Wanted: Older Sibling

Position available immediately. No experience necessary. Both genders encouraged to apply. Must be slow enough for a wobbly walker/crawler to pursue, overtake, and maul ad nauseum. Must make noise when approached, the more the better. Must sit firmly for frequent mountain climbing adventures. Long, pullable hair is preferred, but loose-fitting wardrobe will also be accepted. Extra consideration will be given to applicants who sing, dance, giggle, and perform other amazing feats. Will pay in Cheerios. Please send video resume ASAP. You know you want to work for me. Look what I can do!