Robert Moments

It's late Tuesday night after a long day. Robert and James are busily packing for Youth Conference the next day. It's a big packing job: clothes, toiletries, church clothes, extra shoes, linens and bedding, a bag for the long bus rides, etc. They need things that we don't normally pack for short trips: bug spray, sunscreen, shower shoes, hat, shampoo and conditioner. They need to be responsible for things they don't usually think about: medications. Neither of them know where any of this stuff is, and we're scrambling to find viable substitutes for the things we don't have. 

Robert has very particular needs/concerns for these things. His OCD is well-managed, but he's still a pretty particular guy. Shower shoes are a struggle. This option won't do at all, this option doesn't look right, this option is dirty and will take too long to clean. His bedding needs to be lightweight and compactable, no characters, no loud colors or non-traditional patterns, and definitely not that, that, or that. None of the options at-hand will do. He's frustrated. I'm frustrated. He eventually gives up on asking me for ideas. He happens upon our stash of dog blankets and says, "This is exactly the sort of thing I was looking for! Why didn't you suggest any of these blankets?!"

Um, okay.

Once the kerfuffle settles down and both guys are packed, I send James to the shower. Robert tells me that he recognizes the strain that his particular needs tend to put on me. He can tell that I'm all wound up. He tells me that it would make him feel better to explain why things happened that night the way they did, why he got so frustrated with me, and what I could do in the future to avoid so much frustration. Then he tells me that he wants to do what would make me feel better instead. He offers to massage my shoulders and work out a few knots in my back. I always have knots *sigh* and I gratefully welcome the relief. 

This isn't the first time Robert has chosen my comfort over his own. He admits that he likes doing things for me that no one else can do. For example, getting out my knots. Or making those chocolate covered peanut butter discs. Or caring for Matthew in *just* the right way, remembering all the ins and outs, managing to do the bedtime routine without a triggering hitch. Or driving people somewhere when I've got to finish something at home. I really, really appreciate that. Every time. 

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Something else interesting about Robert...he doesn't mind risk. As a 16-year-old, there are still a few restrictions on his license to drive. There's a curfew, for one, and a limit on the number of people under 21 that he's allowed to transport. Breaking these rules will result in a ticket for him AND for all of his underage passengers. It will also extend the length of time he will be under these restrictions. We all recognize why these restrictions are in place. We also know that they're pretty difficult to enforce unless a teenager is pulled over for some other reason first. Well, Robert is doing the math. He figures that as long as his passengers are fully aware of and compliant with the risk they're taking by breaking any of these rules with him, then he's good to go.

I find this aspect of Robert's personality fascinating. He's a rule keeper until he decides that the reasoning for the rule doesn't apply to him. He's very logical about it, too. It's a calculated risk. No hint of rash, emotional decision making. If caught, he will accept the full consequences of breaking the rule as if it were a simple transaction. 

He asked me what I thought about his reasoning. I laughed. On the surface, I wanted him to follow the restrictions just because they were there. It seemed a matter of integrity, right? Deep down, I knew it was a bet worth making...he's a very responsible driver, he has money to pay the fine, and it's his own driving record at risk here. I told him that. 

We'll have to see what he decides to do in practice.

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After Youth Conference, a few of the youth were asked to share a brief testimony about their experience in church. Robert was one of them. He confessed that the church history facts and names all started to blur together after the sixth house tour, but he was touched by the realization that the gospel is a community. They had to rely on each other back then, and we rely on each other now. He felt connected to all the youth and leaders in a new way.

I found that interesting. Robert is the only member of the church in his entire high school. Youth Conference and FSY must feel like a foreign country to him. I'm grateful he came away with a greater sense of connection.