New Year!

I don't usually make any resolutions on January 1st. At that point in the year, it still feels like the thick of winter and I'm off-kilter from the holidays. I'm not ready for change or rebirth.

This year, especially, with depression/anxiety being such a new experience for me, I had detached myself from many of my routines: at the start of January, Matthew was in 5-day preschool, I still had meals delivered to my house every week, and I didn't even want to look at a seed catalog. I needed these breaks early on, but by the end of the month, I found myself more than once in a "nothing to do" haze. I felt unmotivated. I had a long talk with myself. It was time to let go of the helps and take on more life.

I met with my therapist on Monday and we talked about this change. She mentioned something that I didn't think much of at the moment, but has become more interesting since. She said that after an illness, there's a period of time when you are well enough to function again, but not quite back to the way you were before. It's been 7 weeks since my first official panic attack. Crisis mode ended some time ago, and I've been in a bit of a haze/transition for a couple weeks. When the therapist likened this feeling to healing after an infection, it reminded me of something profound a midwife told me 2 weeks after my c-section with Matthew, "Feel free to act like a normal person."

So, while I don't feel like making resolutions for January 1st, there is another time of year when I feel a natural pull to start over and make goals for myself: Lunar New Year (spring). And I find it interesting that my decision to take on more life coincided pretty much with the Lunar New Year yesterday. It's the year of the pig, which is huge for Alice, turning 12 and all. And it's a meaningful new year for me, too, with so much growth happening right now. I wouldn't have celebrated the day much if our friends hadn't had us over for some LNY food and fun :) I'm glad we did celebrate it, though, because this is an important turning point for me. This week, especially:

My friend and I signed up to run a sprint triathlon in May. I've gone back to the gym for the first time in 9 MONTHS and it feels so good. I've lost stamina and cardio fitness, of course, but I'm still better off than when I started this whole tri thing last year. That feels good, too.

I contacted the farm and asked if there was any early season work I could do. John said yes! I got to work a bit this morning and they will begin seeding next week for their annual plant sale.

Matthew went back to 3-day preschool this week.

No more meal deliveries, starting this week.

I've roughly planned out my backyard garden. Nothing too extravagant. Just the veggies we know and love. 

So, it's a lot for one week. I know some of you are worried about that (I'm looking at you, Mom). But it's all stuff I've done before, and none of it is as intense as I've managed before. I'm getting into it slowly :)

Now to some recent photos...

Enjoying the one of the first warm days of the year at Meadowbrook Park!

Alice's first unsupervised attempt at flour tortillas.

Family Movie Night at the school. We got there WAY too early, but had pretty good seats.

Bored, bored, bored waiting to check out at the grocery store.

James' new bed is a doozy. He's so happy.

The ice sheet soccer field at the kids' school recently.

Another series of routine dental cleanings and exams. No cavities. For anyone. Seriously, guys, the longer we go without a cavity, the more tense I get. Who will be the first?!

Snow day at the indoor aquatic center

Matthew's weekend with "Freddy the Traveling Teddy"

James and Robert found both sets of toy handcuffs and went to town on each other.