Just Too Much

I hit another rough patch with this summer thing. I go and go and go all day doing fun things, planning the next fun things, cleaning up from the last fun thing, and bouncing kids to and from all their activities. We're checking off all kinds of lists: summer reading programs, mom time, regular physical activity, healthy meals, regular family scripture study and prayer, keeping up with the kids' chores, and cramming in all the usual fun summer things like chasing fireflies, putting a slip-n-slide in the front yard, gardening, grilling, making blanket forts, touring around with out-of-town guests, and spending lots of time together.

So why am I unhappy?! Why do I feel like I suddenly stink at this mom-of-four thing? Why do I feel my energy drained the moment I wake up in the morning? Why am I begging for summer to be over?

Is it because I don't like my kids anymore?

Well, I don't like their bickering. And sometimes they drive me crazy as they're still figuring out needs from wants and rights from privileges and they are constantly toeing that fine line between being honest and being mean.

(Especially Robert lately. I am not fond of this phase. Sleepaway summer camp sounds SO good right now. I might even ship him off to his grandparents' if they weren't both serving missions at the moment.)

*sigh*

But that's growing up. That's parenting. I signed up for that. Those life skills are stinking hard to learn, and not very fun, but I do love to see my kids figuring this out. It's just a lot to take on all four kids going through their own life stages simultaneously.

There are things I observed and loved this week about each child. And I could easily wax sentimental about how I love them in general. I think I'm good in the "loving my kids" department. Do I like them, though? Hm...yeah. I think I do. I'd like them more, though, if I didn't have to play referee as often ;)

So then, am I unhappy because we're over scheduled?

Perhaps.

No, very possible.

No, if I'm being honest with myself, over scheduling is probably the majority of my difficulty. Over scheduling PLUS the concomitant lack of sleep. There's currently no space in the day for all the things in life that don't normally get scheduled: housekeeping, making dinner, downtime, spontaneous outings, and RECHARGE activities. Oh, how I need recharge time.

My recharge activities are typically: working on the farm, blogging, bringing order to physical disorder, pulling weeds, walking/talking/connecting with a friend, a giant pile of cooked veggies to eat for lunch/dinner, and being alone in my own house to work on projects of my choosing.

I've also realized that I'm happier with unstructured time between scheduled activities. Ebb and flow. My lists are endless, the kids' demands are endless, but I can manage it all better when it comes in waves instead of fire hose force.

So, what will I do? How can I bring these recharging activities back into my life with 4 kids at home? I look at my calendar and think, "What can I possibly cut?!"

I think it starts with recognizing when I'm spending more energy than I have. And allowing my kids to get bored or my to-do list to get longer while I pulls weeds or walk with a friend or post some pictures to the blog.

Speaking of which, here is a whirlwind tour of the last little while:

Slip-n-Slide

Enormous bubbles

More enormous bubbles

Blanket fort #3. They slept in this one, or a variation thereof, for almost a week.

Touring with out-of-town guests. We spent the night in a nautical-themed tree house in the middle of a 10-acre forest about 10 minutes from Nauvoo, IL. Pretty cool.

One of my favorite out-of-town guests: my sister Heather.

Summer schedules can be exhausting. I love that he fell asleep with his legs crossed.

 Very close to a giant pile of cooked veggies ;). This meal made me happy and I just had to take a picture of it. On the bottom is artisan bread, toasted, sporting a thin layer of goat cheese (yeah, it's worth the gut pain). Then a layer of sauteed shiitake mushrooms (thyme, olive oil, white wine, broth), and topped with runny-yolked fried eggs and browned zucchini. It's the perfect blend of tastes and textures that just pushes all of my buttons. Dude. I love this.

I'm glad I sorted this out a bit. And I have a plan to make things better. Not a moment too soon, either. The kids have been out of school for a month. Two months to go.