Still figuring out this fourth kid thing. I went to church with the three older kids today, leaving Matthew home with my mom. It was not the kids' best church day. I was glad I didn't have Matthew to manage on top of it all. Driving home early (to swap my mom), I realized that I'm not yet convinced I can handle all four. I'm in over my head. Not a pleasant feeling.
My mom then left to go to church. I was alone with Matthew. I can handle Matthew, gassy belly and all. My mom brought all the kids home from church and James had fallen asleep in the car. We nuked some leftovers for lunch and the two oldest ate. They played. Matthew woke up to eat and I told the older kids to start quiet time. Everything went smoothly...because James was out of the picture. So, I realized that Alice and Robert weren't the major source of my anxiety. Their needs don't often conflict with Matthew's demands, especially when they have each other to play with.
No, it turns out that the major source of my anxiety with four children is James. Sweet little James. I can handle any combination of three kids as long as James and Matthew aren't grouped together. It's helpful to realize that, actually, because it means I'm not in over my head ALL of the time, just some of the time. James' needs are very hands-on. James wants me, and me only, to work with him on everything (eating, dressing, diapering, bedtime, reading, buckling, outings). That kind of attention doesn't mesh well with a baby right now.
So, what does this mean? I don't know. It just feels good to have the problem better-defined :)
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I totally understand your anxiety, and my baby isn't even here yet. I successfully managed church yesterday without Jake, and that was a big confidence boost. I don't know what I will do with a baby though, because I will quickly run out of hands and J & E need to be handled. I hope baby gumdrop likes the front carrier, because that is where he is going to live for a while. And Matthew will get bigger and James will get bigger and more independent. This isn't forever, for good and ill.
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