Refreshment

Last night was a surprise. Bobby and I were supposed to drop off the kids at a friend's house and whisk ourselves away on a date night. It had been one of my worst mommying days in a long time. The kids took turns whining and/or crying. Neither child slept as long as he/she needed. Neither child felt happy about the food choices presented. Neither child could get a satisfactory amount of attention from me. Both struggled, fought, and collapsed in frustration on the floor throughout the day despite having friends over a while, a new craft to work on, and new toys rotated out of the garage. I didn't understand it, I just endured. I looked forward to that date night as a blessed escape, a refreshment, a restart button. Unfortunately, a catastrophically timed deluge of snot and coughing rendered our friends inoperable the whole day (So sorry for you guys. Get well soon.). My friend offered that afternoon to pay for a different babysitter and I declined for several reasons.

Here's one:

When I heard my friend couldn't watch our kids anymore, I felt relief and consternation. Consternation made sense, especially since I was feeling particularly drained that day. The relief surprised me, though. Apparently, date night stresses me out a little. Go figure. Adding the dynamic of a new babysitter to the mix was only stressing me out more, so I decided to call off the date. Suddenly, I felt a little better.

I finished our scheduled day and got home soon after Bobby did. We took the kids outside to ride bikes in the driveway while we figured out our options for the evening. Playing together helped a little more. I had a couple quick grocery errands to run and we decided to do them together as a family. That was the biggest surprise of the evening. Alice's mood improved, Robert lightened up (he's strangely insecure when either parent is away), and we had a jolly time chatting and looking around and helping each other. I could laugh again. I could be silly again. Alice even wanted to carry some of the groceries (she doesn't do that on our weekly shopping trips). Anyway, bedtime went smoothly and Bobby and I watched a movie together in the peaceful post-bedtime bliss. That was refreshment.

All day, I thought I had wanted an escape from the stress, but what I actually needed was a resolution of the stress. I needed to see my family happy again. I needed to feel better about my kids and myself as a mom. Escape wasn't the answer.

Don't get me wrong. A well-timed escape can be perfectly refreshing. I use breaks all the time (sweet, sweet quiet time *sigh*). Date nights and one-on-one time with Bobby are also important parts of my happiness balance. Last night, however, I needed something else. An eternal escape couldn't have refreshed me so much as 20 minutes of healing. That crazy day of insecurity and frustration just melted away. Refreshing.