Zurg Update (and more thoughts on gender)

Chugging along at 24 weeks, Zurg and I are doing well. He would hardly sit still for a Doppler check of his heart rate:

The midwife asks with a raised eyebrow, "Is the baby always this active?"

"Oh yeah. It's either crazy man or absolute stillness."

"Was your first baby this active?"

"Uh, I don't remember."

I honestly don't remember how active Alice was at this stage. I have no good memory to draw from, so any assumption about Zurg's personality from this behavior would be based on stereotype, not reality. That said, my deeply-ingrained gender stereotypes pop through brightest when I'm trying to avoid them.

Case in point: Imagining this baby to be a girl instead of a boy, extra activity would get me excited that she's active and vigorous, confident and curious, a real go-getter who will find her way in the world. That's a good thing, right? Yes, because the assumption (i.e. stereotype) is that these traits would be tempered by her feminine gifts...compassion, team work, and a tendency to nurture.

Extra activity in a boy strikes fear in my heart because I automatically jump to the assumption (i.e. stereotype) that he's a crazy man lying in wait to turn my world upside down. There are no stereotypically masculine traits to temper such an active, vigorous, go-getter personality. The knee-jerk fear is that I will have to chase him down, constantly redirecting and training his energy into socially acceptable behaviors (i.e. compassion, team work, and a tendency to nurture).

In other words, my stereotypical mindset up to this point (unrealized until this very moment) is that a girl can be anything because she's "protected" by her feminine nature, but an especially active little boy must be trained to adapt stereotypical "girl" traits in order to be socially well-balanced. Writing it out helps me realize how absurd that assumption is. None of the boys in my life fit 100% in that box, and I've met little girls with very few "naturally protective" feminine traits.

The question now, though, is how do I change that assumption in my brain so it doesn't keep making me afraid of this little boy?

1000 days old

1 DAY

10 DAYS

100 DAYS


1000 DAYS

We're blessed to have had her this long. May we get to celebrate 10,000 days with her when the time comes. Woo hoo!

Grrrrr......Chicago

I just don't how to function in Chicago. I'm a bumbling frump every time I try to do anything there on my own. Downtown Chicago is a culture and way of life that doesn't even enter my radar of consciousness, much less appeal to my country bumpkin leanings. This weekend, I dashed up there to meet Julia for an opera. The opera was housed in the historic Civic Opera House in the heart of downtown. Absolutely stunning building! Absolutely stunning people! I felt course and unsophisticated every minute I was in Chicago, even when "safe" in my crazy hotel room with Julia. Those fancy pillows and $3 bottles of water seemed to sneer at me all night. I've never felt so self-conscious and insecure as I did last night in a 4-star hotel. Ugh. Not a happy feeling.

The opera itself was a pleasant surprise. Not exactly what we were looking for, but delightful in its own way. The lead soprano had such a sweet voice at just the right times! We didn't have time to eat dinner before the performance, so we ordered pizza afterwards...not much was open at 11:00 at night. With all the surprise parking fees and such that we encountered, I don't think I'm allowed to have another birthday present for the next five years *sigh*

I wonder if Indianapolis has an opera company...hmmmm.

Bobby's Sunday Summary

Apparently if you hit enter in blogger after just typing in the title of a blog, it will publish the empty entry. I just found that out, so any of you who are fast at reading this may be a bit disappointed, because I do not plan on finishing it right now. I have stake conference in about an hour, so check back later for an update.

This week has been a very interesting one. We have had a guest staying with us some of this week, and she will stay until next Saturday. She is a very nice surrogate grandmother to Alice. Alice loves her lots and lots, but sadly she is with us because she is moving to Nevada and needed a place to stay for a week after leaving her old apartment. It was especially odd last night as Susan is off on her final birthday celebration, another opera in Chicago this time, so it was out guest, Alice and me last night.

It was almost even odder, because I recently dodged another trip to California. Two trips in fact. This week two people I work with will be in California giving some training on what we have built. The next week two more are going out to give a presentation to our new management, yes we got moved around again, about exactly what it is that we do. For some reason I always seem to get picked for these types of trips so I have ended up going to CA three to four times a year. Well if I were going on the first trip then I would probably be flying out this afternoon, so it would be one more thing in an already crazy schedule for today, with a guest in our house, Susan coming home and me leaving for a week. I just don't think that would work.

well look at that, because Alice is eating oatmeal with her friend I actually managed to get enough time to finish this, reducing that chances that anyone will have to check back later to read the actual entry.

Quality Time

Though only 5 months in utero, I think this little fellow already has a sense of humor. He manages to move and kick at the most interesting times, especially when I try to say anything prophetic about our future life together. For example, seed catalogs for next year's garden have just begun to arrive. He makes an exasperated flail every time I'm tempted to add a new vegetable to my wish list. It will take MUCH self-control to limit my expectations for Summer 2010.

"C'mon, Zurg, it's belgian endive! You'll love it!"

The more he moves, though, the better acquainted I feel with him. I get the sense that he's hanging out with me as I live my life and make choices. That's some serious quality time. I love him more for it, too. Quality time is my love language above and beyond all others.

I'm excited to meet him. I've gathered some boy clothes that I like, a couple names that might work, and a general sense that we'll be okay. I guess I'm trying to say that he now has a place in my family. I've made room for him in my thoughts and preparations. He's actually there...now and in the future...a faceless, voiceless, but absolutely real little kid that's going to be a part of my life indefinitely. We're a family of four. Kinda cool to feel that.