James Names (Part Two)

Well, I started calling James "Jafe" every once in a while anyway. A couple times he corrected me like this:

Me: "Watcha doin', Jafe?"
James: "No Jafe. Me Zhafv." (the pronunciation is slightly different...soft j, vocalizing with f sound)

But most of the time, he hardly noticed. I thought I was home free. Then, just a couple days ago, we were sitting on the couch with some books and I said, "You like that one, Jafe?" and he replied, "No Jafe. Me Zhamzth." He stopped for half a second and got a far off look in his eye. I could almost see the cogs turn in his brain. Then he spoke again with a big grin, "No Jafe. Zhamzth!" And he giggled as if he had just told a joke.

Now he only calls himself Zhamzth, which is phonetically closer to "James" than he's ever been. It was thrilling to witness him making that verbal leap, though I'm a little sad that maybe my use of the nickname "Jafe" spurred him to make that leap earlier than he normally would have.

And on that note, I will mention that Robert has made a speech leap of his own lately. Buddy has long had an anti-lisp. I don't know how else to describe it. Instead of making a "th" sound, he would use an "s" sound. So the word "thick" came out like "sick", while the word "this" came out more like "dis." When Alice got back from Houston, it's like she suddenly forgot how Robert spoke. She questioned and corrected his every mispronounciation, no matter how small. She was being kind of rude about it, so I asked her to stop. Robert noticed anyway. He has consciously been working on it ever since. Sometimes his "th" sound is exaggerated or misused, but he's almost got it down. His baby brother is now "Matthew" instead of "Massew." I'm excited to see him work on something important to him. I'm also a little sad to see that bit of childhood slip away this week.

And since I don't want to make a whole new blog post about it, I'll just mention here that I'm very, very happy with my hens this winter. They endured the -18F temps (-30F wind chill) very well. They huddled together for warmth, kept laying eggs, and made it through! Remarkable. It's been so cold that the food scraps freeze within minutes and stay perfectly intact. The chickens' poop is frozen rock-hard, too, in little golf ball size blobs. None of it is mixing or squishing or rotting like it usually does, so their pen is a real mess. Gotta put down more straw just to make it look nice :)

Alice's Trip to Huston (Bobby's Sunday Summary)

The following are a combination of pictures I blatantly stole from Susan's Mom's Blog, pictures Alice took herself, and pictures I took of what we did while she was away.  I will try to distinguish between them.

Trip to the airport, in indy, to catch her plane (by Alice).

At the airport the plane coming in was delayed and so we waited and waited and waited.  Finally it arrived and Alice was able to get on the plane (by me).

While in Huston she had a lot of fun.  The following are from my mother in law's blog, but they tell the story themselves fairly well.

The pictures Alice took herself don't tell quite the same story.  But do show some of what was important to her.

I'm not totally sure what the 8:13 picture is all about, but the new Doll and the fact that it is "warm" outside are obviously important to her.

While she was out we did a few things ourself.  Mostly we just hung out at home.  Robert even made a couch out of couch cushions (very meta).

  

And the day we went to pick Alice up we went to the children's museum in Indy.

Sorry that some of the pictures are fuzzy, but as you can tell James likes to wander off, and gets distracted very easily.  He was fun to keep an eye on.

They really liked the dinosaurs, the merry go round, water table, and the climbing structure.  It was a crazy day, but in the end we got Alice back and got home safe and sound.

Name and a Blessing

Matthew was given a name and a blessing this morning at church. It was a quiet experience this time. There were no grandparents or other family members traveling to join us. There was no fanfare at all, actually, and it was only yesterday that I remembered to look for a white outfit to dress him in. I guess I had always used the fanfare to remind me to prepare properly :)

No worries, Matthew, you were not forgotten. Your name means "Gift from God." I felt that acutely today. Your dad blessed you with strength and knowledge beyond your years. You were also blessed to be a leader, to help yourself and your friends go the way the Lord would have you go. You were given a special strength to resist peer pressure. I couldn't have wished for more!

I'm only just getting to know you, Matthew, but my life is better for having met you. I know you are important to us and the Lord. Your life has purpose. Welcome, welcome to the family.

ABBA's Waterloo

I grew up listening to ABBA, so when I discovered that the London Philharmonic Orchestra put together a symphonic version of some of ABBA's better known songs, I had to have it. Buddy has discovered this CD and it's his current favorite. He's never heard the original songs. He just likes to karate dance to the beat. Anyway, we've been listening to it a lot lately. One of ABBA's songs, Waterloo, compares a romantic relationship to Napoleon's surrender at Waterloo:

Waterloo
Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo
Knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo
Finally facing my Waterloo

I feel now, more than ever, that this mom thing for me is about surrender. It's about finding joy/peace/good in the things that I can't change...things that would normally drive me batty. There will never be a perfect day, so I can't make that my measure of happiness. There are, however, perfect moments. Perfect snippets embedded in the chaos and difficulty of regular life. When I'm fighting the difficulty of regular life, wishing life were somehow different, I miss those snippets of perfection.

For example, there's our car ride home from the airport yesterday. Alice was sobbing, Robert was grouching a bit, Matthew was noisily fighting sleep, and James was singing a rejoicing song about the last of his chocolate milk. Like it says in the ABBA song, I couldn't escape that car if I wanted to, but I knew my fate was to be with these people indefinitely, warts and all. I consciously stopped fighting the situation. My mounting irritation/impatience dissolved and James' chocolate milk joy was suddenly infectious. Bobby and I laughed out loud. We appreciated this funny little kid celebrating happiness in his own way.

There was peace in the surrender.

Thoughts on Alice's Absence

Alice just came back from a dream vacation in Houston with her crazy-fun aunt Erin. My parents were there, and so were the Barney cousins, but Alice only talks about Erin. She is also talking about earning the money to do it again. Many, many, many thanks to Erin and my parents for making this a very special week for Alice. She will never be the same again. In only 4-5 days, Alice experienced a spa day with a mani-pedi, eating out at restaurants, staying up late every night, watching movies almost daily, being showered with treats and gifts, and being the only child amongst three adults. Princess for a week...a little slice of Alice heaven.

It's no surprise, then, that she was sobbing within minutes of getting off the plane in Indianapolis and she didn't stop crying for almost an hour. On her first night home she said she felt homesick for Texas. That's kinda how I felt after getting back from Hawaii :) Vacations should be fun, but not so fun that your normal life feels like shackles, y'know?

We fared remarkably well at home during her trip. Robert and I both missed her, but found a new rhythm after a day or so. Robert played with me instead. I got a lot less housework done, but we were best buddies. Because I was integrated into the play more, I was there to mediate/translate/model the interactions between Robert and James. There was less fighting. Robert became more friendly, helpful, and mature. James remained a very exasperating 2-year-old, but Buddy didn't react like he usually did. He discovered a streak of patience and sympathy for James. The whole day felt quieter without Alice, and I felt relief with one less life to keep track of. At one point I caught myself thinking, "Why is this so much easier?" Buddy got the sleep he needed, too, which helped with everything. He blossomed into a sweet, playful, considerate kind of kid I hadn't seen before.

It's not much of a surprise, then, after hearing 30 minutes of Alice's wailing on the car ride home, that Buddy said something to the effect of, "I wish you were dead."

*sigh*

Now that Alice has returned, I remember her noisy energy. When she's not talking or singing directly at me, she's dancing or running or jumping near me. The whole family dynamic is shifting back to where it was. I'm reluctant to let Buddy go. We had a thing going...a connection...a different side of him I don't ever see. Is there a way for me to maintain that somehow?

I forgot to mention a third and VERY important component to this week's experience: Bobby being home most days due to the holiday. I had the luxury of sleeping in, taking naps, and sharing the housework with another competent adult all week long. With one less child and one more adult around, I had more time and energy to play with Robert. I even got back into family history research! So, the short answer to that question is "No." There's no easy way to maintain that relationship with Robert now that life will be returning to normal...one mom, three kids, and a nursing infant most hours of the day.

Next week will be completely different when work, school, and preschool resume. I should be putting together the menu and grocery list right now. Or napping. It's quiet time. But I didn't want to do any of that until I had put down some of my thoughts on Alice's absence. I want to remember that Buddy was a different guy without her. I want to remember that life with four kids is significantly harder for me (right now) than life with three, and I shouldn't try (yet) to do everything that I did before Matthew was born.

I thought Alice's trip was a fun experiment and a great opportunity for her to build lasting relationships with grandparents and extended family. It turns out, I also learned a lot from the experience :)