Checking In

I don't know how much time I'll have to blog today, but I thought I'd give you a quick update. Life is getting better with two kids. Alice has mellowed out significantly and Robert has settled into a bit of a routine. I can't always predict how either of them will behave at any moment, but their activities and feelings are all familiar to me (at least until one or the other makes the next developmental leap). It's a comfortable place to be, even if it's still a lot of work.

Robert has one long sleep most nights (4-5 hours, whew!) and remains a content little babe all day if I feed him every two hours, avoid the no-no foods (i.e. dairy, chocolate, peanuts, broccoli, and citrus) and give him lots of snuggly bouncing rides. He's getting fat, which pleases me to no end. There was a day or two last week when he wanted to eat much more than I could give him. I worried about my supply, made a quick trip to the breastfeeding clinic, and learned that he had gained two pounds in two weeks! He's obviously getting enough. I would post pictures, but we've recently had to purchase a new camera and it's on its way. Expect a glut of pictures in 5-7 business days :) I've recently started Robert on cloth diapers, too, and discovered that heavy eaters are also heavy wetters. Yikes! He's leaked through almost everything I've tried so far, even when I change his diaper every 2-3 hours. This could get tricky.

Alice adores the little man, despite her jealous moments: "Mommy, I want you to hold ONLY me." "Mommy, I'm hungry, too. Feed me first." "Daddy, you hold Baby Bob so Mommy can play."

My friends and family continue to offer heaps of support. Robert is 4 weeks today and I feel almost in control of my life again. Or maybe I finally gave up the desire for so much control? Either way, I'm feeling better about everything.

I wish I could spend more time processing this transition. I wish someone could have warned me how difficult it would be. Everyone said it was hard, but couldn't offer any specific examples about how. I've wanted to process (i.e. blog about) several specific incidents and feelings over the last few weeks, but they all get forgotten by the time I'm coherent enough to think and write it out.

There's one incident I haven't forgotten, though: finally feeling affection for Robert. It happened just a few days ago. I was shocked. I hadn't thought that anything was missing from my relationship with the little man, but suddenly it was OBVIOUS. Loving him since birth is not the same as being in love with him. Now, I'm in love. How could it be that I had taken care of him so long without affection? Why didn't I notice it? I did all the same things then that I do now (feed, change diapers, snuggle, rock, sing, smile, and play with him) but the feeling and motivation for those behaviors has changed. It's totally different. It's totally better.

Pictures coming soon.