Hi all, I feel like it's been FOREVER since I blogged, but it's only been a month or so. Whew.
A lot has happened. A lot. Mostly good. I'll just give updates by person and add pictures as desired.
ALEX
Crazy kid. He split up with his best friend of 3 years and decided that some things weren't as important to him as before. First off, high school musicals. He's going to try community theater next semester. Secondly, A Cappella group. Those early mornings were killer. Both of those interests were initiated when Alex and Ky became friends.
Alex spends more time on homework now. He's less anxious (is it the new meds, the different friend situation, or just being a sophomore?). He still has moments where he feels overwhelmed and paralyzed with indecision (usually when something doesn't happen according to plan) but he's got a good head on his shoulders and a growing sense of independence and self-efficacy (i.e. an individual's belief in his or her capacity to execute behaviors necessary to produce specific performance attainments). For example, when the weather turned too cold to bike comfortably to school, Alex decided he would take the bus. We had discussed the bus as a cold-day option earlier in the year, but he rejected it outright as too complicated to work out. Well, he figured it out! He walked to the stop at the appointed time and waited. And waited. And waited. No bus. He walked home in a rush just as I was walking the little boys to school. Since this didn't go according to plan, Alex started to panic. He didn't know what to do. I didn't have time to help him brainstorm alternatives right then, so I gave him the three options I saw: walk, ride his bike, or wait at home until I get back to give him a ride. He was too panicky and overwhelmed at the moment to make a decision, and I had to keep walking the boys or they'd be late, so I left before I knew what was going to happen. When I got home, Alex wasn't there and his bike was gone. He figured it out!! When he got home that afternoon, he told me he actually got to school and to his first class JUST as the bell rang. He was kinda proud of himself. As he should be!! This crazy kid is SO much more capable than he gives himself credit for.
Did I tell you that Alex has pet rats? He purchased a bonded pair of female adolescents from the Humane Society around his birthday this year (named Thor and Loki). Unfortunately, and completely unexpectedly, Loki died a couple months ago. Alex was devastated. We were all very sad. We buried her outside Alex's bedroom window. Alex was concerned, then, that Thor would then die of loneliness. He worked hard to earn money to buy a new rat, which he was able to do a couple weeks ago. This new rat is a baby Dumbo Rat. She's got big, big ears. She's friendly and curious and comfortable with people. Her name is Korg.
Alex has a new group of friends he spends time with. His previous best friend is ignoring him now :( And none of the other people he knew from previous years seem to be interested in talking to him either. It was a rough first couple weeks of school. He's made a few new friends since then. His two closest friends are on the autism spectrum and he's been spending time with a freshman boy I'll call S. Alex will go with S after school to the game shop near the high school and play games. He's developing an interest in Pokemon, which S excels at and plays competitively. Erin and I actually got to meet S at the Pride Parade last month. S was supposed to be at a Pokemon Tournament, but it was cancelled last minute, so he came to Pride to hang out with Alex instead. He's respectful and mild and so, so clearly of Alex's generation. The way they spoke to each other felt almost like a foreign language to me. Erin and I felt like dead weight so we said our goodbyes and left them to hang out the rest of the afternoon. Alex tells me they skipped rocks at Boneyard Creek and played games at the game shop.
The Pride Parade itself was a good experience. I don't agree with every sentiment expressed, but the energy was palpable. I especially felt for the transgender folks. Gay folks only really stand out if they want to. Trans folks can't blend in as well. This was the one day and place where trans folks could stand in line for Kona Ice or browse vendor stalls or attend a large public parade like every other human being and not fear rejection or stares or outright prejudice. Isn't that what we all want? To be safe and free outside of our own homes?
Alex has been spending his Sunday afternoons cooking for the sister missionaries in our ward. It's probably his favorite part of the whole weekend. He'll take the two hours that we're at church and just cook up a storm. It started out as sweet treats, but he's branching out into entrees. Last week was homemade mac and cheese and rainbow cupcakes with toasted coconut topping. The week before was chicken noodle soup with HOMEMADE noodles, french bread, and a dessert I can't quite remember... Anyway, he cooks Sunday afternoon and then we go deliver it to them Sunday evening. Alex ends up talking to them at their front door for 30-45 minutes every time. We have the sisters over every week for a lesson. The older Alex gets, the closer and closer these missionaries get to his age. And even as missionaries transfer out and transfer in, the spirit and love they carry with them remains the same. Alex feels safe and loved with them.
At school, Alex is doing alright. His Advanced Child Development class just got a whole lot more interesting now that they're running a preschool. Alex has been assigned to work with a single child, D, whom he adores, but he's so comfortable and natural with kids that the other kids tend to gravitate towards him, too.
ROBERT
Robert won't wear pants. He didn't wear them last winter, either. Or the winter before that, I don't think. He wears shorts instead :) He insists he's not cold and he likes shorts better.
Robert talks to me a ton, but he doesn't talk to me about his life in the same great detail that Alex does. None of my kids do. So, this update is going to feel really, really unbalanced. Sorry. I'll do my best, but I can't share what they don't share with me.
Since Alex was very young, the kids' bedtime has always been 7pm. That's when we do pajamas and toothbrushing and scriptures and family prayer. Then there's story reading and personal prayer with the youngest two in their room. Most nights, the kids are all in their rooms by 7:30 or 7:45pm. They stay up later than that, of course, but they're in their rooms reading or drawing or listening to stories on CD. We've been spoiled, actually, that this has been the pattern for 15 years. It was Robert who finally changed things up. We told Alex when he was 12 or 13 that he was old enough to stay out with us until 8:30. He didn't want to. Robert recently mentioned that he gets really bored in his room after bedtime. He's never tired before 9pm. We let him stay out with us until 8:30pm one night, then Alex decided he wanted to stay out in the evenings, too. The funny thing is, they only want to stay out if I'm there and able to play games with them. They don't want to be out here just to be out here. That's weird, they tell me. They only stay out to get more social time with ME uninterrupted by the needs of James and Matthew. Bobby will play games with us too, which I love, because there's less opportunity for the kids to play with him during the day. James is bitterly jealous (Matthew is often asleep within minutes of getting into bed), but he'll have his day. He'll make sure of that.
Lately, I've been reading scriptures with Robert in his room after bedtime, too. He's a funny kid. He's made me laugh out loud so many times. We read scriptures together, I explain things, we both ask questions and talk about it. There's a lot of other conversation in there, too. Robert shares things with me in that time that he doesn't want to share in public. He's a much more private guy than Alex ever was. I won't share those things here, of course, out of respect for him, but that just means there will be less written about him in total. And I'm kinda sad about that :(
The other day, after Robert and Alex were commiserating over their math and english classmates taking so long to understand new concepts, I asked Robert if maybe he regretted not skipping 7th grade english this year. His 6th grade teacher said he'd easily do well and would find a more interesting challenge if he skipped straight to 8th grade english this year. In response to my question, Robert said, "No, I don't regret it. You know what I realized? How much I like a subject has more to do with the teacher than the subject itself." I could have kissed him on the spot. What a realization! I wish I had realized that in 7th grade *ugh*. He explained that he really liked english last year with that 6th grade teacher. He tried harder and did more with her. Now his english teacher is "meh" and he's not as thrilled about the work. They seem to spend a lot of time developing vocabulary. That's fine for him, though, because he can quickly complete the assignment and homework in class and STILL have time to play games on his school-issued chromebook before the bell rings.
He told us, though, that the school-issued chromebooks have a drawback. Teachers can see all the tabs that students have open at any point in time. Robert said that his social studies teacher keeps closing down all of his online gaming tabs even when he's not in her class! Even when he has permission to play games in another class, she can swoop in and shut him down. We all laughed pretty hard at that. He just keeps reopening them, of course, because he's a strict rule follower and she doesn't know the rules in other classes. He's not the only student she's been closing tabs on, either. I'm proud of her for doing that. Even if Robert has permission to play games in class, does he really need to? Should he?
Robert's been taking health this semester. And because he's such a strict rule follower, each of the subjects his health teacher covers becomes the most important thing for him to work on that week. Or worry about, as the case may be. The units on flesh-eating bacteria and Ebola were a real hoot. May he never have to watch another terrifying video to scare him into taking infectious diseases seriously. This boy takes everything seriously. He had a unit on healthy eating and he's asked me to work with him to eat a better balance. It's hard to chip through the "good food" "bad food" mantra, but Robert seems to be getting it now: food isn't intrinsically good or bad so much as the quantity and variety consumed. I could get on my soapbox about this, but, well, that wouldn't be about Robert anymore :)
Robert is a great video game partner for me. I like cooperative games, which means things go a lot better when your teammate is about the same skill level as you are. He's got a great brain for strategy and statistics. He's also quick with the hand-eye coordination. And he'll play my favorite games with me even when he doesn't necessarily like to play them. While he excels in all those areas, he can sometimes be a little harsh or judgemental while playing with me. I let him know when he's crossed a line or when it's no longer fun for me. He's getting it. Slowly, but surely. I really, really like to play video games with him.
The other day, Robert and I were driving down Windsor and we saw a young family panhandling on the corner. A couple days earlier, we had seen a different young family in the exact same spot with the exact same sign asking for help. Thanks to James' urging, we had given that first family grocery bags full of food and supplies. I turned to Robert and balked, "Look! Another young family asking for help. I wonder if the first family told them this was a good corner to stand on. Do we give them food and supplies, too, or is it better not to encourage this?" Robert scoffed, "Why would the fact that it's a different family make us want to help them any less?" He was absolutely right. We put together more supplies and delivered them to another very grateful young family.
JAMES
James just turned 10 years old!! I asked him if he'd like to make a "10" goal of some sort. He decided on camping. He wants to take 10 camping trips during the year he's 10. I was game. Matthew was delighted. Bobby, Alex, and Robert are glad to stay home. Our first camping adventure was last weekend. There's an app like VRBO and AirBnB that allows landowners to rent out campsites on their own land. It's called HipCamp. We ended up at a farm about an hour southwest of us. It was awesome. We all loved the animals. We loved the flush toilet and running water, too :) James got to ride a horse named Belle who had the most entertaining habit of flatulating every time she ran. He also got to snuggle farm kitties and feed farm dogs. James campfire-roasted and ate 3 whole hot dogs in rapid succession. Camping makes you hungry, y'know? The little boys made a nest of pillows and blankets and sleeping bags in the back of our van and slept very well, even through the bitter wind and pretty constant rain all night. Things cleared up in the morning, but it was cold. When James got out of the van to use the bathroom, one of the farm dogs jumped in and laid down in our warm, soft bed nest. Can't blame her.
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| One farm kitty was SO friendly, he jumped right into our car tent and got comfy. |
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| Orange slices are great for camping! |
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| Very, very friendly (and presumptuous) kitty. I was squatting there and he jumped right up onto my folded arms and settled in. |
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| James riding Belle on the lead. |
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| The kitty almost fell asleep in James. Made him so happy. |
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| This is how Matthew felt about riding Belle. |
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| Roasting marshmallows. This was just before the kitty came and curled up in his lap. Seriously, that kitty made this whole camping trip a lot more fun. |
We are scheduled to camp again this weekend. It'll be our last camp this year. Getting too cold. We'll start again in May, probably, with 2 more spring campouts, then one every other week all throughout the summer. I'm looking forward to it, actually, because James LOVES it so much. He just plain loves outside and animals and camping. It's always a fun adventure with him.
James has had a fear that's been keeping him up at night, making him afraid to fall asleep. A few weeks ago, it was the idea that a creepy clown would be in our backyard looking in through the window at him. I suggested we close his curtains, but he said that was worse because then he wouldn't be able to check that there was no clown, y'know? And last week, he told me that now he's afraid of being kidnapped. I believe him. James has had a fear like this for years. That's one reason he was so excited to get a loft bed a couple years ago. First off, nothing could hide under it. Secondly, if a monster came into the room to eat them, Matthew would be readily seen and eaten while James would be harder to find and possibly overlooked. Maybe the monster wouldn't be hungry enough for two kids, right? James now sleeps in his closet. I told you that before, right? We moved his mattress into his closet and he turned it into the softest, most perfect nest a kid could wish for. He's used every blanket in the house and every spare pillow. It's dreamy. I can't allow myself to lie in it very long or I'll want to stay forever. Well, he's created something like a barricade at the door now. It's too scary to actually close the closet door, but he'll lean cushions and pillows up against the frame that make it harder to see who's lying down inside. Usually about 9pm, he'll come out of his room and say that he can't fall asleep because he's too scared. Bobby or I will go back and sit in his room (out of sight) until he falls asleep. We'd like to change this routine, but no great ideas have struck us yet.
James is still progressing in piano. He doesn't like it. He likes it when the song is learned. He has zero interest in switching to a different instrument in 5th grade (like Alex did), so he's just going to plow through it until he gets as far as Robert did just before Covid hit.
James sings a lot. He's always got a tune in his head. Lately, he's had an interest in sea shanties. Alex showed us one sea shanty that was getting a lot of attention on TikTok ("Wellerman" by Nathan Evans). We liked it, so we started listening to others. Most of them are "meh" but a couple of them really grabbed James' attention. He likes "The Flying Dutchman" by The Jolly Rogers and "Drunken Sailor" by The Longest Johns. They're both fantastic stories told in verse. The other day I was playing my guitar play list and he got attached to "The L and N Don't Stop Here Anymore" by Jean Ritchie. It's about a boy growing up in a town that used to be rich with coal and coal money, but now the coal mine is shut down and everyone is broke.
We went to get pumpkins at the pumpkin patch a couple weekends ago. Everyone got to choose a pumpkin, but James spent some of his birthday money to get 2 more. One is a long, snaky, green gourd and the other is a dark red and green turban squash. He's waaaaay into carving pumpkins. The hardest part is waiting until Halloween. Our cut pumpkins tend to rot within a couple days :(
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| The pumpkin patch with friends! |
Speaking of purchasing plants with his birthday money, James' beloved cactus has finally kicked the bucket. Mr. Spinetop was a unique and well-loved member of our family ever since James brought him home after his 6th birthday. Rest in peace, Spiny, you outlived every single pet and chicken we have owned up to this point.
James spends a lot of time at school drawing fantastic scenes and imaginary creatures. He finishes his classwork much faster than his classmates and spends the extra time drawing on the back of his worksheets.
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| He titled this one "Research Facility". |
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| Dude. Since when is Christmas about a monster in the basement that we feed? |
His grade gets chromebooks, too, but they don't get to take them home. The other day, James' teacher noticed that some kids had learned a tricky way to change their screen background, which was clearly against the rules. She confiscated the chromebooks brought the offenders to her desk, and gave them a stern talking-to. James slunk down in his chair and hid his screen...he had changed his background, too, but didn't get caught. He was relieved and felt bad all at once. He tells me that he told his teacher about it the next day. She said that his honesty was very much appreciated and that he wouldn't have his chromebook taken away. He was glad he didn't get a stern talking-to, either, because that would have been SO embarrassing.
The Primary Program this year was tricky for James. He somehow accidentally volunteered for a small group singing solo. James asked if I would excuse him from the program altogether. I said he'd have to sit up there with all the other kids but if he wanted out of the singing part, he'd have to talk to his primary leader himself. I offered to get her attention for him. He declined. It took him a couple weeks, but finally he asked me to get her attention. He told her that he didn't want to do the small group part. She said that was fine. What a relief! James sang throughout the entire program and gladly stayed in his seat when the small group went up for "As I Have Loved You" :)
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| He told me after this, "That was my life goal to see a Mclaren. I have nothing left to live for. Huh." |
MATTHEW
Matthew! My little buddy. Not one who enjoys being alone. I might call him an extrovert, but a very, very shy one. Mostly he likes to be with people he already knows. His 8th birthday is coming up and since we only do friend parties every 4 years, this is one of those years. He was so excited! He said, "Yay! I get to have a friend party!" Then he paused and said, "Wait. I don't have any friends." He wasn't sad about it. He was simply stating a fact. The kid has friends that he plays with at school. I asked him about that. He said that since our families don't know each other, it would be weird to invite them and their parents probably wouldn't let them come anyway. What kind of a world has this kid grown up in?! Oh yeah, Covid. "We only play with people who are known and safe." We've loosened up a lot since then, but Matthew doesn't seem to have seen the memo.
Matthew enjoys playing cooperative video games. He's particularly fond of Human Fall Flat, Unraveled 2, and most recently a game called Biped. All three games require you to work with a partner to solve puzzles. A couple of them have very tricky controls as you work to maneuver the characters individual limbs. He likes to team up with me because I don't yell at him to "hurry up" or "do it this way" or "get it right already." He's quick to learn some things I struggle with and he's more of a risk taker than I am, so we're evenly matched. These cooperative games are great that way.
Tender-hearted as ever, Matthew emotionally connects to things in almost no time. He found a pink scrap of foam on the playground last month. As we walked home that day, he showed it to me and said this was his new emotional friend. He was going to draw a face on it and make it some clothes and it would be so cute! This happens routinely for Matthew. He was drawing on the back of a worksheet waiting for his classmates to finish up and he happened to draw a person that was soooo sweet and cute that he couldn't help but rub his cheek on it and whisper to it quietly. He told me he was glad the other kids were too occupied to hear or notice his affection. He draws this person all the time now. I think he named him Bob.
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| This is Bob, Matthew's special baby. Sometimes he has a top hat, sometimes he wears a star on his shirt. "His skin is brown and his hair is an afro," he says. He's learning to sew so he can make a 3-D version. |
More than once, James or Robert has shown him a leaf or rock or random broken piece of something and he says, "Don't keep showing it to me or it will become my emotional friend and I'll be sad if anything happens to it." And it's true. It's 100% true.
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| "I love hugging trees!" |
In an effort to help, James taught Matthew how to destroy something before he got too attached to it. That's totally James' style, not Matthew's.
He loves the first Harry Potter book. Actually, he loves the first half of the first Harry Potter book. We never seem to read any further than that before moving on to other things.
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| Buddies |
Matthew is just as excited about James' camping goal as James is. He's especially excited that most of the time it will be only me, James, and him. I agree that it's the perfect combination to optimize camping joy because they:
- Get along well
- Enjoy similar activities
- Are physically small
- Don't eat much
- Aren't terribly picky about comfort
- Are still in awe of the natural world
Matthew is very much the youngest in a den of puppies. There's a distinct pecking order. He's getting better at holding his own, but honestly has very little power in most sibling interactions. Maybe that's why I tend to take his view of things more often.
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| Buddies in crime. |
The Primary Program was kinda scary for Matthew. He freaked out at the idea of saying something into a microphone that EVERYONE would be able to hear. The week before the Primary Program, when they would be practicing their actual speaking parts in the chapel, Matthew decided that he didn't want to participate anymore. I told him the same thing as James. I'd get the leader's attention, but he'd have to do all the talking. He told her that he didn't want to say his part. I didn't hear her response because I was rushing off to conduct Relief Society. After church, he told me the leader assured him it was ultimately his choice, but she wanted him to try. They were both really excited and proud that he chose to practice his part into the microphone TWICE that day. He did end up speaking during the program and did a great job. All smiles.
SUSAN
Always projects. Always...
I'm excited for my summer garden and the community garden to die so I can get going on some other things.
The cycling season has also fizzled out until spring.
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| Buffalo, New York! |
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| Oil City, Pennsylvania! |
I like planning future cycling trips, though. We're finalizing one for Spring Break (NC and SC) and just started deliberating on another one in late June (WY and probably MT). Now that it's too cold to cycle outdoors, I've gone back to more traditional workouts at the gym. I quickly learned that all those miles of cycling did very little for my cardiac fitness. I guess I wasn't riding hard enough to challenge it. So, back to running. And I had been using the machines to do strength but never got sore the next day. I clearly didn't know how to use them properly. I went back to old fashioned push ups, planks, and lunges and whammo! all the soreness returned. It's pain with a purpose. If I do the work, I'll get the benefits.
One year, I stopped eating treats just before Halloween all the way to Thanksgiving. Or was it Christmas? That was one of my favorite Halloweens ever. None of that hemming and hawing about whether to eat candy and how much and what kind. When there's an enormous supply, that's a decision I end up making a dozen times a day, and I never feel better after eating candy. It's just a band-aid to cover up poor sleep or stress, not actually improving the root problem. So, I'm doing that again this year. At least for Halloween.
I have also decided to straighten my teeth. The front ones keep wearing on each other in a weird way and the rotation is just getting more and more severe with age. I didn't want to do it alone, though, so I asked Alex and Robert if they'd want to join me. Alex said, "Sure. That will help me brush and floss more regularly." I know for a fact that orthodontics will NOT get him to brush and floss more regularly, but his acting aspirations also played a part in his choice. I start Invisalign in late November and Alex starts sometime in December. We'll both need about 2 years of treatment.
I put together another round of goody bags for panhandlers. We distributed 11 last year. This year I made 13. The bags contain baby wipes, tissues, big band aids, chap stick, fruit bars, knit gloves, a high protein shake, and a fleece neck warmer/gaiter. We hand them out to anyone we see asking for help along the road.
James' camping goal has been fun. We'll be staying in an earthen hut tomorrow night. There will be beds and a roof and walls, but no heat, no water, and only a single composting toilet down by the lake. It still counts as camping ;)
The younger boys had a "Parents Day" a couple weeks ago. I got to join them in their classes for a small activity. In Matthew's class, we did a graphing activity with M&Ms. In James' class, we did a leaf hunt and leaf rubbings. Both kids were so excited to see me at their school! I know that changes eventually, and that's okay. I've seen how my older kids love and appreciate me in other ways. It's not that I want my kids to adore me. I want them to trust me. And I want to be a part of their life.
This is the first year, I think, that James and Matthew are a racial minority in their classrooms. I like that. I wonder what they'll take from it.
One of our kids has been worried about whether there's any life after death. In my efforts to help him, I've gleaned so much more out of the scriptures, my personal experiences, and the experiences of others. I was forced to assess what I truly believed and bear testimony of it. It was a powerful experience. So much so that when I had an interview to renew my temple recommend, I could answer with an affirmation more meaningful than ever before that yes, I have a personal testimony of Jesus Christ as my Savior. I have a personal testimony that His gospel has been restored. And I have a testimony that there are prophets and seers on the earth today guided by Him. And I believe there is an afterlife. No doubt.
BOBBY
Bobby continues to work hard for our family. He tells me the managers at work keep pushing for more, which is frustrating and annoying. Nothing he can't handle, though. He's keeping to regular work hours and taking vacation days as desired. He's exercising regularly and making progress on his goals, too. He has been called to the High Council at church. We're still learning what that entails, but so far it seems to be more meetings and some Sunday traveling and giving talks :) Not much of a surprise there. The kids are old enough that Sunday mornings aren't as painfully hectic as they used to be.
Last night, Bobby was sleeping on the couch in the living room. I've been sick this week and sickness makes me a much louder sleeper, so I offered to spare him and sleep on the couch. He said it was his night to be on-call with the kids anyway, so I should keep the bed. Sweet man. I slept pretty well. He, however, was awakened several times. Once by Alex hunting for his rat who had escaped from his enclosure that day and once by the rat herself who had climbed up his blanket and started crawling on him while he slept. She slipped away, though, just as he woke up enough to try and catch her. This morning, Bobby knocked on Alex's door to tell him that he was visited by Korg last night and just as Alex opened the door, he saw Korg's head peek around the corner in James and Matthew's room. Perfect timing! They chased her into James' nest of a bed. The whole family gathered around as Alex took off one blanket, then another, then another to try and find Korg. Alex found her, but she slipped away at the last second and Alex decided he needed to get ready for school or he'd be late. James and Matthew hopped in to take Alex's place. Within a few seconds, James yells, "There she is! I got her!" and the rat was immediately moved to a more secure enclosure. Whew.
Bobby makes great dinners. He's mindful of our kids' preferences and always has the meal ready on time or early. I like being his sous chef cuz' he's pretty darn organized in the kitchen. And he's cute. And smart. And he's got this smile I just can't get enough of. And we talk about things. And it doesn't feel like a chore when we're doing it together.
The whole family has enjoyed the big gaming computer Bobby built last summer. We purchase games online through a company called Steam. He also has a Steam Deck, which plays the same games but on a portable device.
Bobby, like Robert, is kind of a private guy. He doesn't talk to me often about his thoughts and life outside the home, so I don't have much more to say here.
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Thank you so much for sharing this. It brings you all so much closer to us.
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