Saturday, November 6, 2010

Why put them together?

Now that our house has been emptied into the garage, I'm taking a new look at how we use our space. I'm rearranging the living room furniture and contemplating a new sleeping arrangement for the kids. I know, I know, I tried this before when Robert was a couple days old. It didn't work out then. Why do I have this crazy "need" to put my two kids in the same room for sleeping? Doesn't that just set me up for a world of co-wakings? And yet I have this evil desire to put them together...just to make them (and us) do it. It's not a very rational thought, so I'm using this blog entry today as a space to consider my options. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter, if you'd like to leave a comment or shoot me an email.

Why keeping them apart is attractive:

  1. Different nap and quiet time schedules. In separate rooms, Alice can play as long and loudly as she likes while Robert sleeps away.  Her quiet time starts whenever it's convenient for me. He sleeps when he needs to. No need to delay quiet time because of a nap, or make the kid sleep in the living room because quiet time isn't quite over yet.
  2. Different bed time expectations. After the bed time routine, Alice sits in her bed for some time looking at books and listening to music or stories on her CD player. She also keeps the light on all night. Robert nurses in the dark 'till drowsy, then goes into the crib with a pacifier and his blanket. Dark silence. Both traditions/expectations would have to change significantly to accommodate each other.
  3. Each kid has space to call his/her own. This probably doesn't matter so much right now, but it's really important to me as they get older. 
  4. We have the space. A three-bedroom house allows each child his/her own room, and it's not like we've found a different use for that room that suits us. Before Robert came along, his room was a storage room. Technically called an "office" because it contained our printer and internet router, but mostly it was a black hole where we threw things whenever company came. Oh yeah, it also stored a few hundred pounds of food storage. I guess that's kinda important.
  5. They won't wake each other up in the middle of the night. Both kids "sleep through the night" (meaning they are physically capable of it and usually accomplishing 10-12 hours of continuous sleep a night), but between the periodically teething/sick/gassy infant and the periodically sick/thirsty/cold preschooler we tend to be awakened once a night. They don't tend to wake up one another, though, because they sleep in separate rooms with the doors closed.


Why putting them together is attractive:

  1. I'm curious to see what will happen. Will they sleep better or worse? Will they play together better or worse?
  2. Adds a new dimension to the sibling relationship.  I'm always thinking about their developing relationship. Yeah, it's the psychologist in me. I have a lot of control over their relationship now before Robert talks and moves and pesters her for fun. I have this crazy idea that if I foster a strong, positive relationship now, then the hard times to come won't be so hard. I'm trying to build a buffer. Am I trying to control something that's uncontrollable?
  3. Alice likes company.
  4. Robert likes company.
  5. They like each other. I think they'll have fun.
  6. Maybe we could use the "extra" room for something else. We don't get enough guests to dedicate an entire room year-round to them, but it would be nice to have a private-like public space that guests could stay in, like an office or play room. I really like to give guests a private space with a lockable door. 
  7. Two kids in two rooms seems like a luxury. I don't pay for luxury goods, so why use my space so luxuriously? It seems like I'm being wasteful by giving the kids so much luxury. Spoiling them, maybe. 
  8. And, well...I'm a little embarrassed to admit this in a public space...I've got a little obsessive-compulsive tendency to gather things and sort them. Some people hate putting toys away and folding laundry and emptying the dishwasher, but I kinda like sorting and gathering like items and tucking them away into their little places. A little collection of kids in one room seems so much neater and pleasing to me than spreading them out all over the house. 
So, there you have it. Those are the arguments in my head. Now here's the analysis. If I put the kids together and turn the extra room into a play room, then most of my concerns about combining them are alleviated: Alice's quiet time and Robert's naps can take place in separate places (Alice in the play room, Robert in the bedroom). Bed time is a little trickier. Maybe Alice can use wireless headphones and keep a small lamp on by her bed. That's something I should try, actually, before moving her bed anywhere.

I asked Alice about it and she loves the idea of sharing a room with Robert. She actually wanted to sleep in the crib with him, but I told her the crib was off-limits. She considered that for a while and decided that she's still interested. I wonder if she likes the sharing idea well enough to change her bed time habits.

How much is a pair of wireless headphones anyway...Amazon has them for $20. Let's have a chat with the girlie-girl.

If she's willing to try it, then I'm willing to make the move. Her bed is pretty easy to move and a pair of wireless headphones will be a useful addition to our technology stash, regardless. And I'm just plain curious to see what the heck will happen.

4 comments:

  1. Will and Kayla have been sharing a room for quite a while now and it definitely has its pros and cons. The cons for me are: Will doesn't get a quiet time anymore, which means I don't get a quiet time anymore; If Will wakes up before Kayla in the morning he always wants to either go out in the living room - which means one of us has to wake up also - or he turns on the light in his room to play, which wakes Kayla up. The pros are: On a good morning they entertain each other for a while so we can get a little more sleep; We have more room in our closet and bedroom to put certain things; They are slowly starting to share toys more often. But of course this is just my experience. Alice and Robert are different from Will and Kayla in a lot of ways, so you will most likely have a very different experience. Good luck!

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  2. I totally get all of your reasons, but the thought is still unfathomable to me, since I'm going crazy trying to figure out how to keep a baby and a toddler separate. I have Shannon only two days a week, but naptime is a real problem, since she's a light sleeper and we have to walk through the room she's in to get to Atty's room. If he goes down first, I risk him waking her up when he gets up. If she goes down first, he has to fall asleep out here so I can very carefully carry him through her room to his. Plus, I try not to disrupt Atticus's patterns much (hence, he still has a pacifier and he still doesn't go to sleep on his own--trade one set of issues for another).

    But I don't think you'll mess them up either way, so what the heck, go for it!

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  3. Whether or not it works to put them together now, it probably will in the future. Gwen and Cecily share and it is great for them. They don't wake each other up at night--which is impressive sometimes. Occasionally they wake each other up in the morning, but not always. I think it is kind of important in a being-flexible-for-the-interests-of-the-family kind of way. Yay for siblings.

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  4. I think you have already decided.

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