I think it's getting easier

I've caught myself thinking a few times over the last couple weeks, "Okay, Alice and Robert are settled/asleep/playing/happy...someone's missing...where's the kid I'm supposed to be worried about all the time?"

My mom tells me that the "Who's missing?" question was usually one of the first signs that another child might be in her near future. I don't think that applies to me in this case. I do think, however, that life is getting easier with two kids. A certain level of worrying weight has been lifted since Robert hit 3 months of age. Just after he was born, I would list the other members of my family as Robert, Alice, and Bobby. Robert's needs were always at the top of my list, so his name came out first every time. Then Alice. Bobby's survival has little to do with my day to day work. I know he'll eat when he's hungry, sleep when he's tired, and use the bathroom when it's convenient whether or not I'm there to remind him or clean up after him. Sorry, Bobby, but I just don't worry about you very much :) It's a good sign that I can now list my family members in chronological order.

Robert is making his way. His daily rhythm is clear. He sleeps through the night (mostly). He adores Alice and Alice loves to make him smile. He's sturdy enough to wrestle with, though not yet coordinated enough to carry on my hip. He knows and loves his daddy's voice. Aside from the awkward back pain resulting from lugging around a 19+ pound infant, I'd say it's pretty darn easy having Robert around these days. I know him better. I love him more.

So, you know that kid I'm supposed to worry about all the time? He's no longer here. He's a new boy and my life is better for having met him.

Bobby's Sunday Summary

This week was a somewhat normal week. At least until Saturday. Saturday we had a very busy day. We woke up early and went to go pick blueberries. These were perfectly ripe berries and many of them tasted like eating a piece of blueberry pie or jam without any sugar added. It was wonderful. On the ride back we kept hearing from the back seat where Alice and the bags of blueberries were rustle rustle rustle, munch munch munch. We all munched a pit on the way home but we think Alice ate a whole half pound of berries by herself. She was very happy.

After we got back Will and Kayla, Alice's cousins came over to play. They had a great time.

All this week Robert has been working on his hand eye coordination. The following are several clips of him. I really love the look on his face in the first one. I always imagine it is part of a bad kung-fu movie and he is saying "You have insulted my family and my honor. Now the fist of death will take care of you."

And now just for fun a picture of us all in red. Alice noticed that Robert and I had both picked red cloths on Friday and quickly changed her cloths to match us.

Thoughts on Thinking

I'm losing pieces of me. Pieces that are surprisingly connected to my self image.

Is this a natural and normal part of parenting small children? I have found it gets much, much worse with sleep deprivation. By necessity or choice, the end result is the same:

• I can't find the words I'm looking for. Hence, I can't compose my thoughts well enough to share them by voice or written media. Composing my thoughts is how I process my life and find solutions. If I can't express myself, I end up spinning my wheels doing the same thing over and over.
  

• I am easily distracted, even when I'm by myself. I've started doing things impulsively and spontaneously because if I don't do it while I'm thinking about it then it might never get done. Tasks aren't completed "in order of importance", but rather "what I can get done in the time I have right NOW." Urgency trumps all. My days are largely thrown together in a mish-mash of hasty, last-minute decisions. I'm not fond of that feeling.
  

• I've lost the focus to look at a task list and plan an appropriate strategy. It's frustrating that I never know what I'm going to get done and what I'm going to flake out on.

• My short-term memory is shot. Did Alice ask for milk or water? What was I just talking about? Oh yeah, didn't I ask you that just five minutes ago?

I don't like these changes very much. Incapacitation. Like I'm stumbling through life.

Fortunately (?) for me, it's taken 3 days to write these thoughts into a blog post. I've been thinking about this topic, composing my thoughts off and on as I can, but the blog post has focused my attention. You have no idea how therapeutic this is :) It has already brought a few solutions to mind. It turns out I need quiet thinking time for planning and processing. I've asked Bobby for a few minutes of "quiet focus" help (i.e. engage Alice in play while I plug my ears and think in another room) a couple times over the last couple days and I've actually made some progress. This will take practice and creative ideas, but now I know it's possible.

Another solution requires a subtle change to my own parenting behavior/style. I think. I tend to focus 100% on the kids in my charge (except when I've got friends to chat with, ha ha ha). Even when she's happy and cooperative, Alice's nonstop dialog interrupts my thoughts. When I hear her, I can only think of her. Even if she's playing with someone else somewhere else, if I can hear her then I'm focused on her. Same with Robert. I wish I could turn it off sometimes. I hear and respond to everything she says, most of the time. It's exhausting. It's disruptive. It's a natural part of parenthood, right? Probably not to the degree I've allowed it to become. I need to work on letting go of the kids. A little. Just enough to take back some of my processor.

And I need sleep. Sleep helps everything. Really. Both kids are asleep right now in the middle of the day. If I weren't so hungry, I'd fall asleep myself. Kinda sad to spend my precious quiet time doing something so mundane as eating lunch :)

5th of July

There was a big 4th of July party at our church on the 5th of July. Bobby and I had a great time, but Alice was a little shocked by all the unstructured commotion. She wouldn't even play with her regular friends for longer than a few seconds at a time. She did eat her first hamburger, sort of, and expressed an interest in all of the activities, but never found a "safe" opportunity to jump in. Bobby spent a lot of time with her going from activity to activity. He tells me, however, that she really did enjoy the water balloon fight. She and her friend Katy (it's SO cool having the Barruses back in town!) decided to throw their water balloons at Bobby. Every single shot bounced off of him and splattered on the grass. He was okay with that :)

I was coaxed into participating in the women's tug-of-war competition. It didn't take much, actually. Our ward combined with the Mahomet ward against the Champaign ladies. Our side had this "heave-ho" plan in the works until the referee said "Go" and we were suddenly sliding towards the middle. Oops! Our ladies dug in, though, and managed to keep our ground until reinforcements arrived: a few ladies who were watching/photographing on the sidelines jumped in to rescue us. Michelle, I wouldn't mind taking a look at those photos.

Alice did get her face painted. She said she wanted a frog. I love her expressions in these photos. They sum up her 4th of July party experience nicely. I do like the look of Alice in a headband...I may have to explore this with her again. Check out Bobby in the background holding Robert.

After the party, we came home for some much needed quiet time. Alice slept for 2.5 hours, I got some sewing figured out, Robert took a little nap in there, and we started our preparations for a fancy dinner: Chicken Pietro, roasted veggies, artisan bread, and homemade coconut strawberry ice cream (dairy free, of course). I burned the veg, but the ice cream made up for that. Oh my heavens! I tried to tell Bobby it wasn't worth his trouble tasting it, but I couldn't keep a straight face. This stuff is far tastier than any frozen concoction I've ever tried, dairy or non-dairy. Many thanks to the Bairs for loaning us their ice cream maker. I wouldn't have enjoyed my 4th of July nearly as much without it ;)

Alice wanted to "make crafts" that night for our Family Home Evening activity. Alice cut magazines with funky scissors and Bobby put together a fancy crown for her. Here she is modeling the crown for her adoring subjects.

Bobby's Sunday Summary

This week has not seemed that normal. I have been working on a new project at work. I spent all week to finally get it to work, at least a little bit. On the home front this week end has been and will be very different from usual. Susan had a lady's night out party at our house Friday night. It was mostly to celebrate the return of a friend of hers for the summer. Yesterday was a mostly quite day. We went to the park for a picnic. It was fun, Alice got to play in a water fountain and a large sand box. And we got to relax in the shade. Tonight are the fireworks, etc. here, but I don't think we will be going, as Alice really does not like loud noises. Tomorrow our church is having a big Independence day party. We will try and take pictures for next week.

Us at the park

Alice playing in the sand.

Alice Decided this week to give Bob a new look. Se also wanted to take some pictures herself.