James

This week was the first time I had heard a male cardinal sing in months. Winter is truly coming to an end.

James is going through another little renaissance. I wanted to record these things here before I lost them forever :)

***

He's totally into fort-building. He'll take blankets and couch cushions and tables and cardboard boxes and turn any corner of any room into a real live fort. Then he'll furnish it with blankets and a lantern and spend time in there by himself or with Matthew. The other day, I found him plunking along on the ukulele in one of his forts. They make him happy.

***

James and Alice spent a lot of time creating a leprechaun trap in James' room before church. Alice pulled me aside and asked if she could sneak in after bedtime and make it look like they almost caught a leprechaun. She thought it would be fun for the little boys to wake up on Monday and see that a leprechaun had been there. It seemed a little "Santa" to me, but she was so stinkin' excited about it that I said yes. A little time after church, James came running out of his room shouting, "Something happened with the trap! Something happened! Come look!" Apparently, a leprechaun had come to the trap and got away. He left a note and everything. Alice's eyes got REALLY wide. She hadn't done it. James had. James!! She laughed, "Sheesh! He beat me to it!" Matthew was all excited. He currently knows leprechauns are not real, but they like to play tricks, and one tricked us on Sunday, March 3rd.

***

Most of James' socks are boring and indistinguishable. He has one pair, though, that looks like sharks are biting off his feet. He likes those a lot. I noticed yesterday, though, that he had been wearing that single pair of socks for a couple days and it was time for a change. I peeled them off his feet, much to his chagrin, and told him they needed to be washed, and I would wash them that day and he could wear them again soon, blah blah blah. Well, he wrangled them away from me and ran away. I got distracted with something else at that moment, but when I saw James again, he was, in fact, wearing a very boring, indistinguishable pair of black socks. Fast forward to the next day at bedtime and I see James peeling off his own socks...BOTH pairs...he had hidden his shark socks UNDERNEATH a pair of clean socks on his feet.

I called him out on it and he flashed his mischievous grin with those sparkling eyes (how does he DO that?!). Why do I love that look?! This time, it taught me something about myself...

I didn't really care about the shark socks. James' feet can stink to high heaven for all I care. How many times had he worn indistinguishable socks for a whole week and I never even noticed? Just these special ones caught my attention and I suddenly made a half-hearted attempt to do what I thought any other good mom would expect of her 6-year-old: clean socks. Have I ever asked that of any of my kids ever before? No. So, seeing that James had found a way to fly below my random-mom-insecurity-moment radar AND keep his favorite socks on for another day, I was impressed. I underestimate my kids all the time. This was a moment when I realized James was capable of more, and because it was over something I really, really didn't care that much about, James' single act of passive aggressiveness made me strangely happy. Clever boy.

***

Another aspect of James' personality seriously resonates with me: he does not like to be told what to do, and being nagged brings out the dragon in him. The weekday morning routine is very well established in our household. He knows what he needs to do, he knows when we want it done, and he knows exactly how long it takes him to do each task. That doesn't mean he DOES it at the moments we would like him to, but it does get done. The other morning, I thought it would be helpful to bark at James to get dressed, since time was running short. He stomped off to his room, obediently, and then shouted from his dresser, "I don't like to be bossed around!!" It was at that moment I realized again that I don't like to boss people around, either. And I told him, in a normal voice, in absolute genuine honesty, "And I don't like to boss you around." We looked at each other for a moment and I saw something click in his brain. His brow furrowed a moment. Was it understanding? Did he see I meant it?

This kid. This James. I get it. Soooooo middle kid. Soooooo focused on making his own choices and doing things in his own time frame.

***

He tells me he does not like to be recognized for doing good things for other people. For example, when he shares a limited resource or gives up the most coveted spot at family prayer to make someone else happy, if you smile and verbally praise him he gets all grouchy and lashes out and starts to pester other people. He literally told me NOT to recognize him for doing those things. Why? I don't know. But I remember feeling that way as a kid, too. It made me uncomfortable. I didn't want their praise. I didn't want the person to think I had done that for their praise.

James doesn't mind being praised for feats of excellence in other pursuits, though. Or for meeting a challenge you throw out at him. He set the dinner table the other day (gasp!) and loves to prove his strength by putting the couch bed away all by himself. When we give the kids the 5-minute choice for pajama time, half the time he'll dash off to get dressed and brush his teeth before the five minutes is up. The other half of the time, he is the very last to be ready.

***

One day this week, James was bent on earning money. He vacuumed the living room all by himself. Alice offered him money to take ukulele lessons from her. All his earnings went into his special wallet. Alice asked him what he was saving for (why didn't I think of that?!) and he confessed that he wanted to buy Alice a present for her birthday next week. My heart melted, but I knew I couldn't praise him for that. Instead, I got down to business and set up a time with him to go shopping. He already knows what he wants to get her: a bouquet of pretend red flowers.

***