That Didn't Take Long

Matthew's 3rd day of preschool: I've got a new groove.

Sure, I miss the little guy, but as I went grocery shopping this morning, I did not miss the bundling, buckling, persuasion, coercion, denial, back-and-forth, begging, and complaints about the cold, the length of the errand, or how long I would or would not hold him during said errand.

I was free.

I was a little lonely, but not craving the company of a 3 or 5 yo "helper." I was in a really good mood. The strangest thing was, I was in such a habit of talking to someone constantly while I shopped that I found myself tempted to interact with random strangers and employees as I walked by, "That's quite the pallet of cheese you've got there" "What a lovely slice of pineapple" "I love that brand of baby wipes"

Totally. not. normal.

I repressed the urges.

After some grocery shopping, I met with the director of Sola Gratia Farm. She let me know about their goals and outreach programs. They are a mission-led farm, dedicated to helping the most vulnerable members of our community gain access to fresh, healthy, sustainably-grown produce. I knew they donated 30% of their produce to the foodbank and supplied a major soup kitchen in town, but they've recently experimented with all SORTS of things to bring fresh food to folks who don't have much. They set up a farm stand at the public health office. No joke! People would pay what they could for the same produce that would sell at the Farmer's Market for hundreds of dollars. Families could pick up WIC vouchers for farmer's market produce and spend them right there in the lobby without having to go to another place on another day. Volunteers from Sola Gratia borrowed a camper/RV thing from another public agency and set up a market stand outside a Dollar Tree store in an economically depressed neighborhood. By the end of the summer, there were people waiting in line for that RV every morning when they arrived.

A local hospital, Carle, teamed up with the U of I Extension Office to provide recent refugee families with a 12-week course in food, nutrition, and cooking using this farm's CSA shares. That's where the director discovered a demand for Jerusalem artichokes (sunchokes) that was totally unmet in C-U. So, sunchokes are on the planting roster for this fall.

Anyway, I was really impressed with the efforts of this farm to not only produce high quality produce in a sustainable way, but to connect with people in the community and improve lives through good food. They have a solid base of volunteers who help with everything.

The director felt my dietetics/nutrition background could be put to good use teaching people how to cook with less familiar vegetables (okra, turnips, eggplant) and how to add more vegetables to their plates. I would be working with the farm's volunteers in the community, not the CSA clients or farmer's market folks. Sounds great on paper, but immediately I started thinking of reasons why I can't do this:

• Even with a degree in that stuff, I feel completely inadequate. I don't think about food like most people do. I'm an outlier. Nobody else I know spends 2 hours a week planning their menu and grocery list. Most people think about dinner 30 minutes before they want to eat it, and they don't start with a green vegetable in mind.
• I'm afraid of strangers. Being in public, on display, next to a pile of vegetables, handing out nutrition info and recipes to perfect strangers waiting for an appointment is akin to my worst nightmare. This could probably change with repeated exposure. But man, what a journey.
• I would want to know more about my target population before developing handouts and recipes. Maybe I wouldn't be afraid to talk to people about the foods they like to prepare and the veggies they normally eat. Maybe I could do some research first?

People stress me out, but they're also my greatest source of connection and community and belonging.

And what's the point of growing nourishing food if you don't get to share it with people?

I want to learn the field stuff, but I think I could benefit from the people stuff, too. Best case, I find a meaningful, fulfilling use of my time and talents. Worst case, exposure therapy for my greatest fears.

I told the director that I was really hoping to do farm hand stuff, and that I would have applied as a farm hand proper if my schedule were more regular. She told me they are expanding by 2 acres this season and planning to hire several farm hands in the next couple months. Greenhouse work starts in March. A regular schedule is helpful, but not absolutely required. She gave me a copy of the listing and encouraged me to apply.

Could I do this? Could I really do this job this year? Gotta think about it. A lot. And talk it over with my family.

I've given myself at least a week to think about it before writing back to the director. Farm hand applications are due soon. The trickiest bit is summer childcare. If I get the job, $9 an hour won't come close to paying for half-day camps for 4 kids all summer. But Alice will be in college before I can leave Matthew home without a sitter! Blah blah blah. My brain hurts. Gonna shelf this a bit and come back later.