Photos

I'm officially calling my anxiety "in remission". There are no more physical symptoms and my days are filled again with a variety of activities and interests. I have all the time and energy I need to meet my family's needs, keep myself physically/mentally/spiritually healthy, and even serve others. I feel closer to Bobby and we work together to meet our kids' needs. We've had several significant and meaningful conversations about parenting lately. Life is sticky. Our ideas for smoothing things out may be different, but we have the same goals in mind, so we eventually come to a course of action that suits us both. I'm lucky to have Bobby as a partner.

It's been FOREVER since I uploaded photos, so here's a glut of them :)

Thanksgiving 2021 in Copley, OH, with the Garner family. We've known the Garners for 18 years and our kids have sort of grown up together. I call them our "friend-cousins" or "frousins." Here, Bobby is helping Robert use the Garner's scroll saw to cut out a Pinewood Derby car. We planned a little Pinewood Derby competition for the holiday.

Thanksgiving 2021. Bobby discovered he's bald enough to secure a plunger to his head. The plunger belongs to G Garner, and it's a toy, not a tool. James discovered several other body parts it could suction to.

Thanksgiving 2021. Matthew is painting his penguin-themed Pinewood Derby car.

Alex using the Garners' drill press on his rainbow watermelon car to fit the weights.

Thanksgiving 2021. Alex, N, G, and Rk spent hours on a couple Dungeons and Dragons adventures. Robert and James listened on. Alex likes the storytelling aspects of D&D much more than the actual battling stuff, so everyone helped build the story together. I loved hearing them laugh and shriek and laugh some more. It got Alex out of his room and engaging with peers. It also resulted in a series of inside jokes like, "Kill the cube, kill the cube. Don't disappoint the master. Master!"

Thanksgiving 2021. The Pinewood Derby! The Garners had access to an official track with electronic timing and tournament software. R Garner took first with her bike-themed car. Matthew's penguin car took 2nd and J Garner took 3rd. James got the "turtle" award for being last, which caused Matthew a lot of sorrow. The baby turtle stuffy was adorable, and it was the only reason Matthew wanted to be in the race at all. He wanted to lose SO badly.

Thanksgiving 2021. We had a chocolate tasting in 3 sessions. Here, Bobby has just set up for the first tasting. I now know that there are some chocolate bars I never need to try again. Ghirardelli is still my clear favorite.

Thanksgiving 2021. We ran our own little Turkey Trot 5k

Thanksgiving 2021. We played games. Who has time to play games during the day?! Well, when a majority of the kids are old enough to play D&D for hours at a time, I do!

Early December 2021. The rest of our family got their second dose of the Covid-19 vaccine. Matthew is disgruntled on the outside, but he's actually very happy it's finally over. The first dose was psychologically hard for him...his blood-curdling screams and vicious flailing drew a lot of attention from the other folks at the vaccine clinic...and anticipating the second dose was hard, hard, hard as well...but he was remarkably contained when the time came and even held his shirt down for the nurse. That's courage, my boy. You've got it.

 

Our most recent family photo. The kids were grouchy about it being in their church clothes, so some of them insisted on more casual footwear. It was freezing cold and raining. Alex said something that got James to shoot him a lighthearted stink-eye. I'm glad my friend caught that moment.

Here's the official new family photo. No stink eye involved.

Pummelos. Our family's favorite citrus fruit. It's only in our grocery stores for a short time, so we've been enjoying it a lot lately.

We finally disassembled our 3D globe puzzle to be put back together another day.

Alex put together some winter break activity kits for kids. He sold some to a couple families in the ward and I bought a couple for James and Matthew. They've REALLY enjoyed them. Here, Matthew is mixing peanut butter, butter, and chocolate chips to make muddy buddies. He's also done a Christmas scavenger hunt and invented his own board game. Any time he's bored, he just asks, "Can I do something from my kit?"

We adjusted chores a little at home. Here, Matthew is vacuuming out the van. Like his earmuffs? Those are a recent acquisition due to Alex. Alex believes he is on the autism spectrum. He insisted, therefore, that his sensory issues were far too extreme to allow for regular chores like vacuuming (noise) and hand washing dishes (texture/moisture). He also insisted that his people-free time in his room was far too precious to sacrifice for chores that would be less demanding on his sensory system (loading/unloading the dishwasher, mopping, cleaning a bathroom). I held the line, though, and agreed that it was a genuinely difficult decision to make. I said he could take a few days to make the decision. At that point, he let out a huge, exasperated sigh and said, "Fine. Just give me vacuuming." I purchased the hardware ear muffs to reduce the noise level. Matthew looooooves them. Alex tried them and excitedly told me, "The white noise from the vacuum and the sound dampening from the ear muffs made it so I could think straight with real words for the first time in a long time!"

We had a pretty heavy frost the other day and James collected a bunch of it from outside and made the "first snowball of the season"!

Alex and his shoulder buddy, Peanut, with a new shoulder gnome. Thanks, Heidi, for the ornaments! We love them!

Another activity from his winter break kit: microwave popcorn from scratch! Matthew mixed some popcorn kernels and oil, put them in a brown lunch bag, and microwaved it to perfection.

Here's a little photo display I put together for our family's 20th birthday: one photo of our family from each year 2001-2021 :)

Today, Matthew and James took every single blanket in the house and put it under the card table. Then they brought in pillows and built cushion walls. They've been "digging around" in the blankets like moles. Matthew gave me a "tour" by digging down into the blankets, moving over a little, and popping up in another place he called his kitchen or living room or bathroom. Robert added another layer of cushions so thick that I could barely hear the boys playing under there.

James surprised me again today. He asked if he could spend some of his own money to buy little bottles of sparkling apple cider at the dollar store. I groaned, but had the time and opportunity, and complied. It turns out, he didn't want them for himself. He actually bought them to put in other people's stockings. Everyone except himself. And then, when he realized that Christmas would fall on chore day this week, he secretly did one of Matthew's chores for him. James is amazing. I don't give him enough credit for those choices.

 

What they bring

You may have noticed a tapering off of blog entries. It's not for any lack of things to blog about, but Alex and Robert are getting old enough that there is less and less that I can comfortably share about them in the public arena. I try to respect their privacy. Also, my experiences are far more personal and spiritual and complex these days, especially when it comes to Alex, so it's difficult to compose them into neat blog posts with descriptive titles. It's difficult to be descriptive enough AND respect everyone's privacy AND revisit such powerful experiences when there isn't a clear conclusion at the end. Hence, I've been journaling a lot more than blogging lately :) I will gladly chat with folks about these things in person, though.

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I've been thinking lately about what each child brings to our family:

Alex brings confidence and laughter and ridiculousness.

Robert brings curiosity and tenacity and honesty.

James brings creativity and generosity and flexibility.

Matthew brings love and playfulness and social glue.

 

Love it!

Here is James' 3rd grade photo, complete with funny t-shirt and crazy hair. He actually combs his hair up into spikes after each bath to get that effect. It's a little long, though, so it deflates by the middle of the day *sigh* but you get the general idea here :)

His t-shirt reads, "I've got your back," and it's one stick man holding another stick man's back, which is simply a straight line, and the other stick man only has a head, arms, and legs. It reflects James' slightly sarcastic, slightly witty, and slightly dark sense of humor perfectly.

Matthew is 7!

(Matthew's Covid test yesterday was negative, he's feeling better, but he's getting kinda wheezy in the lungs so we're keeping an eye on him. No asthma-related ER visits in over a year! Wheeeeee!)

Matthew turned 7 this month! I can't believe he's still aging. He'll always, always, always be the youngest kid...and possibly the smallest?...is that why it amazes me every time he gets older or taller? I want to share his first ever school photo with you. It's fun:

It captures so much and so little of him all at once. 

What is Matthew like these days? He's a cheerful, sensitive, warm kind of fellow who likes stories, playing cooperative imaginary games with his siblings, and cute little stuffed animals.

Matthew is a bit of a softy. He'll give you a good deal on a trade or let you choose the next game just to make you happy. He's willing to play along with almost anything. His feelings are bruised easily, even by something as innocuous as a prolonged stare in his direction, but he's also quick to laugh.

He's excited about learning new things. He's proud of his reading ability and is no longer satisfied with the shortest verse during family scripture study. He's conscientious about following rules/expectations wherever he is. He doesn't like practicing the piano, but he loves being able to play new songs by the end of the week. He asks questions, poses theories, and invents experiments like the rest of his nerdy clan. He's mastered UNO and Go Fish. Yesterday, he attempted Phase 10. It was frustrating and slow until Alex joined his team, but he was good natured about it. He's attempted Jenga, Yahtzee, and Parcheesi, too, with mixed results. I think he's always willing to try something new as long as he gets to hang out with people he likes.

He can't help but dance when there's a beat. He's always in the mood for a playful wrestle or chase game, but not a competitive one. And he's crazy flexible.

 Matthew has developed some physical and behavioral tics. Like Alex and Robert, he shares the "balanced/unbalanced" compulsion I had as a kid. And, like Alex and Robert, the tics keep changing and don't seem to interfere with regular life, so they don't worry me too much. He went through a mouth noise phase that was only annoying because it bothered Robert so much :( I wish Robert remembered how many of his tics we've patiently endured, noisy and/or gross as they were. Sigh. Sometimes Matthew needs to do something or say something 2 or 4 times to feel "even" and sometimes he needs to do it 1, 3 or 5 times to feel "uneven". Kinda depends on the phase. He's pretty "no nonsense" about it, though, and often satisfies the balance compulsion quietly.

I recently started staying with Matthew during his individual prayers at bedtime. At first, it was the same 3 things he would pray for every night: help me have good dreams, help me not be homesick at school, help Mommy get better. Even with him having to say the words 2 or 3 times for balance, it didn't take long. Then, as we continued the habit, his prayers got longer and more elaborate and more detailed: please make the lunch order 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, please help me not have bad dreams, and help me have good dreams, and help me remember my dreams, thank you that I'm not homesick at school any more, thank you that Mom is feeling better, please help me not get sick, please can I have a good day tomorrow. And then, just the last week or so, he started adding things like, "I like talking to you, it's like talking to Mom" "I don't want to end my prayer," and "I wish I could see you." I don't mind the length of his prayers, even when he has to repeat some lines 6 times, because his requests are honest and earnest. I always feel the Spirit. 

He's also pretty defensive around his pumpkin pie...

I love you, Matthew! Thanks for giving our family a chance :)

Covid is Close and Other Snippets

3 kids on Robert's school team tested positive for Covid in the last week. 2 kids from James' classroom, too, tested positive in the same amount of time. Add that to the 2 families who attended church while unknowingly infected with Covid in the last month, and I'm actually feeling like possible infection from this disease is closer than it's ever been. 

I'm not panicking, but Matthew is. I can't blame the little guy. Covid has so far mutilated a third of his childhood. He's kinda high strung already, so even the *idea* that Robert *might* have asymptomatic Covid sent Matthew into emotional overload. He was screaming and crying and wailing that our lives would be ruined forever. That Robert might die. That we'd all get sick. The shame and terror of that scenario was too much for him.

We all tested negative this week.

The youngest three boys received their first dose of the vaccine 10 days ago. Yay!

Matthew has since developed congestion, a runny nose, and cough. Here we go again. Might be Covid, probably not. Getting him tested tomorrow either way.

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I've been going to the YMCA a few mornings a week to exercise. It's been really, really good for me. The last couple times, I've run into people I know from church, which makes it more meaningful. I'm not terribly close to any of them, but it's nice to run into people I know. I've missed that. 

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Last night, our Relief Society President was in a musical at the Virginia Theater. I went with a group of women from church. Again, it felt so familiar and so foreign to be out with people. I enjoyed the music more than I thought I would. One soloist in the performance moved me to tears and I suddenly remembered the magic of live performances done well :) 

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Bobby and I attended Alex's high school fall musical last week. Alex had two small speaking parts and lots of singing and dancing as part of the Ensemble. He did really well! He looked energetic and happy up there on stage. In his element. He looooooved it when a costuming mistake allowed him to ham things up and get a laugh from the audience. 

Now that the musical is over, he's been hanging out at our house again, cracking jokes, practicing his "gentle parenting" techniques on siblings, and baking up a storm. His orange cream puffs were diviiiiiiiiine *sigh*. 

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Robert has been programming simple video games on Scratch. He spends a lot of time figuring out the math that allows him to program more realistic physics into his games. Seriously, this kid blows my mind. And he shares his ah-ha moments with me at the strangest times...like...whenever they pop into his head. Last week, I'm reading bedtime stories to James and Matthew when Robert asks if he can come into their room for a second. "Sure," I say, thinking it's a quick reminder or snippet he wants to share with me before going to bed. Nope. He launches into a very detailed explanation of the code he had to develop to simulate the momentum of a loaded jet pack. 

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In school last week, James told his music teacher that he plays the piano. She asked him if he'd like to play for them sometime. He said YES! Can you believe it?! My terribly quiet and shy son volunteered to PERFORM in front of PEERS. I don't get it. The very next day, he brought his piano books to school and played the two pieces he was working on for his lesson that week. He said they clapped for him and he was happy about the experience. He doesn't like to practice, but he likes it when he's finally learned a piece. I know the feeling very, very well ;)