. 

I love how Matthew is hugging James and James is pretending to be weirded out by it. Seriously, folks, what would our family be without either one of these guys? In-com-plete. 

Alex and Robert opted to stay home. As much as I would have loved to have them along, it's just different with a smaller group. We walked and played and discovered things at the boys' pace: finding a steak knife in a tree stump, throwing osage oranges into the lake, collecting hickory nuts and giant sycamore leaves, playing on a playground swing, naming car brands we saw as we drove, and getting some casual chat time together without interruption from other folks :)