Susan's thoughts on Alice's recital practice

*sigh*

I'm looking forward to Alice's first official piano recital. So is she. It's hard to know, though, what part of the whole thing she's looking forward to most. Is it the performance itself? The gracious applause? Or the abundance of sweet treats waiting at the end? I'm curious to see how she handles the pressure. I'm dying to chat with her afterwards about how she felt it went...will she be disappointed? embarrassed? inspired? energized?

This whole recital business has been pretty educational for me, too. It brings out the darker side of my mommy life. Most people don't know how terrifically competitive I can be. I'm a sore loser and kind of a jerk regardless of where I rank in the end. I don't like that part of me, so I try to avoid competitive situations. Having children live and work and compete in the real world has been an interesting journey for me. I'm learning to let go and enjoy in many cases, but poor Alice just keeps growing into NEW situations that push me a little farther than I'm ready for.

That said, here are the most surprising/educational feelings I've had on the recital issue:

1) I found myself a little annoyed that Alice has mastered more technically complex and more aesthetically pleasing pieces of music than "Nephi's Courage" (the piece Bobby just caught on video for you), and yet "Nephi's Courage" has been selected as one of two pieces for her to perform. The other piece is more complex and aesthetically pleasing, but she's had it practically memorized for a month. I caught myself thinking, "Couldn't she have worked on something MORE complex and showy in that time? Now people won't know how good she REALLY is!" As if showing off was the point of a recital.

2) I'm going to be taking mental notes on the ages and skill level of every other student in the recital. I'm going to try and fit Alice with a rank. A totally pointless and meaningless rank. It's a stupid exercise, I know, but it's going to take a lot of effort to keep myself from doing it.

3) Alice is embarrassed when we take movies of her playing the piano. She can't stand to watch or listen to the movie Bobby just posted, and she can't quite tell us why. I wish I knew more about this. I'll ask her again, but I'm hoping her behavior at the performance tomorrow night will shed some light on the matter.

4) I keep having flashbacks to a few of my own piano recitals. I can't remember how old I was. The treats were important to me. The room full of smiling strangers made me nervous. I didn't care a whit how technically complex or aesthetically pleasing my selected pieces were.