Thoughts on Alice's Absence

Alice just came back from a dream vacation in Houston with her crazy-fun aunt Erin. My parents were there, and so were the Barney cousins, but Alice only talks about Erin. She is also talking about earning the money to do it again. Many, many, many thanks to Erin and my parents for making this a very special week for Alice. She will never be the same again. In only 4-5 days, Alice experienced a spa day with a mani-pedi, eating out at restaurants, staying up late every night, watching movies almost daily, being showered with treats and gifts, and being the only child amongst three adults. Princess for a week...a little slice of Alice heaven.

It's no surprise, then, that she was sobbing within minutes of getting off the plane in Indianapolis and she didn't stop crying for almost an hour. On her first night home she said she felt homesick for Texas. That's kinda how I felt after getting back from Hawaii :) Vacations should be fun, but not so fun that your normal life feels like shackles, y'know?

We fared remarkably well at home during her trip. Robert and I both missed her, but found a new rhythm after a day or so. Robert played with me instead. I got a lot less housework done, but we were best buddies. Because I was integrated into the play more, I was there to mediate/translate/model the interactions between Robert and James. There was less fighting. Robert became more friendly, helpful, and mature. James remained a very exasperating 2-year-old, but Buddy didn't react like he usually did. He discovered a streak of patience and sympathy for James. The whole day felt quieter without Alice, and I felt relief with one less life to keep track of. At one point I caught myself thinking, "Why is this so much easier?" Buddy got the sleep he needed, too, which helped with everything. He blossomed into a sweet, playful, considerate kind of kid I hadn't seen before.

It's not much of a surprise, then, after hearing 30 minutes of Alice's wailing on the car ride home, that Buddy said something to the effect of, "I wish you were dead."

*sigh*

Now that Alice has returned, I remember her noisy energy. When she's not talking or singing directly at me, she's dancing or running or jumping near me. The whole family dynamic is shifting back to where it was. I'm reluctant to let Buddy go. We had a thing going...a connection...a different side of him I don't ever see. Is there a way for me to maintain that somehow?

I forgot to mention a third and VERY important component to this week's experience: Bobby being home most days due to the holiday. I had the luxury of sleeping in, taking naps, and sharing the housework with another competent adult all week long. With one less child and one more adult around, I had more time and energy to play with Robert. I even got back into family history research! So, the short answer to that question is "No." There's no easy way to maintain that relationship with Robert now that life will be returning to normal...one mom, three kids, and a nursing infant most hours of the day.

Next week will be completely different when work, school, and preschool resume. I should be putting together the menu and grocery list right now. Or napping. It's quiet time. But I didn't want to do any of that until I had put down some of my thoughts on Alice's absence. I want to remember that Buddy was a different guy without her. I want to remember that life with four kids is significantly harder for me (right now) than life with three, and I shouldn't try (yet) to do everything that I did before Matthew was born.

I thought Alice's trip was a fun experiment and a great opportunity for her to build lasting relationships with grandparents and extended family. It turns out, I also learned a lot from the experience :)