Minor Adjustment

I quit the farm early this season. Bittersweet. 

For the last few weeks, I wasn't looking forward to my time there. I love what I learn while I'm at the farm. Every time. But lately, it wasn't recharging me like it had in the past. It just made my work at home harder, somehow. Like I was putting one life on hold to enjoy the other. I didn't completely figure this out until I was talking to my good friend Marie on the phone. She and I often talk about balance, making time and space for oneself in the midst of all life's demands. I realized that I had two lives I was trying to live in one: 1) the mom I want to be and 2) the individual person I want to be. I had put a lot of time recently into #2 and it was making #1 much more difficult. I felt like I was failing at both. So, it was time for an adjustment.

I gave up the farm so I could be present for my kids every morning of the week while they are doing remote learning. Especially with James' teacher, there is no understanding exactly what she wants without attending each class period and keeping track of every stray statement that comes out of her mouth. I'm hoping this will change with the new teacher. Fingers crossed. I've also been able to spend more focused time on helping the kids with their 2.5 hours of after-school homework. Sometimes it goes well, sometimes there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth. I cannot predict it. I cannot influence it. I can only set enforceable boundaries and ride the wave of emotion. It's easier for me to deal with this stuff when I'm not trying to be anything else but 1) the mom I want to be.