Pride Cycling

I shared this story with my virtual cycling team, but I wanted to post it again here. Unresolved feelings. I'm struggling to feel grateful for the man's offer of help...

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I've got a story for you:

I go for a long ride yesterday afternoon about 3pm. It's bright and hot so I leave all my extra lights and visibility gear at home. Whoops. The sun sets at 4:40. I'm 7-8 miles from home. I still have my little flashy safety lights on, but the tail light stays running out of battery (argh!!). I'm 2 miles from home on an isolated country road, a little worried about the traffic I'll soon encounter as I ride into town, riding as fast as I feel is safe, when I come up to a 4 way stop where a car is waiting by itself for way too long. I get suspicious and swerve wide to pass it. The driver steps out of his car!! He calls to me, "Did you know your taillight isn't working?"

I slow down and stop a good distance from him. Who is this middle-aged white guy talking to me about bike safety?! I instinctively look at his clothes and car for subtle police markings. Nothing. Just a guy.

I pretend his pronouncement is news to me. Why? I don't know. Nerves. I ramble something about batteries. He asks, "Would you like me to follow behind with my lights on at least until you get to street lamps or something?"

I want to stop talking to this guy. I think I'll be fine. But he's talking with some kind of authority and this appears really important to him and it's no skin off my back and it might actually be a really good idea. So, I thank him repeatedly. He says something like, "I ride, too, so I know how dangerous this can be." Then I take off. Hard. Harder than I've ever ridden before. I'm being followed by an experienced rider who's going to know exactly how fast I'm going, and who's going to be watching my back for two miles. I follow all the rules I know. I push and push way more then I normally would on this stretch so close to home.

I wave at him when I hit street lights and a bike lane. I don't know exactly when he peels off, but he's not following me anymore when I turn into my neighborhood. 

I go inside my house and collapse. I feel like I'm going to barf. I pushed waaaaay too hard. Out of pride. The guy wants to do something nice and I turn it into a final exam. Ugh.

But I changed my taillight batteries and recharged my flashy front light. And I'll be better about timing afternoon rides in the future. Not because I actually felt I was in that much danger, but because I don't want anyone else stopping to try and help.