James is 5!

How did that happen?!

Wow.

James and Matthew posing with the birthday cake

He had been talking about it for at least a month. His wish list and special birthday requests kept changing. I was not worried. I was thrilled to make his cake this year, which he described to me like this:

"I want a cactus cake with Darth Vader and a Storm Trooper standing on it and saying, "What the heck?!"

Ta-da!

The name thing was an add-on.

It took two days to make, but James was an integral helper and we were both pleased with the end product.

He also wanted a friend party. Hm. I don't like friend parties. I limit them to once every four years for EACH child (ages 4, 8, 12, and 16). He didn't want one at age 4, or I would have said "no" outright this year. I just don't like friend parties. And I didn't really like this one, either, but James did, and that's the most important part, right? He invited 3 friends. He prepared 3 games. He wanted cake first. Easy! It was pretty much a play date. With screaming and running. Lots of screaming and running.

Never mind that James and one of his guests licked most of the frosting off the cake when I wasn't looking. It was after the candle blowing, of course. The covert operation took place towards the end of the party.

Never mind that I took two minutes to use the bathroom and one of his guests ran out the front door in search of an adult to take her home.

Never mind that the party took up all of quiet time and Alice and Robert were devastated that there was no clean birthday cake leftover for them to enjoy when they got back from school.

Never mind that I've been putting off this blog post until I could write about it without screaming in frustration :)

If I could do James' birthday over again, I would have spent that time with him going places and doing things he wanted to do: library, park, pool, McDonald's for lunch, snuggle on the couch with a movie. It's the quality time that I look forward to on special holidays, not the parties. But then, had we done it my way, it would have been the birthday I wanted, not necessarily the birthday he wanted.

Ah, well, his next friend party is in 2020. I should be recovered by then ;) just as long as Robert's 8th (2018), Matthew's 4th (2018), and Alice's 12th (2019) don't kill me first.

Oh, James, I dearly love you. You are the one I think about the most these days. I spend a lot of energy trying to decipher your motivations and maintain the boundaries we've set. You also happen to be the child most attached to me, and you listen to me better than you listen to anyone else, which makes an interesting give and take all day, every day. You cling to me like an octopus when it's time to go to preschool or Primary, but you're almost always the first to wander off in public spaces. You explore. You imagine. You create. You try out your ideas, even if you know they might get you in trouble.

You read your siblings like a book and know exactly which buttons to push to create your very own fireworks display. Robert falls for it every time. EVERY time. But I think he does it on purpose sometimes because you guys have crazy, loud fun chasing each other around the house. You play rough, but the laughter is genuine. I love to see you play together. Even if it's loud. And even if it ends in tears. Half the time, you're the one crying. Half the time, it's Robert. I think those are pretty even odds.

I wonder if you will ever share a room with any of your siblings ever again.

I wonder how you'll adjust to kindergarten next year. Will you hate it? Love it? Cling to me? Run away? Make friends? Maybe a little of everything.

I look at your eyes...that impish grin...those dimples that mean mischief is afoot...and I wonder where you will take this life of yours.

I love to pull you close. I love to make you laugh. I love to hear your ideas for bringing dinosaurs back or stealing all the money in the world or catching the monsters that you blame for everything you don't understand.

You, dear James, are one kid I haven't figured out yet. Sometimes I feel like I'm standing on a cactus with Darth Vader and a Storm Trooper saying, "What the heck?!" Happy birthday, dude. I am so, so glad we have each other.

James looking at me, not the photographer ;)