Volunteering and Inequalities

The 4th grade won the Penny Wars PTA fundraiser with a whopping score of 15,000 points. Second place was only 8,000 points. They had a solid strategy and pulled through. James was pleased, though a little let down to learn that his grade would have won even without a generous contribution from his own money coffers. All the 4th grade classes will get pizza parties and the PTA will get $1100 to fund field trips, give out birthday books, put on family nights, feed and support teachers during parent-teacher conferences, and provide meals/childcare at PTA meetings. 

I've been volunteering at the school for the 4th and 5th grade Battle of the Books. I may have told you about this already. There's a specific list of 24 books that kids all over the country read for this, then they compete in teams to answer True/False questions or "In which book..." questions for points. I'm the adult for James' team. On our team, there's one kid who reads chapter books before breakfast, one kid who can barely read a few words at a time, and the rest are somewhere in between. We meet once a month during school to review books and do practice competitions. It's been fun getting to know the kids on my team. There's one kid who struggles to pay attention, but is all puppy love and enthusiasm. There's another who is sharp and confident and consistent. There's another who's confident and arrogant. And there are few quiet kids in the mix, including James, who hang back until they know the answer to the question and then speak up. At the end of our practice yesterday, James said, "It's strange how all the kids on our team like you." 

I did a double take, "Huh? I mean, L was really huggy today, but is there anyone that kid doesn't love?" 

"Yeah, okay, but it's not like 'ugh, here's an adult we have to deal with'. They talk to you and tell you stuff."

I thought that was pretty normal behavior for a group of 9-11 year olds, but to James it was a novelty. I wonder how that came to be. Am I supposed to be uncool? I figure as long as my child is excited to see me at school, then their peers probably think it's pretty cool, too?? Matthew's class is CRAZY excited to have parents at school.

Today will be my first day volunteering for the 4th and 5th grade play. I never could or would have volunteered for these sorts of things when Alex and Robert were this age. I had two little kids at home back then! I volunteered for things I could do from home (e.g. writing Battle of the Books questions) but there weren't many of those opportunities. Now, I can come and go more freely. I have emotional/mental space for more things outside of my home...during school hours anyway :)

I also realized this week that piano practice for the older kids was very different from piano practice for James and Matthew. Alex and Robert needed 6 practices a week in order for their chores to be "done". If they didn't have all of them done by the time chores were due, they would have to do the rest on chore day. Once, Robert had to do a quadruple practice. He got much better at being consistent after that. Matthew and James, however, don't have that requirement. Most of that is their teacher. Skousen was very particular about 6 practices a week and had a check-off sheet and everything. McNabb, not so much. Much more laid back. Totally not equal. James and Matthew aren't learning piano as well nor as fast as the older two did. Also not equal.

And Robert and Alex were making their own school lunches in 4th grade because we had so much going on with the little kids in the morning it just made sense. Robert was/is also pretty rigid about what goes into his lunches and how. He probably would have to make his own lunches in 4th grade even if he were an only child.

Chores for the older kids were pretty weak for a long time. Once the older kids needed bigger chores, the little kids got the easier ones at much younger ages than Alex or Robert ever did. That's one disadvantage to being younger. Matthew has scrubbed more toilets than ANY of the older kids.

Walking to and from school...the bigger kids did it without me. Anine (a neighbor) walked them when James was born, Bobby walked then when James started preschool, then they walked themselves a couple years until Covid. Now, after Covid, Matthew and James get walked to school every day by me or Bobby (weather permitting). And I walked them home, too, until just recently. 

Alex and Robert have had their own rooms since Matthew was old enough to share with James. Matthew and James will continue to share until Alex moves out.

Breakfast has changed a lot, too. The older kids got a hot or prepared breakfast most days of the week. Why? I was already awake with the baby and I wanted a hot breakfast. There was always time for it. Now, however, I get to "sleep in" until 6:30 and I really prefer a breakfast shake these days. I only make hot breakfasts on weekends and holidays.

Quiet Time. I'm pretty sure Matthew only did quiet time until he stopped napping. The older kids likely have lots of stories about quiet time that Matthew will never relate to.

Staying "out" after bedtime. Our family does pajamas, scriptures, and prayer starting at 7pm. All of our kids get to stay up as long as they like after that as long they stay in their room and don't cause anyone any trouble. Since Alex and Robert are older, they get to "stay out" an hour longer than James and Matthew. This is something the younger kids will never, ever get to experience. There will NEVER be younger kids than them who have to stay in their room. "Staying out" will never be a privilege or special alone time with the adults. 

I'm sure there are oodles of inequalities my kids will bring to my attention as our family continues to age. Families can't help but be unequal. People change. Kids grow up. Each person has their own struggles and comforts. I wouldn't want it to be the exact same for all of them. Or me. I wish I could know if it was balanced, though.