Unexpected Feeling

I've been going through my blog, prepping it for printing into a book. There's a website that does it pretty easily, as long as you're not too picky, and I'm certainly not picky about this. So far, I've got 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, and I just finished 2010 last week.

Robert was born in 2010. 

I eagerly clicked onto 2009, ready to dive into that year, and I discovered an uncomfortable feeling. Why would I feel uncomfortable about a year of my life that I thoroughly enjoyed living through? I stopped working on the project for a bit.

It's taken me a week to figure it out.

I realized today that I was feeling sadness and loss. I was reading all those blog posts about my life with a toddler Alice, and instantly missing the Alice that I have come to know since. I missed Robert and James and Matthew. I was a little sad thinking about a life that didn't include these people I love so dearly.

So, I wonder how I will feel about these days I'm living now when I know these crazy people as adults...and parents...and whatever else they make of their lives. Will I long for the noise and constant bumping up against so many lives in one house? Or will I love the people they have become so much that the life I'm living now will feel a little empty?

Probably both. Just my luck.

Just rediscovered this little beauty of a photo from before any kids joined our family. I still have bangs, so we must be newlyweds still living in Salt Lake City and visiting Bobby's parents in this picture. Cuh-rae-zee.