16 days left to meet my 40th Year Goals. Where do I stand?
Spend 40 quality hours one-on-one with my immediate family member
Bobby: 40+ YAY!
Alice: 40+ YAY!
Robert: 40+ YAY!
James: 36 (Almost there...fishing, bike rides, reading together after bedtime...I'll make it)
Matthew: 37 (the other kids go to school next week, so this will be finished soon)
Serve others outside my usual circle of loved ones (40 hours)
40+ hours YAY!
I
indexed records for family history research, volunteered at Sola
Gratia, babysat kids I didn't know very well, and took some people to
doctor's appointments.
Train for and participate in at least one major endurance event
Pioneer Sprint Triathlon, 4 May 2019
Swim 300m 5:59.24
Bike 13mi 48:54.91
Run 3.1mi 30:02.17
TOTAL 1:27:03.6
I
also biked my longest distance ever (32 miles) with Rachel on 10 August
2019. YAY! While I didn't actually train for this, and it was only a
grueling experience for my hiney, I'm counting it :)
Master something new
I have something in mind for this. Coming soon.
Do something that scares me
There's
a little part of me that wonders, "40 years old and what to show for
it? Would my past self be happy with what I became? Will my future self
be happy with where I am now?" I can't change anything in the past. That
scares me. So maybe I'll face these fears head on and try to make sense
of it all. Coming soon.
Fix something that's been bothering me a long time
DONE!
Therapy is still a wonderful thing. I haven't gone back since my
anxiety stabilized, but I am comfortable with the idea of therapy and
will go back when I'm ready to work through another issue. And I have
plenty :) I've had a couple minor panic/anxiety hiccups since February,
but good sleep habits and regular meals seem to stave off the worst of
it.
Go somewhere new
DONE! Phoenix,
AZ, with Allison. Palymra, NY, with family. Taos, NM, with sisters. Fantastic!
Thursday, August 15, 2019
40th Birthday
I've gotta say, this birthday was one of my favorites so far. Usually I struggle to enjoy my birthdays and other holidays because I expect it to be special and different and magical somehow (like real life will just stop happening for 24 hours??). I have been so disappointed so many times. Sigh. So, this year, I tried to make it a special day in very ordinary ways and my friends and family were the ones who made it magical ;)
It started with the kids letting me sleep in until 7am. They didn't remember it was my birthday, or else they would have been all over me much, much sooner. When I told Robert it was my bday, he got sad. James, too. They were both sad that they didn't have presents for me. I told them all I wanted was time with them. James furrowed his brow and said, "I know what to do." Matthew immediately started crawling all over me and in my face like a puppy dog. That's soooooo 4-years old: give the gift that makes you happiest. Thanks, dude, I love you, too.
We had a slow morning with cocoa and toast for breakfast. I released myself from all my chore obligations, which meant I only did the chores I really, actually wanted to do. That's a good feeling.
I arranged for my boys to play at the Davis' house and Alice to hangout at another friend's house. They. Were. Thrilled. I dropped them off and headed home for a walk with my close friend. Well, I thought it was going to be a walk, but she decided to surprise me with a tour of a community garden I hadn't seen yet. What a treat! The garden had cold frames, a grape arbor, raised beds, and rows upon rows of growing vegetables that I got giddy exploring...squash, beans, tomatoes, peppers, watermelons, okra, lettuce, and some flowers. After the garden walk, we went to my friend's house for lunch where she had prepared a giant pile of cooked veggies (even mushrooms!) and I ate some of the best corn on the cob of my life. I tried not to moan too loudly. That kinda weirds people out, y'know? Her kids made me birthday cards :) and she gave me a little succulent with very clear instructions for its care. I need very specific instructions for indoor plant care. Luckily we haven't killed James' cactus...yet...
After lunch, I had an hour left before it was time to pick up the kids. I visited another friend who had some things we would need for our family movie, then made a quick stop at Aldi for tuna. I haven't found another tuna I like any better than Aldi's albacore one.
The kids had had a GREAT time at their friends' house. They were happy. We collected almost 200 library books from around our house and took them back. Alice and Robert had piano lessons. I made Musmun Curry for dinner and took half of it to another friend's house to thank her for caring for our chickens and garden while we were in Ohio. I don't think I could have asked anyone else to spray my brassicas with Bt. Bobby had stayed up late the night before preparing my birthday dessert: dairy-free banana pudding. It was perfect, by the way. Absolutely perfect.
Erin came over for dinner and the whole house got in a better mood at once :) We were already feeling good, but Erin has her own kind of magic. We ate, opened presents, and watched some old videos Erin had taken of the kids while Bobby and I were in Hawaii, then soon after Matthew was born. We laughed so hard. When we were living life back then, we didn't know which of the kids' behaviors would stick and which would turn out to be a phase- or age-specific quirk. Well, some behaviors clearly stuck. Hard. What didn't stick was the speech impediments. Robert has no moral ground to correct ANYTHING Matthew or James says any longer.
Erin gave me a bottle of Mexican vanilla (mmmmmm!) and a mandolin slicer. Both things I had mentioned recently wanting to procure. I was touched by the thoughtfulness, practicality, and personal nature of the gifts people gave me this year.
Even the kids. At bedtime, Robert handed me two coupons for a 5-minute shoulder massage each. He knows what I like! I always redeem those babies. We put the kids to bed and watched The Incredible Hulk. I'm rewatching the Marvel movies in order of their release date. Just for fun. And Bobby and Erin were happy to help me that night :)
Then this evening, 2 days later, James snuggles up to me and asks, "Did you ever figure out what my present to you was?" I thought and thought, "Nope."
"Well, I wasn't mean. And I didn't get any time outs."
"Really!? You did that for me?!"
"You always say you want us to be nice and not fight so I decided I would do that for your birthday."
(Big smile. Hug.)
I'm lucky to have these guys. Each one...Bobby, the kids, my friends, my family, and all the other people in my life who love me and whom I love. Thanks to every person who reached out to me and wished me well. I'm feeling super loved and watched over. What a gift!
It started with the kids letting me sleep in until 7am. They didn't remember it was my birthday, or else they would have been all over me much, much sooner. When I told Robert it was my bday, he got sad. James, too. They were both sad that they didn't have presents for me. I told them all I wanted was time with them. James furrowed his brow and said, "I know what to do." Matthew immediately started crawling all over me and in my face like a puppy dog. That's soooooo 4-years old: give the gift that makes you happiest. Thanks, dude, I love you, too.
We had a slow morning with cocoa and toast for breakfast. I released myself from all my chore obligations, which meant I only did the chores I really, actually wanted to do. That's a good feeling.
I arranged for my boys to play at the Davis' house and Alice to hangout at another friend's house. They. Were. Thrilled. I dropped them off and headed home for a walk with my close friend. Well, I thought it was going to be a walk, but she decided to surprise me with a tour of a community garden I hadn't seen yet. What a treat! The garden had cold frames, a grape arbor, raised beds, and rows upon rows of growing vegetables that I got giddy exploring...squash, beans, tomatoes, peppers, watermelons, okra, lettuce, and some flowers. After the garden walk, we went to my friend's house for lunch where she had prepared a giant pile of cooked veggies (even mushrooms!) and I ate some of the best corn on the cob of my life. I tried not to moan too loudly. That kinda weirds people out, y'know? Her kids made me birthday cards :) and she gave me a little succulent with very clear instructions for its care. I need very specific instructions for indoor plant care. Luckily we haven't killed James' cactus...yet...
After lunch, I had an hour left before it was time to pick up the kids. I visited another friend who had some things we would need for our family movie, then made a quick stop at Aldi for tuna. I haven't found another tuna I like any better than Aldi's albacore one.
The kids had had a GREAT time at their friends' house. They were happy. We collected almost 200 library books from around our house and took them back. Alice and Robert had piano lessons. I made Musmun Curry for dinner and took half of it to another friend's house to thank her for caring for our chickens and garden while we were in Ohio. I don't think I could have asked anyone else to spray my brassicas with Bt. Bobby had stayed up late the night before preparing my birthday dessert: dairy-free banana pudding. It was perfect, by the way. Absolutely perfect.
Erin came over for dinner and the whole house got in a better mood at once :) We were already feeling good, but Erin has her own kind of magic. We ate, opened presents, and watched some old videos Erin had taken of the kids while Bobby and I were in Hawaii, then soon after Matthew was born. We laughed so hard. When we were living life back then, we didn't know which of the kids' behaviors would stick and which would turn out to be a phase- or age-specific quirk. Well, some behaviors clearly stuck. Hard. What didn't stick was the speech impediments. Robert has no moral ground to correct ANYTHING Matthew or James says any longer.
Erin gave me a bottle of Mexican vanilla (mmmmmm!) and a mandolin slicer. Both things I had mentioned recently wanting to procure. I was touched by the thoughtfulness, practicality, and personal nature of the gifts people gave me this year.
Even the kids. At bedtime, Robert handed me two coupons for a 5-minute shoulder massage each. He knows what I like! I always redeem those babies. We put the kids to bed and watched The Incredible Hulk. I'm rewatching the Marvel movies in order of their release date. Just for fun. And Bobby and Erin were happy to help me that night :)
Then this evening, 2 days later, James snuggles up to me and asks, "Did you ever figure out what my present to you was?" I thought and thought, "Nope."
"Well, I wasn't mean. And I didn't get any time outs."
"Really!? You did that for me?!"
"You always say you want us to be nice and not fight so I decided I would do that for your birthday."
(Big smile. Hug.)
I'm lucky to have these guys. Each one...Bobby, the kids, my friends, my family, and all the other people in my life who love me and whom I love. Thanks to every person who reached out to me and wished me well. I'm feeling super loved and watched over. What a gift!
Wednesday, August 7, 2019
Arboretum Insight
I was walking at the U of I Arboretum with a friend this morning, remembering the last time I was there. That was when James took off on his bike in a fit of anger and went all the way home alone. Because I wouldn't go home the way he wanted to go. The way he insisted he knew by heart and desperately wanted to lead on. He biked home the way I told him to, but he wasn't going to stay with me.
This is one of those experiences that I keep in my RAM. It feels like there is more to it than a simple fit, but I just can't see the whole picture yet.
Next to this experience, I have several others where James is shy and backwards with new people or places. He resisted gymnastics camp this week because "The teachers always tell you what to do and you HAVE to do it." He wants to do his own thing at his own pace.
How can both of these situations be the same person?! How can James be so stinking confident and capable and independent that he'll tear off on his own, but so insecure and unsure and timid that he won't speak a word in Primary for 6 months?
As I walked with my friend, remembering that day at the Arboretum, it occurred to me that both of those reactions could stem from the same personality trait. A personality trait I actually share with him.
James longs to be independent. To explore. To prove himself. That's easy on his own. When you add other people into the equation like classmates and teachers and loosely-structured social situations with unclear social boundaries, it all falls apart. It takes time to observe the rules and feel comfortable in those relationships. Only when we feel comfortable enough in the situation that nothing much will surprise us anymore, that's when we feel safe to be independent, explore, and prove ourselves.
That takes so. much. time.
But I get it. And I see why James can seem so very different from moment to moment. I ache a little bit, thinking he might struggle with the same demons I've battled my whole life *ARGH* but at the same time, it's something we share...and can work on together.
This is one of those experiences that I keep in my RAM. It feels like there is more to it than a simple fit, but I just can't see the whole picture yet.
Next to this experience, I have several others where James is shy and backwards with new people or places. He resisted gymnastics camp this week because "The teachers always tell you what to do and you HAVE to do it." He wants to do his own thing at his own pace.
How can both of these situations be the same person?! How can James be so stinking confident and capable and independent that he'll tear off on his own, but so insecure and unsure and timid that he won't speak a word in Primary for 6 months?
As I walked with my friend, remembering that day at the Arboretum, it occurred to me that both of those reactions could stem from the same personality trait. A personality trait I actually share with him.
James longs to be independent. To explore. To prove himself. That's easy on his own. When you add other people into the equation like classmates and teachers and loosely-structured social situations with unclear social boundaries, it all falls apart. It takes time to observe the rules and feel comfortable in those relationships. Only when we feel comfortable enough in the situation that nothing much will surprise us anymore, that's when we feel safe to be independent, explore, and prove ourselves.
That takes so. much. time.
But I get it. And I see why James can seem so very different from moment to moment. I ache a little bit, thinking he might struggle with the same demons I've battled my whole life *ARGH* but at the same time, it's something we share...and can work on together.
Monday, August 5, 2019
Taos, NM
I just returned from a neat trip with some of my siblings. Lara and Heidi came up with the idea to invite sibs out to Taos, NM, where Lara had recently vacationed and had a great time. I'm so glad I could make it even if not everyone else could! I got to spend 4 days with 3 awesome ladies.
The bed and breakfast Lara selected was the perfect location and backdrop for our trip:
I ate more chilis and chili sauces in those few days than I have in the last year. New Mexicans really like their chilis. So much good food!
We hiked, we toured, we shopped, and we even spent time at the hot springs spa...a totally new experience for me, but not unpleasant, especially considering the company I kept.
The bed and breakfast Lara selected was the perfect location and backdrop for our trip:
 |
| Cabinets in the kitchen. |
 |
| We were in the "La Madonna Suite", and the decor did not let you forget that for a moment. |
 |
| Not even as you showered. |
We hiked, we toured, we shopped, and we even spent time at the hot springs spa...a totally new experience for me, but not unpleasant, especially considering the company I kept.
I must confess, I was a little worried if we would have enough to talk about for 4 days. That was NOT a problem, it turns out ;) So glad I have these sisters, and friends, in my life.
These are only the pictures I took. Everyone else took a bunch of others. I may post those as I get copies. Thanks, Lara and Heidi, for putting this together!
These are only the pictures I took. Everyone else took a bunch of others. I may post those as I get copies. Thanks, Lara and Heidi, for putting this together!
Family Game and Love
Erin was hanging out with us this weekend and we decided to play a game. Choosing a game to play is usually difficult because we don't have many games that engage all the ages of those in this household who want to play...until now.
Erin had the awesome idea of playing Taboo without the restriction of taboo words. We didn't divide into teams. It was just one person giving the descriptions and everyone else guessing for one minute, then passing the cards to the next person. It moved pretty fast. The BEST part was that both James and Matthew could play. Not only guessing, but giving clues, too! That was the biggest surprise of the evening. Bobby whispered a word into Matthew's ear and Matthew would come up with his own descriptions to get us to guess. I was amazed! His clues were spot on...as long as he heard the word correctly. And he was having so much fun being part of the game. I loved it! James, too, got playing. He's usually pretty timid around games and situations he's not super familiar with. More than a little insecure about doing things the "wrong" way. He watched us play a few rounds and decided he wanted a turn to give the clues, too. He ended up reading all the "taboo" words as clues and that. was. bizarre. The couple times he came up with his own clues, it was way easier.
Anyway, I'm completely thrilled we can play this game together as a family!!
Bobby tried pictionary tonight with everyone. I thought James and Matthew would struggle with the fine motor drawing and time stress. Matthew's drawings weren't always clear, but he was eager to try, and every once in a while he said, "Hey! That actually looks like the thing I was trying to draw!" He also guessed right when the rest of us were totally exasperated by Alice or Robert's drawings. Who knew Matthew could identify lipstick? Or see a hand puppet when all I saw was an alien on fire.
When it was James' turn, he would not be rushed. He carefully, deliberately drew exactly what he wanted to express. And once, even though we had already guessed the word correctly, he had to finish the drawing before we could move on.
I love having games we all can play and have fun with. What a relief.
********************************
A story from tonight:
I'm lying on the couch with James snuggled up behind me, Robert in my knee nest, and Matthew in my chest/belly nest. James leans all the way over me and puts his face right in front of mine with a big grin, "Mom, do you know what I love best of all?"
"What?" (thinking it's me, 'cuz, well, it usually is)
"Panpipes. Panpipes and moola."
********************************
A story from yesterday:
Matthew is squirming on my lap during church. A woman gets up to speak who is the Primary chorister (the Primary chorister is the person who leads singing time for the kids in the second hour of church). This particular woman does an excellent job teaching doctrine AND keeping it fun. She has a sense of humor that works well with the kids and the adults in the room. Anyway, Matthew just won't sit still, but when this woman gets up to speak he whispers to me, "Oh! I love HER the BEST. She is my BEST friend."
I let her know that.
Erin had the awesome idea of playing Taboo without the restriction of taboo words. We didn't divide into teams. It was just one person giving the descriptions and everyone else guessing for one minute, then passing the cards to the next person. It moved pretty fast. The BEST part was that both James and Matthew could play. Not only guessing, but giving clues, too! That was the biggest surprise of the evening. Bobby whispered a word into Matthew's ear and Matthew would come up with his own descriptions to get us to guess. I was amazed! His clues were spot on...as long as he heard the word correctly. And he was having so much fun being part of the game. I loved it! James, too, got playing. He's usually pretty timid around games and situations he's not super familiar with. More than a little insecure about doing things the "wrong" way. He watched us play a few rounds and decided he wanted a turn to give the clues, too. He ended up reading all the "taboo" words as clues and that. was. bizarre. The couple times he came up with his own clues, it was way easier.
Anyway, I'm completely thrilled we can play this game together as a family!!
Bobby tried pictionary tonight with everyone. I thought James and Matthew would struggle with the fine motor drawing and time stress. Matthew's drawings weren't always clear, but he was eager to try, and every once in a while he said, "Hey! That actually looks like the thing I was trying to draw!" He also guessed right when the rest of us were totally exasperated by Alice or Robert's drawings. Who knew Matthew could identify lipstick? Or see a hand puppet when all I saw was an alien on fire.
When it was James' turn, he would not be rushed. He carefully, deliberately drew exactly what he wanted to express. And once, even though we had already guessed the word correctly, he had to finish the drawing before we could move on.
I love having games we all can play and have fun with. What a relief.
********************************
A story from tonight:
I'm lying on the couch with James snuggled up behind me, Robert in my knee nest, and Matthew in my chest/belly nest. James leans all the way over me and puts his face right in front of mine with a big grin, "Mom, do you know what I love best of all?"
"What?" (thinking it's me, 'cuz, well, it usually is)
"Panpipes. Panpipes and moola."
********************************
A story from yesterday:
Matthew is squirming on my lap during church. A woman gets up to speak who is the Primary chorister (the Primary chorister is the person who leads singing time for the kids in the second hour of church). This particular woman does an excellent job teaching doctrine AND keeping it fun. She has a sense of humor that works well with the kids and the adults in the room. Anyway, Matthew just won't sit still, but when this woman gets up to speak he whispers to me, "Oh! I love HER the BEST. She is my BEST friend."
I let her know that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
