Parent/Teacher Conferences

Matthew: From his preschool teacher Ms. Rohrer: "He's all sunshine and rainbows! Miss Julie and I are always saying, 'Gosh, if we could just bottle up Matthew and keep that attitude with us all the time!' He loves art and journal time. He really loved our recent segment on pets, especially the guinea pig. He plays with everyone. We're trying to help him stand up for himself more."

James: From his kindergarten teacher: "I should have told you not to come! I have NO concerns with this guy. He will do what is expected of him every time, whatever the standard. He has friends, and he's also completely comfortable working independently. He was a tough nut to crack at first, but now we're working really well together."

Robert: From his third grade teacher: "Robert has a really good group of friends. I loved seeing the look on his face when we covered something in math he hadn't learned about yet. And he seems to be getting more outgoing and confident, like a leader, and is comfortable explaining his reasoning to his whole class of peers."

Alice: From her math teacher and science teacher, "Alice is an angel. A real peach. She's bright and engaging and talkative. She participates in class discussions and works well with others. She's always offering to help and even the substitute teachers leave notes saying how helpful Alice was to them! She's strong. She tells us everything about her little brothers and her family and everything."

I also talked to Alice's social studies teacher (her favorite of all) and her band teacher. Alice is really, really open with her life and tells these teachers everything she is thinking. They all know about her recent bouts of anxiety and difficulty getting to sleep. They know everything I know about her. It's crazy. They love her, too. They know 6th grade has been rough for her and she's considering private school for the rest of middle school. And I'm glad they knew that, actually, because we could talk openly about her 6th grade experience and their ideas for how to make next year a better experience for her. I'm glad I talked to them about it. Especially these two teachers who really know Alice very well.

Her social studies teacher, Ms. Whobrey, mentioned that Alice is incredibly intelligent and sensitive and psychologically mature. She is taking in all this new information (social studies in particular...racism, freedom marches, sexism, peaceful protest, social change, a variety of perspectives on so many issues) and examining it with that intelligent, emotional mindset...but she's still only 11. These are big issues to be exposed to in such depth. When it comes to Alice's recent anxiety, it's never been one thought or event keeping her awake. It's just a general sense of unease and an inability to shut down to sleep. What Ms. Whobrey said resonated with me about Alice...maybe this recent difficulty is her trying to process complex social issues with 15-year-old reasoning and an 11-year-old brain. Conflict and strife and unclear boundaries have always made her uneasy. She's immersed in them right now...in the textbooks and in the halls at school.

Alice's band teacher, Ms. DeBauche, had something more to add that gave me reason to reconsider public school as the best option for Alice. She got to know Alice really well on a long, dark bus ride home from a recent Concert Band event. Alice was homesick and crying. Ms. DeBauche invited Alice to sit next to her and they talked for an hour. Alice poured out her soul, talking about everything, even her thoughts of going to private school for the rest of middle school because she's been so stressed and unhappy. Ms. DeBauche said back then that she doesn't want to lose Alice, or any students, and neither does UMS. She sent a note that night to the principal about Alice's concerns and encouraged me to meet with him. When I met with Ms. DeBauche this time, she assured me that the things that were hard for Alice now were changing for the better. She let me see that Alice actually loves music. Loves playing the flute. And I saw and felt how genuinely Ms. DeBauche cared for Alice. She is a cheerleader and advocate for her. I felt so grateful. And she offered to be in my meeting with the principal.

So, my meetings with those two teachers helped reframe my mindset. A lot.

1) Alice is grappling with new experiences and perspectives on EVERY side. That would happen in any school. It's just adolescence.

2) The specific discipline issues that make Alice so miserable at UMS are getting better. This has been the worst year in Ms. DeBauche's 29 years at UMS, but in our meeting with the principal, we talked about this, and I now feel confident that they are making rapid progress towards a more stable, more safe environment for Alice.

3) Alice will have more opportunities to be challenged in her coursework in 7th grade when they finally start offering advanced/honors courses in core subjects. Huzzah!

4) And it's not out of the ordinary to put friends together in classes, especially when it can relieve anxiety.

I need so much help with this middle school thing. And this adolescence thing. Ugh. Soooooooo new to it all. So glad to have a couple teachers and a principal advocating for Alice, though, and she picks pretty good friends with great moms I can talk to, too. I'm grateful for all of these people.